‎"Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until Monday, Dec. 6, there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is a Campaign for Children's ...rights: violence against children."

It makes me happy, like we're all united ...for a rightful cause and aww, childhood memories :P All the more I keep visiting fb every few minutes hehe.









My ultimate favourite!!!! Though I didn't know that was what the lyrics meant :s



And I actually memorized the japanese lyrics of this song, though I can't remember what the cartoon's about:

My brother is officially moving out today, he's packing his things with his wife now :( There will be a day that it'd be my turn to leave too... Maybe. And if/when it happens, I think I'm gonna cry because of its significance... My second brother will most likely be the one staying with my parents...

On another note, I have found another reason to visit Dubai thanks to Liyana haha. It's one of the places on my wishlist (oh I got bored and decided to mengelamun for awhile thinking of things I wanna do, and places I wanna go to and Dubai turned up in my list hehe). I'm not a fan of swimming (eventhough it's in my wishlist too just because it's something I rarely do) but the experience with the sharks at the Atlantis Aquaventure Water Park sounds fuuuuuuuun!

Haha, I need something thrilling soon, my life is so dull right now with assignments and reports and books urgh I need fresh air.

Harizah suggested parasailing at Batam this December. I hope I'd be able to go :)

I'm hungryyyyyyy, I seem to be hungry all the time today despite all the food I chunk down! Fact is, there're food I'm craving and I won't get satiated until I get them! Hei Sushi! KFC Popcorn chicken and fries! Swensen spicy fish pasta! *drools* Oh and I keep hearing Wendy's and turns out there's one at Tampines Century Square! I wanna go try!!!

I didn't exactly had a great day. I was so lethargic... And I just had no mood to complete my lab report and had to force myself to crap anyways... I did finish it on time afterall, and even had time to buy and chow down some sardine breadrolls and nuggets before class... But something my friend said hurt me. Same story... About studying...

I don't see why I have to prove anything to anyone... But I feel I need to prove to my friends I can do it... It's a good peer pressure I guess, but I'm not happy... I completed two more pages of slides on top of the two pages yesterday... And I can't wait till I don't have to take Chemistry modules anymore...

You know, I'd been thinking of KRC4 these few days... I miss it. I miss my group, Pesantren Lenggoong... What a myriad of personalities, strong ones at that... Apart from Nadhirah, the rest of us are rather active at Ghufran now. We should have another KRC laaa... I didn't really enjoy KRC5 other than the snorkelling, I dunno, just less significance I guess? KRC4 meant a lot to me, part of my turning point in life, and the activities were gerekkkkk! Flying fox, water rafting, survival cooking, nightwalk, secret admirer etc...

I wanna be young again and have an excuse to be naive hehe

I miss my cat. In fact, I miss all the cats that I'd usually meet when I walk home from the bus stop.

I miss my childhood even more. It's been a long time since I actually stood by my window and look outside, like properly look outside. I saw people playing basketball, and there was this little boy who was shooting his own light ball. So cute and so brave haha. Quite a number of friends, at their age, would run away from a ball in the air, especially one as heavy as a basketball.

There's many things that happened in my childhood that shaped me into who I am...

Because of my mum's encouragement to read at such a young age, I love to read. Eventhough I used to hate thick books, I learn to like them now. My mum too taught me to give my best in everything. My parents expect nothing less than the best, and that's what I gave. My mum used to be scared that I can't speak out/speak proper English, and she would teach and teach and teach me. In my mind I would never forget this image of my mum and I lying on the master bed reading the ABC poster my mum pasted on the wall during kindergarten days, and I felt so bad for mixing up 'star' and 'book' during the exam that I remember it till now. Nevertheless I got first in class (though I wanted to be second cos the prize for second in class was nicer LOL). She taught me arts too (and so eventhough I am much inclined towards the sciences now, I can do abit of art as well). She taught me to draw and colour and use water to make the colours run into each other, and I can't forget the time I caused a hole in my drawing paper for kindergarten art exam because I used too much water/rubbed too hard with my finger. She entered me in drawing/colouring competitions at Toys R Us Marine Parade, and I remember once that my mum said, "I think you didn't won cause you gave the wrong phone number" haha. In primary school, she taught me to build a lorry with a cage at the back housing a tiger using tissue boxes, used toilet rolls and such, and entered me in an art competition, which I won first and made my form teacher really proud (my lorry got displayed in the glass cupboard!) And she'd even help me decorate my art portfolio using onion and ladyfinger and such dipped in paint, and draw a parrot on my English journal (now I remember where I picked up the habit of recording my thoughts haha!)

Then I used to follow my second brother around alot. We would go to different libraries around Singapore, Bedok, Pasir Ris, Marine Parade, Choa Chu Kang, Woodlands... And he was the one who taught me abit of Mandarin (and I picked the rest up by watching dramas on Channel 8). I remember following him to Bedok Reservoir to play badminton with his friend, and once we decided to go walk to East Coast from there, though we gave up halfway probably cause I was too tired. I remember following him to his friend's house in Tampines, and that's where I learned to play carrom and tite (yes at the age of 8!) and got a cigarette mark on my forehead (no I didn't smoke, and I would never find myself smoking la, blergh). My brother and I, with our cousins ever went out in the middle of the night to explore Pasir Ris and look for playgrounds. And when we once slept over at our grandma's place, we went out at night to play badminton and go to the playground. And when we first moved to Tampines, my brother and I went around Tampines to look for playgrounds naming them along the way, as we brought along my mum's tape recorder and we pretended to be newscasters (my mum found the casette awhile back, it was SUPER DUPER cute and funny!) So, it's not a wonder that my sense of direction is pretty good (I seem to form maps in my mind once I get familiar to a place)

Looking back at all these makes me smile :) I miss my childhood...

When most of us have reached our 20s, (at least intellectually, mentally and emotionally) the topic of discussion always seem to end up with... MARRIAGE

I wasn't part of the conversation, since I was still happily and merrily enjoying my zinger, but somehow I got involved in the conversation when Raudah suddenly asked, "Who amongst us do you think would marry an Ustaz?"

Nasib tak terbegik aku ngan my happy and merry burger tu tau. Tak kena pasal sehh. Yang paling lagi nak terbegikkan adalah people think I am with someone now, an Ustaz for that matter. Even Liyana seems to think if it is true. Aiyoh people, you are my brothers and sisters, how can you still not know me!

Actually, entah eh... even my mum dunno me well enough. On Wednesday, when I went out with my mum, we started talking about how she used to be so scared I can't speak in public. Even up to Sec 4, she wasn't sure I could be vocal. Being in ELDDS in sec school, she thought I'd be just the background (I think she's thinking of trees or something), she didn't know I was in 3 not so small (not major, but certainly not small enough that only 40 prople watch) shows where over 200 people are watching. While in Titisan, she considered my roles as small enough, no doubt they were, and didn't think much about it. Yet, you're facing an auditorium full of people okeh!!

My mum was impressed about me giving the valedictorian speech at Perdaus haflah 2 years ago (ehhh, tak prasan dah 2 years ago!). And I'm like huh? That's (probably my one and only and) the worst speech I'd ever given, I think.

She was most surprised that I joined silat actually. She doesn't believe I have enough 'force' in me to punch/kick anyone. I didn't either, initially, actually. Ask Shikin, or Mir how tak bunyi were my punches and kicks to the padding for the first two months. Then ask Shikin again, and Jun, how I've improved, slight as it may be, after that. Aren't I glad I didn't tell my mum earlier I had joined silat? Confidence would have crashed, and I would have quitted immediately agaknya.

Eh why did I sidetrack so far... Part of the conversation with my mum, she told me that once a chinese woman she knows in the neighbourhood suddenly asked about me (she talks more about my second brother compared to me or my eldest bro) if I have a boyfriend (I really wonder how did she steer the conversation that way???) and my mum said her reply to her was, "She sure has many guy friends within her social circle, but I'm not too sure if she has one who's special." and the woman's reply was, "Can't be don't have..." Waaaah, make my mum doubt me seh. Firstly, why does my mum say I have many guy friends? Many meh? Who are she referring to?? Secondly, if really that's true then waah I have really changed. Ask Siti how many guy friends I used to have in sec sch. Or Ad for poly. (P.S. Ad I miss you so so much!) Hmmm... Thirdly, my mum thiks it is 'possible' even to a small extent that I have a boyfriend??? After all that I learn in madrasah??

Oklah, my mum actually doesn't think my madrasah has improved me at all. Padahal looking back at 12 years ago... even if I may not have been in the wrong set of company (my schoolmates alhamdulillah are all fairly good people since young, and I am especially closer to those who are not minahs and bitches), I would probably not be praying, or wearing tudung, or wearing jubah, or going masjid etc.

And neither does she think that the camps I'd been attending/organising have been doing me any good. Erm, where else could I have earned my vocalness?? Think back to KRC4 (the first impressions I set on most of my Fityan peeps), Camp Xplore 07 (when I totally couldn't talk during the debrief at the end of the camp because I was too choked up with tears being overwhelmed by all the emotions), to Gema Ghufran 07 (bet you don't even remember I was in the committee, typing the minutes half the time, calling and inviting people to come), to Night cycling (I can't even conduct a meeting within my department cos I can't seem to talk, much less lead!) to RYC 08 (when I'd stumble with my words as I try to give instructions for the games) to NI retreat 08 (when I still can hardly talk and deliver what I want to say, I left Mus and Liyana to lead), to NI mukhayyam (starting to brave up, yet Mus and Liyana still had to do most of the talking, to Camp Xplore 09 (where I was vice-chair, conducting a general meeting together with Azz), to RYC 09 (where I had to gather the station masters, some of who were still strangers back then, and explain how the Amazing Race works), to Pesantren Kilat (where I was one of the 3 female group leaders and thus have to maintain control, have to deliver certain instructions from the officers to my group, and sometimes to all the girls at once even, and they were strangers okayyyy, I didn't know a single one of them before the pesantren), I know, I clearly see and I am very much aware how much attending/organising camps have changed me. But nevermind.

Ok, this had unexpectedly turned into a reflection entry. Heheh. But yeah, fact is that la... Even my mum doesn't know me well, she doesn't recognise my potential, she doesn't know my strengths and weaknesses or all my likes and dislikes, neither does she believe I can do it, for anything at all... How can I not doubt myself all the time. Honestly, I still doubt if I can be a good teacher... even after the confident presentation for Critical Perspectives, where we were asked to 'teach' the class on a certain topic in groups of threes, and I felt that my presentation skill was rather good...

Hai.. Let's get back to the initial issue in this entry aite? After asking "Who amongst us do you think would marry an Ustaz?", next question was "Who do you think can/will settle down within the next two years?"

Aah, the future is so full of unknowns...

10 years ago, who would have thought I'd be in Temasek sec (I only believed I was capable of entering a neighbourhood school, I was thinking I belonged in Springfield Sec!) or 5 years ago, who would have guessed I'd enter poly (after setting my eyes only on JC), or 3 years ago, who would have predicted that I'd join NIE (I truly doubted I could be a teacher. I respect the teaching profession alot, and whenever I hear anyone join the teaching profession, I'd be like "Wow, cool, I can't teach, I don't think I have the patience for it.")... Now, no one, no one can foresee when I'd get married, or to who I'd get married to... And for that matter, when I would die, or how I would die...

The future is so full of unknowns. Nabi Khidir had the mukjizat to know the future. That is probably one of the most dangerous knowledge one can have. It may be one of the most dreaded as well...

Let us just live for today, and treat it as a gift. Forget about yesterday, cos it's all in the past, and don't bother worry about the future cos it'll just give you a migraine...

By the way, I am still CURIOUS!!!! Who... urgh! Nevermind!

I wonder how dreams work. Why do we dream? What causes dreams? I don't want theories. I want to know the truth.

Yet how can we ever know that whatever we know is ever the truth?

I'm still in a dilemma constantly thinking about what is the truth and what isn't....

I have alot to blog about regarding the past week actually. We'll see if I can survive typing out all. I'm very sleepy right now actually...

Oh, and to people out there, please keep an open mind reading this entry, cause I have a feeling I'm gonna be open about some things here, cause my head is so full of information (need to convert them to knowledge and store them in categories larh)

In the background, I am playing Ustaz Hassan's wasiat to us after the maulid rehearsal on the 5th night of pesantren. Terasa sebak sangat-sangat dengar doa Ustaz untuk kita, terasa rindu sangat pada pesantren dan Ustaz. Suasana pesantren tak dapat dirasa dimana-mana. Suasana ingin bertawajjuh kepada Allah setiap waktu, setiap masa, setiap saat amat aku rindui...

Watch the video here.

Pics of the pesantren can be found here btw...

It's been a week since we 'graduated' from pesantren... And... It has been tough. It is a challenge wanting to practice what we used to do during pesantren. The environment is so different in pesantren and in real life, even when you're with mosque youths.

Even when you're with mosque youths!!! Honestly, at the end of the pesantren, when I was crying with one of the sisters in the musollah partly debating on how are we going to carry through with Ustaz's last wasiat to us to transform our surroundings into a pesantren wherever we are, I thought I'd be in a better position than she is being close to a mosque at heart already.. But after this week has passed, I'm not so sure if I'm right. Perhaps I'm in just the same position as she is. I may be worst. I think she has qiyam-ed at least once in the past week, whereas I?? 2 nights I overnight at mosques. Did I qiyam at all? NO. :( I miss how we'd cry during qiyam at the pesantren. I miss the feeling. You feel so close to Allah. You feel the sweetness of iman. I miss those very very much...

Ok right now I'm having a big big headache. I guess I gotta stop here...

Urghhhhhhhhhhh! Rasa kalau boleh pekik, nak pekik sekuat hati, tapi tak senonoh, ta kena pasal satu rumah bangun...

I feel that after reading Twilight, my conversations in English are better thought-out, better pronounced and more fluent. Of course it still depends on the topic of conversation... If you throw in a topic about in-vitro fertilization (err, where did that come from??) I'd probably have not much to say hehe.

I think I use the phrase "I feel that..." more than "I think...". Not using my brains as much as before huh? I used to think alot, about 1001 things at the same time if that's possible. I guess I've learned to chill and stone out. Haha.

I'd been wondering lately, what are my strengths? I think I'd know what the answer would be if I asked some of the people around me. It seems distinct, but then I don't find that a special talent, and neither do I think I'm very good at it. I just enjoy it, not that I'm good at it. It's two different things you know. It all depends on who you work with... Sometimes I feel that it's a case of "lembu punyer susu, sapi dapat nama", whereby I am the sapi. (haha reminds me of the Fityan IO cheer: "Sappy go!" lol)

Well you see...
I have a friend, her name is Jamie and she is very good in piano.
I have a friend, her name is Ad and she is very good with the bass.
I have a friend, her name is Liyana and she is very good with reciting the Qur'an.
I have a friend, her name is Sylvia and she is very good with writing and drawing.
I have a friend, her name is Jun and she is very good in silat and designing.
I have a friend, her name is Raudah and she is very good with photography and designing.
I have many friends, of different backgrounds, and they are all special in many ways, and they have strengths of their own, certain skills that are special...

Myself? I've tried many things. You can see that from the list of different CCAs I'd tried. Malay dance. Indian dance. Chinese dance. Swimming. Maths club. Library club. English drama (and debate). Malay drama. Silat. I'd even tried keyboard (piano) and designing and writing and drawing and origami and beads and cross-stitching and fashion designing and God-knows what else... Like hellooooo, I'm nearly 21 and still searching :S

I got B3 for all my O level subjects right (except one) and Jamie complimented that that means I am fairly equal in doing fine with anything. Hmm... Maybe that's why I can do alot of things (some with greater difficulty than others) and nothing truky stands out.

Jack of all trades? (What's female for Jack anyway? hmm)

Anyway, I've finished downloading all 65 songs from youtube to my comp, but only around 10 fits into my MP4 haha.

I can't wait to start snapping pictures again! I love taking pictures of sceneries best :))))

Nothing splendid... I never know about focusing, about details, about lightings, about subjects whatever other photography terms are there larh... I only know of the macro function recently la sey :P But still...





I'm missing alot of people and things actually. Especially after browsing through my slides. Awwwww.... Kejam kelip, one of my previous usrah sister is getting married soon!!

Slides

K I'm hungryyyyyy... Need to grab something before going for FLAP laterrrrz

Alhamdulillah Camp Xplore 09 - I'm responsible is over... Shagged shagged. There were times when I was impressed with my committee, there were times too that I was disappointed. Twice during the camp I just had to get away to seclude myself to think, or to sort out my thoughts and calm down. Once I cried during the camp, and once after. And if you look back, when the first of the Camp Xplore ‘series’ ended in 2007, I cried and cried and cried, that time was from relief... As for this time round...

During the camp, there was one period when I felt so down and exhausted, but I didn't wanna show it lest it dampens my team's spirits. Sometimes I am so glad for all that training I receive in Titisan, if you get what I mean.

On the first night, I asked one of my mentors (yeah.. while you guys have your respective mentors, I have mine too) what I should be thinking about at this stage. I’ve never been here in this position vice-chair and I haven’t truly understood my role. What exactly does ‘overlook’ stands for??

The answer was a series of questions (as usual... and I’m trying to learn this skill haha). In summary, it is actually what I want to see in the pax and in the committee, and how much I’ve done to ensure it reaches my expectations, and ultimately how do I measure whether it reaches my expectations or not.

With regards to this, I was told that if my team had failed in any way, it is because I have failed to ensure they didn’t fail. That sentence filled my mind throughout the whole camp. Any disappointment I have towards my team only mounts up to the disappointment I have towards myself who had not prevented it. Any wrongs during the camp that happened, I wouldn’t blame my team, but I blamed myself. I was fighting with myself throughout the whole camp to keep cool and maintain composure. Whenever you guys find me missing, that was when I wasn’t able to steady myself and would rather not let any of you see me. My heart bled and it wasn’t easy.

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Anyway apart from the vision and expectations, there's also: what’s next?? Will this stop at the end of the camp?? How do I ensure the pax (though for this camp, I learn, maybe the pax part is not so much of my worry) and the committee, for example, maintain and strengthen the bond that was forged and practice what was learned during the camp... Continuity... Continuity...

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How ‘coincidental’ (if that is even the right word to use) it is that this camp talks about responsibility, y'know. My team and I was not only delivering it to the participants, but we ourselves were trying to understand responsibility better, yes myself included.

I was always reluctant to hold the responsibility of a vice-chair. Last year for Camp Xplore 08, I declined when it was proposed by two people, but this year when it was proposed by the whole Fityan comm., I couldn’t decline it once again, as it seems that they believed in me and it is my responsibility to carry it out.

Sigh... Remember when you guys said you’d be making tags with specific position stated on the tag for the six so-called ‘top’ position in the committee, I was saying it’s ok, I’d rather wear a tag with ‘committee’ printed on it? Or remember when some of the facis asked me what position do I hold in the camp I just kept mum? And Rabeetah, remember when you wrote Vice-chair on my bandanna I snapped abit at you accidentally? Those were because I was still not ready to be in that position... The responsibility seemed too big. The tests I think I’d face were not those I think could handle. The level of patience needed is not one I thought I’d have...

Indeed... Indeed... There were some tests from the committee as a whole, but at least that could be handled by the chairman while I just assist him. But when it comes specifically to the sisters in the committee, it is more of my responsibility than the chairman’s, in my opinion, and I do not think I’ve passed this test. Bearing the responsibility through the tag I wear everywhere also meant tests from other people (the jemaah). I was questioned, and I was put responsible.

You know, I dunno if my mentors tried to test me throughout the camp (actually I noticed there were instances, some questions I was asked were ‘duhhh..’ testing questions – I’m learning, yay -_-) but really, they didn’t have to. Haha.

During kuliah subuh, I listened in as Ust was talking about the fear that should strike your heart when you hear His words. With all that was going through my mind, I really couldn’t take it then. I reflected and I cried my eyes out. If on this earth people are already questioning me and holding me responsible, in the hereafter I would be questioned and held responsible by HIM! I was scared, very very scared. I fear how I would answer for what I am responsible for.

“All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards and the things under your care”, “If your team fails, it is because you failed”... I reflect and I cry...
Not only am I responsible for my own actions and words, but I am also responsible for ALL that happens and I am responsible for ALL that YOU do too... Will I be able to answer and take responsibility of ALL these?!

Question is: sanggupkah aku?? Sanggupkah aku menanggung semua ini??

This is talking about responsibility...

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After the camp I cried again, for this camp is possibly my last camp for the time being. I can’t be as active as I wanna be after this, sadly... Not many knows yet, but I may be away for at least a year and that is a long time to be away from all these! Within one year anything can happen! Not to mention that within one year, the skills that I pick up would rust and pick up dust and it would be hard to polish them up again. I know I shouldn’t stop, but how?! I’m still thinking and finding for alternatives...

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After the camp I had madrasah exam, gosh was I groggy!! There were times my mind went blank. There were times I dunno what I was writing in mid-sentence and had to read like the whole paragraph again. There were times I lost my train of thoughts and had to read what I was writing over and over again. There were times I shook my head hard to keep the sleepiness away. And there were times I couldn’t take it, I had to take short naps in the exam. There were two papers, both I was like that, both I didn't have wnough time to check and read. After the exam I told ust, "Ust, kalau ade yang Ust baca Ust tak paham, paham2kan ehh."

Yeah, I believe it when my mum keeps scolding me for tiring myself too much as she knows I cannot get tired. I’d really go zoink!

At the same time, how could I sleep when my team is still awake discussing and coming up with solutions? How can I sleep when I know my team is not well rested? How can I sleep when my team is preparing for the camp, which I’m supposed to overlook. Indeed I wasn’t trying to be kaypoh when I join discussions, but simply because it is my responsibility.

Still, I am human, and I can’t stop myself when sleep overcomes me on it’s own. Yet now that I know one of my programmers was awake doing programmes stuff all by herself till 4am in the morning (or later) on the first night and my publicity was awake doing the video montage all by themselves till 4am in the morning (or later), do you think I am glad I had rested at all?? And when the girls missed Subuh prayers berjemaah, who you think I blame?

This came from my heart. This is my story, part of my long journey. I see how my journey has been thus far, how it shapes me, how I've grown.

You have your own story, your own journey too. IF you have reflected.

I hope the purpose that you have, is the same as the one that I have though.

Well, as usual I lunched alone. This time I went to MegaBite at Science School though. Everything was fine. Enjoyed my meal (even if the rice was too soft and the sauce too sour but I shall not complain as I filled my tummy to the fullest) while enjoying a book. Shall tell you my dear blog about the book another time perhaps. Which reminds me, I've yet to post the continuation of the previous post...

So anyway, after finishing my food I realised that I had wasted so much time going so far and taking my own sweet time eating while reading when I have, as usual, 1001 things to do at TLL. And so I rushed.

Nothing out of the ordinary. I always rushed with my tasks, unless I'm super duper tired or fed-up or my tendonitis acted up...

Until, I alighted the A2 bus, after taking the so-called short cut, opposite TLL to the face of a very smiley lab colleague from Aaron's group, (he seems to smile 24/7 fyi) and seeing the bus taking its time, I turn right infront of the bus and, I dunno what stupid idea struck me, I dashed across the road and erm... got hit by a while car. Can't remember how exactly I got hit and how was I right after the hit and as I've always mentioned, I never ever fall unconscious and today was no exception. I just remember seeing the white paint of the car and immediately standing up, gathering my things and moving off to the pavement as if nothing happened. Mind you one of my shoes was amongst the things I carried in my hands to the pavement while the other flung a few metres away. I couldn't think of anything except how stupid I'd been, not to mention extremely careless, which I avoid since all those careless mistakes I do in primary school Maths papers, and how much trouble I would cause.

And it is quite a lot of trouble I caused to myself, to the driver and his friend, to the bus driver, to my mentor, to my friends (Hui Yi especially) and to my family indefinitely.

Such a hassle too to wait for so many routines in the hospital.

But I'd just like to thank Allah for still allowing me to live, to repent for all my past sins, alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah the car wasn't going at a fast speed. Alhandulillah the driver was a kindly young man who insisted on sending me to the hospital and paying for my bills, plus a bit of compensation, and wait with me throughout the whole boring waiting and waiting and more waiting, and to send me back to office. He was insisting on sending me home, but I couldn't let him, really.

Alhamdulillah for like everything! I'm normal, perfectly fine with a good appetite still (or at least I can eat without vomiting) except a badly scraped left elbow which has stung on off since I scraped it against the road, a mini scratch on my right ankle which seems to habve some minor soft tissue injury to the very kindly female Dr Lee who examined me and a bit of bruise and ache here and there, which could actually be due to the long waiting time... Oh and a 2-days MC for today and tomorrow ;)

And I gotta go see a General Practitioner on Friday, hopefully getting me another MC. I NEED the rest badly.

I just can't help thinking, the car COULD have been speeding, I COULD have flund a few metres from where I dashed, the driver COULD have just left me there, I COULD have broken a bone or two or all or worse, my neck, I COULD have been hospitalized, I COULD have been DEAD BY NOW and on this very bed I'm sitting covered in kain batik waiting for me to be bathed, clothed, prayed and buried early tomorrow morning. Really, I could have been...

And so, I shall not complain of my pain. It's just a sting. (Ok maybe MUCH MORE but I shall pretend so) It could be just a fall from a bicycle you know... Well, but I would remember giving a quick ahriek not too loud, and seeing the white front part of the car, and seeing one of my shoe a few metres away. Just bits of the whole thing. I can't even remember how I landed, how I hurt my arm etc.

Oh, actually it was erm... rather fun. Ok sorry. I dunno. I mean, I don't wish that to repeat, of course! Especially since I dunno the outcome of what COULD happen the next time... But then again, I can't help wanting to laugh every once in awhile at what happened.

Pray for my speedy recovery! Not much to recover from. Just less sting.

What an unexpected turn of events... All those stuff I left hanging halfway at TLL. I hope my mentor won't scold me when I come back, which I intend to do nothing of the sort this week *big grin*.

Oh, happy belated birthday to Chan Jun Jie and my dear auntie (11/11)! And happy birthday to Peng Ya Zhi (12/11)! Wish all 3 of you all the best in whatever you do ;)

Time to rest, which I ought have done since I reached home 3hrs ago, haha, nvm...

OK! I'm at this "I-don't-care-what-happens-so-I'll-just-do-what-I-want" mood again.

Oh wells, penatlah pikirkan orang lain. I mean memang when you work in a group/team kena ada cooperation. But not that I didn't try! Dah try dah, dah 'push' dah hah. Tapi kalau thumbdrive tu dah decide nak corrupt and delete all my files with no reason whatsoever nak buat macam mana kan... And this fatigueness is still here. Baru tadi baru je masuk Isya' tertido sampailah kul 1.10am bila terdengar my pintu rumah bukak and tutup. (Bukannya apa, my brother kluar... YES at 1.10am in the morning -_-)

Nak tau what I did after my thumbdrive suddenly ada pop-up, "please format your disk"? Yelah, usaha dulu la kan, eject, masuk balik, eject, masuk balik, try, try, try, tak boleh. Gi comp my brother, plug in (sikit nye susah), try punya try pon takble. Kasi my bro check kan (he's more comp wiz than I am lah), he said there's no files at all inside. And for the last time, I tried again at my lappy and then... CRY.

Dugaan besar tuh. All my research materials and whatever summary I'd done so far ada kat dalam hokays! With NO BACK UP FILES.

Now I've got one injured thumbdrive ngah recover kat hospital after puas dah satu dua hari paksa dia telan ubat (the broken one dah di 'repair' but somehow it's still ada loose sikit so dia masih not in use) and one thummbdrive that decided to 'lose its memory' (fed-up sangat I just reformat it as my VERY LAST USAHA nak cari my files in it). Left one thumbdrive, or should I say MP3 and yang ini dah dekat setahun injured, dia ada sott sikit, bila on akan stuck. Ada brain damage, ada blood clot sikit. Tapi yang ini nak hantar dia gi hospital for operation sungguh the mahal jadi dia duduk lah cacat sikit kat rumah ni. Ada bahagian patah sikit, ear piece pon dah tak tau mana, so nasib kau lah wahai MP3 sayangku. Transferred my music files on my lappy as back-up. Now I'm looking for something to store ALL my lappy programs, music, pics etc JUST IN CASE. Kat mana eh boleh store these?

Kita ngah buat mask baru. Nak tau mask ape? Mask muka dek semacam, so kalau kawan tak puas hati then pakai mask tu. Yelah kan, gakkan nak nangis. Dah penat menangis.

Oh, nak tau how I solve my TE problem? ALHAMDULILLAH on Friday tu tergerak hati nak print out the summary I'd done (not updated though but waddeva lah kan, at least ada) and one of my research materials yang paling panjang berjela (walaupun berat hati cos seriously waste paper and duit tau tuh) AND ALHAMDULILLAH I have a good habit of putting urls after I copy paste something into words so... boleh check up balik online and retrieve my necessary info! Well, but still that took time and plus my tertidoness-in-front-of-comp-yang-sungguh-tak-boleh-dielak (I wonder if it's normal or izzit some kind of penyakit), I missed the deadline AGAIN which would probably furiate my groupmates. Nak buat cammaner! Buat muka dek (and kesian) je lah bila jumpa nanti! Tak kesian ke???

Okaes, I've wasted one hour of my time blogging. But it's worth it.

I can't wait for 25th July. It's the first freedom day I have, cos that is the date for TWO project submissions. Though I know after that there's one more submission plus two almost-one-month madrasah overdued tugasans, but let have a SHORT rest la kays, BISA NGGAK??

Aiseh mata pedih ni. Well, gotta push all the way. Kalau lapar insyaAllah masih ada makan. Hehheh.

Oh I saw the pic of the gathering my pri sch friends had. Aww... heart pain :( *sniff*

Eh tadi kan kat Afghanistan I saw this small boy who seriously looks like bro Hafiz H. Serious macam photocopy! Hmm... Terkejut jap. Haha.

Kay dah start merepek meraban dah. Nitez... I mean morning... And for those yang sedang berjuang like me and feel orang tak faham keadaan kita, hey, know that I understand haha.

And kat akhirat nanti pon not like Allah is gonna ask how many project deadlines you missed. Kan kan kan? Asalkan you put in your utmost effort, you've done your part lah in my opinion.

One reason why I don't ask for deadlines... I know I'll somehow miss it no matter how hard I try not to (Liyana remember mlm 2nd day D'Talk, I wanted to do my Faraid tugasan and push sampai sungguh takble push! Thx for helping sis).

And one reason why I don't like giving others deadlines... I don't like to receive deadlines.

But gotta agree la kan, some things really need deadlines. Lest you become DEAD MEAT.

Kita nak gi snorkeling lagi... Nak main badminton lagi. Nak main netball lagi. And PALING MISSED, nak baca novel and watch movies lagi!!!

If you think I've never tasted failure, believe it, I was there once. Bad memories...

I can't help but say this: MY SEC SCH DAYS WERE SOOOO KENTAL! Kwang3. Raudah, what do you think?

Came across my archives while searching for some TMS stuff on google.

I realise 1) I was just as busy with CCA then as I am with Fityan & NI now in terms of extra extra non-academic stuff. 2) I was super bad tempered last time, I'm definitely more patient now. 3) I studied in Sec school (and got bad grades anyway) and now I hardly touch my schoolwork unless I have assignments/tests/exam whoops~ 4) I always wanted to be a leader in Sec sch and never got to and now?? I dunno how people 'spot' some leadership qualities in me...

Seriously la, kental seh Sec sch.

Proud to be where I am now. Alhamdulillah. See everything that happens have a reason. I'm a different person now, in alot of ways, and I don't think I'd be me if I went JC instead of poly, though it takes more than just poly to shape me into who I am.

Ok, I think I'm crapping like I did in Sec sch. Makes me wonder... What would I say when I read my 19-yr-old posts when I 'grow-up'? Haha.

Go Go Temasek go, Together we will achieve our goal, make it fast, make it strong, err... what's the last line again? Together we will stand up tall ehk??

I'm uber excited about KRC!!! Woo whee~! Can't wait can't wait...

Bought a big bag and a new t-shirt for the camp already, and I am so gonna start packing SOON! Not gonna do last minute again like last year.

Exams been ok... LAST, I lost 12 out of 40 marks I'm pretty sure and BPT, strict marking means I've lost at least 26 marks out of 50. I tell you, I crap my way through my exams this time round seh. *hits own head* Marl, Marl... This is your last sem to pull up your GPA and you are so slack one!
ish ish...

k gonna get my sleep.

I feel evil and mischievous today.

I looooove making my parents smile *big grin*.

I wanna continue feeling happy today even if it means hurting others in the process, I'm in that "I don't care about others" mood.

So, random... Takpe

Oh, yesterday I witnessed a little girl singing selawat at her baby sister's ear to get her to sleep at ghufran... Wish there's someone who'd do that for me. The security feeling it would give, being in the care and love of Allah, Rasulullah and family. Guess the best I can do is to sing to myself, oh well...

Been thinking a lot of childhood times. So happy-go-lucky, so carefree. Even simple simple things can msake you happy. It's so nice to close your eyes and automatically get transported back to years years ago. I'd always remember the times I'd sit at Bedok library with my mum to read books, or the time I attended a storytelling session at the library, or the countless trips to Marine Parade for my favourite Mee Kuah , or the timeI talked to a talking tree at Marina Square or the robot at Discovery Centre, or the time I would lie on my mum's bed with my legs against the wall while reading my ABC chart on the wall bfore my test, or the times my mum drilled me on practicing making a lorry for an art competition and actually winning first and made my form teacher so proud of me and so on... It's such a nice feeling.Nothin ever seems wrong last time. When I opern my eyes to face reality again, it's like having a bucketfull of cold water splashed on me. Ouch. How the time have passed to sweep us away on such a rough life journey...

Was browsing through my blog archives for an article I'd posted a long time ago and came across Mar 2006. I realise I hadn't changed much. Currently I'm feeling just like how I felt then, though for different reasons... And those motivational story, funny joke, unbelievable experiences... more or less help.

Btw, I went for a free neck massage just now. Just 10mins but best~ Hehe.

Oh, let me post what I was actually looking for... It's related to yesterday's usrah topic that's why:

Top 10 Beauty Tips - Apply to the Male Gender As Well (e-mail)

1. FOR PERFECT LIPS:
Try 'Smiles'; A simple formula guaranteed to beautify any face instantly.

2. FOR FANTASTIC FRESH BREATH:
Use 'Speak Words of Truth and Kindness'; as this mouthwash never allows
stale smells to linger.

3. FOR BEAUTIFUL EYES:
Can be achieved by Looking for The Good . This product also has a positive
effect on the heart. Tip: Lowering
your gaze when required also helps!

4. LOSE WEIGHT:
by Repenting and making Taubah Both these load shifters will reduce stress
and leave you feeling
considerably lighter.

5. FOR THE SOFTEST SKIN:
Can be achieved by 'Tears'used alongside 'Prayer', particularly late at
night; it will leave you glowing and
feeling relaxed. Use a wonderul cream called "Noor"

6.FOR THE BEST LOOKING HANDS
Give donations and charity.

7.AVOID HEART DISEASE:
by contacting the 'Forgive Yourself and Others', and 'Counting Your
Blessings', Health Spas. No need to
travel, just give them a call and they'll treat you wherever you are.
Their holistic treatments have a whole host of
additional health benefits including stress busting.

8. FOR A BETTER POSTURE:
Strengthen and straighten your back by using 'Help Carry Another's
Burden'; You'll be surprised by how easy
and natural it is to use.

9. FOR PERFECT POISE:
Use 'Knowledge and Wisdom'; This excellent product will do wonders for
your self esteem and confidence, and will even boost your body's defences.

10. FINALLY, TO DRESS THE BEAUTIFUL YOU:
Find the ultimate outfit in, 'Taqwa', This robe perfectly fits yet allows
room
for growth, the true classic promises to never go out of style and is
appropriate for any
occasion. Finish your new look with the sensational scent,
'Gratitude', the heavenly perfume is available in the most beautiful
containers?now !
Here's to a more beautiful you!!!

O Allah, O Sufficer of the isolated and weak and Protector against
terrifying affairs! Offenses have isolated me, so there is none to be my
companion. I am too weak for Thy wrath and there is none to strengthen me.
I have approached the terror of meeting Thee and there is none to still my
fear. I beg for Your Mercy! Ameen

Apr 2006 was a great month for me, had some motivational stories posted up there. Unfortunately they don't appear on my labels and I didn't have those using my previous blog account.

I'm so sick of hearing about the Kem Perkasa incident. Grr... What is wrong with adults???

And I'm dragged into the picture...

Soon, I'm gonna be adults, will I be just like that?


Poster taken from Fityan blog. The pics are of past KRC. GEREK I tell you... =D

Btw, KRC is official! 13-16 June at Pulau Redang, Terengganu! I heard Pulau Redang has a vibrant marine life! Ad!!! Convince your parents to let you come along!! We've heard so much about coral reefs and all from Dickson. Here's a chance for us to see! I'm not sure larh, kitorang akan ada snorkeling/diving tu sume ke tak... Kalau takde, kita dua cabut camp gi sendiri amacam? Hehehehe macam paham.

To fellow KRC4 peeps (esp. my dear PLs: Nazihah, Nadhirah, Fahmi, Irsyad, Zik and Khairul Hafidz) book your dates! KRC5 is gonna blast your holidays, woo hoo! Tak pergi rugi.

I love camps. I love being participant hehe.

Rabbitku, you must go also k. Ajak Doraemonmu sekali kalau boleh. KRC4 was part of the turning point of my life. KRC5 could be yours. The best camp, most motivating, most inspiring, most exciting, most gerek, most memorable, at the same time a lot of important values imparted through fun, touching, saddening, scary and whatever-adjectives-you-have-to-describe activities. I shall not forget the water rafting (sungei best!), the flying fox (superman!!!), the survival cook (buttered potatoes yum yum), the jungle trekking (sry yan, I ter-pulled your shirt super hard), the solo drop (insaf...), the penguin video (made me miss home), the appreciations (aww...), the performance (teman sejati) and ALL. PL, what happened to our promise? I do sense some brotherhood/sisterhood amongst us individually, but not all of us as ONE like during the camp...

Some ideas what Pulau Redang is like:
RedangIsland.com
Redang Island - Terengganu

A MUST GO, no matter how busy you are!

Hopefully I can go... Please let there be no projects that week!!!

Ad, you cheeky girl!!! Dunno how many times she cheat me haha. Ask me accompany her see dentist to remove her braces la, her appointment postponed to 3.25pm la, missed eating pizza hut student meal la, her mum called la... Aiyo, turns out?

There was another surprise birthday celebration for me! This time with sweetie-pie Yuvarani and long-time-no-see-dearie Nisa! Yuva and Nisa even bought me a really lovely chocolate cake!

Lol Ad... No wonder you insisted asking me to wait OUTSIDE pizza hut (what if I'd insisted on going in to book seats first??), no wonder you wear so pretty, no wonder you talk to your "mum" in hushed tones, no wonder you didn't bring so many things, no wonder you past the seats for two people and rushed straight in! OMG! Ad... Ad... Haha suka eh.

Anyway, she looks real pretty without braces and in orange shirt haha. Yuva is sooo sweeet, never did I imagine this at all. And Nisa, miss you loads girl!!!

Wish Yuva could stay longer for our camwhoring session at TM open space, but she wanted to go Church...

Let the pics do the talking! When I finish uploading them on slideshow lar haha...

Anyway, met Fahmi and Nadia. Fahmi's uniform was so straight and neat! Haha, prim and prissy boy lol. Jk ehk.

Oh, something about the title... We were chased out twice... Haha, firstly at pizza hut cos we sat there for like 3-4 hrs oredi, and secondly at the interactive TV room for kids! Nisa read that the room is for children above 12 and it tyurns out to be for children 12 yrs and below lar! We spent quite some time inside though. I think the security guard initially thought that we were guardians to these 3 cute little kids: Syazwan, Nasyitah and Sufyan. Haha, they so cute larh!!!

Saw this song at Zakiah's multiply and a set of memories flashed through my mind... Missing the old peeps...



And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And There was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

Chorus:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat chorus

La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Repeat chorus 3x

All the best for your 'A' level results this Friay dear friends... I do remember you, always. =) Visit 4R webby here and 4R blog here... I made the webby a loooong time ago! Semangat ehk? Btw don't bother reading the tag on the class blog. It's all spam messages larh... Wish I remember the password. I know it has something to do with Chemistry! Haha.

1 more minute! Haha, jakon seh. Anyway FYI, the previous post was my 300th post tauu!

Anyway, today's usrah was about 'Wanita Salihah'! I'd like to start with a song:

Wanita Shalihah by The Fikr



Perhiasan yang paling indah
bagi seorang abdi Allah
Itulah ia wanita sholehah
Ia menghiasi dunia

Perhiasan yang paling indah
bagi seorang abdi Allah
Itulah ia wanita sholehah
Ia menghiasi dunia
Itulah ia wanita sholehah
Ia menghiasi dunia

Aurat ditutup demi kehormatan
Kitab Al Qur'an didaulahkan
Suami mereka ditaatinya
Walau berjualan di rumah saja

Karena iman dan juga Islam
Telah menjadi keyakinan
Jiwa raga mampu di korbankan
Harta kemewahan dileburkan

Di dalam kehidupan ini
dia menampakkan kemuliaan
Bagai sekutum mawar yang tegar
Ditengah gelombang kehidupan

Aurat ditutup demi kehormatan
Kitab al Qur'an didaulahkan
Suami mereka ditaatinya
Akhlak mulia yang ia hadirkan

Karena iman dan juga Islam
Telah menjadi keyakinan
Jiwa raga mampu di korbankan
Harta kemewahan dileburkan

Di dalam kehidupan ini
dia menampakkan kemuliaan
Bagai sekutum mawar yang tegar
Ditengah gelombang kehidupan

Wanita sholehah...

Wanna hear inti-inti discussion kita? Taknak bilang! Hehe, takdelah mana boleh lokek ilmu kan... Nak dengar, kena buat appointment ngan kita dulu hehe.

Anyway, some statistics for today:

too many doughnuts bought altogether!
lots of fun!
10-11 hours I'm out today
9 sisters supposed to attend usrah
8 sisters attended usrah
7 sisters ate at Munchy Donut
6 doughnuts on each tray at Munchy Donut (Tanjong Katong)
5 buses I took today
4 sisters finished a tupperware of cookies before the others arrived (lol)
3 and 1/2 doughnuts eaten for lunch n dinner
3 sisters walked around Geylang
2 songs ("Don't Talk to me about Muhammad" n "Wanita Shalihah ^^) and 2 stories (Khaulah n Muti'ah) and 2 books ("Di Atas Sajadah Cinta" n "Tautan Cinta" shared
1 book bought (La Tahzan!!!! in malay lol)
(initially I wrote 0 sadness the whole day, but I remembered my brother scolding me this morning for waking him up too early to go to work)



Btw, Interesting Ceramah Kita nak gi 11 apr, 25 mei n 20 jun nyer!!! Kak Maryam, Liyana, remind kiter kkkkkkkkk =)

It's 29th Feb! Haha, 10 more minutes before the end =)

Will blog about today's outing sooooooon!

My sweet lovelies Ad and Jamie surprised me with Kak Raihanah at Seoul Garden and their birthday present for me is a treat! I jolly well enjoyed the treat eating as much as I can. And I ate pretty much, since I only had ice-cream and 1 1/2 hotdog since lunch the previous day at around 2pm. Let's see... around 3-4 rounds of meat (I really enjoyed cooking them and popping them in my mouth one by one), 3 big smiley sushi, a bowl of chendol (done my way with only the chendol bits, ice, evaporated milk and sugar!), a bowl of 3 small scoops of ice-cream (chocolate chip+vanilla+yam=really sweet!), two glasses of peach tea and random pieces of soup stuff including kimchi in kimchi soup and ginseng soup. Oh, it was a kinda erm...healthier-choice-ad (not Ad) lol 'cause I removed the fats before eating, we had ginseng soup for the first time in our lives and we observed proper utensil hygiene (??) Nyaha! So how Ad? Even though it's your first time into SOUL Garden, I guess you've eaten grilled food tons of times before. Lol, I think I've only had it 5times in my life- 3 times at Seoul Garden, once at Suria Grill and once at Sakura, -which makes yesterday special! And it was a really soulful wonderful gathering of close friends indeed. Muacks, luv u all!

Oh and I was made the mini celebrity of the day as Ad and Kak Raihanah kept snapping pictures of me heheh. We especially had lots of fun at Toys 'R' Us! (When I swas young I always pronounced it as Toy rust lol. I especially loved the Marine Parade one where I think 90% of my Barbie Dolls came from and I remember buying this cradle for my life sized baby dolls at a faraway toy rust lol)

Some pics from Ad =)

I'M SO GLAD WE'RE friends

Between the best of friends,
There's a very special tie
That binds them to each other
As the days and years go by-
No words can ever quite convey
The heartfelt love they share,
But the close relationship they feel
Is something very rare.

There's a special bond between us
That grows throughout the years,
A wonderful and caring tie
That passing time endears,
That's why this birthday greeting
Comes with love in every line
For a friend that I'm very ptoud
And happy to call mine.

-From the card Kak Raihanah gave me along with the hp accesory. *Hugglez!*

P.S. I got the e-mail from Dr Jason Chang! *gulps* I'll be the alone under two supervisors for "Evaluation of the chemical constituents and biological activities of botanicals and herbal preparations". Btw I only saw 5 names under Mr Kok when there's supposed to be 16.

About February babies?

* Berfikiran abstrak. (erm? if it means sometimes people don't understand me then perhaps ya)
* Sukakan benda yang realiti dan abstrak. (balsnce lah tu?)
* Bijak dan pintar (I hope to be!)
* Berpewatakan yang mudah berubah. (yes!)
* Mudah menawan orang lain. (merbahaya tuu)
* Agak pendiam. (actually... yes)
* Pemalu dan rendah diri. (entah eh haha)
* Jujur dan setia pada segalanya. (I hope I am!)
* Keras hati untuk mencapai matlamat. (depends on what matlamat)
* Tidak suka dikongkong. (yes!)
* Mudah memberontak apabila dikongkong. (yes!)
* Suka kegiatan yang lasak. (kadang-kadang... let's say I don't mind trying new things)
* Emosinya mudah terluka dan sangat sensitif. (sadly, yes...)
* Mudah mempamerkan marahnya. (I think so... Sorry ye...)
* Tidak suka benda yang remeh-temeh. (mostly, but I'm blogging when I'm supposed to be studying!)
* Suka berkawan tapi kurang mempamerkannya. (guess so)
* Sangat berani dan suka memberontak. (berani? brave front maybe ah)
* Bercita-cita tinggi, suka berangan-angan dan ada harapan untuk merealisasikan impiannya. (ya larh, don't we all?)
* Pemerhatian yang tajam. (Focused yet, observant no)
* Suka hiburan dan sukan. (if I have free time to spare. i prefer knowledge)
* Suka benda yang bersifat seni. (okok gitu je)
* Sangat romantik pada dalaman tetapi tidak pada luaran. (erm... erm... HAHA)
* Berkecenderungan pada benda yang tahyul. (waduh! no!)
* Amat mudah dan boleh menjadi terlalu boros. (I don't think so...)
* Belajar untuk mempamerkan emosi (oh, I thought I already show too much)

Received a free Astrology stuff anyway haha. Read it just for fun. Come on lar, I believe in Qada' and Qadar la k.

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others
Modest, unobtrusive, and often rather quiet or shy, you are a person who is content to be in the background or to serve as an assistant, in the supporting role rather than in the lead. You are quite humble in your own assessment of yourself and you have a very strong perfectionistic attitude, with a tendency to be overly self-critical. No matter how well you do something, you always see the flaws in it and how it could be improved. Often you will simply refuse to attempt something because you feel you cannot meet your own high standards. Find out more with your full-length reading...

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
At heart you are very gentle, impressionable, and receptive -a dreamer. The world of your imagination, feelings, and intuition is as real to you as anything in the outer world, though you may have trouble verbalizing or interpreting your inner experiences in a way others can understand. Mystical, artistic, musical, emotional and imaginative, you have a rich inner life, though you may seem rather unobtrusive and quiet outwardly. You usually keep to yourself.

Anyway, the wholeeeeeeee day I received messages. Once in awhile, my phone was vibrating while I was at religious class lol. Woke up in the afternoon to see 12 messages and after I got ready to go to class, there's like 8 more if I'm not mistaken, then 4, then 1 and 1 and you get the idea... Up to now, I think 32 friends from Secondary to Poly to Fityan to NI to Titisan had wished me. Practically my primary school and madrasah friends had already forgotten, and I won't blame them. Most I'd forgotten anyway. We never kept in touch, sadly...

Since I just collected my repaired hp, the numbers I have are only those in my SIM card and quite a handful of my friends had changed numbers or their numbers are not saved in my SIM card due to insufficient space. So, about half of the birthday wishes I received were from 'unknown' numbers! Lol, at least thrice I had to remove my SIM card from my new phone into the old one to check up the numbers!

And like half of these people, I don't remember ever telling them about my birthday! sebab dulu kecik2 pernah sekali I announced to all my friends that my birthday is coming and my mum scolded me so sampai sekarang I don't go around telling people my birthday is coming, except time tu kat Titisan and it wasn't because I tak tau malu but because I know they'd never remember anyway haha.

Oh yah, and half of those people that out of the blue knew about my birthday was because Ad had extra free smses she'd like to waste and decided to message anyone who knows me about my birthday! Haha, I have to admit that's so sweet of her. Know what she do? She message the whole world to message me and she purposely never message me. Instead she blogged with the title 'KAKAK Marliyana' and commented on my friendster haha. so far she has called me kakak at leasttttt 5 times just to irritate me. Gosh!

The birthday wish that brought tears to my eyes was from far far away all the way from Syria from Kak Khadijah. I have absolutely no idea how she knows! Wasn't close to her or whatsoever tau...

My 19th birthday may not be the most extravagant or the most happening or whatever. I think I got the fewest presents this year, but I don't mind 'cause for the past 19 years, this year has to be most blessed birthday/year I ever had. I had so many sisters praying for me success, health, happiness and all dunia akhirat. I really feel as if I really have sisters! (FYI I don't have any sisters se-mak se-bapak lol). May Allah bless them too... Amin ya Rabb Al-amin. Indahnya agama... =)

From my family and relatives, nothing much. They're too advanced lol. Weeks before my birthday my family, my grandma and 2 of my aunts had given me my presents, all of which I love very much esp. this laptop! I'd hug it if I could. I'm probably wasting a lot of energy but seriously this laptop has helped me enjoy my studies more as I can sit on my study-ahem-bed with my notes while googling what I'm not sure about. It makes doing projects much more efficient as well, as I can switch on my laptop and type out what I need whenever I feel like it. And yeah I work depending on my mood hehe.

Wait a minute, where was I? Oh yes, celebration with my family... My parents bought pizza for brunch and yeah... guess that's all. Lol, I suppose they think that I'm too old already. Lemme show you some of my birthday celebrations when I was young =)