In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Asalaamu Alaiakum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu Dear brothers and sisters in Islam,

In this day and age, Alhamdulilah we have been blessed with many forms of communication. This communication ranges from calling, texting, IMing/chatting, Facebook, MySpace, etc. The list goes on and on. As Muslims we can choose to make these communications halal. To be a way to connect with friends, family and with brothers and sisters from all over the world. We can also choose to make it a pathway to haraam.

InshaAllah in this article we will discuss the fitaan that comes from non-mahram brothers and sisters talking excessively and unnecessarily with each other online. As we all know, it isn’t completely haraam to communicate with the other gender if it’s necessary, however even so there are certain limits and guidelines to follow. These guidelines mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah might be implemented while offline in our schools, MSA and of course the Masjid (who would do such a thing!). However, let’s admit when we come ‘online’ the rules are bent and we fall into freemixing endlessly for hours. Close ‘friendships’ form between non-mahram brothers and sisters. These friendships are the like the spark that ignites a flame. At first, they start innocent but in many cases end in unfortunate situations.

In this series called The Doorway to Fitnah: Freemixing, we will discuss some of the causes of this and InshaAllah some tips for brothers and sisters to implement to keep away from this fitaan.

Since the article is quite a long read, we will break it up into parts InshaAllah. So this will be a series. At the end of this part, we will tell you what the next article will cover,

Keep in mind: This article is written by a sister directly to other sisters. This does not mean brothers are not being addressed or are free from blame. After all as they say ‘it takes two’. We hope Insha’Allah that both brothers AND sisters take benefit from this series.

Doorway to Fitnah: Freemixing

Part 1: Sister ‘Adds’ Brother: The Spark That Ignites the Flame

---Written by Sister UmmLulu----



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It starts when a brother adds you on Msn/Yahoo/Skype/IM/Faceboook/MySpace, and you start getting along. First it was just to ask for help, or send something to them, or for one reason or another but you knew you were not doing it for the wrong reasons, you did it because you just needed to, you know your priorities, morals, beliefs and your limits. You know you won’t make it go any further than just instant messaging the brother. Such a thing you know would be crossing the line and you're not going to let shaytaan get to you THAT easily. You've heard of the ways shaytaan tries to get people trapped in his scams and plans; pfft you think: I’m not stupid! I’m not going to do that! It’s not like you are going to marry him, right? You have no such intention. And you are definitely not boyfriend and girlfriend, astaghfirullah!! No way! Just brother and sister in Islam, bas! This is all innocent you tell yourself. You just talk about normal things, stuff you would discuss with your girls. There is nothing haraam about that?

But as time goes by, you start liking the brother…and so what if you like him right? That isn’t haraam either! And he doesn’t even like you anyway; it can’t and WON’T go any further is what goes through your mind. After awhile, you start getting thoughts like 'ohh imagine if me and him got together hehe' fun…. but ridiculous thought isn’t it? It’s just a thought!

You tell yourself it will not get too far, and you carry on talking to him. And now, you start coming online more often. You find yourself waiting for him. During the day you might be doing your work or something else, but at the back of your mind you know you're just waiting and wishing for him to come online so you can talk to him and have a laugh. The little voice inside your head tells you something is wrong, but you push it aside. There’s nothing wrong about me talking to this brother! But of course, you know your parents wouldn’t approve of you talking to this non-mahram brother for hours each day. Alone. Actually you would imagine your parents and siblings would simply flip out if they found out about you communicating with him. And moreover, you would imagine ALLAH SWT would not approve of such a thing. Of this endless, pointless freemixing with this non-mahram brother. You remember all of the lectures talking about the dangers of this free mixing. What it can lead to, and the countless stories of individuals who started out with innocent friendships but ended up in something more….something haraam.

But, It’s fine you tell yourself, its all innocent! INNOCENT! He’s just a friend, nothing more! Yes, sure you are starting to develop feelings for him, but so what? You can just suppress it and never talk to him about it. Everything will just stay as it is, normal!

Soon, you start talking less to your other friends. You start avoiding them while online because you just want to talk to him only. In your conversations, you tell him everything. You start telling him your deep dark secrets: something you haven’t told many people, only the certain individuals that you trust. It’s ok, because you know and trust him! You are really close now……

And then one day OMG you can’t believe it! OMG OMG: wake up! Pinch yourself! Did he just admit that he likes you??? Finally wohoo, it got through to him that you like him and its the best perfect moment because he likes you too! !!!

...Now you start to think and it hits you that this innocent friendship has now turned into an emotional attachment and connection, with each of you expressing your interest for each other.

You think: What now?? Where to go from here??

In the next part called ‘Friendship Turned Relationship’ we will discuss how this situation usually plays out where a supposedly innocent friendship between a brother and sister escalates into something more

Please stay tuned and share this series with all of your friends InshaAllah

BarakAllahu Feekum

WaSalaamu Alaiakum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu

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Astaghfirullah... Astaghfirullah... Astaghfirullah...

Remember that Marliyana, REMEMBER THIS: you just needed to, you know your priorities, morals, beliefs and your limits. And STOP there.

InsyaAllah. Ya Allah, please ease the path for me to be a good Muslimah/Mukminah... Amin.