I didn't know I would love sparring so much. The mental and physical coordination is interesting. NTU had uni friendlies with SMU this afternoon at SMU and I had the opportunity to spar with an SMU sister. Eventhough I lost 2 rounds and we drew in the 3rd, it makes me all the more motivated to learn more in silat. Need to work on my combos, on my shuffling, on range, speed, intensity and accuracy. I'm excited for silat trainings to come!

Oh the SMU sister happened to be from TP Engineering hehe. No wonder she looked familiar. Entered the gelanggang, saw her the first time, and throughout the whole match I was sifting through my memory on where had I first met her haha. She said afterwards probably I know her sister instead. Probably ah. I can't be too sure... I don't remember having any friends by the name of Rahmah in TP...

Oh, right now I have a sprained left ankle and because I forced to balance myself on my right leg more on the way home just now, even my right leg hurts, so I'm walking like a robot currently. Yet I am determined not to let my parents see what the match had done to me. I don't wanna quit silat!! (never thought I'd say that heh) Luckily I have a stock of diclofenac sodium painkillers, so popped two cookies in my mouth followed by 2 pills of the painkillers and 1 pill for gastric.

I don't eat painkillers if I can help it. No panadols for me. Headaches are part and parcel of life, and it doesn't need panadol, it needs plenty of water and rest in your system that's it. I only take painkillers, and that's the diclofenac ones only if I really really really can't take the pain. This sprained ankle is not the worst in my medical history actually. I've had inflammation of the tendons before and that is like 10x worst as it causes your tendon to redden and swell and each time your blood pulses through the veins, ow ow ow. That's why I thought I can withstand the pain of this sprained ankle. Actually I can. I just eat the painkiller in the hope that I can walk properly tmr and pretend nothing happened infront of my parents hehe.

If I were to go to the polyclinic and Dr Sophian Hadi were to see me again, he'd probably comment: "another injury to add to your history?" haha.

I sure hope the sprain heals soon. I don't need another inflammed leg... Especially when I have a camp this wed-fri! Silat bonding camp! I heard it's really gonna mix us together, hmm... They feel that the segregation between the girls and the guys is not good for the team, hmm... I will hold up to my principles. In case they plan something not so 'I-dont-know-any-suitable-adjective', I'd try to get away from doing it larh... Preferably if I can get away, I would. We'll see how things go... Hopefully things go on fine, nak mix tu mix jugak, for the team, yet batasan tetap batasan :) ni tetap majority melayu Islam, so tetap perlu jaga batasan-batasan yang ditetapkan Islam... I decided to leave drama partly because of this, and also because I really didn't have time to attend trainings larh. But yeah, I hope this issue doesn't become a penghalang for me to be a true pesilat NTU!!! Chewah hehe ;)

When most of us have reached our 20s, (at least intellectually, mentally and emotionally) the topic of discussion always seem to end up with... MARRIAGE

I wasn't part of the conversation, since I was still happily and merrily enjoying my zinger, but somehow I got involved in the conversation when Raudah suddenly asked, "Who amongst us do you think would marry an Ustaz?"

Nasib tak terbegik aku ngan my happy and merry burger tu tau. Tak kena pasal sehh. Yang paling lagi nak terbegikkan adalah people think I am with someone now, an Ustaz for that matter. Even Liyana seems to think if it is true. Aiyoh people, you are my brothers and sisters, how can you still not know me!

Actually, entah eh... even my mum dunno me well enough. On Wednesday, when I went out with my mum, we started talking about how she used to be so scared I can't speak in public. Even up to Sec 4, she wasn't sure I could be vocal. Being in ELDDS in sec school, she thought I'd be just the background (I think she's thinking of trees or something), she didn't know I was in 3 not so small (not major, but certainly not small enough that only 40 prople watch) shows where over 200 people are watching. While in Titisan, she considered my roles as small enough, no doubt they were, and didn't think much about it. Yet, you're facing an auditorium full of people okeh!!

My mum was impressed about me giving the valedictorian speech at Perdaus haflah 2 years ago (ehhh, tak prasan dah 2 years ago!). And I'm like huh? That's (probably my one and only and) the worst speech I'd ever given, I think.

She was most surprised that I joined silat actually. She doesn't believe I have enough 'force' in me to punch/kick anyone. I didn't either, initially, actually. Ask Shikin, or Mir how tak bunyi were my punches and kicks to the padding for the first two months. Then ask Shikin again, and Jun, how I've improved, slight as it may be, after that. Aren't I glad I didn't tell my mum earlier I had joined silat? Confidence would have crashed, and I would have quitted immediately agaknya.

Eh why did I sidetrack so far... Part of the conversation with my mum, she told me that once a chinese woman she knows in the neighbourhood suddenly asked about me (she talks more about my second brother compared to me or my eldest bro) if I have a boyfriend (I really wonder how did she steer the conversation that way???) and my mum said her reply to her was, "She sure has many guy friends within her social circle, but I'm not too sure if she has one who's special." and the woman's reply was, "Can't be don't have..." Waaaah, make my mum doubt me seh. Firstly, why does my mum say I have many guy friends? Many meh? Who are she referring to?? Secondly, if really that's true then waah I have really changed. Ask Siti how many guy friends I used to have in sec sch. Or Ad for poly. (P.S. Ad I miss you so so much!) Hmmm... Thirdly, my mum thiks it is 'possible' even to a small extent that I have a boyfriend??? After all that I learn in madrasah??

Oklah, my mum actually doesn't think my madrasah has improved me at all. Padahal looking back at 12 years ago... even if I may not have been in the wrong set of company (my schoolmates alhamdulillah are all fairly good people since young, and I am especially closer to those who are not minahs and bitches), I would probably not be praying, or wearing tudung, or wearing jubah, or going masjid etc.

And neither does she think that the camps I'd been attending/organising have been doing me any good. Erm, where else could I have earned my vocalness?? Think back to KRC4 (the first impressions I set on most of my Fityan peeps), Camp Xplore 07 (when I totally couldn't talk during the debrief at the end of the camp because I was too choked up with tears being overwhelmed by all the emotions), to Gema Ghufran 07 (bet you don't even remember I was in the committee, typing the minutes half the time, calling and inviting people to come), to Night cycling (I can't even conduct a meeting within my department cos I can't seem to talk, much less lead!) to RYC 08 (when I'd stumble with my words as I try to give instructions for the games) to NI retreat 08 (when I still can hardly talk and deliver what I want to say, I left Mus and Liyana to lead), to NI mukhayyam (starting to brave up, yet Mus and Liyana still had to do most of the talking, to Camp Xplore 09 (where I was vice-chair, conducting a general meeting together with Azz), to RYC 09 (where I had to gather the station masters, some of who were still strangers back then, and explain how the Amazing Race works), to Pesantren Kilat (where I was one of the 3 female group leaders and thus have to maintain control, have to deliver certain instructions from the officers to my group, and sometimes to all the girls at once even, and they were strangers okayyyy, I didn't know a single one of them before the pesantren), I know, I clearly see and I am very much aware how much attending/organising camps have changed me. But nevermind.

Ok, this had unexpectedly turned into a reflection entry. Heheh. But yeah, fact is that la... Even my mum doesn't know me well, she doesn't recognise my potential, she doesn't know my strengths and weaknesses or all my likes and dislikes, neither does she believe I can do it, for anything at all... How can I not doubt myself all the time. Honestly, I still doubt if I can be a good teacher... even after the confident presentation for Critical Perspectives, where we were asked to 'teach' the class on a certain topic in groups of threes, and I felt that my presentation skill was rather good...

Hai.. Let's get back to the initial issue in this entry aite? After asking "Who amongst us do you think would marry an Ustaz?", next question was "Who do you think can/will settle down within the next two years?"

Aah, the future is so full of unknowns...

10 years ago, who would have thought I'd be in Temasek sec (I only believed I was capable of entering a neighbourhood school, I was thinking I belonged in Springfield Sec!) or 5 years ago, who would have guessed I'd enter poly (after setting my eyes only on JC), or 3 years ago, who would have predicted that I'd join NIE (I truly doubted I could be a teacher. I respect the teaching profession alot, and whenever I hear anyone join the teaching profession, I'd be like "Wow, cool, I can't teach, I don't think I have the patience for it.")... Now, no one, no one can foresee when I'd get married, or to who I'd get married to... And for that matter, when I would die, or how I would die...

The future is so full of unknowns. Nabi Khidir had the mukjizat to know the future. That is probably one of the most dangerous knowledge one can have. It may be one of the most dreaded as well...

Let us just live for today, and treat it as a gift. Forget about yesterday, cos it's all in the past, and don't bother worry about the future cos it'll just give you a migraine...

By the way, I am still CURIOUS!!!! Who... urgh! Nevermind!

I wonder how dreams work. Why do we dream? What causes dreams? I don't want theories. I want to know the truth.

Yet how can we ever know that whatever we know is ever the truth?

I'm still in a dilemma constantly thinking about what is the truth and what isn't....

Alhamdulillah Camp Xplore 09 - I'm responsible is over... Shagged shagged. There were times when I was impressed with my committee, there were times too that I was disappointed. Twice during the camp I just had to get away to seclude myself to think, or to sort out my thoughts and calm down. Once I cried during the camp, and once after. And if you look back, when the first of the Camp Xplore ‘series’ ended in 2007, I cried and cried and cried, that time was from relief... As for this time round...

During the camp, there was one period when I felt so down and exhausted, but I didn't wanna show it lest it dampens my team's spirits. Sometimes I am so glad for all that training I receive in Titisan, if you get what I mean.

On the first night, I asked one of my mentors (yeah.. while you guys have your respective mentors, I have mine too) what I should be thinking about at this stage. I’ve never been here in this position vice-chair and I haven’t truly understood my role. What exactly does ‘overlook’ stands for??

The answer was a series of questions (as usual... and I’m trying to learn this skill haha). In summary, it is actually what I want to see in the pax and in the committee, and how much I’ve done to ensure it reaches my expectations, and ultimately how do I measure whether it reaches my expectations or not.

With regards to this, I was told that if my team had failed in any way, it is because I have failed to ensure they didn’t fail. That sentence filled my mind throughout the whole camp. Any disappointment I have towards my team only mounts up to the disappointment I have towards myself who had not prevented it. Any wrongs during the camp that happened, I wouldn’t blame my team, but I blamed myself. I was fighting with myself throughout the whole camp to keep cool and maintain composure. Whenever you guys find me missing, that was when I wasn’t able to steady myself and would rather not let any of you see me. My heart bled and it wasn’t easy.

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Anyway apart from the vision and expectations, there's also: what’s next?? Will this stop at the end of the camp?? How do I ensure the pax (though for this camp, I learn, maybe the pax part is not so much of my worry) and the committee, for example, maintain and strengthen the bond that was forged and practice what was learned during the camp... Continuity... Continuity...

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How ‘coincidental’ (if that is even the right word to use) it is that this camp talks about responsibility, y'know. My team and I was not only delivering it to the participants, but we ourselves were trying to understand responsibility better, yes myself included.

I was always reluctant to hold the responsibility of a vice-chair. Last year for Camp Xplore 08, I declined when it was proposed by two people, but this year when it was proposed by the whole Fityan comm., I couldn’t decline it once again, as it seems that they believed in me and it is my responsibility to carry it out.

Sigh... Remember when you guys said you’d be making tags with specific position stated on the tag for the six so-called ‘top’ position in the committee, I was saying it’s ok, I’d rather wear a tag with ‘committee’ printed on it? Or remember when some of the facis asked me what position do I hold in the camp I just kept mum? And Rabeetah, remember when you wrote Vice-chair on my bandanna I snapped abit at you accidentally? Those were because I was still not ready to be in that position... The responsibility seemed too big. The tests I think I’d face were not those I think could handle. The level of patience needed is not one I thought I’d have...

Indeed... Indeed... There were some tests from the committee as a whole, but at least that could be handled by the chairman while I just assist him. But when it comes specifically to the sisters in the committee, it is more of my responsibility than the chairman’s, in my opinion, and I do not think I’ve passed this test. Bearing the responsibility through the tag I wear everywhere also meant tests from other people (the jemaah). I was questioned, and I was put responsible.

You know, I dunno if my mentors tried to test me throughout the camp (actually I noticed there were instances, some questions I was asked were ‘duhhh..’ testing questions – I’m learning, yay -_-) but really, they didn’t have to. Haha.

During kuliah subuh, I listened in as Ust was talking about the fear that should strike your heart when you hear His words. With all that was going through my mind, I really couldn’t take it then. I reflected and I cried my eyes out. If on this earth people are already questioning me and holding me responsible, in the hereafter I would be questioned and held responsible by HIM! I was scared, very very scared. I fear how I would answer for what I am responsible for.

“All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards and the things under your care”, “If your team fails, it is because you failed”... I reflect and I cry...
Not only am I responsible for my own actions and words, but I am also responsible for ALL that happens and I am responsible for ALL that YOU do too... Will I be able to answer and take responsibility of ALL these?!

Question is: sanggupkah aku?? Sanggupkah aku menanggung semua ini??

This is talking about responsibility...

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After the camp I cried again, for this camp is possibly my last camp for the time being. I can’t be as active as I wanna be after this, sadly... Not many knows yet, but I may be away for at least a year and that is a long time to be away from all these! Within one year anything can happen! Not to mention that within one year, the skills that I pick up would rust and pick up dust and it would be hard to polish them up again. I know I shouldn’t stop, but how?! I’m still thinking and finding for alternatives...

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After the camp I had madrasah exam, gosh was I groggy!! There were times my mind went blank. There were times I dunno what I was writing in mid-sentence and had to read like the whole paragraph again. There were times I lost my train of thoughts and had to read what I was writing over and over again. There were times I shook my head hard to keep the sleepiness away. And there were times I couldn’t take it, I had to take short naps in the exam. There were two papers, both I was like that, both I didn't have wnough time to check and read. After the exam I told ust, "Ust, kalau ade yang Ust baca Ust tak paham, paham2kan ehh."

Yeah, I believe it when my mum keeps scolding me for tiring myself too much as she knows I cannot get tired. I’d really go zoink!

At the same time, how could I sleep when my team is still awake discussing and coming up with solutions? How can I sleep when I know my team is not well rested? How can I sleep when my team is preparing for the camp, which I’m supposed to overlook. Indeed I wasn’t trying to be kaypoh when I join discussions, but simply because it is my responsibility.

Still, I am human, and I can’t stop myself when sleep overcomes me on it’s own. Yet now that I know one of my programmers was awake doing programmes stuff all by herself till 4am in the morning (or later) on the first night and my publicity was awake doing the video montage all by themselves till 4am in the morning (or later), do you think I am glad I had rested at all?? And when the girls missed Subuh prayers berjemaah, who you think I blame?

This came from my heart. This is my story, part of my long journey. I see how my journey has been thus far, how it shapes me, how I've grown.

You have your own story, your own journey too. IF you have reflected.

I hope the purpose that you have, is the same as the one that I have though.

Waiting for youtube to upload the Senior Appreciation video... IN the meantime, watch it on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/video/?upload#/video/video.php?v=167469055213

Many many people I was missing these few days!

Finally met up with NI/NYPMSN usrah sisters for dinner together yesterday! Kak Fiza, Kak Hawanis, Kak Mardhiah, Kak Saqinah, Kak Ruqayyah, Kak Sarah, Liyana, Nyzah and... Raihan!! Time waiting at Darul Arqam, met Kak Huda and Kak Aziah from saff too! And I'd been told insyaAllah usrah for Kak Huda's group will begin again next Friday, woo hoo~

Oh then just now during NI comm retreat, finally met Fatimah, Begum, Aisyah again!! So nice seeing y'all again tauu.. Raihan, Liyana, Kak Maryam, Kak Saqinah were there too! Brothers pon ramai dah lama tak jumpa. Gerek ah retreat...

Oh, I met around a total of 5-6 Temasekians yesterday and today, teringat zaman sec sch la gitu! Nostalgic ;) I remember those stock takings we do during holidays as comm librarians (don't look down on us ar, librarians oso have comm okeh!) and those farewells with games and bbq.. and and book club! Which didn't actually work out lol. And not forgetting ELDDS too. Orientation times... Sadako... Footsteps around the school etc. Oh at at this time of the year, it's the time of the sec 1 orientation. I remember my investiture ;) Maybe NI/Fityan should have our own investiture after our respective orientations ehk?

Had campus discussion this morning, meaning I got to meet my course mates again!!! Ad, Jamie, Chloe, Shakina, Yuva, Kayathree all luh! But never to fail to meet my 4-months fellow TLL attachments. I think Hui Yi, Aaron, JJ and I bonded really well. :)

After campus discussion, I had the opportunity to meet Titisan for a short wee while too! Aww, miss you darlings!! But when Fifi reminded the juniors, "Know who's this or not? she was my ASGH last batch!", I can't help remembering how little I contributed to my batch's development. Then, I was neither good in drama skills nor organisational skills, opps~

And tmr I shall be meeting Raudah and Liyana for breakfast, whee~

I'm really looking forward to 2009. It's like so indefinite right now, like a sense of mystery like that ah hehe. I don't have to look so far, in just 6-7months, I wonder where would I be...

Got loads going on in my mind... Well more than the usual school stuff and event projects...

Things like, "Maybe we can start a Ramadhan campaign in Singapore like posting up posters encouraging MUSLIMS to respect Ramadhan, to not eat/drink/smoke/dress scantily/mix around freely for boys and girls etc instead of posters about zakat only" or, "Maybe MUIS should openly declare that Muslim men/women do not shake hands with the opposite gender and make this known to the public just like how people learn that you should remove your footwear outside a Malay/Muslims house" and "How can someone declare themselves Muslim when they do not observe even the basic obligations like prayer and fast" or "Let's gather a few friends and go around 'teguring' Muslims bil hikmah of course to dress more appropriately like for guys not to wear shorts and girls not to wear clothings that hardly covers anything" or "So really frustrating to hear fellow artistes saying things like, Allah sahaja yang berhak menilai seseorang as I doubt they really MEAN what they say" and "Takde rasa malu langsung ke ape orang-orang Melayu/muslim kita ni??" and "Kenapa mesti pakai 'Malay/Muslim' padahal ada Melayu yang bukan Muslim dan banyak juga Melayu yang hanya Muslim pada nama" and macam-macam lah!

Where do I get these ideas? Ada from people more knowledgable than me, ada from peers, ada from myself... Seriously, I feel SOMETHING has got to be done and I'd be glad to be part of a group of agents of change to better akhlak orang-orang Malay/Muslim kita! Slowly lah eh... Let's start with my badges "Akhlak Mulia Semua Orang Suka" kk? My "Jom Jadi Baik" badge hilang :( *sniff sniff* Oh ramai yang tanya, "You not enough brooches arh?" NOPE. Please eh my house is like full of brooches cos my mum makes brooches and sells them... But I CHOSE to wear the badges.

Anywaykan... Temasek Poly won PPP for the 3rd year in a row! Fu yoh, all 3 years I'm in TP I got to 'witness' TP win PPP tau tau hehe. Congrats my babies! So proud of all of you! Wish I was there to watch your winning piece and to witness your moment of joy. Unfortunately... I can't. I can't even be there for your debriefing this Wednesday... so sorry babies-ku... Go Titisan!!! (and Nadi haha!)

Gonna start a new module for DPI, Asas Psikologi beb, hmm~ Gonna miss Ust Fathurrahman... he really teaches well. Makes we wanna study and read more and more hehe.

Oh I finally got to drink Chrysanthemum tea this morning tapi kotak kecik je... and eat Mcspicy baru ni tapi dah sejuk dahh... Trophy next?


Symposium at NYP.

More pics at my multiply.
With comments by MUS.
symposium was boring nak mampz...
For the I dunno how time, I slept in a lecture haha.
Naik kebiasaan eh!

Been visiting new places. Entered SP clubrooms. Went NYP. Went Darul Ma'wa and received a tour around. First time masuk main female toilet at Darul Aman. Had yummeh chicken murtabak at some Indian stall near Masjid Kassim. Went SIM. Wonder where's next ;)

Err, k got loads of things to accomplish and super ngantok oredi tau!! Can't wait to graduate! It really doesn't seem so far off! It feels like yesterday that I brought home Tsu's water bottle after camp xplore haha.

Oh forgot to state appreciations and wishes... Thx Ad for your battery! Thx Nyzah and Farhan for belanja-ing me! Happy belated birthday Dian Farhana and Nurul Nyzah!

Great to meet Farzana again just now. Sry babe kalau macam 'sombong' hehe. Oh and Syafi, glad to have you in the team. surprisingly you're the one making the jokes!!

K dah. Meeting NI-ans tmr, whee~

Actually I'm very the extra the super the tired... but I MUST post this. I'm free from TE and BPT projects woohoo~

Takdelah good news mane pon, risau jugak pasal peer evaluation nanti...

But I just had to treat myself. After handing in the projects, I went to ITAS to buy bbq chicken pau, chicken pie and cheese croqutte. and on the way home, I bought Trophy ice-cream (!!!!!), Twisties and bread (for cats, but apparently I saw none except Tiger but I think Tiger was already full).

Oh, I forgot to eat the pau.

I'm so happy and excited and invigorated actually, but there's just some hours of sleep I owe myself (especially my eyes, I feel like a pale panda with super blue black eye rings/bags) so let's save all the happy feeling tmr aite aite?

Good night!

Trophy was... oOOo deliciooooouuuuusssss, yummeh!

To Titisan (and Nadi), sry can't go watch PPP today :( all the best yawh!!!

Pesta Peti Putih (PPP) a.k.a White Box Festival

Come down and support Temasek Polytechnic in this year's Youth Malay Theatre Festival [competition] initiated by local theatre company, Teater Ekamatra.






Title: Apostasi - Peralihan Kepercayaan

Venue: Republic Polytechnic, The Republic Cultural Center (TRCC)

Day/Date: Friday, 25th July 2008

Time: 8.00PM - 10.00PM

Ticket price: S$12

Limited Seats of 400 only.
Free Seating.

Purchase through GateCrash or nearest SAM machine.

Groups of 10 or more enjoy a 20% BULK discount.
Call HOTLINE 6100 2005 to buy now!

If you are interested to watch the other school's performances, here are the dates:


24th July (Thursday) : NUS/DSL
25th July (Friday) : PJC, TP
26th July (Saturday) : JJC, RP

Does anyone wanna go with me? I need 9 more people :D

P.S. Needing to blog BADLY but BADLY suffocating under tasks.

Ape bahasa inii?? Hahah, english been very the rabak lately, opps~

Received results this afternoon. Justttt woke up then I saw sms for results straightaway sat up straight and prayed for good news. In need of lotsa good news to cheer me up uhh... And...

When I saw my results, nak ketawa pon ade, nak nangis pon ade. Cos wad I expected to do better in, like confirm A, I didn't reach it. Then wad I expected to badly in, like possibility of failing, I did quite ok. In fact, I had same grades for all uh, except MBio =) Macam balanced up, and I found that funny. Oh, I did better this sem than last sem. But.. my GPA dropped sikit anyway, by 0.03, pasal I really did well for Year 1.

Bukan sengaja nak merugut ke ape. Taklah... In fact, I'm very much grateful to Allah. Cuma memang that's how I was taught uh. Kindergarten and pri 1 got first in class. Then throughout the years, decline uh jadi top 10 je, pernah tu I got 16th ish. And I will always remember what my mum told me ar. "Your dad won't sign your record book if get anything less than first." Sheesh kecik2 dah kena pressure... Dah besar, sejak dua menjak masuk poly, dapat result I don't show my parents my results anymore. Serik uh. Dapat anything else than A satu hal, dapat A pon satu hal lagi. They don't believe I can maintain good grades. I've been trying to do my best to pull up my GPA back to 3.5, if possible back to my 3.86. Tak tahu camne lah eh. Maybe after D'Talk2, I'll make sure nothing disrupts my year 3. Memang that time dah step-down Titisan and I'd like to ask to be out of NI comm (sebab, tu macam secara tak sengaja uh). Fityan maybe amek kerja senang-senang... Haha, nak out tak boleh kan... Siang-siang Ust dah pesan sesape yang dah dipilih tak boleh cakap taknak.

Ok I have lotsa things to ponder about rather than mull around feeling all the pressure on me. Gtg! I wanna be the best I can be for all the things I'm currently entasked to do, esp. my DPI!!

Rasanya saya ingin menulis dalam bahasa Melayu hari ini hehe... Sesiapa yang menghadiri majlis haflah madrasah perdaus akan mengetahui sebabnya.

Saya sungguh gembira sekali pada hari ini! Saya tidak lambat menghadiri EHS briefing pada jam 10 pagi tadi dan saya diberi peluang untuk melihat kawasan dalam AS4 (TP Applied Science research center). Saya juga dapat berjumpa dengan sepurvisor saya Ms Yian dan mendapati penerangannya tentang projek DRP saya sungguh menarik sekali! Walaupun saya benar-benar tidak sabar untuk memulakan projek saya, saya rasa begitu sibuk pada bulan Mac ini. Makanya, apabila Ms Yian memberitahu bahawa kami akan bermula projek hanya pada awal bulan April, saya sungguh gembira sekali! Ms Yian sendiri menyuruh saya bergembira dan bersuka-ria selagi saya berada dalam masa cuti sekolah ini.

Selain itu, petang ini, saya akhirnya berhasil mendapatkan Diari yang saya bersusah-payah mencarinya (kesuluruhan, kurang-kurang 7 kedai telah saya lawati demi mencarinya). Walaupun saya tidak dapat membeli Diari Muslimah yang saya inginkan, saya rasa Diari Muslimin (dicetak dengan gambar daun-daun) pun memadai. Bagus juga mengambil tahu tentang ciri-ciri lelaki solehah, mudah sikit kot nak kenali calon suami huhu. Gurau sahajalah. Saya rasa saya akan meminta kak Fyza untuk photocopy beberapa mukasurat daripada Diari Muslimah-nya (yang berwarna merah jambu yang sungguh manis dan menawan sekali!). Saya tak sabar sekali untuk menulis di dalam diari saya. Sekarang saya dapat mengatur rancangan-rancangan saya dengan lebih baik lagi!

Tahniah kepada mereka-mereka di Titisan yang telah dipilih untuk menjalani "under-study posting". Amat susah sekali bagi kami komiti yang sedia ada untuk membuat keputusan dan kami amat berharap sekali bahawa keputusan kami tepat dan tidak perlu ditukar lagi. Satu pesan daripada saya selaku ASGH adalah supaya kamu dapat membezakan bilakah waktu bersuka-ria dan bilakah waktu untuk sirius dalam tanggungjawab yang diberikan. Saya akui saya sendiri tidak menjalankan tugas saya dengan baik. Saya harap kamu dapat mengambil contoh daripada Fifi dan Naza. =)

SGH: Nareeza
ASGH: Rayhana
Secretary/Treasurer: Haikal
Quartermistress: Amalina
Public Relations: Matin

Bagi yang lain yang tidak dipilih, jangan berasa hampa. Ada kemungkinan bahawa kamulah orangnya yang telah dipilih untuk mewakili Titisan di MAG main komiti. =)

P.S. Saya baru mendapat tahu bahawa saya perlu menulis kembali ucapan saya. Haha, itulah siang-siang tak cari garis pandu... Dilema wanita hahaha

Ish, malam2 buta ni baca script pulak. Haha syiok sendiri lah pulak. Sampai record voice sume! Lol. Kalau our play ni jadi drama radio kat Warna 94.2 yang on Sunday morning tu mesti gerek. Haha... Fifi and Hid always come up with wonderful scripts. Myself, I feel like I have no part in Titisan haha. Takde talent uh... responsibilities I have also are not carried out, hai... I make a better PR I think.

Titisan will always be funny no matter how serious it is supposed to be. Haha, we have an upcoming performance at some CC far far away soon and so there were auditions today. Dush! Betol seh kata Fifi, orang buat 'Spoof!' lepas show dah over. ni audition belum lagi selesai korang dah buat 'Spoof!' Haha, ape dah...

Disappointed at the turn-out today though. Asal korang semua tak datang nie?? Dah lah tak reply our announcement message. Aiyayai...

Did you know that TP looks stunning when it rains in the evening? Heheh... Oh this reminds me of the 'Muslim-in-Campus' camp that is gonna be conducted by the Sec 4 Perdaus Madrasah students in 9 more days!! I really feel it is a good idea to have this. So korang-korang yang baru lepas 'O' level tu atau nak amek 'O' level this year, silalah sign up eh. InsyaAllah it'd be helpful. Wish there was something like this in my time hehe.

Assalaamu'alaikum


Took your "O" or "N" Levels last year?
Or are you taking it this year?

If you are 15-18 years old,
come join us as we prep you for life post-secondary!

Learn to be an active member of your school community
whilst holding on to your Muslim identity!

Muslim In Campus
a camp for Muslim students going to post-secondary institutions

Happening in and around Masjid Assyakirin
Saturday 15 March to Sunday 16 March 2008

Only $15 Per Person
$12 per person (Perdaus student / child of Perdaus staff)

Visit our website here for details.

Muslim In Campus is a project by Madrasah Perdaus, and is supported by Saff-Perdaus.

Sorry I'm too lazy to post up the poster hihi..

There's soooo much to blog, yet at the same time I dunno what to blog about. Hai... Let me just write what comes straight into my mind aite.

Just applied for DPIA this afternoon and they told me I might not get in this semester as the DPIA class for this sem is already full. There's a possibility I have to join in July sem. Boo hoo... My fault larh register so late, but what can I do, firstly, I couldn't decide which madrasah to continue my post-menengah and secondly, I was v. busy to go there to register. The only time I'm free is during public holiday, which the office is closed. Then there is no online registration available for DPIA. On Thurs I finished late and office is closed at 5pm. Friday I went only to find out that the office is closed on Fridays. And so, I dropped by today, which is one day before the semester starts... She asked me to just attend tomorrow's class. Over the weekend I might have to go for an interview. Interview seh! Then I'll have to see whether the director wants me at Andalus. Ewah ewah...

Been feeling lonely and gloomy these few days. Actually, come to think of it, I'd been this way the whole of 2007! Since February at least. Just that there were times when the loneliness is more... erm, noticeable? I'm sorry to be posting a depressed post. I wish I had better news. Depressed posts are boring...

Been feeling easily irritable and rebellious. So much so that I get irritated at myself lol.

If I have to sum up 2007 in one word, it would be 'lonely'. I ever expressed this loneliness to a few people, in my effort to find some comfort. Some just shrugged it off. There were some who blamed me back for not taking the initiative to keep in constant contact with friends. I don't deny that...

2007 had also been a turning point in my life, so far... I tried the working world, yes while schooling. And it wasn't just any job you'd say typical of schooling poly students. It was different. Even from the start I was uncomfortable. For 3-4 months I did things against my will, sacrificed my sleep and fill every single second with something to do. I tried my best to fit in. Yet... 5 times I broke down. Yes, I counted. And the only thing I felt when I decided to quit was relief. Yet, till now I haven't officially announced my quit. When I said I have unfinished business from 2007, this is one of them. Somehow, I feel like a failure... Those who know what I was doing, don't talk about it. And those who don't, don't ask.

Apart from that, I got involved in Muslim organisations. As in, really involved by helping out with events. Bunayya Camp was my first project. I hardly knew what I was doing, and basically, I didn't do much. Until the camp itself then I started to work haha. Somehow Bunayya kickstarted a whole series of events in which I'm not a participant, but part of the organising comm. Let's see... After Bunayya (madrasah with Saff-program) was Camp Xplore (Fityan-program), Harmony Race (Fityan-program & minutes), Musollah Clean-up (NI-program), Ramadhan Rocks (Saff-program), BTF Iftar (NI-program) amd finally Gema Ghufran (Fityan-admin). These I enjoyed. Let's talk about each shall we?

Bunayya was a camp for kids held at Pasir Ris Park. Basically as a program member, I did my job as station-ICs and scorekeeper. At that time, I was still clueless about this whole organising stuff and so I just did as I was told.

Camp Xplore was a camp for teens held at MDG. I was dragged to be a programmer because Jun said they needed one. Kesiankan kawan aku ni, aku pon tolong lah.. But then, I was in the comm like what, if I'm not mistaken, 2 weeks before the event? They already had the list of programs lined up. My job was to set up the detailed prog sheet for all comm members and prepare log list. Faizal guided me. The now Recruit Faizal hehe. I still remember at nearly midnight one fine night after meeting, he asked me to visualize: at this time this time where would everyone be, what should they be doing and what things should already be there? Oh my, first time buat lah kan... I spent a few nights doing it. And even one night before the event I was still editing it at MDG office. Wow. Macam ape seh... During the camp was... challenging. Program was horrible! Everything ended later than scheduled. This was one of the most memorable and challenging event of 2007 I tell you. During a short post-mortem after the camp, I cried and cried and couldn't stop. Sheesh! Nevertheless, it was the most enjoyable camp I'd organised. And through this camp also, I became close to Jun and Fathi. To put it simply, we were there for each other through thick and thin throughout the camp.

Harmony Race was part of an event conducted by 7 mosques supported by NorthEast CDC. I think I was more of a minutes recorder than a programmer. All the program things weren't done by me. Instead I was doing admin work with Jun and Fathi lol. Even on the day itself! Tak layak ku dipanggil programmer. Macam lembu punya susu sapi dapat nama pulak. Ewah, dah lama tak pakai peribahasa lol. But seriously, guilty seh...

Musollah Clean-Up was a small-scale event by NI to 'try-out' the new comm members at organising and at the same time to bond existing members with newly recruited ones. It's like a bigger form of ta'aruf session lol. At the same time, we cleaned up the TP musollahs. This event, I was pretty slack. I didn't know what to do and Kak Mayam did most of the work for me in the end. Guilty lagi ni...

Ramadhan Rocks is, as many Muslim youths know, an annual Ramadhan event conducted by Saff Perdaus and the highlight is supposed to be rockclimbing lah. Because Saff Centre is all the way at Bukit Gombak/Batok, I only presented myself at one of the earlier meetings before going MIA for quite some time till the date nears the event. Most of the job done was a day before the event and during the event itself. Like Bunayya, my job is more towards the day itself. Basically I was one of the Station ICs lah. FYI, Ramadhan Rocks 1428H was a race... I helped out a bit at Delbargia Green before heading to my main station: archery! Made many new friends through Ramadhan Rocks and I really enjoyed archery. Kluar tv lagi hehe. Alar sikit je, belakang Huda while she archered during one of Warna Ramadhan's segments. Missing the friends I made during the event: Fadhilah and Kak Fida especially. Was looking forward to meeting them during Stong expedition...

BTF Iftar is NI's annual iftar event held at Chai Chee with the old folks. Through this event, I bonded with some of the comm members pretty well especially the year 1s Mus and Dian, who became the wonderful hosts for the event! And at the same time, leaving me to handle the program on my own. Susah tu, but I think I scrapped through with just a few scars lol. Seram sejuk k berbual depan people from NI, NYPMSN, SP, RP and NP, including my ustaz from Perdaus (masih ingat lagi, the one who found a Maple Story cd in a goodie bag from RP and I asked if I could have it, tak tau malu eh)! Oh my, initially I couldn't remember where I got to know this one brother from NP (ke NYP) and when I realised who he was, I wqas like, "Kau... Maluuuuu nyerrrrrr! Camne ni!!" This event is the other most memorable event of 2007. Again, during a short post-mortem after the event I cried and cried and couldn't stop haha. Sungguh the buat malu k. Dr Faishal was there larh... I'd say this iftar was the least disappointing event I organised. Boleh tahan arh, menjadi jugak. And most importantly, I did my job. Before AND during the event. Of course ade mistakes jugak, but I shall make them lessons to be learnt. =)

Gema Ghufran was a perjumpaan hari raya held at MDG MPH. The only 2007 event that I was in the admin team. And the last event for me to organise in 2007... I quite did my job... I was the minutes recorder, erm... And till now I owe Fityan the last minutes for this event. Opps. >_< As for the calling calling part, first time seh kena buat (ok, second.. but the first time I only had to like like what 4 people?). Called most of the Springfield students who helped out in Ramadhan... And on the day itself, ape lagi: Registration lah. Didn't do much at the registration counter actually... But I guess there was a mutual understanding between me and Liyana. I do the minutes, we half-half do the calling, you do the registration list and all. Kan Liyana kan?

Dah itu je.. Adelah a few other events where I sebok2 help-out at like OCEAN where I helped to call people up, Korban where I did registration and had fun at =) dah chop tahun depan nak buat registration hehe and Tathmin Mibarrat where I did registration again but it was erm... a mess arh...

Ok! Dah aku dah tak tau ape nak tulis... Actually I wanna do like a Hall of fame of 2007 thingy like: The Most Happiest Moment, The Most Funiest Moment, The Most Scariest Moment, The Most Saddest Moment, The Most Embarrassing Moment, The Most Loneliest Moment, The Most Guilty Moment, The Most Silliest Moment bla bla bla, but I can't think much right now. So let me just tell a few stories...

There was a time (macam storytelling betol2 pulak haha, tapi ni cerita benar k) as part of our KPR class, Fityan went to qiyam at Masjid Firdaus, the one near the kubur ooOOooOO... There was this story which Ustaz Jamaluddin shared at midnight, which was saddening and makes us reflect afterwhich we wrote a surat wasiat for our family. I think that and the moment where we walked quietly in the kubur were the most taubat-ing moment of 2007 haha. And another moment was a conversation i had with Hafiz on MSN one fine night about kiamat. Taubat taubat...

Then there was this time during jalan raya with titisan at Elfy's house. We were eating at his dinig table at around 11pm gitu. Beside me was Haikal and beside him was Matin and they made jokes throughout the dinner that I kept laughing and laughing till I cried. I couldn't finish my rice larh, ate a few mouthfuls only!~

There's quite a few embarrassing moments which I'll remember. One of it, which is not too embarrassing to share hehe, was when I slid from the exit door almost all the way to the front of the bus and Jun and Fathi laughed at me so hard even after we alighted the bus and were walking.

1) My psycho group has come up with a suitable ad for our project. We just have to fine tune it a bit here and there to ease our work. Well, we are not exactly experts with video making and editing ok... Oh, and I get to become a small kid again! Wee!

2) I get to go to Stong with Saff!!! Woo hoo! But I must pay the $80 myself AND I must ensure my room is clean and neat hehehe.

3) I'm getting a laptop at $300!! I don't mind the investment! I mean firstly I do NEED that laptop. The only reason why I hesitate to buy is because I have to use my own money and it's such an 'ouch' using up >$1000 from my savings, which is meant for my uni after I obtain my diploma insyaAllah, for a machine. Seriously I doubt I'd get help from either Mendaki or CPF Boards. Without savings, how could I reach my dreams?

Hmm... It's past midnight and I haven't done my AMic essay!

Laughter is the best medicine. And I've been laughing and laughing until I can cry. Especially Titisan's last training before we break for Term Tests last night! We played 3 games.

1) We played this 'musical-chair'-like game. Four chairs were placed at each corner of the room and there's one 'monkey' in the middle. We must keep changing seats and we do that by signalling through eye contact with the other person across the room. Fun! And there were some super funny moments like when Haikal ran with his arms bent like a chicken wing and blocked the other person's way or when Sufi and Matin were fighting for the seat L-O-L! My strategy while exchanging seats was to be the first one to leave my seat instead of waiting for the other person to get up first. And while being the 'monkey', I stared at their eyes to prevent them having eye contacts with the others. But honestly lah, senang2 boleh sprain seh ankle!

2) Then we played the Cat-and-Mouse game. The last time I played it was in an open area and I was the Mouse. That time I kept running and running non-stop and hitting everyone in my way, even Fifi who was trying to ensure safety! Yesterday's session the conditons kept changing such as having to use alphabets to give directions or must crawl or must walk like a duck and such lah. When it was my turn, I had to crawl. Haha, I'm an expert! I was the Cat yesterday which makes things much easier! I crawled around the room as if all my life I'd been using four legs instead of two haha! Seriously, even they said that I was crawling so fast... My strategy was to try and keep my sense of direction even while Hid walk me and spin me around the room. But that was hard, I got lost halfway in the darkness. Sheesh, behind the blindfold I felt like I was in complete darkness but actually I wasn't. Second strategy was to focus on one voice. I guess I'm so used to Wani's voice by now that I can reognise it blindfolded and while crawling lol. Shut off the others, focus on Wani's voice and followed her directions and wa laa! I caught Wani! The part where Haikal was the Mouse and Rayhana was the Cat was funny. 11 secs seh! And their condition was they have to move sideways only like a crab. Oh oh! The part where Hafiz was Cat and Amalina was Mouse was worse! Their condition was to walk like a duck. Hafiz was waddling everywhere with his arms out and hugging whoever comes in his way, even Fifi! Lol, Fifi was flat against the wall shouting at Hafiz that she's not Amalina haha. Oh and Hafiz hit his head against the wall and Fifi didn't stop him lol!

3) We played 'concentration' and 'R-O-C-K' both of which if someone makes a mistake once we have a 'stupid' song to sing to and if she/he does another mistake, everyone will hit hit/her hand. Ouch, each hand came out super red after each round and ow ow ow Hid pinched Fifi and there was revenge alright. Pedih la seh! Suka eh korang menyakitkan kawan2 sendiri??

After the games was Spacejump and oh my my, you guyz are a creative bunch. Merepek2 tapi kelakar lah. Ade2 je eh. And well, Titisan brings out all the pent up emotions. If last time I cried my heart out, this time aku jadi gangster. Terkejut Hid haha, sry la beb, just reacting to the situation hehe.

Will always love Titisan...

Anyway, in school today Yuva and Kayathree calls me putih tikus cos I was wearing white pants and during lab I did a rat like posture lol.

I will not be late
I will not be late
I will not be late
I will not be late
I will not be late
X 20

I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
X 20

Time to pull my socks high high. It keeps falling uh. Nak kena letak getar kot?

Anyway, spent some time with friends lately. Last Sunday attended Ustaz Ahmad's wedding with Fathi, Jun, Husni and Ewanny. Ceh, Raja sehari la Ustaz.. Alhamdulillah nampaknya the wedding was a success... I like the idea of playing nasyid at the back rather than karaoke. And Ustaz Sofyan sang! Hehe, sorry people tak dapat jadi kendarat sama2. The thing was I didn't see the msg. Anyway, after that Husni went off while we went to Bedok to get Ewanny's doughnuts afterwhich Fathi, Jun and I went to visit Ustaz Irwan. We took bus 9 and when we were about to reach our stop, I stood up to proceed to the exit door. The bus driver braked suddenly and I we.. 'flew' all the way to the front of the bus. Alamak driver brake tak warning ar.. Aku pulak entah kenape takble brake. Fathi and Jun best ketawa? Haha, it WAS funny. Even I laughed! At myself.. And that day, according to Fathi and Jun aku macam joker haha. And it's non-intentional! Naturally in the blood ah. Hehe, I wonder what happened to it before this.

Time tengok Ustaz Irwan, biasalah ade je joke dia. He said, "Terharu saya. Saya nak nangis sampai bumi pon nangiskan." Haha, it was raining la. Since that day was Ustaz Ahmad's wedding, the main topic of the day is wedding and who of us four will marry first haha. Fathi, Jun and I ape lagi, gang up on Ustaz la! Haha, Ustaz, bila Ustaz nye turn pulak? Mesti buat tradition Arab tau, lepas sanding stay in hotel, start trend baru kat sini! Hehehe.. Anyway, throughout the whole discussion, I can't help noticing a bottle of ikan bilis. When I asked, he said, "Nak dengar cerita? Betul? Actually ade orang cina bed sebelah baru discharge. Dia tinggalkan botol ikan bilis ni jadi saya amek ah." And the three of us turned to look at his mum. Ustaz ni kalau bebual tak ble percaya, nak kena confirm ngan his mum haha. I hope Ustaz will be able to walk like normal again soon, but according to him he'll have to stay at St. Andrew's for about a month more...

Last evening met some of the Titisan peeps outside one stop center, great to see them again. After that had NI meeting. Hmm.. Can't wait for all the upcoming activities by NI! At 7 plus, I left for post-mortem at Ghufran for Gema Ghufran. Liyana's laughter is so weird! And Nadia is soo funny and candid lar haha. After the meeting patutnya balik but bila Jun cakap teringin nak gi Mac je semua orang pon eh ok ar! Haha, great spending time with you all. This bunch pon ade2 je tau.

Today, finally got to sit down and chat with Ad. Been a long time gurlfren haha. too bad u have sore throat. Get well soon ya!

I wonder what tomorrow brings. Hope it'd be a brighter day. Hope it's shine reaches deep into every nook of my heart and makes it glow with so much light that it reaches the hearts of people around me. Anyway enjoy the song below! That was all I managed to blog up this afternoon :)

It's one thing to be asked to do this and that as if you're the free-est person on earth. But to be asked to do this and that and not getting a word or at least a gesture of appreciation or worse, getting scolded along the way is really quite another matter...


I HATE PENTAS Sorry to all who've enjoyed yourselves and are missing Pentas and can't wait for the next one and all. BUT, well, do understand me. Your job is done while MINE, AMA'S AND IJAN'S HAVE NOT. While you guys are having hangovers over Pentas and dreaming of the fun times shared or at worse the worst rehearsal you had to go to, the three of us are getting 'live' nightmares over the props. And the worst thing is we're getting scolded for it because we have a 'responsibility' to carry out. Spiderman (or whatever Uncle in the movie) said, "With great power comes great responsibility"... But in our case, there is NO POWER which brings about the RESPONSIBILITY. We're volunteering our time and effort here and not a word of thanks instead lotsa lotsa scolding. AND NO ONE TO HELP US. It sucks alright.. Don't believe me, try it next Pentas. I'd be more than glad to let you have the job. Right Ama? Right Ijan?

Today marks the third time I cried because of the props. Ama and I had to carry boxes and boxes AND MORE BOXES of costume, make-up, radio, other left behind props and I don't know what else. We had one big rectangular box filled to the brim and begging to spill over, two ezprint boxes one on top of the other with cloth and 4 boxes of make-up and Naza's square box with some stuff and at least 5-6 poles, 2 of which threatens to scratch whatever surfaces we walk along or poke someone super unlucky to be walking towards us in the eye while pointing directions. Ikut hati, aku nak buang je sume. But to think of it, nak buang pon nak kena travel so might as well travel to SAA. Haiz, bila agaknya kitorang bertiga nak gi clean up bilik SAR tu ye. Sry quartermistress bilik tu berselerak balik but do understand our plight. Not many do right now...

People called us. People smsed us. People scolded us. People saw us. And all they could do is tell us, "The audi must be cleared by 5pm" You know who helped us? There was this couple we met along the alley to SAA who were going somewhere with a trolley. They looked like they needed it rather urgently too, but after we asked and explained our situation they lent us the troley for awhile. But they left us at that, just with the trolley. Cukup alhamdulillah la tu kan. Then we got stuck between the lift doors and there was this guy who kindly gave a helping hand, pushing the trolley from lift door all the way inside the SAR place. Alhamdulillah. We dunno who they are and they most probably don't believe in Allah, but they were there and we thank Allah for that.

It was just so hard. Tried to be strong while I was with Ama, but when she left, I had my mum's mats plus my box of telekong and kain2 alas I needed to bring home. It was hard to handle and I had no idea how to transport them by myself all the way from audi to lt 21 in biz school. It was humiliating enough to be seen with that many things, but I was just upset and angry that hot tears start to well. I dropped everything, squated down and ended up sitting on the ground somewhere along the alley between the audi and the staircase leading to the library. There were a few people there but who cares. Whether I stand or I sit with those stuff it'd be just as humiliating anyway kan...

Lela, I appreciate those words of appreciation. They make doing those heavy things lighter. Ama agrees with me. Eventhough you requested for some props/deco late, we (padahal Ijan ngan Nadiah yang buat eh) didn't feel forced to do them. We were obligated since it's our job but you made it sound as if we have a choice. IF we're not too busy. IF we can handle them. We find it easier to follow what you want cos you had pictures and directions so we could produce something as similar as what you asked for. I mean memang our job scope is to find things or make them for the show. You made our job easier and at the end of the day pon you get what you want and not something so different than what you visualized. Thanks for your understanding. Too bad this is your last Pentas. It was nice working with you dear.

Hai... Sesungguhnya kesabaran itu separuh daripada iman. Dan iman aku nampaknya dalam fasa menurun. Ya Allah, berilah aku hidayah...

I enjoyed myself afterall. I was super stressed up over props for the past few days. And that last few hours before the show was just unbearable. I broke down twice. Once at around 3pm, I just left everything I was doing, got up, told some of them I was going for prayers and off I went. I could have prayed at the audi, but I ran away. I didn't want the others to see. I broke down in the cargo lift at AS on the way to ITAS prayer room. I jolly well took 30-40 minutes calming myself down. When I returned, I was more or less composed.

There was a full-dress rehearsal when I returned. I haven't done my make-up yet but that's not important. The props must be ok. And no they were not. I forgot things. I forgot to convey certain instructions from Fifi to the Nadi crews and they were scolded scolded for my forgetfulness. I felt so bad. Not only that, I realised that there were still certain things missing. There were 3 boxes that were not wrapped in brown paper. The torchlights Ama brought was not what Fifi wanted. And while I was in the toilet washing my face, Fifi came in looking so stressed. And the way she saw me and looked away made me feel that it was all my fault. To top it all up, my Acharacterisations did not work the whole day! I just couldn't change all the stress of the day into energy for my character. THAT was just the breaking point.

I washed my face, left the toilet and entered the dressing room to have Ubaidah do my make-up for me. While she was putting foundation for me, I just lost it. I just cried and cried and could not stop. Not the bear hug Ubaidah gave me. Not the happy song Hidayah played for me on her hp. Not anything. I just couldn't stop. Tried to remember happy times. I could think of none. A few happy moments flashed through my mind, but it faded just as soon as it entered. I forced the tears to stop for awhile for the sake of my make-up.

But while the alumnis talked to us, the tears flowed again. It seemed impossible to stop. Hidayah hugged me, gave me advice and all and I went to the dark lane behind the stage and thought of nothing but my character. I ran around. I hopped around. I skipped around. Then I went to Maghrib. I asked for peace in my heart. After that I went into the toilet, looked into the mirror, bit into my finger and characterised again, running through my character's life story and saying out my lines. It slowly worked.

Went out and interacted with the other characters and before I knew it, it was our turn. All along, problems about the props popped up again and again but I suppressed it with my character. And I guess Nira's funny performance helped one way or another in cheering me up. When it was time to stage what we've rehearsed for the past month, I just did the best I can. I ignored the audience and concentrated on my character.

There's so many people I wanna thank. Nadi and Set designers for helping me out with the props and making leeways for me where there should be none. Ubaidah for my make-up and for calming me down. Hidayah for the advice and hug. All the others (I can't remember who!) for the encouragement. And Nira for indirectly cheering me up with their creative performance.

There's so many I wanna say sry to too, but that's between me and them.

Time's up! Time to study for m madrasah exam tmr! I've studied nothing AT ALL and it's 11.45pm already. Oh God. wish me luck!

Alhamdulillah the performance went well. I'm sure everyone put in their best effort, I know Titisan did and most importantly I know I did. Others may tell you, it could have been better. But in my opinion, if you've given the best you can then nothing is better than the best. Of course, there'll be others better than you. So don't be sad.

What Siddique (kan?) said was true. Keikhlasan itu penting. Always keep that in mind yar my dear Titisan and pass this on to soon-to-come members even to those after them and after after them and so on. "Don't act, but play." Don't forget all those things Hidayah or Fifi or our two alumnis taught us ok. Pass them on.

I hope you guys had fun. I hope you guys bonded even more. I hope you guys understand each other better. I hope you guys made new friends. I hope you guys tak serik join Pentas!!! I hope you guys carry on with upholding this seni you chose during CCA recruitment drive in your 1st sem in TP and never let it go just because you have other commitments, just because some things go awry among you guys or whatever other reasons.

You guys did well. You guys took up the challenge. I saw courage there. You guys were disciplined enough to follow instructions and to realise and learn from mistakes. I saw many of you constantly trying to improve the way you carry out your character. I saw the determination. I saw the sincerity.

I may not be there with you all the time, but I see from afar. And the fact that I don't hear complaints about you guys, I know you guys behaved. You guys deserved the compliments. One of the composed sub-groups you guys were. Keep up the good job alright :) And never never start to be besar kepala or sombong.. Again remember the reminders you received and pass them on.

Lastly, thank you... Thank you for your commitment and for your willingness. And sry for any shortcomings from myself and also from any of the seniors. I love you guys.

Oh my, TGIF! Thank God it's Friday!!!! And thank God there's no Titisan trg tonight!!! Lol, sry peeps, I'm juz so exhausted wokay...

But had fun ealier, walaupon sorang macam budak bodoh. I walked around TM and CS after Asar. My plan was to look for a bag (I was actually planning to buy this $19 waterproof bag and $49.90 Fila butterfly bag) but after walking around my eyes caught on more things than my pocket can fork out lol.

So initially I still wanted those 2 bags, just that the $19 was already $20, but after all those walkings, I saw another bag $29.90, a Fila shoe $39.90, 3 dresses $10, $15 and $25, Ozozo wallet $36, MYUK bag $36, MYUK wallet $29/$36 and MYUK small shange pouch $7.90. Oh God, all those totalled up to more than $150!! No no, I can't afford all that! Even after raya... So, mother to the rescue!!! I know I'm gonna hate having her to stop me buying what I don't need, but I had to ok. So in the end I just bought the Fila shoe, a bag that wsn't even in my list of wanted bags (the $29.90 one was just right but I think it was pig skin, and I touched it!!!) and the MYUK small change pouch. I'm so in need new tops and bottoms ok. And I'm still eyeing the $20 bag and the Ozozo/MYUK wallet alright. Dang, hari raya is gonna be over soon! haha, I sound so bad right? But pls eh, I don't go raya just for the money. Prove is, the following pics. Pics of great memories spent with my friends and we didn't get no money in moooooost of the houses. We even forked out money k. :) So next up, as promised: the long-awaited pics (or shall I say memories?)...

Here are pics of Titisan Jalan Raya '07 dated 4th Nov, Fityan Gema Ghufran Perjumpaan Hari Raya '07 dated 3rd Nov and below are pics of NI Jalan Raya '07 dated 27th Oct. Enjoy! Anyway, malas ar nak caption, so tengok pics je cukup la eh.

Best Days Lyrics






Snow Patrol Lyrics
Chasing Cars Lyrics

This week has been sooooooo horrible! I'm just so tired and exhausted each night I step home YET I couldn't go to sleep cos I have work to do but I still crawl into bed and 'accidentally' fall asleep anyway (even with the computer still on sometimes hehe) which means that I have to wake up as early as 5am to complete whatever tasks I have. And oh God, I've been late for class like practically everyday since school started lah!

Let's take today as an example...

Startled awake. Solat Isya' (v. bad right...) and Subuh. 'Scribble' MBio tut. Realised something wrong with thumbdrives (but actually the comp) Complete Background Info for AMic mini project Proposal. Brush teeth everything, iron clothes and get ready for school, grabbed a cookie and out! Wait for bus, dang! Forgot hp. Journey to school. MBio lec. Met some friends. MBio tut. Met Nurul to take back Psycho book. PC lab. Attempted to do a proper reference page for AMic proj but short of time. Passed thumbdrive. Had lunch with Rani and Kayathree. Mountain of tauge. Talked, chatted, joked, laughed and err, insulted? Forgot MBio lab at noon not 1pm. Lucky was still with Rani and Kayathree. Rushed. Waited for lift all full. Climbed from lvl 2 to lvl 7. Pants. 2 Practicals in one. Give directions. Super bad stomachache. Long time in toilet. Kayathree came to check. Lab ended. Rushed to Zohor. Was slightly late for AMic lec. Ended early. Went for Asar. Met Sis Raihanah. Realised socks missing. Rushed back to lvl 3. One right in front of the lift. One in LT. Mr Loh thought late, "Lec finish already". Rushed to PC lab for AMic proj. Didn't do much, made things worst and messier actually. Quickly finish up briefly. Realised haven't typed out minutes for Abchm proj and it's due today! Showed Mr Loh AMic proj. Said ok. Rushed to take key for MS03. Fell on stairs. Bruise boo hoo. Fifi already took key. Felt like crying. Rushed to MS03. Went to library. Met Kak Maryam, Shikin n Nyzah. Typed out minutes. Forgot to bring cashcard. Asked Nyzah for cashcard or paper. Got 2 paper from her frriend. Thx. In the end, printed at Design printing shop. Ran to AS to hand in HFLA and minutes. Met Raudah and Kak Maryam. Ran back to MS03. Joined characterisation. Couldn't get into character. So distracted. Watched others practice. Joined Pentas main-comm's discussion. Props!! Artistic... Joined Titisan back. Acted for awhile. End of training. Went Srisun. Full. Went Al-Kader. Mee kuah. Jokes. DKK. Irritated. Went home. Tired. Exhausted. Sleepy. Sheesh!

Ok, it's almost a cycle everyday. Yesterday was pretty much just as bad. Had Abchm meeting. Had NI meeting. KFC.

It feels like each day is divided into parts. Part 1: Lessons. Part 2: Breaks. Part 3: Projects. 4: Titisan training. 5: Late dinners. You get me la yar.

Tomorrow Deepavali... Thought I could sleep in till noon or something but have Titisan training then have jalan raya. *Yawn*

This vicious cycle will continue... AMic proposal by Friday. Pentas training everyday. Need find props. Pentas next Friday. AMic lab proj. Abchm PBL. MCT and MBio I'm pretty much lost. NI events. Ni Fityan belom lagi ni tau.

Dah dah, tak ble angkat ar, ngantok!!!!