My first post in nearly two months is especially dedicated to my Ulam Raja mates!
Go Ulam! Go Raja! Go Ulam Raja!

So what is Ulam Raja? My lovely group from NTUMS Freshmen Orientation Camp '09: Qadeemul Kanaz... We were assigned to green group and so, we named ourselves Ulam Raja to give us some sense of ooomph compared to kangkong which sounded rather lembik haha. During the camp, somehow we got nicknamed the mentel group cos of the mentel-sounding cheers lol. And we won best skit for our super duper merepekness!

So anyway, the merepekness continued on to 09/09/09 when we had a sumptuous iftar at Sakura, seafood style, at Jurong Point followed by chewy round cream filled-doughnuts/buns/flour topped with what we like: mainly chocs, treat by Syidah! The delight of wonderful food with wonderful company! ;)



And yesterday, 30/09/09, was Ulam Raja Goes Raya day! Simply superbly gerek! Syidah rented an MPV to fit the 7 of us. There was Syidah, Rahmah, Zuhriyyah, Herman, Hazwan and Hidayat and we went to each others houses, Hidayat in Bukit Batok, Hazwan in Yishun, Rahmah & Herman in Punggol, Zuh in Sengkang, Syidah & I in Tampines. Syidah drove the MPV from Tampines all the way to Bukit Batok picking everyone up along the way, then we went back down down down.

Kecohness! Colour coordination, going around in circles cos Syidah don't like U-turns, beating the red lights cos Syidah was distracted by the camera (lucky there's no speed camera!), the jam break which sent everyone and a handbag flying forwards, the continuation of Ulam Raja skit (abit onlyyyy), the nomenclature (haha, nicknaming laa), the honks, the Dance Flick, the $30 saman, the 'collection' of money at the end, the sending everyone back one by one and many many more memorable moments. Truly another great day spent with great people!

Oh, and loveeeeee the food! Potatoes for breakfast (first time aku makan camni for raya and I like it very very much!), sup tulang and linguine beef bolognese for lunch and roti kirai with curry chicken for dinner! Not to forget the kuih2 raya and 'milo' dadeh and fruit cocktail! Boleh mengalir air liur youuuu.

To Nadya, Amirah & Hanyst, you're being missed!

Now waiting for the pics to be up!

And for our next Ulam Raja outing ;) Hmm... what shall it be? The zoo? Trapeze? Rockclimbing? Or Ubin? Or.... Tioman!? Haha. Looking forward to it!

Membantu yang susah dan mendamdingi yang muda...

Salam Syababs and Fatayaats!

As you all know Ghufran is the mosque mainly responsible for the well-being of the Muslims living in Tampines and Simei area (though we're never limited/restricted to these areas only) and us being youths of Ghufran are partly responsible too.

Meaning, one day Allah would ask us what had we done to help our Muslim families in Tampines and Simei? While we eat sumptuous meals for breakfast, and lunch and dinner, and not to mention the snacks in between, did we think about those who have the same meal for two days straight? While we save up to buy games, gadgets, pretty clothes, accessories and whatnots, did we think about those who save up just to cover the basic needs of his/her family: shelter, clothing, food, education, health? While we run around and have fun at the beach or go night cycling with friends etc, did we think about those who neither have money to buy/rent a bicycle nor legs to run/cycle with?

Not that I'm asking you to feel bad about yourselves or throw away all the ni'mat you've been allowed to enjoy, but I'm just asking for a little of your time within these two weeks before Ramadhan to visit the low-income families in Tampines and Simei area to help Ghufran give out some basic foodstuff to these families. There's at least 90 families who will be benefitting from this initiative, we just need people to help us distribute the foodstuff to them, and I'm extending this opportunity to you to do your part for them...

Look at your schedules and let me know here or via sms or MSN when you'd be free to help. Let me know the date and time, and if possible, also who else is able to go with you. This is something good right? So why do alone? Get the others to help as well! :)

Thank you and hope to hear some enthusiastic replies!

Last but not least, a reminder to myself as well, let's not forget to be thankful to Allah for all the ni'mat He has showered on us...

فَبِأَيِّ آلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny? (as repeated in Surah Ar-Rahman)

- on behalf of the Social Development Unit in Ghufran... :D

Waiting for youtube to upload the Senior Appreciation video... IN the meantime, watch it on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/video/?upload#/video/video.php?v=167469055213

Click here for pictuuuures slideshow...

Click here for songs played during ITQAN camp...

Aww the memories...

Ish, betul buat darah up. Sabar Marl sabar...

When you're a leader, commitment should be a priority. Please think about that... Fine with me if you can provide a valid reason (I can understand sometimes circumstances get in the way) but if you CAN commit, yet for one silly reason or another REFUSE to do so, then you should rethink why others consider you a leader. And if you think you did not ask to be a leader, then please take some time off to reflect on the following verses of the holy Qur'an.



Dan (ingatlah) ketika Tuhanmu berfirman kepada malaikat: Sesungguhnya Aku hendak menjadikan seorang khalifah di bumi. Mereka bertanya (tentang hikmat ketetapan Tuhan itu dengan berkata): Adakah Engkau (Ya Tuhan kami) hendak menjadikan di bumi itu orang yang akan membuat bencana dan menumpahkan darah (berbunuh-bunuhan), padahal kami sentiasa bertasbih dengan memujiMu dan mensucikanMu?. Tuhan berfirman: Sesungguhnya Aku mengetahui akan apa yang kamu tidak mengetahuinya. Surah Al-Baqarah(2): 30.

Wahai Daud, sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikanmu khalifah di bumi, maka jalankanlah hukum di antara manusia dengan (hukum syariat) yang benar (yang diwahyukan kepadamu) dan janganlah engkau menurut hawa nafsu, kerana yang demikian itu akan menyesatkanmu dari jalan Allah. Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang sesat dari jalan Allah, akan beroleh azab yang berat pada hari hitungan amal, disebabkan mereka melupakan (jalan Allah) itu. Surah Sad(38): 26.

And then, take some more time to reflect on why you are here on this earth. Thank you.

And I truly apologise for the harshness. It's harsh because I've kept it too long and more and more commitment problems seem to add to the already big pile. And it doesn't come from just one of you, but so many of you...

You know... When you're committed, you stand to gain alot, for noone but yourself.

You make me lose my trust and respect in you when I see you lose commitment...

I hope this serves as a reminder. For you, as well as for me too. If one day I seem to slack on my commitment level anywhere, shove this entry under my face alright?

Reflect, and have a nice day.

Psst, hey committee and commitment have the same root word eh.. Commit...

pictuuuuuuressss

Proud to announce I took some of these pics :D Suker seh pegang camera!! Nak camera!!!

You know it's been quite awhile since I last updated about how I'd been doing. Well, partly I was lazy, partly I was busy and partly I just had no idea what to talk about.

Actually there's alot to share. ALOT ALOT. I'd been doing alot since SIP ended, my time was surely not wasted down the drain, alhamdulillah. May Allah reward the time and efforts I spend in this 'Journey of Purpose', for that is all I look for. At least that's what I want my heart to look for. That and nothing more.

It isn't easy to keep the right niyyah. There's distractions tsk tsk. But I'm human, and I can't stop myself from these distractions. Just that, I have to constantly renew my niyyah, and sometimes I fail to do so.

At the very least, I do my best to fill up my time by attending majlis ilm', be it for dunya or akhirah. To me, nothing is wasted in learning. The money used up is not lost, but invested. There's always something new to learn! This world is full of knowledge, those in the light and those that are hidden. Never would I be able to learn about everything.



Whatever knowledge I obtain is only what Allah allows me to know. InsyaAllah this knowledge will be useful for myself, for my family, for my circle of friends, for my community, for my country, for my religion.

I may not be able to contribute directly as a teacher. I downright believe I am not made out to be a teacher. I'd have other ways to contribute.



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Going Ubin was a really interesting trip for me. The peacefulness and simplicity of the island calls me forth. I would certainly like to go there again. Time seems to slow down and it's a great place to reflect. Most of the time I kept to myself. It was nice you know, keeping quiet. Allah's creation is like all around you! Observe! At one point of time while I was cycling, leaves falling to the ground caught my attention as I was reminded of Allah.



Allah knows, Allah knows, subhanAllah...

Then when we were sitting at Chek Jawa, Liyana pointed out to be an insect which walks on water. And it just reminds me of what Ustaz mentioned in class. One of the two ways to know Allah is by studying His creations. SubhanAllah...

Check out this interesting link about "Wonders of Allah's Creation". Reminds me of the Bunayya '07 camp. Wonders of Allah was the theme. Amazing ain't it that we tell these young kids that one way to know Allah is through studying the wonders of Allah yet we fail to remind ourselves that very same thing.

At Chek Jawa too we met with an American professor with his Japanese students and we actually made friends. It was our dakwah to them. Nothing heavy. Nothing 'preachy' and boring. But we were just showing who we are. We are Muslims, and what we're doing are just some the things what Muslims do. Normal things! Fun things! Even crazy things like capturing a picture of us jumping in the air. We were just sharing...

Hmm... I think I've talked alot today. Lemme just end of with a poem I found:

Whatever You See...

Whatever You See...
Whatever you see, wherever you go,
Was created by Allah, be sure to know.

The sun by day, the moon at night,
The glittering stars; three kinds of light.

Plants, flowers, trees so tall,
Roses, lillies, ivy on the wall,
Deserts, jungles, mountains high,
The book of Nature, `tween earth and sky,

All this, the wonderful creation,
Of Allah. His Might beyond estimation

Taken from Islamicpoem.

Hope you learned something from this.

Pensive is defined as

1. Deeply, often wistfully or dreamily thoughtful.
2. Suggestive or expressive of melancholy thoughtfulness.

(Part Hafiz)

Hati hiba mengenangkan dosa2 yg ku lakukan,
Oh Tuhan Maha Kuasa,
Terima taubat hamba berdosa...

(Part Irsyadee)

Ku akui kelemahan diri,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x.....
Taubatku ini.....

(Part Irsyadee)

Telah aku merasakan derita jiwa dan perasaan,
Kerana hilang dari jalan menuju redhaMu ya Tuhan.

(Part Irsyadee)

Ku akui kelemahan ini,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x...
Taubatku ini...

(Part Hafiz)

Di hamparan ini ku meminta moga taubatku diterima...



Tetiba terasa hiba... Sedikit kecewa juga... Sepertinya hampir berputus asa...

My mum, my eldest brother and I had breakfast together this morning when my brother asked about my GPA and about applying to uni. I told him uh and he just shoo his head indicating, "No hope"...

Gosh that's evil eh... Then he ask me NTU/NUS (he was from NTU), I said I'm trying both uh. Then he ask NUS got what course, so I replied Biological Sciences, and he shook his head again.

Very evil.

Lucky my dad had finished eating and left the dining table already. If not, waah...

But I shall just try la yea? TP invited a NTU representative (head of Biological Sciences or something like that) during the post-SIP briefing talk yesterday, and someone asked what is probably on the mind of anyone with GPA < 3.5, "How do we know if we can enter the course?" or "What is the cut-off point to enter the course?"

Her reply was, "Oh I shall give you a very easy answer. We do not state any cut-off points to enter any course in NTU as it is subjective to the batch applying. What I suggest is for you to just go ahead and apply. If your grades fall just slightly below the cut-off point for the batch, at least you can appeal and we can see what we can do, but if you don't try at all, you definitely have no chances of entering."

True true. Except for the part about "easy answer" lol. Some of us might have found it hard to take haha.

So yea, I shall just try. It does hampers my hopes that my GPA is below 3.5 and that the uni calculates using 80% poly first 5 semester results and 20% o level results. O levels is my dark past, can't I just chuck it away!

But yea, I shall still try anyway. Belom try belom tau!



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Anyway I've got something to share. My SIP report was due yesterday. And uhm... I couldn't finish it by 5pm no matter how fast I typed. At 5pm ++ I finished it but it was 3800 words. I had to cut down to 2500 words! So edit-edit, do table of contents, and I saw the printing shop close infront of my very eyes... :(

It was nearly 7, so I quickly finished up what I have and went to pray Asar afterwhich I went to the library. The Xerox printing shop at Design was closed already too and so I had no choice but to print black & white at the library. It happened that the printer is jammed and after fixing it, I printed out the main contents, it was nearly 8 already.

Then I realised that I've yet to do my acknowledgements page and the table of contents was not saved in my usb! And that usb uh, once you unplugged, it will take forever to update. while it updates, you can't use it. So as I wait, the time ticks away till it was already 8 plus. I had to Maghrib, so no choice shut down everything and lugged everything to the musollah (my laptop plus adapter is superrrr heavy ok, but no way am I leaving it behind anywhere).

When I returned to the library at around 8.30, the library was about to close already. I thought still can as it says the library closes at 9. Just print abit only what. But then turns out at 8.40, just as I settled in to print (well you need to sign in etc), just as I clicked print for one of the parts, a pop-up appeared saying that the system will shut down in 12 sec. 12 sec la seh! I quickly turned around to the printing comp only to realise someone had shut it down already! And when I switched it on back, the pop up appeared and just switched off in that few seconds of which I didn't even have time to sign in and click print.

And so I left the library with an incomplete set of report, unbound and in black and white feeling so hungry (didn't eat since 8am, luckily I had a heavy breakfast) and so hopeless. Wanted to cry, but I think I was beyond tears already. I just tried assuring myself that insyaAllah there's a hikmah.



I walked to AS and I actually tried the knob of the printing room, who knows they forgot to lock. Hah, that was just fat hope. Sat on the bench and just stared at my papers wondering what should I do next. Really had no idea. I was already planning what to do next, come back tmr (today) and print out properly with colour, bind and hand in.

At that very moment, Ain and Suhailah came out of the lift door, probably after prayers at AS lvl 7. They came, we salam-ed and they asked what was I doing there (well you see, I was almost never seen in TP for the past 5 months, and besides it was nearly 9pm on a Friday!), what's that in my hands etc. And so pours out the story. Little did I expect, they are my saviours that Allah sent, destined to help me in my most hopeless state.



Initially Suhailah suggested binding at a photo shop across TP. Ok not so near. It's like across the TP bridge, across the huge field and across the small road... Slowly hope filled me. A little. Cos even if I had the report bound, it's still incomplete.

When I asked Suhailah if the shop can print from thumbdrive also, she said not sure. But then, she and Ain realised that I could print at the Biz comp lab! Gosh, their lab closes at 9.45 ehk! And no worries about paper as Suhailah has some and her friend has some as well! And and if we're quick, there's another lab downstairs which has coloured printer!

It sounded so good to be true! As I followed them to Biz, I couldn't stop thanking Allah. The words I ever blogged came back to me. "Dan di saat kamu membutuhNya, tentu sekali Dia akan membantumu". Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengasih Maha Penyayang. Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim. I truly felt His touch of love then. I think if I had memorized Surah Ar-Rahman, I would have recited it in my heart.

Ain and Suhailah even gave me a doughnut to eat. Gosh, it should be me buying some food for them to thank them seh. Suhailah was so kind as to accompany me downstairs and help me print out the coloured pages (and the colour printer takes very long) while I printed out the acknowledgement, table of contents and appendix.

I certainly used up alot of Suhailah's papers and time. I dunno how to repay her and Ain at all, except to pray that Allah will berkati mereka, memberi mereka rahmat-Nya serta murahkan rezeki mereka. Amin...

The next challenge was to find the photo shop to bind the papers. All the way to the photo shop that Suhailah had directed me to, I prayed and prayed that it's still open. Afterall it was nearly 10pm!

Turns out that it was closed.

Feeling lost and having no idea what to do, I circled the area for another shop. If there's no photo shop, perhaps there'd be a shop selling a file that I can file my report in. Turns out there were none. All the shops were closed or closing (and not selling any binding service or any files).

Once again, losing hope, I decided to just go back to TP, staple the pages and leave Mr Kok a note saying the printing shop had closed...

It turns out that Allah is helping me all the way! On the way back (another route from where I came), I saw a board saying 'Photo Copy'. It didn't look like a photo shop at all. There were bathroom stuffs there! So I thought the shop had closed. Nevertheless I tried my luck. Who knows?

And I testify that Allah is the Most Compassionate and the Most Merciful. I did not stop praying.



Yes it was a shop selling bathroom items. There were toilet seats lined against one wall. But opposite that was a photocopier machine. And when I asked, the answer said yes she does binding too! The feeling was indescribable! As I chatted with the aunties, I asked her if she normally closes late and she said no, just that yesterday she was waiting for her husband to come.

That sentence she said has just made me more of a believer. Allah is the best planner of all things. And He will answer your prayers.



So finally, I was able to print out the coloured pages of my report and the leftover pages I hadn't print AND to bind it as well! Alhamdulillah syukur!



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I have an article I found from a blog that I'd like to share. It's in Malay though..

Penawar Jiwa Yang Lesu

Kadang-kala, dalam keghairahan mencari redha Allah, jiwa kadang-kadang lesu tak bermaya. Apabila ujian satu demi satu diberiNya hati mula keluh kesah. Lagi kuat ujian lagi mula tersasar kita. Mengapa ya?

Jangan dibiarkan sahabatku saudaraku fillah yg kucukup kasihi keranaNya. Gembirakanlah hatimu, ranapkan tahzanmu, garapkan keyakinanmu kepada janji Yg Maha Menunaikan janji, Allah Tuhan Sekalian Alam, Dialah Pencipta, Dialah Pentadbir, Dialah Penguasa dan Dialah Pemelihara.Ikhlaskan hatimu dalam menerima agamaNya..Kerana Dia cukup mengasihi hambaNya yg benar-benar ikhlas dlm memperhambakan dirimu kepadaNya.

Redhalah dengan ujian yg diberi kepadaMu.Bersabarlah dengan ujian Tuhanmu,kerana janjiNya kepadamu terlalu banyak andai kau bersabar.

a) Allah tidak menyia-nyiakan kebaikanmu dalam kesabaranmu“ Dan bersabarlah kerana Allah tidak menyia-nyiakan pahala orang yang berbuat kebaikan” Al Hud: 115

b)Balasan syurga kepada as sabiruun“Dan Dia memberikan balasan kepada mereka atas kesabaran mereka dengan syurga dan pakaian sutera” Al Insan: 12

c) Keselamatan ke atas mereka“Keselamatan ke atas kesabaran kamu maka alangkah baiknya tempat kesudahan itu” ar ra’du: 24

Maka bergembira dan bersabarlah. Raikanlah dugaan itu. Malah, dalam kelelahan meredah kepayahan akhirnya pasti berjumpa dengan kesenangan. Itulah janji Allah.

“……Allah tidak memikulkan beban kepada seseorang melainkan sekadar apa yang diberikan oleh Allah kepadanya, Kelak Allah akan memberikan kelapangan sesudah kesempitan” At Talaq:7

Sedarlah dirimu, ujian itu adalah yang terbaik buat dirimu..Maka janganlah lesu, janganlah goyah.. kerana kita tidak tahu, mungkin itu yang terbaik buat kita..

“…Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu sedangkan itu baik bagi kamu, dan padahal itu baik bagi kamu sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui. Allah mengetahui sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui” Al baqarah: 216

Janganlah lesu saudaraku fillah.. Kerana kita ada Allah, dan Dialah sebaik-baik Penolong. Allah lah jua yang akan membantumu dengan sebenar-benar bantuan dariNya.

“Allah akan memberi pimpinan kepada mereka dan memperbaiki keadaan mereka, dan memasukkan mereka ke dalam syurga yang telah diperkenalkanNya kepada mereka. ‘Hai orang-orang yang beriman! Jika kamu menolong Allah, nescaya Dia akan menolong kamu dan meneguhkan kedudukanmu” Muhammad:5-7

Maka sahabatku, usahlah bersedih lag.Janganlah lesu dan layu dibiarkan terus membara.Kembalikanlah semangat juangmu utk keredhaan Allah? Apakah hatimu masih tidak gembira dengan janji Allah, yang tidak mampu utk kunukilkan semuanya dalam laman maya ini.

Berwudhu’, dan solatlah, dan berzikirlah, krn hanya dengan itu hatimu kan tenang, resah kan kian kabur, masalahmu kan diselesaikan..

“Maka aku katakan kepada mereka ‘Mohonlah ampun kepada Tuhan kalian, sesungguhnya Dia Maha Pengampu, nescaya Dia akan menurunkan hujan yang lebat kepada kalian” Nuh: 10-11

Akhirul kalam , moga dirimu kan sentiasa diberi ketenagan dan kekuatan, dengan janji Allah yang Maha Agung..Moga janjiNya menggembirakan hatimu…Insya Allah.

Taken from One_Syaiful: SETIAP TETES PELUH DAN DARAH TAK AKAN SIRNA DITELAN MASA SEGORES LUKA DI JALAN ALLAH KAN MENJADI SAKSI PENGORBANAN



This is my current desktop pic anyway...

I gave up.

I gave up wanting to submit a perfect report and getting a perfect shining 'A'.

I just hope to finish a substantial one IN TIME.

E-mail to my mentor:

Thanks for the offer to help me go through and edit my report. I promised to send it by yesterday, but I've yet to finish it even by today.

Sorry if I kept you waiting. I understand you have your thesis to complete as well.

I'll send the complete report when I finish it. If you have some time to spare, I hope you can still help me glance through it and tell me what's not good. Even if it's not in time for the submission on 2nd Feb (of which I will submit what I have), at least I hope to learn from any mistakes in this report so I won't repeat it for future reports because I know writing reports is my weakness.

Thank you once again.

But you know, what I meant by 'substantial' is the best within my limits, insyaAllah. As perfect as I can, even if it's not perfect. Perfectionists, hah.

I'd rather submit a perfect report late than a meagre one in time. But I'm ot risking my 8 credit units *gasps*.

So I shall continue trying and burn the midnight oil and pray for help (like an extended submission date, hehe, which actually would just torture my friends who prefer to get things over and done with by the way) and leave up to Him to decide what's best for me.



What's important is...



I'm loving iluvislam's designs =D

is what I look forward to...


Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini


Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

Sweet kan... i know ;)

Pic taken during Ghufran Tathmin Al-Mibarrat. My mum is in Muslimah, but she not active sangat uh. Tolong mana yang mampu... :)

I guess I had my fair share of ups for this year, so much so that now towards the end I'm having quite alot of downs... Wanted to solve it yesterday, but I found out that it will never be solved.

It's not easy. Nobody said it would. And so I guess I shall accept things as it is and make the best out of everything bad that happens. Always look on the bright side of life aye? Been a long time since I said that. Guess I didn't need to till recently.

I'd never been good at confronting people. And another incident just proved me right. This is the reason I'd rather keep any bad feelings to myself. I'd rather be the one hurt than to see my family, my friends hurt. I'd rather be the one crying than to see my family, my friends hurt. One person hurting is enough. One person crying is enough. We don't need two.

If I ever think things would be better if I'd just say out how I feel, remind me how wrong I am.

Let it be, just within me... That is always the best.

K, enough of that, let's share the happy moments instead =)

Firstly, selamat hari raya aidiladha to all muslims!! And secondly, happy birthday abang oli! (8th Dec)

Upcoming birthdays:
Ishak - today 9th Dec
Bibik - tmr 10th Dec
Wani - 13th Dec
Sylvia - 15th Dec
Dian (cousin) - 17th Dec
Kak Mardhiah - 18th Dec
Abg Sham - 25th Dec

Coolioz! To all, happy (advanced) birthday!!!

Korban was gerek with Fityan! I wouldn't miss it if not for my family. Aku dah chop registration next year ehk!! Kwangs. So nice to meet some of my sisters yang sungguh lama tak jumpa!!! U know who you are ;) Mmmbekk... Made new friends too hehe, I loike.

Oh oh, I woke up on the morning of raya to the sounds of takbir. Sungguh menenangkan. Sayup je.. Nak senyum pun ade. Nak nangis pon ade. My house quite far jugak from Ghufran, at the other side of interchange but alhamdulillah every raya I can hear the takbir. Hearing it, always makes me reflect on my family. If and only if... I'd often wished, and I still do... Ya Allah, makbulkanlah doa hambaMu ini...

Alright, let the pictures speak for now!

It just crossed my mind today. Haha. Know why? Cos I kept 'talking to myself' in my head practically 24/7! But I'm not talkative. I'm just... thinkative haha. In other words: INTROVERT. And proud to be one!

I met a fair share of talkative people the past few days. Talk and talk and talk non-stop. Sometimes I find it too noisy and irritating.

I just love talking to myself. And because of that, I love to blog! There's so many things I wanna share since the last post but I dunno where to start! Hmm, let's do a list of FAQs haha!

FAQ 1: How are you?
ans 1: Alhamdulillah, praise to allah I'm still alive. And yes, I can walk normally again already. And my bruises are lightening. It's rather scary to see a big patch of blue flesh, then yellow flesh haha. Muscle strains... On and off. The wound which had been hurting the most, was actually just healing till this morning! On Friday after the nurse cleaned the wound and bandaged it nicely, I felt really comfortable and almost like no pain at all! But after I changed myself (or asked my mum to assist in changing it), okok uh, uncomfortable. I think I put too tight or something. This morning, someone go and bang into my arm, like OWW oww OWW. Till now can like feel the sting. And the pain reaches the bones. Feels like I just knocked my elbow on a rock. The pain actually goes all the way up to my left shoulderblade la sey. I think cos too tensed with trying to control the pain. Oh well.

And I just noticed, how come there's so many white cars huh?? I can't really say it's trauma or the after-shock and whatnots, cos I don't really know what is it. But I can't help taking notice of every single white car in my way!

Yesterday I left TLL late and I had to wait for the shuttle bus for about 15-20mins. Meaning I had to watch so many cars pass by (some sprint by) in front of me at the scene of accident. Erm... Ok. And I almost cry. Though I think it's more because of impatience than of fear haha. And I keep hearing a car approaching. Though I think it's because I was listening hard for the bus screeches!

For 2 days, I had my lunch at TLL. Lazy to go out, rain, don't want to wait for bus, short incubation time are just some of the reasons why. I can't really decide if the accident is another reason. But I did tell myself I'm like NEVER gonna have lunch at Science sch anymore for the remaining SIP days = 10 weeks. It takes too much time to go so far, and I don't wanna rush rush anymore, which could result in another stupid decision like crossing across the road infront of a gigantic bus at a narrow bend. Real stupid thing to do. REALLY STUPID you know.

FAQ 2: How's SIP?
ans 2: Ok. Coping. Out of 5, maybe like only 2 days I go home at 6. Heck. Hectic. So many things to do. Especially yesterday. I had to continue almost everything I was doing last Wednesday and cos my mentor continued a bit for me, I had to figure out where she stopped so I can continue from there. Quite confusing. Aiyo. And I've got so many vials of flies collected already! And because it's Monday, I have to transfer EVERYTHING to new vials with new yeast paste etc. Not as easy as it sounds ok. And also because it's Monday, most of the puppae has developed into flies! Meaning I have to filter through like hundreds of flies to collect the crosses I want.

Anyway, I'm putting quite a lot of things I've learned together to get the bigger picture, especially with restriction digestion, about the enzymes (what buffer to use, what temperature to set reaction at, how compatible etc), about how to know whether it's cutting or not, about digest set-up the reactions (as in how much of each reagent to use, what temperature, how long, whether to add SAP or not, whether to make blunt end or not etc) yea... And pcr, and sequencing too. I love practicals! I love lab work! EXCEPT the part where I need to write report. I don't mind doing these minor minor SIP stuff, which sometimes are the cause of me going home late, and recording them down. I love it! It's the MP that rather sucks.

FAQ 3: How about MP?
ans 3: Well, partly not so well. This week is my fourth try at the same experiment I've been doing! No results or insuffient results the past 3 weeks! So sian know! I've still yet to start my MP workbook, *gulps* What more my MP report! *cries* Anyway, is anyone willing to help me copy back all my experiments, under confidential agreement (I'm serious, I'll make you sign a letter of agreement), into my MP workbook X2 (one copy for school, another for my mentor) for $10? Really, really I'm serious. Criteria: Handwriting like mine, can write fast and free on Saturdays haha. No I don't think this is an offense, right? I'm really tired of writing. And all ideas for the workbook, aim, materials, method, results, discussion ALL will be by me. I just need someone to help me write!!! And it's not bribing la, it's a little token of appreciation for the help.

Oh anyway, my mentor has really high expectations of me. She's trusted me with TWO of HER projects know. and I've disappointed her time and time again. Haiz... But trust me, I give all my best for everything. But I dunno, despite knowing I'd given my best, I still feel disappointed with myself and guilty sometimes.

FAQ 4: How's social life?
ans 4: Sad :( I hadn't met my NI, Fityan and Titisan peeps *sniff sniff* And almost all have no idea how I am either, cos I can't be bothered to contact them, to ask how's things, to update on myself, to listen etc. Socialising can be tiring, especially for an introvert like me. I've got many different worlds to visit you know.. Haha just kidding, I'm not crazy la deyy.

But I gotta say I'm so glad for the friends I have at TLL! Especially Hui Yi, JJ and Aaron. They make SIP/MP all the more fun/bearable (respectively). Sometimes I just go up to them and make funny faces to destress haha. Funny faces like silently screaming under all the instructions my mentor asks me to do. It helps y'know.

Oh, that's all people frequently ask these days.

Now on to random stuff!

Hmm... Like what eh? Forgot.

OH! I think I'm gonna do something on the last day of SIP. I'm gonna go crazy on my mentor HAHA. I mean all these while I just nod nod and say "ok", "yes understood", "alright", "can" to her know. I think on the last day I'll go wild! Whee! I hope she'd be surprised. Hehehee. Gosh, I'm thinking of these stuffs know...

I might be meeting Fityan peeps this Thursday and Sunday and Titisan peeps perhaps tmr and Friday. Oh no, NI usrah on Friday! Erm, alamak, I forgot! Geez... NI dearies sisters, can we meet up on Saturday pwease?
I'm free the WHOLE of Saturday.

Apart from those above, I have a few other things to look forward to. Like... Akikah at Ghufran, Korban at Malaysia, brothers' birthdays (and hopefully no stupid stunts by them to make my family tensed and hopefully get eat seafood!!!) New Year, end of SIP, end of SIP celebration aka Seoul Garden outing!, end of the whole SIP/MP ordeal, birthday, graduation!!! And for now, for my wound to heal completely hehe. It's mostly pink flesh oredi. Parts of it look like raw meat still though, eww. But no more sluffy!! Dunno why the nurse call that. Sluffy = pus discharge aka infection.

I shall put aside thinking about what to do after SIP ends after SIP ends, haha. I dunno what to think now. There's so many things I wanna do, so many I wanna achieve! Really, it keeps coming to me the part about me wanting to be a doctor, a gynae specifically. I want to be involved in bringing lives into this world and seeing the tears of joy in many many people's yes! But doctor means medical school, which means competing with the best of the best with such an average results that I have. Med sch take in like distinction students, top students, super excellent students! How? Should I pursue? Do I have the guts? Is this what I'm meant to do, what I really really really wanna do?

To my multiply contacts: this is referring to my blog, so yeah...

Finally, I've changed my blogskin! I love the song as I set my ears to it last week. And ever since it's posted on the blog, I'd left my comp on throughout the night to listen to it and bring me to a relaxing mode. I need it badly. My muscles are so tensed... The first day I listened to the song, I wake up in the morning in a reflective mode and cried... Cried my heart out I should say, till I felt better.

Anyway, the slideshow with the header 'loves' are really the things I love. Not all the things I love though, as I don't have pictures of everything right.. But yes, I love my family, and I love my friends, I love Islam, I love beautiful sceneries, I love bright moons, I love sunrises, I love beaches and seas, I love camps, I love cats, I love butterflies, I love flowers especially ginvera, I love clouds, I love taking pictures of the things I love, I love Science, I love practical work (when I can understand what I'm doing, and it doesn't take too long) and more! And I miss some of these things I love... *smiles*

I need a massage badly. I'm getting frequent muscle cramps these days. Dunno if the accident plays a part...

Right now, my back and shoulders really hurt. Gotta go sleep! Toodles noodles!

Oh oh, I really wanna post this up!! Scroll of responsibility I'd call it ;)


If you wanna know more about NI, wanna collaborate for an event or something, you may contact me. :) PM me, tag me or something kays.

I do love art too y'know. The different forms and types of art. I'm not good at it, but I appreciate it. I can't draw the difference between a human head and a cow head I think haha. Try googling about forms and types of art! Anyway, anyone interested to go to the Biennale exhibition with me? I'm still free this Sat ;)

Oh, and I'm really itching to be involved in organizing something. Gosh but I can't!! I really can't commit :(