I have alot to blog about regarding the past week actually. We'll see if I can survive typing out all. I'm very sleepy right now actually...

Oh, and to people out there, please keep an open mind reading this entry, cause I have a feeling I'm gonna be open about some things here, cause my head is so full of information (need to convert them to knowledge and store them in categories larh)

In the background, I am playing Ustaz Hassan's wasiat to us after the maulid rehearsal on the 5th night of pesantren. Terasa sebak sangat-sangat dengar doa Ustaz untuk kita, terasa rindu sangat pada pesantren dan Ustaz. Suasana pesantren tak dapat dirasa dimana-mana. Suasana ingin bertawajjuh kepada Allah setiap waktu, setiap masa, setiap saat amat aku rindui...

Watch the video here.

Pics of the pesantren can be found here btw...

It's been a week since we 'graduated' from pesantren... And... It has been tough. It is a challenge wanting to practice what we used to do during pesantren. The environment is so different in pesantren and in real life, even when you're with mosque youths.

Even when you're with mosque youths!!! Honestly, at the end of the pesantren, when I was crying with one of the sisters in the musollah partly debating on how are we going to carry through with Ustaz's last wasiat to us to transform our surroundings into a pesantren wherever we are, I thought I'd be in a better position than she is being close to a mosque at heart already.. But after this week has passed, I'm not so sure if I'm right. Perhaps I'm in just the same position as she is. I may be worst. I think she has qiyam-ed at least once in the past week, whereas I?? 2 nights I overnight at mosques. Did I qiyam at all? NO. :( I miss how we'd cry during qiyam at the pesantren. I miss the feeling. You feel so close to Allah. You feel the sweetness of iman. I miss those very very much...

Ok right now I'm having a big big headache. I guess I gotta stop here...

Urghhhhhhhhhhh! Rasa kalau boleh pekik, nak pekik sekuat hati, tapi tak senonoh, ta kena pasal satu rumah bangun...