My brother is officially moving out today, he's packing his things with his wife now :( There will be a day that it'd be my turn to leave too... Maybe. And if/when it happens, I think I'm gonna cry because of its significance... My second brother will most likely be the one staying with my parents...

On another note, I have found another reason to visit Dubai thanks to Liyana haha. It's one of the places on my wishlist (oh I got bored and decided to mengelamun for awhile thinking of things I wanna do, and places I wanna go to and Dubai turned up in my list hehe). I'm not a fan of swimming (eventhough it's in my wishlist too just because it's something I rarely do) but the experience with the sharks at the Atlantis Aquaventure Water Park sounds fuuuuuuuun!

Haha, I need something thrilling soon, my life is so dull right now with assignments and reports and books urgh I need fresh air.

Harizah suggested parasailing at Batam this December. I hope I'd be able to go :)

I'm hungryyyyyyy, I seem to be hungry all the time today despite all the food I chunk down! Fact is, there're food I'm craving and I won't get satiated until I get them! Hei Sushi! KFC Popcorn chicken and fries! Swensen spicy fish pasta! *drools* Oh and I keep hearing Wendy's and turns out there's one at Tampines Century Square! I wanna go try!!!

I didn't exactly had a great day. I was so lethargic... And I just had no mood to complete my lab report and had to force myself to crap anyways... I did finish it on time afterall, and even had time to buy and chow down some sardine breadrolls and nuggets before class... But something my friend said hurt me. Same story... About studying...

I don't see why I have to prove anything to anyone... But I feel I need to prove to my friends I can do it... It's a good peer pressure I guess, but I'm not happy... I completed two more pages of slides on top of the two pages yesterday... And I can't wait till I don't have to take Chemistry modules anymore...

You know, I'd been thinking of KRC4 these few days... I miss it. I miss my group, Pesantren Lenggoong... What a myriad of personalities, strong ones at that... Apart from Nadhirah, the rest of us are rather active at Ghufran now. We should have another KRC laaa... I didn't really enjoy KRC5 other than the snorkelling, I dunno, just less significance I guess? KRC4 meant a lot to me, part of my turning point in life, and the activities were gerekkkkk! Flying fox, water rafting, survival cooking, nightwalk, secret admirer etc...

I wanna be young again and have an excuse to be naive hehe

Alhamdulillah, finally I got around to lunging the NIE laptop all the way across Singapore to get it fixed, and fixed it was under an hour :) Anddddd... Samsung called me to say my camera is ready for collection, whee~!

When I asked, my mum dengan selambanya announced, "Kau jadi cameraman la." Hahahaha buat kelakar betul my mum ni, but unfortunately, she was serious :s. There will be an official wedding photographer la, but my mum wants a set of ours, erm... Kak Maryam, nak pinjam dslr pls! I shall ask my other bro or uncle to help take pics while I video the procession though, whee~!

Oh my mum also said that she'd need me to be close to her at all times. I asked for what? She said, "Jadi mama boleh suroh kau ke sini ke sana la." Kaos, anticlimax betol haha.

I feel like getting myself a new dress, but dunno eh...

I have 4 wisdom teeth, and they're all halfway out. Normally they don't hurt, but when they do, you just feel like killing yourself. Opps, random.

Best jugak jadi adik pengantin eh... Tapi lagi best jadi pengantin kan! Opps heheh :P

Mudah-mudahan semua berjalan dengan lancar... :)

Exams in about a month's time *gulps*

MAK nak kawen! Hahahah, not yet larh, but I couldn't help grinning from ear to ear hearing Abg Sham's akad nikah just now :D Dah, dah halal dah :P

Haha my aunt was here for three days helping with the gubahan for hantaran, so we joked that she'll be here for seven days for my second bro while she'll be here for a month siap khemah angkut satu wardrobe skali for mine hahahah.

The atmosphere was so kecoh, a positive one larh. And my aunts and uncles are so funny, ade2 je hehe.

Finally, my brother's time is here. It could have been 5 years ago or two years ago, but it has been written in the book that it will be today and thus, today it is, with Kak Liza :)

My mum is so cute...

"Gi Australia $400 je?! Jadi yang kelmarin kau cakap $1000 tu semua termasuk ah? Pergilah! Selagi persahabatan tu masih baru...."

"Eh $400 je? Mama pon boleh pergi. Aah eh daripada mama gi masuk hutan, baik jalan2 kat Australia."

"Kau pergi ah Australia. Mane tau dapat jodoh pat saner... Boleh mama jalan2 kat Perth."

"Kawan kau nye abang ke, sepupu ke, sedara mara ke..."

Mak ooooo mak ku sayang.... HAHHAHA

How the topic got there was quite complicated. We were talking about my brother's wedding, then it went to her best friend's youngest son wanting to get married and her question if I have anyone special, to my second brother's marriage, to the air fare to Surabaya, to yea air fare to Australia....

Confirm abg aku nak kawen!!! Nikah Date: 20.10.2010 hehe

My mum ngah plan with my other brother, nak sandingkan together on Sunday of that week.

Yang excited aku pulak haha :P

Wow the future is so uncertain!

My mum just entered the room to say, "Ade berita tergempar, nak dengar?"

Turns out my eldest brother plans to get married this October! Alhmdulillah, lagi cepat lagi bagus!

Then, there's a possibility my parents, my other brother and myself will be moving out... But my mum and I agreed that whatever happens, Tampines is our homeland! haha. But my mum don't wanna move larh, she loves this house. I like this house too, accessible... Though I don't mind new environment, as long as in Tampines. Hmm... I seem to have a thing for new things these days. I'm bored of doing the same old thing I guess...

Then, there's a possibility, eventhough unlikely, of my other brother getting married as well, cos my parents has always thought of putting them on the pelamin together. Easier. :D

We'll see how things go.

When most of us have reached our 20s, (at least intellectually, mentally and emotionally) the topic of discussion always seem to end up with... MARRIAGE

I wasn't part of the conversation, since I was still happily and merrily enjoying my zinger, but somehow I got involved in the conversation when Raudah suddenly asked, "Who amongst us do you think would marry an Ustaz?"

Nasib tak terbegik aku ngan my happy and merry burger tu tau. Tak kena pasal sehh. Yang paling lagi nak terbegikkan adalah people think I am with someone now, an Ustaz for that matter. Even Liyana seems to think if it is true. Aiyoh people, you are my brothers and sisters, how can you still not know me!

Actually, entah eh... even my mum dunno me well enough. On Wednesday, when I went out with my mum, we started talking about how she used to be so scared I can't speak in public. Even up to Sec 4, she wasn't sure I could be vocal. Being in ELDDS in sec school, she thought I'd be just the background (I think she's thinking of trees or something), she didn't know I was in 3 not so small (not major, but certainly not small enough that only 40 prople watch) shows where over 200 people are watching. While in Titisan, she considered my roles as small enough, no doubt they were, and didn't think much about it. Yet, you're facing an auditorium full of people okeh!!

My mum was impressed about me giving the valedictorian speech at Perdaus haflah 2 years ago (ehhh, tak prasan dah 2 years ago!). And I'm like huh? That's (probably my one and only and) the worst speech I'd ever given, I think.

She was most surprised that I joined silat actually. She doesn't believe I have enough 'force' in me to punch/kick anyone. I didn't either, initially, actually. Ask Shikin, or Mir how tak bunyi were my punches and kicks to the padding for the first two months. Then ask Shikin again, and Jun, how I've improved, slight as it may be, after that. Aren't I glad I didn't tell my mum earlier I had joined silat? Confidence would have crashed, and I would have quitted immediately agaknya.

Eh why did I sidetrack so far... Part of the conversation with my mum, she told me that once a chinese woman she knows in the neighbourhood suddenly asked about me (she talks more about my second brother compared to me or my eldest bro) if I have a boyfriend (I really wonder how did she steer the conversation that way???) and my mum said her reply to her was, "She sure has many guy friends within her social circle, but I'm not too sure if she has one who's special." and the woman's reply was, "Can't be don't have..." Waaaah, make my mum doubt me seh. Firstly, why does my mum say I have many guy friends? Many meh? Who are she referring to?? Secondly, if really that's true then waah I have really changed. Ask Siti how many guy friends I used to have in sec sch. Or Ad for poly. (P.S. Ad I miss you so so much!) Hmmm... Thirdly, my mum thiks it is 'possible' even to a small extent that I have a boyfriend??? After all that I learn in madrasah??

Oklah, my mum actually doesn't think my madrasah has improved me at all. Padahal looking back at 12 years ago... even if I may not have been in the wrong set of company (my schoolmates alhamdulillah are all fairly good people since young, and I am especially closer to those who are not minahs and bitches), I would probably not be praying, or wearing tudung, or wearing jubah, or going masjid etc.

And neither does she think that the camps I'd been attending/organising have been doing me any good. Erm, where else could I have earned my vocalness?? Think back to KRC4 (the first impressions I set on most of my Fityan peeps), Camp Xplore 07 (when I totally couldn't talk during the debrief at the end of the camp because I was too choked up with tears being overwhelmed by all the emotions), to Gema Ghufran 07 (bet you don't even remember I was in the committee, typing the minutes half the time, calling and inviting people to come), to Night cycling (I can't even conduct a meeting within my department cos I can't seem to talk, much less lead!) to RYC 08 (when I'd stumble with my words as I try to give instructions for the games) to NI retreat 08 (when I still can hardly talk and deliver what I want to say, I left Mus and Liyana to lead), to NI mukhayyam (starting to brave up, yet Mus and Liyana still had to do most of the talking, to Camp Xplore 09 (where I was vice-chair, conducting a general meeting together with Azz), to RYC 09 (where I had to gather the station masters, some of who were still strangers back then, and explain how the Amazing Race works), to Pesantren Kilat (where I was one of the 3 female group leaders and thus have to maintain control, have to deliver certain instructions from the officers to my group, and sometimes to all the girls at once even, and they were strangers okayyyy, I didn't know a single one of them before the pesantren), I know, I clearly see and I am very much aware how much attending/organising camps have changed me. But nevermind.

Ok, this had unexpectedly turned into a reflection entry. Heheh. But yeah, fact is that la... Even my mum doesn't know me well, she doesn't recognise my potential, she doesn't know my strengths and weaknesses or all my likes and dislikes, neither does she believe I can do it, for anything at all... How can I not doubt myself all the time. Honestly, I still doubt if I can be a good teacher... even after the confident presentation for Critical Perspectives, where we were asked to 'teach' the class on a certain topic in groups of threes, and I felt that my presentation skill was rather good...

Hai.. Let's get back to the initial issue in this entry aite? After asking "Who amongst us do you think would marry an Ustaz?", next question was "Who do you think can/will settle down within the next two years?"

Aah, the future is so full of unknowns...

10 years ago, who would have thought I'd be in Temasek sec (I only believed I was capable of entering a neighbourhood school, I was thinking I belonged in Springfield Sec!) or 5 years ago, who would have guessed I'd enter poly (after setting my eyes only on JC), or 3 years ago, who would have predicted that I'd join NIE (I truly doubted I could be a teacher. I respect the teaching profession alot, and whenever I hear anyone join the teaching profession, I'd be like "Wow, cool, I can't teach, I don't think I have the patience for it.")... Now, no one, no one can foresee when I'd get married, or to who I'd get married to... And for that matter, when I would die, or how I would die...

The future is so full of unknowns. Nabi Khidir had the mukjizat to know the future. That is probably one of the most dangerous knowledge one can have. It may be one of the most dreaded as well...

Let us just live for today, and treat it as a gift. Forget about yesterday, cos it's all in the past, and don't bother worry about the future cos it'll just give you a migraine...

By the way, I am still CURIOUS!!!! Who... urgh! Nevermind!

I wonder how dreams work. Why do we dream? What causes dreams? I don't want theories. I want to know the truth.

Yet how can we ever know that whatever we know is ever the truth?

I'm still in a dilemma constantly thinking about what is the truth and what isn't....

Eh, listen listen, I like this: I'm not ready to be a good wife unless you're willing to be patient enough to teach me to be one.

Haha.

K.

I zoinked out for half the day yesterday. Opps. Two more topics to cover for Tafsir, 5 more for Kepimpinan. No good no good...

I feel that after reading Twilight, my conversations in English are better thought-out, better pronounced and more fluent. Of course it still depends on the topic of conversation... If you throw in a topic about in-vitro fertilization (err, where did that come from??) I'd probably have not much to say hehe.

I think I use the phrase "I feel that..." more than "I think...". Not using my brains as much as before huh? I used to think alot, about 1001 things at the same time if that's possible. I guess I've learned to chill and stone out. Haha.

I'd been wondering lately, what are my strengths? I think I'd know what the answer would be if I asked some of the people around me. It seems distinct, but then I don't find that a special talent, and neither do I think I'm very good at it. I just enjoy it, not that I'm good at it. It's two different things you know. It all depends on who you work with... Sometimes I feel that it's a case of "lembu punyer susu, sapi dapat nama", whereby I am the sapi. (haha reminds me of the Fityan IO cheer: "Sappy go!" lol)

Well you see...
I have a friend, her name is Jamie and she is very good in piano.
I have a friend, her name is Ad and she is very good with the bass.
I have a friend, her name is Liyana and she is very good with reciting the Qur'an.
I have a friend, her name is Sylvia and she is very good with writing and drawing.
I have a friend, her name is Jun and she is very good in silat and designing.
I have a friend, her name is Raudah and she is very good with photography and designing.
I have many friends, of different backgrounds, and they are all special in many ways, and they have strengths of their own, certain skills that are special...

Myself? I've tried many things. You can see that from the list of different CCAs I'd tried. Malay dance. Indian dance. Chinese dance. Swimming. Maths club. Library club. English drama (and debate). Malay drama. Silat. I'd even tried keyboard (piano) and designing and writing and drawing and origami and beads and cross-stitching and fashion designing and God-knows what else... Like hellooooo, I'm nearly 21 and still searching :S

I got B3 for all my O level subjects right (except one) and Jamie complimented that that means I am fairly equal in doing fine with anything. Hmm... Maybe that's why I can do alot of things (some with greater difficulty than others) and nothing truky stands out.

Jack of all trades? (What's female for Jack anyway? hmm)

Anyway, I've finished downloading all 65 songs from youtube to my comp, but only around 10 fits into my MP4 haha.

I can't wait to start snapping pictures again! I love taking pictures of sceneries best :))))

Nothing splendid... I never know about focusing, about details, about lightings, about subjects whatever other photography terms are there larh... I only know of the macro function recently la sey :P But still...





I'm missing alot of people and things actually. Especially after browsing through my slides. Awwwww.... Kejam kelip, one of my previous usrah sister is getting married soon!!

Slides

K I'm hungryyyyyy... Need to grab something before going for FLAP laterrrrz

I'm genuinely surprised to see two people (Ustazah & someone I don't know by the name of Kiran) following this blog and Nazihah tagging. Hmm... I wonder if I'd just been oblivious before this or did these surprising surprises just happened today *shrugs*

Anyway... yes my obsession with Twilight has yet to die down. It has totally replaced my obsession of facebook. Hmm... I'm currently reading Twilight back on the parts I skipped earlier, plus downloading the movie and soundtracks and trying to convert them to fit my MP4, I have an inkling it's full already... But NO, I'm not deleting my nasyids for Twilight. Gotta be firm with that!! No matter how much I delve myself into these fantasies, reality shall have to remain reality and in reality I'm a Muslim. My prayers, Qur'an recitations, principles, dress, adab, nasyids etc should remain. If Twilight have to fit into my life, it gotta squeeze into whatever spaces there's left. I should get over it soon.... Right?? It's a TEENAGE LOVE story revolving around VAMPIRES and WEREWOLVES la seyyyyy. I'm feeling abit old for that :S

Ok, apart from Twilight trying to take over my life (and it has to a certain extent, unfortunately), I still go out and attend meetings, meet friends etc.

Had GESL (Group Endeavours Service Learning) on Monday. Alhamdulillah, the heritage race went on pretty satisfactorily. Just as I thought it's over, though, we have to do the reflections and peer appraisal. I'm glad I'm not one of the drivers, otherwise I'd be busy compiling the documents now...

So anyway, my group did the heritage race for chronically ill kids from Club Rainbow. I was there for the briefing to listen to what each kid suffers from low IQ to slowness to cleft lip to eczema to lupus to epilepsy to arthritis. It rather breaks your heart to see them looking healthy on the outside yet knowing what ails them inside. Most of them were very cheerful, some were playful and mischievous, some quiet and shy, a few trying hard to grab your attention. They really looked normal, most of them! Some are supposed to already be in secondary school level but they've been retained in primary school...

It makes you happy seeing them smile though. And it is rather easy to make most of them smile :) Sweet kids.... I pray for them goodness, that whatever comes their way is made easy for them and their families...

Oh, in my attempt to lead life as normal as possible (to jab into my head that no vampires or werewolves exist in this world of mine, for I do have a strong sense of imagination hehe) I went for meeting at Bro Hamid's house this morning with Kak Maryam. Aniq is forever charming and handsome, though dirtily handsome today, putting my pens in his mouth and more. And Nur Sakinah is so lovely.... Even if she did vomit out the milk onto my hand and pants and poo pooed about 5 times haha. I'm sure there'll be more meetings at Bro Hamid's house... So, I'm soooo gonna watch this little princess grow! And learn abit about handling babies from Bro Hamid & Kak Marliana, and maybe cooking also from Kak Marliana & Sheela hehe. Did you know babies cry differently to indicate the different things they want? Try youtube it! :P

I went to Courts with my mum as well today after meeting, and got myself a Samsung ST_45 camera! I'm loving it ;) Cost me quite abit, and so I hope I can claim it from LDS, which I still have over $300! I don't know why I'm unable to access the claims page though, urgh!!! I thought after spending over $100 on Twilight books and two other books, I'd have a rein on myself. Apparently NOT. And right now my phone line has finished it's 3 yrs contract, I wanna change to student plan! I'm not in need of a phone but since I'm getting a new line, might as well right? Hmm...

My mum brought up something interesting, and funny this afternoon. She admitted to me, wondering if she had looked as childlike as I do when she got married at 21 plus. Haha. Yes, I'm turning 21 this Feb! So fast.... But no, I can't get married yet. I think I'd only be able to safely get married without disrupting my bond with MOE so much after I graduate from NIE at 25. Hmmm...

Speaking of marriage, can I request my future husband to play "A River Flows in You" by Yiruma on the piano pleaseeeeeeee? That is one song that can make me smile to sleep, apart from one of the Final Fantasy piano pieces and a few other pieces.... Of course not a priority hehe, but it's an added plus heh ;) Ok dah, stop it eh with your fantasies Marl!!

Am going NIE tomorrow afternoon with Jamie. Now that's one girl who can play piano really well. I wonder if she can teach me to play the songs patiently enough hehe. No larh, I prefer listening to playing the piano...

Hmm, have alot of catch-ups to do! Meeting and CPR with Fityan peeps this Sat, usrah with Ustazah Sakinah & Liyana this Sun, movie date with Siti this coming Monday, birthday celebration with Abg on Tuesday most likely, Science Centre cum Body World outing with Harizah & Mahmudah on Wednesday, cycling at ECP with Maizura & Bio peeps on Friday, Minds Cafe with Ulam Raja peeps on 15th, and off I go for spiritual uplifting on 19th-25th followed by Alkaff Teenz Camp on 26th-27th.

NIE results out on 21st. School reopening on 8th Jan. I have madrasah exams on 13th & 20th Dec. And I have Biodiversity assignment and GESL reflections due very very soon. Should be doing them now, hmmmm...