Nom nom nom nom nom... *sigh*

My mum said that I act differently at home with family and outside with friends.

Well, to a certain extent I wouldn't deny that. Family is my mahram, I can be comfortable with. Outside with friends there are certain limits to how I act right? At home you can say out your thoughts and feelings openly but outside with friends you may have to filter abit for you have not known them all your life and wouldn't know how they'd take it.

At the same time, I'd say that yes I'm garang at home with my family, and yes I'm garang outside with my friends too, ESPECIALLY when I'm rushing an assignment, my patience and tolerance is really low and anybody near me just gets it. And lately, that is how it is, school has started and so there are assignment after assignments to rush for. And I just don't wish to be disturbed....

And I am very impatient when teaching someone something too (i.e. teaching my mum how to use a new handphone, just as teaching a friend say.... how to plot a graph on excel?) which I'm trying to change la actually since I'm going to be a teacher and I'd definitely need to be patient with the weaker students...

But my mum thinks that I try to be an angel outside and her suggestion that I'm being hypocritic is... hurtful. Just feel that the advice or reminder could have come in a nicer way than a sindiran...

Haiz, another thing is that, this week I'd be home before Maghrib every single day, but when I came home late yesterday (I told her I had bbq with friends, obviously it'd end late...) my mum said I come home late everyday.... That's not fair... That's not true! I'd really been trying to cut down my commitments outside by having no more than say... 2 meetings per week! Of course it doesn't help when meetings start late cos people come late and so we have to end late grrrrrrrr... so angry. I rejected to being the vice-president of NTUMS (as in, I was nominated only lah, not chosen pon but yea I rejected the post out of my own free will) and I ignored the msg to be the finance/business manager of Islamic Awareness Week (sry! I was busy! and yea me and financing/business don't really get along well together... And since I lost my contacts I have no idea who msged... so I just decided to ignore since I'm afraid that if I reply, somehow I'd get dragged into it anyways... It's easier to reject in sms than in a call or face-to-face conversation...) anddddd I also rejected to be the Head of Muslimah for the Tarbiyah subcomm giving the excuse that my commitments in Fityan requires much of my attention already. That's THREE rejects ok. It takes courage to say no, but I have been juggling and I'm sick of being a clown. I'm not being courageous, I'm just being realistic. With my parents being overbearingly erm... like this (I dunno, I guess I was such a free bird when I stayed in hall that I just feel caged and suffocated now when my parents ask what time am I going out, what time am I coming back, who will I be with, where will I be going like everyday... I know I know, girls my age some still have curfews etc and probably get it worse, but yea...) I just have to lessen my commitments outside and be at home more (which I don't really know what to do other than the normal lah, facebook, watch tv, eat, do work, read, sleep, and that is wrong? And I DO talk to my parents, what else is expected of me, tell me!!!! It's not that I don't wanna go out with my mum or family, they just have to tell me earlier so I can plan my time... please, I only go out with friends like once or twice a month... other than that, it's usrah, meeting or camp... which doesn't count. When was the last time I watched movie? In august before Ramadhan? When was the last time I had dinner outside with friends? Ramadhan? When was the last time I went cycling or had a bbq or went to play boardgames or just chit chat? Before yesterday, I can't remember when was the last time... Quite sometime ago seh.

And she said that when I'm at home I always sleep, well you have to understand that 2hrs journey to school and another 2hrs journey home IS very very tiring for me especially with lectures in between that just drains all your energy as it requires attention and thinking! (I'm putting much effort in understanding all those equations that's being churned out in class like nobody's business!) This sem I only fell asleep twice in lecture. That's an achievement, especially when I have to leave house as early as 6.30am like on Mondays. Of course I'd be tired and would sleep when I see the bed!

And that accusation that I always sleep is not right! This week I spend two hours daily at least to sit in the living room, eat, watch tv and chat with my parents during tv advertisements. That's effort on my part! An unrecognised effort at that... But I don't think right now is the right time to say that to them... What with all my brother's weeding preparations and I dunno what other things there are...

But yea, I feel so unappreciated. I feel that none of the good things I do get acknowledged or even recognized at all, yet my wrongs are amplified 1000 times, by my own family! And I don't see no effort in trying to understand me... Just so sad...

La tahzan Marl, la tahzan... I feel so alone in my journey sometimes. Sometimes I would share with some of my close sisters/friends but mostly no, I won't, what's the point? Everyone has problems... So I keep them all to myself and yea, let things past, which they will after some time...

This shouldn't be on my blog, especially if someone finds this and talks to my mum about it (like something that happened before) but I need an avenue to let out. I feel bad typing this here as it is, but it's no use talking to my mum about this now to smooth things out. Whatever I say will be rebutted anyway. But yea I've smsed her some of my thoughts yesterday. I hope she doesn't regard it as 'talking back', I'm just desperate to be understood... I guess this is a typical complain of a erm... youth? Things will get better tmr and probably bad again the next day and good again the next next day etc etc. Things will come to past and when you look back, sometimes you just laugh at stupid things that happen, or realise the whole hikmah of others.

I wanted to talk about the bbq yesterday actually. I was bored most of the time, but simple things in between like playing Scramble and TapTap on Ati's phone with Liy, watching Chamber of Secrets with Ati and Liy, trying out tennis with the bunch of them, playing Codebreaker with Hilmy and Ati, Air Hockey with Hilmy, the birthday cards, the bbq itself and our 11.30pm late gorging of food to finish everything and our midnight HTHT session, they made my day, made my week and eventhough I''m stressed that I didn't complete any work at all yesterday, I enjoyed myself because of the company. I love my FOC peeps...

Oh my camera's fixed. I have my darling back to snap and video 'evidences' hehe. I missed my camera...

Ok, I should either eat, study or sleep like now. Have madrasah later...

Wow, the camp was such an energy-seeper that I slept for about 13 hours and am still feeling super sleepy now. But had to go online to do edit abit of the proposal so Welfare can ask for more sponsors. The journey is still ongoing!

And... gosh why must my group be so fit?? Haha, imagine running from Jurong East swimming complex to the Pagoda at Chinese Garden and then climbing up the spiral staircase to the 7th storey and then running to Masjid Al-Mukminin! My legs are so wobbly now haha.

I was supposedly to go on a date with Husniyati today but I was too tired and wobbly so terpaksa postpone :( Sry Husni...

The mock camp went well, I guess. Alot of great feedbacks and suggestions. InsyaAllah by the time it's the actual camp, with the suggestions and other improvements in place, it'd be a great camp.

I've just got a big problem with public speaking. I talk too fast and the sequence of things I talk about is all over the place. Haiz, it was unfortunate that I had to talk quite alot during the camp.

Initially I was just the Head Programmer, then we needed facis and we figured out that the best 4 people are the Head SM and Head faci themselves plus 2 programmers who should know the programmes best and so for mock camp, I was one of the facis from programmes (since the other 2, 1 just came back from US and was sick so can't attend the games trial and the other stays in Johor for the holidays and had to miss quite a number of meetings and part of the games trial too).

Somehow or rather, I ended up being the emcee. It was temporary for Day 1, and that night we appointed another person as emcee, but when morning came, turned out that the emcee had something else and so I went up front again. Argh! I don't really have stage fright, from past experiences, but when I'm not prepared, I panic! And yeah amongst the crowd of facis and SMs that attended our Mock Camp as pax are our very own camp advisors plus the exco of NTUMS and Perbayu, past and present and probably future. Scary jugak ah...

Some parts I was just too tired, too tired even to eat. Day 0 I had a late lunch at around 5 and no dinner (cos I was very sleepy already). I only had a heavy lunch (which I didn't finish cos I found the smell too overwhelming) for Day 1 then ate only chicken for dinner. For Day 2 I think I only managed to down a few biscuits for the whole day. And Day 3 finally I ate some Nasi Lemak but couldn't finish it cos I really was about to vomit already, and when I reached home at night I only had energy to down egg and chicken. I really had no appetite (and time) to eat. Just feels like vomiting each time I look at rice. Dunno why. Never experienced this before seh.

Anyways I really miss my Fityan peeps *sniff sniff*. Everyone is so hyped up about Myspex and I hadn't gone even for one of the games. I was supposed to help out with the Netball day's programmes, but had to back out. I hadn't even take my jacket (the zip was spoiled when I went to take it last week). I wanna play Speedtag for Fityan on the closing ceremony day on 10th but I'm afraid it might clash with something for FOC... :(

It's so hard to concentrate... Trying to do my tutorials. I spent like the last 3hrs reading about 4 pages of Genetics and doing 3 simple tutorial questions.

Headache is no fun *pouts*

I guess I need to zikir/selawat/doa more. I seriously need to focus! Exams in less than a month and the modules this sem are quite heavy, oh dear oh dear...

Baru je gi usrah pasal stress management and here I am feeling like I wanna shout at the top of my lungs until my voice goes hoarse. Sheesh...

There's a talk as part of the exam welfare package by NTUMS tmr... I dunno how much would it benefit me...

Argh! I have so many things on my mind now that I can't concentrate! There's so many things due over these two weeks, almost every other day!

And I'm still thinking of my laundry. If my clothes don't dry by tmr night, I'd have nothing appropriate to wear on Wednesday. I certainly don't wanna wear my pyjamas ehh...

I just went for NTUMS usrah for adhoc teams. Only Rahmah and I turned up, along with Sis Nabilah & Khadijah representing the exco and Kak Zu was our naqibah. It was certainly a pleasure to meet Kak Zu again! And it was really nice to sit in an usrah session again, but I guess the ice hasn't been broken and it was still a little awkward. And I dunno! I didn't seem to absorb anything, cos if I did, I wouldn't feel so stressed right now with the workload that I'm facing, since the theme just now was stress management!!! Hmm...

I'm very tired right now. And really, all I did tonight was to list down my things-to-do for school (which means it excludes my hall chores like MY LAUNDRY and FOC stuff), read one slide, skim through ALS and yeah... that's it. Argh!!!! *panic attack*

And it's so coldddddd :( I guess I prefer cold than hot but it really is cold. I'm wearing my shawl, and turned down the fan to no. 4 oredi... Brrr... I feel that putting four more extra layers of clothing and selubung myself in a comfy quilt, which I don't have btw...

And there are some things bugging me at the back of my head, I can't concentrate!! I'm so sleepy seh... But I'd feel that I'd just wasted tonight :(

And quite a number of times, I hit the wound on my ankle, ow ow... Still I'm sure I'm faring so much better than the silat peeps :(

So many :(... La tahzan Marl la tahzan...

I think I'm deeply affected by the FOC prog meeting I had this afternoon... No one was in the mood for it. Truth be told, I wasn't in the mood for it either. Plus, two programmers couldn't make it last minute, with valid reasons uh... And I dunno, I just feel that I lacked direction today, and have thus failed mself... I just feel demoralised by it. I really did badly in chairing the meeting today... Cannot arh... Where's the enthusiasm people?? If people keep sending me negative vibes, it's hard for me to remain positive... I may very well cancel next week's meeting and resume after exams. Afterall, what's the point of having a meeting when everyone's heart and mind is elsewhere, it'll just waste everyone's time and make everyone more grumpy and make me more demoralised. I keep wondering, how did I end up accepting the head prog's role again??? I was so keen on rejecting it during the interview seh... Urgh. Why can't I say 'NO'??

I need to revise the timeline for prog...

But right now, either I take a rest and wake up early tmr and get some things done or I'd better get some things done NOW.

I think I'm going vegetarian tmr... Maybe for the whole week... I should bring my laptop and ensure I get something done EVERYDAY.

La tahzan Marl la tahzan!!!!!!

I dunno why I call myself Marl, when I really prefer people to call me Liyana...

Ok, I should stop ranting like... NOW

I have alot alot to blog about! Had so many happenings ever since my last proper lengthy update. Prove is: my FB status updates, haha.

Ok, let's start with the latest....

I just attended an intercultural event by NTUMS in school just now. Well, it was interesting. The sisters only had the chance to hear from a Bangledishi sister who's currently doing her PhD at NTU, whereas the brothers were very fortunate to hear sharings from Indonesian, Pakistani, Kazakhstan brothers and I don't remember where else. There were so many brothers, where are all the sisters?? Nevertheless, we got the opportunity to hear a brother from Kazakhstan play one of their musical instruments. And he was dorning a Kazakh traditional costume and in the background, they showed pictures of Kazakhstan... As for the food, we had briyani (sedappp youuuu!) ough we sisters had to share one packet only... which was surprisingly enough! I was full after dinner, after trying the kebab from amirah's grill (still crispy! i like the pita bread!) and the ikan pais/pepes and the Indonesian beefballs. Yummeh! The event also emphasizes on brotherhood in Islam and unity in diversity, and we had a short sharing session about the hadith about how brothers should strengthen one another like a building, I loike! I miss sharing sessions like that. I can't remember when was the last time I attended an usrah session... So all in all, I rather enjoyed myself at the event. Really wished there were more sisters... I brought back 3 postcards from Saudi (one of which is a pic of the Masjid nabawi, I dunno why, I felt so super extra elated and excited upon seeing it! Padahal I'm sure I'd seen the pic alot of times before!) Oh oh, and as usual, I added new games to my catalogue ;) Hehe. We had somekind of an auction game, cool or what! Oh oh, and I wore baju kurung, the second time ever, to school, and I had Chem lab today ehkkk haha.

Yesterday, I actually managed to join Fityan at Ubin! I, didn't get to help paint Cik Kamariah's kampong as I had class in the morning, nevertheless terubat rindu dapat jumpa these brothers and sisters whom I feel like I hadn't met since ages ago! I was really missing them!! I think the last time I met them was during radiate post mortem, which I came very late too, and didn't get to hang out with them. I wasn't satisfied with yesterday either, didn't get to sit down and chat and share stories with them... Awww, I feel so far away in Boon Lay, imagine if I had actually gone overseas to study!

So anyway, it was a challenge to get to Ubin. I ended Bio practical quite late, and as I made my way to Tampines, I was so tired actually... And as I had expected the night before, I wouldn't get a proper breakfast, lunch or brunch... My mum hadn't cooked and Ghufran's stalls were all closed! So with a hungry stomach, I made my way to Changi alone... When I reached Changi, what else?! LUNCH! Bought takeaway nasi lemak, then set at the jetty gobbling down my late lunch... When I went down to the waiting area, I missed a boat and so I had to wait. This tested my patience the most that I was on the verge of crying! I so can't wait to meet my Fityan brothers and sisters and here the apek blatantly refuses to bring out any boat until there is no more and no less than 12 people. The Chinese family of 6 left, and then the Indian family of 4 left, and I actually waited for about 1hr 15mins just to get a boat. I finished 1 whole topic of Main Group Chem notes!! And alot of self-reflection time in the meantime... I have to say... I feel bad for buruk sangka-ing my Fityan brothers and sisters... I dunno, I was just so pissed off at the apek actually. Nothing to do with Fityan haha! Only two out of the whole gang knew that I would be coming and was trying to get a boat to join them. I was really considering of leaving by 4.15pm if the apek still refuses to get the boat out. With such a heavy and deeply disappointed heart, that is. It was about 4.40pm already when I finally set foot on Ubin jetty. Oh my, the flood of memories! All 3 times that I had been to Ubin before was with Fityan. Bittersweet memories :)))

I rented a bike from the normal shop we rent from, assuring the uncle I would return the bike by 6pm before the shop closes (the uncle seems to think I'm gonna overnight at Ubin or something, I think I look like I am really ready to overnight lah with my school backpack plus shoebag, oddly with two flowers in it haha). I was like saying, "Don't worry uncle, I'm just here to meet my friends for awhile, I will surely return the bike by 6pm!" Thinking back about it, I must have sounded like I actually have FRIENDS LIVING in Ubin! Hahahaha.

The feeling of riding alone through the tracks in the drizzle was AWESOME!!!! I feel so belonged! I know the way as if I'd been living on Ubin my whole life! I was so happy upon seeing the first dog on the trail, thinking to myself, "Eh I have a friend!" But then, I did get pretty terrified when this dog decided to follow my trail (yikes! did it just hear my thoughts??! summum bukmum! haha Ati!!!!) and when there's this like 3-4 dogs in a pack in the middle of the road, fuyohh... But I was confident that these dogs are used to people and won't cause harm. Rather I was afraid of getting licked haha.... Oh, I passed a few people along the way, and they really had this curious look on their face that says, "Woah, where is this girl going??" Oh, and really, riding under the trees was like, back to nature, back to nature! I feel so carefree! Eventhough it was really tiring to ride alone up some of the mini hills. Self-motivation... Keep going, keep going! In my mind, I was thinking that the Fityan peeps had already left Cik Kamariah's house and went cycling. I was really considering of dropping by Cik Kamariah's house for awhile for asar prayers and continuing the lone adventure through Ubin finding them haha. And when I turned at the junction of Murai Hut (oh the relieve of seeing that hut!) and saw only 2-3 bicycles outside Cik Kamariah's house, I was already formulating a plan, "Ok, I shall ask Cik Kamariah if she knows where they were heading to. If not, I'd just try my luck at Chek Jawa and if they're not there, I shall turn back and hopefully I don't have to wait till Maghrib for 12 passengers!! ORRR... since there're a few bikes here, perhaps they left some of their belongings at Cik Kamariah's house and I should just wait and chit chat with Cik Kamariah...

It happened that they parked their bicycles behind the house, and everyone had just finished Asar prayers!!! Haha, almost everyone was surprised to see me, "EH MARLIYANA!!" Hahahaha, the expressions!! Even Cik Kamariah was like, "Huh? Awak baru sampai?!" and I can't remember who asked, "How did you get here?? How do you know the way??" Haha, fortunately, alhamdulillah, I am quite quick with learning my directions around. Just after once going to Cik Kamariah's house during Fityan retreat, I already know the way... What more after 3 times right haha.

Oh, and another common question, "Eh! Marliyana, dari mana dapat bunga???" Aku petik along the way -___- haha. Actually I didn't know how to explain. The fact that I took the flower home from Bio lab to study the flower parts is just not self-explanatory. It was a weird and rather unbelievable reason seh haha. So I didn't know how to answer initially. Finally, even when I had the chance to explain to Hanis and Fahmi, they were like eh?? For someone to give me flowers? What a weird combination: one big white lily and one red rose??? Who would give me flowers seh?? As malays would say, "Takde ribut takde taufan..." haha. My birthday was LAST month...

After I did my asar (I missed the ABC: air batu campur!!!!!!!! Wasted...), we took group pic and then cycled away... Woah, it felt extra tiring for some reasons. Previously when I cycled around Ubin during BILL, it wasn't THAT tiring... Oh and I fell as I went too fast downhill at a point. It was so slippery and I was avoiding collision, so I swerved and well, skidded off the track and fell. I didn't realise until much later that I scraped my right ankle, bruished my elbow and have two long gashes on my thigh (now abit swelling and bruised, ow ow). I was really surprised to find two long gashes on my pants. My SILAT pants!!! Aik, I skipped silat, and I got hurt at Ubin wearing the silat pants haha... Oh, and I realised this auto-recovery mechanism that I have been blessed with haha. Similar to the car accident in 2008 (relax je time tu, macam superwoman!! I was so keen on getting back to my lab to finish my experiment that I was refusing to be sent to the hospital?! The driver really must think that I have had a concussion. No one in the right mind would say that, especially when I fell upon being hit by the car, with my books and shoes thrown quite a distance away, with a badly scraped elbow, which stings super badly by the way....), as soon as I fell, I would automatically stand up back as if nothing happened at all! But well, yeah eventhough I can feel the heat on my ankle and elbow (totally didn't realise the gashes though!!), no broken bones. Means I'm perfectly alright RIGHT?? Haha.

Despite all that happened, I really really enjoyed and didn't regret that 1hr plus getaway at Ubin. Jadilah... Off mainland jugak per... :D

Hmm, many more stories to add! FOC stories, school stories, home stories, and many many more! But I'd spent too much time already... I have to pass a group assignment to my friend by tomorrow morning, and I have madrasah exam this Sunday!

Oh oh! My mum was also very curious where I got the rose from HAHAHA! What are you thinking mother??? ;)

Aiya, my MSN can't connect...

I'm motivated!!!

I'm motivated to revise. I'm motivated to restart memorizing the Qur'an. I'm motivated to improve my solat. I'm motivated to keep my room clean as much as possible. I'm motivated to restart reading my Islamic books!

Apart from that, I am more or less motivated to spearhead the programmes planning for FOC... I've started doing SOMETHING at least... The ukhuwwah between us that got strengthened from the layang2 making, the shooting, the chalet and the carnival really helps :) I love these people, though I've yet to regard them as how I regard my Fityan peeps like family, well except for Amirah whom I've regarded as a sister. Somehow I regard her as an older sister, eventhough I'm the older one hehe...

But I've yet to find the motivation to go silat. Jun, I need you! I'm still scared to go silat. It is fun actually, but I dunno why I'm just so scared. Not to mention, my inner self keep telling me, "Why aren't you quitting silat yet? You would have extra 3hrs each week for studies and/or religion. Didn't you say you're just there to get the experience? Haven't you had enough experience already???" Hmmm.... These thoughts are so not helping larhhhhh...

Anyway, part of my motivation seems to stem from rewatching Huan Zhu Ge Ge (with English subtitles, wheeeee~!). The devotion and respect that the servants give to Huang Shang should be many many times multiplied by me as a servant to the King of the Universe, Allah. And Zi Wei and Yong Qi's poetry reading makes me look back at the Qur'an and appreciate the artistic language used. Their ability to memorize so many poems makes me wanna memorize the Qur'an.

The part about their wu gong skills did not rub off on me in terms of silat though, haha... Oh well...

All in all, I enjoyed my one week break very much, and I guess it's time to move ahead into the second part of the sem and do well in the different aspects of my life! My 21st year :))))

I just thought I should jot this down before I forget...

I had a wonderful 21st!!!! I can't say thank you enough to express how grateful I feel to have these people around me :)

As I mentioned, I purposely removed the date from FB profiles. I haven't decided when to put it back. Tmr perhaps? Or end of the month maybe?

It's interesting to see who remembers... Eventhough it is not 100% representative of who cares, since my family themselves only messaged me in the late afternoon/night and yet I am very sure that they care larrrr, but yea it gives me a notion of... well.. who bothers...

I'm especially touched at the amount of effort my friends put into organizing wonderful celebrations for me! I never had such elaborate celebrations before that I can't help smiling so much today. I just feel so happy!!! I feel like I do not deserve such a wonderful treatment from them!

Harizah & Mahmudah spent weeks cracking over how to surprise me, finding the perfect presents, preparing the presents, preparing the surprise and such. They gave me a present on Monday and another on Tuesday and yet another one, along with a pizza & a cookie cake on my birthday! Really, I can really see how much effort they put into the presents and into the surprise (no matter how much Harizah kept slipping and releasing random info accidentally, she's so cute haha)... Really, I guess only the pics would show the effort... And I really love their presents for me! There's a grey cool shawl which can act like a cardigan & vest and I dunno what else - there's 8 ways to fashion it! They got it for me because they know how cold I can get in lectures, brrr.... My fats don't seem to be insulating me well, though yeah maybe the fats are going down a bit considering at how much lesser am I eating these days. I haven't even finished my dinner cum supper! They also made a photo collage in a shape of a butterfly of the pics we had taken together over the past few months we'd known each other. Pretty! And really, they're not easy to make seh! They also got me this zip-zip small bag to put my what-nots that I seem to dump into my bag hehe. And it even has my name on it! Cool! Inside the bag there's some foodstuff, as they know how little food I have in my hall (though not so little anymore after my shopping spree at NTUC last week! Heh) They really tried their best in finding what I need and what I'd like. They got it spot on, I love butterflies! And I really appreciate beautiful stuffs with "effort" literally drawn all over it! And the shawl is soooooooo nice, I really really can't imagine not loving it. Liyana Sukri saw it and instantly fell in love with it larh hehe...

The Bio peeps, eventhough they just found out about my birthday one day earlier, they took the effort to still surprise me. And I'm pretty sure they have another surprise up their sleeves hehe.

The FOC peeps were... HAHA! I love them larh... Poor Faizah aka Maria having to hunt the perfect present for me, and poor Mir too, for having to withstand "You're her roommates, how can you not know??!!" from Faizah haha! They had a cake, a card and even a present for me. Aww... These people are already like a family to me. Time flies, it's almost two months that we have been meeting up!

Amirah... she's so sweet larh! I didn't expect her to decorate our room in that short two hours she had before meeting just now so as to surprise me when we get back from meeting! And eventhough she have to be in Ang Mo Kio early early tmr morning, she accompanied me in opening my presents and listening to my stories. Awww, thank you Mir! And her attempt to find me something that I'd like bore it's fruits. I really like the book she got me ;)

Not to forget Khairiyah (lower sec closest friend), Siti (upper sec closest friend), Cindy (sec sch - the first to remember seh), Kenneth (sec sch), Ad (poly closest friend), Kak Raihanah (poly close friend), Fathi (Fityan closest friend), Jun (Fityan closest friend), Wawan (NI - I treat him like my lil bro), Fatimah (NI closest friend), Kak Fiza (NI), Auntie, Kak Ju who remembered! I am so touched. Especially those people like Cindy, Kenneth, Kak Fiza and Kak Ju whom I really didn't expect would remember :))))

In summary:

I'm so happy!!! :: unfinished tutorials :: Harizah's msg & call :: flower delivery :: 3rd/4th floor :: pizza & cookie cake for brunch :: freedom to suspense :: presents :: Mahmudah's demo :: flower pens :: Izzati & Shikin's wish :: song outside LT :: pronto speech :: paiseh :: Atiqah just finding out :: saw Arep writing card :: paiseh :: cake after Maghrib jemaah :: song & candles :: card-giving :: present :: first impressions :: perangai mafia :: dinner/supper :: perangai Marliyana: makan halfway halfway :: ayam goreng! :: balloons :: surprise in room :: present opening!!!

It's 2am in the morn! And I haven't done much! I've bathed, cleaned my room and washed my clothes (haven't hang out to dry though)... But I haven't started on my schoolwork! I wanted to finish my Chem report! And my FOC prog minutes... :(

I took almost an hour just reading my emails, woAH!

I'm giving silat a miss tmr. My roomie is quitting silat (padahal I was the one, who from the start has been contemplating over and over again whether to quit silat or not haha, and right now she is so tempting me to quit as well... My purpose of joining was partly to try something new, which I did, and I never planned to stay long anyway, I would definitely quit when I end NIE, longest would be 8 years down the road uh...) tmr.

It's 7 days away... Getting closer to death *gasp*

I have FOC prog minutes due tmr night, I have a short meet with Head of Publicity on Friday afternoon, I have a Chem lab report due on Friday, I have meeting on Friday night, I have 3 things going on this Sat (Kak Faiezah's wedding, madrasah friends' outing, FOC gathering to make kuih layang2 all at about the same timing), I have madrasah on Sunday, I have ICT essay/lesson-plan due on Monday, I have FOC prog meet on Monday afternoon, I have ALS Statement of topic due on Tuesday, I have FOC general meeting on Wednesday night, I have NTU-MI silat friendlies next Thursday, I have another Chem lab report due next Friday *stones*

And right now I am super sleepy... I hope tmr will be a better day, a more fruitful day... I end class at 11.30am, I have 12hrs to do work?

We'll see...

Btw I attended NTUMS's Monthly Dose of Islam just now. The speaker was Ustaz Asmadi Ahmad, principal of the Young Khulafa' Institute, who happened to be the ex-president of NTUMS back in 1992.... He's a good speaker, and I feel that he presented very well on the topic given, "Death as Hikmah"... Great reminders :))) I need them...

I am using the comp at school library, slouching with my head resting on the back of the chair as I type this. Jatuhan yesterday was horrible! Not only could I not execute them properly, I woke up this morning with a very badly aching back and shoulders. And just as I thought I could sleep in to shut the pain away, I had to attend meeting with NIE Foundations Programmes Office (FPO) at 10.30am, awwww....

Meeting the FPO to settle dates and venues for FOC make Fityan camps seem relatively so easy to conduct now haha. After meeting FPO, need to meet NTU Student Affairs Office (SAO) next. *groans*

Then need to come back as a team and finalise which date to take, and what are the implications: clash with another camp or too close to Ramadhan, or in Ramadhan itself, or YOG, or school practicum, woOoOaAaH...

K, I'm just shagged larh, to the point of burning out. I'd been resisting, keep going on and on and push to the very limits... Been stretchingggggggg those limits.

But then again, it's mind over matter. What is the limit? Isn't the limit just a line which YOU yourself draw? There really isn't a limit until you put one yourself.

I may just take a break for one whole day and shut down, hoping that when I restart, all the unsaved data will be recovered. If they don't, then no choice but to start all over again lorh.

The symptoms are here already: not bothering to reply smses, lazying around in the room and end up sleeping instead of doing work, falling back to sleep before 8am and waking up late, eating everything I set my eyes on and feeling like vomiting back everything after that.

Urgh, 8.30am class tmr. Haven't finish tutorial ehk. I had to force myself to do half of it while waiting for silat yesterday, and this morning, I had to force myself to do my laundry, afterwhich the clothes are all in a pail in my room waiting for me to get home to hang them out, cos I woke up late just now.

Having a fever and flu right now. It'll probably be better by Maghrib... And since I have 8.30am class tmr, I'd probably get the fever and flu back, and since class ends early, I might feel better, unless GESL is such a chore. I'm considering whether to go silat tmr or not. We may be having friendlies with MI end of this month, and with NUS probably Mar/Apr. And since I'm not in seni, I'm 1 out of the 6 girls who're purely in tanding, high chance I'd need to tanding in the friendlies.

It's getting extremely cold in here, making the fever and flu worst, so I'd better get out now, and hope to get some work done. Finish that tutorial! Then I'll leave the computer work tmr. Brrrr...

Looking forward to Saturday with Fityan. Still can't decide whether to go IRCC Interfaith talk or not. It be a good time to find a corner for a nap... But they still need 6 more people... Dunno larh!

I miss blogging...

And I... feel... that... I... had... been... too... comfortable in my bubble. I ignore what is going on out there. I refused to listen. I refused to have even a little bit of compassion in my heart. I refused to know...

I hadn't been good this week. Abit out of sorts, been doing some wrong things, I dunno. Astaghfirullah... No good no good. Next week should be better... but....?

I gained some insights on leadership with examples from the khulafa' rasyiduun from the NTUMS Induction Day today. It was interesting how they extracted the trait that they want to deliver then portray it through a simple and fun game :) We even learned more than what they set out for.

And it is always intriguing to hear Ust Noor talk about different views on different issues, as it was too just now at Masjid Alkaff with Teenz Camp personnel. I was tired and only paid attention half the time, but that is enough to make me long to be a better Muslim/Mukmin. Longing for it is not enough though. Maybe if I had been paying more attention, I'd be able to relate the longingness to actions.

Ok, I'm superbly shagged. I survived through the week with sweets. It helps to stay awake in, especially in Organic Chem! I ate 9 in the first lecture in the week, and 6 in the second one. The lecturer can be so draggy. I have yet to attain the level of an exemplary student. Of all lectures, I find myself being so noisy on OC, not making noises and talking and such larh, but because I get so exasperated at her that I would answer her questions loudly. Like if she asked, "are you done?", I would answer yessssssssssssss, when in fact I hardly voice out in other lessons haha.

I think I'm getting more talkative, or brave, or confident, depending on how you see it... Heheh.

Right right, I'm tired. Slept all the way from Pioneer to Paya Lebar just now...

I wanna watch The Mentalist, but.... *tired!!!!*

I think I'll give the 2nd part of induction tmr a miss. I can't take it already, seriously I need a break. I don't think I'll be taking the arabic class afterall. I don't think I have enough energy for it. I dunno lar, I very much want to take it... I feel rugi for giving it a miss... But really, I need to care abit more about my health. I'd been pushing myself to limits all the time, that I feel I may break anytime. No good, no good...

I find myself frowning more than smiling. No good, no good...

My first post in nearly two months is especially dedicated to my Ulam Raja mates!
Go Ulam! Go Raja! Go Ulam Raja!

So what is Ulam Raja? My lovely group from NTUMS Freshmen Orientation Camp '09: Qadeemul Kanaz... We were assigned to green group and so, we named ourselves Ulam Raja to give us some sense of ooomph compared to kangkong which sounded rather lembik haha. During the camp, somehow we got nicknamed the mentel group cos of the mentel-sounding cheers lol. And we won best skit for our super duper merepekness!

So anyway, the merepekness continued on to 09/09/09 when we had a sumptuous iftar at Sakura, seafood style, at Jurong Point followed by chewy round cream filled-doughnuts/buns/flour topped with what we like: mainly chocs, treat by Syidah! The delight of wonderful food with wonderful company! ;)



And yesterday, 30/09/09, was Ulam Raja Goes Raya day! Simply superbly gerek! Syidah rented an MPV to fit the 7 of us. There was Syidah, Rahmah, Zuhriyyah, Herman, Hazwan and Hidayat and we went to each others houses, Hidayat in Bukit Batok, Hazwan in Yishun, Rahmah & Herman in Punggol, Zuh in Sengkang, Syidah & I in Tampines. Syidah drove the MPV from Tampines all the way to Bukit Batok picking everyone up along the way, then we went back down down down.

Kecohness! Colour coordination, going around in circles cos Syidah don't like U-turns, beating the red lights cos Syidah was distracted by the camera (lucky there's no speed camera!), the jam break which sent everyone and a handbag flying forwards, the continuation of Ulam Raja skit (abit onlyyyy), the nomenclature (haha, nicknaming laa), the honks, the Dance Flick, the $30 saman, the 'collection' of money at the end, the sending everyone back one by one and many many more memorable moments. Truly another great day spent with great people!

Oh, and loveeeeee the food! Potatoes for breakfast (first time aku makan camni for raya and I like it very very much!), sup tulang and linguine beef bolognese for lunch and roti kirai with curry chicken for dinner! Not to forget the kuih2 raya and 'milo' dadeh and fruit cocktail! Boleh mengalir air liur youuuu.

To Nadya, Amirah & Hanyst, you're being missed!

Now waiting for the pics to be up!

And for our next Ulam Raja outing ;) Hmm... what shall it be? The zoo? Trapeze? Rockclimbing? Or Ubin? Or.... Tioman!? Haha. Looking forward to it!