Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, Allah has given me this wonderful opportunity to meet Ramadhan again :)

Ahlan wa sahlan ya Ramadhan! I've been longing for you :)))

Actually, I was hesitant to start this post. I was hesitant, scared of people's judgement, scared of what people will say... Because people have judged (wrongly I must add) and people have said... I wrote an entry in a book yesterday, I felt so free to write anything and everything! But, it felt selfish... I want to share my thoughts and experiences... I just have to be more careful...

Putting that aside, aaahhh, it feels great to be in Ramadhan again. And this year, because of YOG (the only good thing about it in my opinion, after all the hassle it has caused) many if us have 3 weeks of free reign this Ramadhan, whee~!

Anyway, I helped out for awhile at Ghufran this afternoon, packing, carrying, counting the porridge to be given out. It feels good to be doing it again. The first year I was a volunteer at Ghufran, I helped with the packing, not knowing many people smile here smile there don't talk much. Today, 5-6 Ramadhan down the road here I am still! But with a slightly more responsibility. People trust you, and with trust comes responsibility :)

It was nice to see the Spingfield students helping out. I heard that some of them ASKED their teacher to be part of it. Hmm, many might be negative and say, "Alar, just because they want more CIP hours...." but let's give the the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they really want to join in the spirit of helping during Ramadhan :))

This year I felt a renewed purpose for being there packing. As my fingers get red and hot (and sticky) from handling the hot porridge with my bare fingers, I pray that these very fingers would be my witness in the hereafter that eventhough I did not contribute in monetary form, I contributed in terms of effort in making food for people to break fast with (it'am) :))) I was very excited about this fact that I so wanted to share with the Springfield students, but they were all boys, and I was kinda paiseh haha so in the end, I didn't.

Oh, Ramadhan teaches me to talk nicely. HAHA. Cause... other people are fasting too. People are tired and hungry and thirsty, and therefore, they are grumpy.... So you have to smile and talk nicely to them. As the powerpuff girls love to sing "Love love love love love, love love, makes the world go round" hahahaha. So yeah, no matter how bad is the day, smile, be nice and polite... It's a sadaqah anyway ;)

Some people can get pretty unreasonable, volunteer and jemaah alike. Probably they're tired... y'know... What matters is, as long as we are not one of the kind :)

That's pretty much my thoughts for today. Have about 30-45mins more to go before break fast....

I think I shall type out parts of what I wrote in my book yesterday...

Day 0 Ramadhan

Ramadhan... Ramadhan... I wonder how this Ramadhan would be.

Two years ago, I was having internship and my Ramadhan was spent doing my SIP and MP, and because I would usually finish my tasks late, I had to break fast at work or at a mosque near the workplace (TLL, NUS) Sometimes I had to miss my Terawih (I think) as I go in and out of the cold room with my project... Sometimes I would do my own Terawih at home. Or if I have the chance, I would rush to any mosque near there be it Masjid Haji MOhd Salleh (izzit??), Masjid Tentera DiRaja or Masjid Darussalam. Or even Masjid Darul Aman or Masjid Mydin if I was on the train home during break fast. Rarely do I get to go to Ghufran.

Last year too I didn't get to Terawih often at Ghufran because I was staying at hostel and I either have NTUMS Ramadhan meeting or silat at night... So i ended up doing my Terawih in my room on my own, if I had the strength... Or if I could, I encouraged my friends to join the NTUMS Terawih prayers at South Spine.

Ramadhan means alot to me. I so-called 'turned over a new leaf' in Ramadhan in 2006. Or at least it was the point I was introduced to Ghufran's activities, volunteering etc. I started doing many new things that year, including Terawih (if I'm not mistaken) and it was the start of my journey in becoming a better Muslim, and a better person in general. And I want to make sure that every Ramadhan will me become better and better.

I have many goals this Ramadhan. Mainly is to keep what I did last Ramadhan and to UP those where possible. Yeah... And Ghufran dakwah department has prepared a list of ibadah goals that tops my list, yet what's the point of doing them if my heart isn't there. This Ramadhan is a training for my whole self inside and out....

I wonder how this Ramadhan will be for my family. Last year, it wasn't really pleasant, in my opinion. I have many prayers and wishes, mostly concerning my family... May this Ramadhan be better, much much better for my family. I shall keep praying and not lose hope.

Anyway, I had been watching Imam Muda on youtube for the past few days and awww... I'm so kagum of these young men. Haha. Like... woah.... Respect... I pray that, may my jodoh be a true imam (in all aspects) not only for my future family, but also for the community :) Heheh

Oh! It's Maghrib already! May this Ramadhan be a blessed one for me!

Ramadhan is here! Ramadhan is here! Ahlan wa sahlan ya Ramadhan! Alhamdulillah, all praise be to Allah for giving me this opportunity to meet Ramadhan once again.

Tubna ila Allah. Wa raja'na ila Allah. Wa nadimna ya Allah. Wa nadimna ya Allah...

I want to make good use of my Ramadhan. Be well into the spirit of Ramadhan and may I come out of Ramadhan victorious (a better person) or I syahid in it. Either way would be lovely.

I'm currently at Ghufran. Aaaah home sweet home. No matter what people say about this blue mosque, it'll always have a special place in my heart. Ghufran means alot to me.

Darul Ghufran... The meaning of the name itself is already so beautiful. House of forgiveness... May in this house, this Ramadhan, I would be able to do good deeds and be cleansed of my sins.

There's so many people at Ghufran!! While some people find that it is noisy and uncomfortable etc with having so many people, I'm different, I like to see so many people in the House of Allah. It's just so heartwarming...

I received a message from my mum and Fatimah earlier on. It reads:
Salam everyone. My name is SYAABAN. I;m advising you that my neighbour RAMADHAN will be visiting you soon with his wofe REZEKI and two children SAHUR and IFTAAR. They will be accompanied by three grandchildren RAHMAT, BARAKAH and TAUBAT. They will leave after thirty days by EID airlines. Treasure them and you will be blessed. Ramadhan mubarak. May this coming Ramadhan bring lots of NUR in our life. Amin.

It's one thing to be asked to do this and that as if you're the free-est person on earth. But to be asked to do this and that and not getting a word or at least a gesture of appreciation or worse, getting scolded along the way is really quite another matter...


I HATE PENTAS Sorry to all who've enjoyed yourselves and are missing Pentas and can't wait for the next one and all. BUT, well, do understand me. Your job is done while MINE, AMA'S AND IJAN'S HAVE NOT. While you guys are having hangovers over Pentas and dreaming of the fun times shared or at worse the worst rehearsal you had to go to, the three of us are getting 'live' nightmares over the props. And the worst thing is we're getting scolded for it because we have a 'responsibility' to carry out. Spiderman (or whatever Uncle in the movie) said, "With great power comes great responsibility"... But in our case, there is NO POWER which brings about the RESPONSIBILITY. We're volunteering our time and effort here and not a word of thanks instead lotsa lotsa scolding. AND NO ONE TO HELP US. It sucks alright.. Don't believe me, try it next Pentas. I'd be more than glad to let you have the job. Right Ama? Right Ijan?

Today marks the third time I cried because of the props. Ama and I had to carry boxes and boxes AND MORE BOXES of costume, make-up, radio, other left behind props and I don't know what else. We had one big rectangular box filled to the brim and begging to spill over, two ezprint boxes one on top of the other with cloth and 4 boxes of make-up and Naza's square box with some stuff and at least 5-6 poles, 2 of which threatens to scratch whatever surfaces we walk along or poke someone super unlucky to be walking towards us in the eye while pointing directions. Ikut hati, aku nak buang je sume. But to think of it, nak buang pon nak kena travel so might as well travel to SAA. Haiz, bila agaknya kitorang bertiga nak gi clean up bilik SAR tu ye. Sry quartermistress bilik tu berselerak balik but do understand our plight. Not many do right now...

People called us. People smsed us. People scolded us. People saw us. And all they could do is tell us, "The audi must be cleared by 5pm" You know who helped us? There was this couple we met along the alley to SAA who were going somewhere with a trolley. They looked like they needed it rather urgently too, but after we asked and explained our situation they lent us the troley for awhile. But they left us at that, just with the trolley. Cukup alhamdulillah la tu kan. Then we got stuck between the lift doors and there was this guy who kindly gave a helping hand, pushing the trolley from lift door all the way inside the SAR place. Alhamdulillah. We dunno who they are and they most probably don't believe in Allah, but they were there and we thank Allah for that.

It was just so hard. Tried to be strong while I was with Ama, but when she left, I had my mum's mats plus my box of telekong and kain2 alas I needed to bring home. It was hard to handle and I had no idea how to transport them by myself all the way from audi to lt 21 in biz school. It was humiliating enough to be seen with that many things, but I was just upset and angry that hot tears start to well. I dropped everything, squated down and ended up sitting on the ground somewhere along the alley between the audi and the staircase leading to the library. There were a few people there but who cares. Whether I stand or I sit with those stuff it'd be just as humiliating anyway kan...

Lela, I appreciate those words of appreciation. They make doing those heavy things lighter. Ama agrees with me. Eventhough you requested for some props/deco late, we (padahal Ijan ngan Nadiah yang buat eh) didn't feel forced to do them. We were obligated since it's our job but you made it sound as if we have a choice. IF we're not too busy. IF we can handle them. We find it easier to follow what you want cos you had pictures and directions so we could produce something as similar as what you asked for. I mean memang our job scope is to find things or make them for the show. You made our job easier and at the end of the day pon you get what you want and not something so different than what you visualized. Thanks for your understanding. Too bad this is your last Pentas. It was nice working with you dear.

Hai... Sesungguhnya kesabaran itu separuh daripada iman. Dan iman aku nampaknya dalam fasa menurun. Ya Allah, berilah aku hidayah...