It's 2am in the morn! And I haven't done much! I've bathed, cleaned my room and washed my clothes (haven't hang out to dry though)... But I haven't started on my schoolwork! I wanted to finish my Chem report! And my FOC prog minutes... :(

I took almost an hour just reading my emails, woAH!

I'm giving silat a miss tmr. My roomie is quitting silat (padahal I was the one, who from the start has been contemplating over and over again whether to quit silat or not haha, and right now she is so tempting me to quit as well... My purpose of joining was partly to try something new, which I did, and I never planned to stay long anyway, I would definitely quit when I end NIE, longest would be 8 years down the road uh...) tmr.

It's 7 days away... Getting closer to death *gasp*

I have FOC prog minutes due tmr night, I have a short meet with Head of Publicity on Friday afternoon, I have a Chem lab report due on Friday, I have meeting on Friday night, I have 3 things going on this Sat (Kak Faiezah's wedding, madrasah friends' outing, FOC gathering to make kuih layang2 all at about the same timing), I have madrasah on Sunday, I have ICT essay/lesson-plan due on Monday, I have FOC prog meet on Monday afternoon, I have ALS Statement of topic due on Tuesday, I have FOC general meeting on Wednesday night, I have NTU-MI silat friendlies next Thursday, I have another Chem lab report due next Friday *stones*

And right now I am super sleepy... I hope tmr will be a better day, a more fruitful day... I end class at 11.30am, I have 12hrs to do work?

We'll see...

Btw I attended NTUMS's Monthly Dose of Islam just now. The speaker was Ustaz Asmadi Ahmad, principal of the Young Khulafa' Institute, who happened to be the ex-president of NTUMS back in 1992.... He's a good speaker, and I feel that he presented very well on the topic given, "Death as Hikmah"... Great reminders :))) I need them...

Today... I went to madrasah... We started the first lesson of this year (FYI: my year 3 sem 1 term 1) with a discussion within 4 groups. 1) female youths, 2) male youths, 3) female adults, 4) male adults. We were to discuss what we think people our age out there generally envision for themselves within the next 10 years... And we talked about 4 aspects. 1) career, 2) community, 3) religion, 4) community. It was an interesting discussion. Unfortunately, we did not have access to internet and such to back up what we say with survey findings etc.

Ustaz gave an insight (it was like a tazkirah) about how is the world like now. he reminded us, that with the passing of another year, we are one more year nearer to returning to Allah swt. Yet, the world nowadays are guiding us away from Allah instead of towards Allah. The older generations are putting their hand on the youths of today to be the leaders (be it political, spiritual etc) of tomorrow yet our youths nowadays are more concerned about glamour, about money. Sadly, the mindset now is such that, what is ma'aruf is viewed as mungkar, not only by the youths btw, while what is mungkar is viewed as ma'aruf (memang dasarlah sekarang ni aku confuse sangat2 dan sedang mencari apa yang haq).

Ustaz directed a question towards us, students of the DPI program, year 3 and above... "Apakah peranan aku dalam agama?" We are ambassodor of Islam everywhere we go. We are da'ie ila Allah, whether we like it or not. It is our role, our responsibility, our amanah as students of this program...

Actually, I do want to know more about what it is like out there. I realise that I have been closing one eye all these while. I'd been living in my own bubble, oblivious of what's happening out there. I say I want to outreach to the community, yet I do not know what is really the situation in the community. I realise that I had been assuming all these while, never really going out there to find out for myself, never really observing, opening my eyes wide to everything around me...

But how do I find out???

For BILL camp, we did a survey on the general public in Tampines. That was interesting. I like what Sufyan's group did. Sufyan, gangster like as he is, can be an asset to us actually. Hmmmm....

Anyway, the module title was actually 'Pengajian Tazkiah Nufus', which actually means 'membersihkan jiwa daripada sifat mazmumah, yang tak elok, kepada sifat mahmudah, yang mulia', which is actually wajib in our lives. Ustaz talked about our purpose in life, yakni: Tidak Aku menjadikan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk mengabdikan diri kepada Aku (Surah 51: ayat 56). It is 100%, no less, obedience to Allah.

Ustaz elaborated further about ibadah umum and ibadah khusus, and bring us to reflect how many of us, even us who learns about the religion, do not prioritise our ibadah khusus, like solat, zakat, puasa, selawat etc, when in fact it is much much more important than our ibadah umum, which is anything good that we do, that is halal, that gives benefit to others such as whatever we do for our job, our volunteer work etc...

Ustaz went on to talk about 2 syarat amalan kita diterima... 1) ihklas, which is beribadah semata-mata mencari keredhaan Allah s.w.t. 2) mengikut landasan syara'.

Woah... That's just the first lesson... 4 more lessons to go!

Firstly, kepada kengkawanku dari Fityan dan Saff, I truly apologise for not being able to make it to your jln raya. Sincere apologies seua, hug sikit boleh? (Yang mahram je lah)

Secondly, to all NI, NI FA, NI Alumnis, NYPMSN, NYPMSN Alumnis dan sesape sahaja yang join jln raya kita semalam, thank you so much for coming along and contributing whatever you contributed (even your presence itself is a contribution too!) and on behalf of the rest, I apologise for any shortcomins on our part.

Ok, time to go informal! Ouh, aku memang gini... Kena warm-up sikit, tunggu climax dia eh. Sesape yang hang-out ngan aku semalam paham la eh. You know I know we know!

I had a great time yesterday. It was tiring yes, sampai rumah at around midnight, terlentok2 along the way. Maklumlah the night before aku tido around 3am gitu abistu pagi ade madrasah, ade gi my aunt open house sume penat noh.

Bagi sesape yang tak tau, bila aku ngantok I either keep super quiet (like in the earlier part of the day) or I get super hyper (like since brother Saiful's house). Tapikan, aku rasa macam ade pape gitu kat brother Saiful nye rumah. Bukan nye ape ah, but macam as soon as I entered macam aku dah start gila2 lol. Sry ye sesape yang tak beberapa suka.. But perhaps it's just that at that point of time, I was pretty much bonded with some of the sisters already. Dah kenal nama, dari mana, sekolah mana, kerja ape, dah kahwin belum, anak berapa hehehe.

Alhamdulillah I think yesterday's objective to strengthen ukhuwwah between the above mentioned golongan2 (mcm ape pulak) was met. At the end of the day, I felt bonded to most of the sisters. Nak turun tu pon dorang sume mcm bye2 like hai... When can I see them again?

Made friends especially with Sisters Nazirah, Amy and Yati (as in really sit down and talk) and I get to know Nyzzah better (which is we can be sama2 gila haha, if only yesterday was an all sisters outing hmm... I wonder what stunts I'd pull with her lol). Others like Kakak2 Maryam AR, Fiza (Princess Pink/Oh), Sarah, Saqinah and Wani I get to mix around more.

Initially, I was like hiding behind Kak Sarah and Kak Saqinah tau. Then somehow I Nazirah talked to me and shared some problems sume abistu I hopped over to join Amy since Nyzzah wanted to sit with Nazirah. At a point, I sat with Kak Maryam to help her with the money collecting for the bus rental fees, and then at another I found myself beside Kak Yati who told me about how she got into teaching hehe. Along the way adelah bebual sikit2 dengan yang lain. Ade yang mcm ade clique gitu kita tak bebual sangat, ala malu ar hehe. Buat paiseh je.

Anyway, during the jln raya, we had 3 tazkirahs. I apologise that the one which I gave, which was the first, wasn't the best tazkirah I could do. Firstly, it was my first time doing it and I was super nervous. Secondly, I didn't really hafal the ayat2 that I used. Thirdly, what I prepared was too long such that when I tried to shorten it, I overdid it till I forgot to mention the significance of my topic to jln raya. Fourthly, because my team tinggalkan kita sorang2 boo hoo so the only support I felt I could get was from Kak Maryam and it's a really daunting moment to face like what 20 people, excluding my parents. And yes, last but not least, I thought having the tazkirah at my own house would calm my nerves down a little bit, but...having my parents around watching me and listening to every word I say was totally NOT.

I wonder... If that tazkirah was examinable. I could have failed. No greeting. Boring intro. Content berterabuh. Posture inappropriate. And bla bla bla. I suppose if Brother Saddiq had been there to listen, he coul list down a hundred and one stuff that should or should not have been done. But nevermind...

I doubt my mum knows what a tazkirah really is. I myself was only introduced to it by Saff somewhere around June this year. After I gave my tazkirah, my mum asked me questions. I was soooooo taken aback at that. I should have told the whole room about the questions raised by my mum and answered openly instead of answering her personally. But seriously, calm as I tried to be, I was so shocked that I couldn't be lol.

Oh and that's just the way my mum is. Semua aku buat semua salah. Apa dah. Mesti ade comment yang negative. Memanglah manusia tu tak sempurna dan patut diingatkan dan ditegur (as it goes in my tazkirah also) and there's really no point in positive comments whereas negative comments make you improve. But gosh, it does affects your self-confidence when you receive too much negative comments la ok. As if you're always a failure. I was feeling so down after the tazkirah la. Dah la before that I had butterflies in my stomach such that I couldn't eat at Kak Maryam's house. After that pulak I was feeling too down and inconfident and paiseh and entah pape lagi la such that I couldn't eat at Kak Erlyna's house. And the food served at their houses looked delicious! Got sup tulang merah at Kak Maryam's house and I saw people menambah2 at Kak Erlyna's house.

Lega sikit dapat luah that part. Anyway, in the earlier part of this post my mum was sitting beside me. Nak cerita pasal my cousins yang datang my house smlm la but erm, excuse me, some privacy please?

Anyway, the other two tazkirah's were given by brothers Hafiz H and Mohksin on adab2 menziarah and pelapis respectively. I don't think they had prepared it (as in like before the jln raya) but they gave superb tazkirahs. Should learn from them.

One thing I learn and see is that NI provides us with new learning experiences that would equip us for the future. And whatever they put us through simply makes us stronger and better people. See where the alumnis are now, doing wonderfully well in whatever they do (not that all credits goes to NI la lol, effort on their part pon mesti ade pe).

Oh, lupa nak cakap. We did this thing where every house we went, before we went off, a rep would thank the host and doa for them. How good it that? :)

Kk, I've got school. InsyaAllah kalau ade masa, NI jln raya pics up next and the written version of my tazkirah (I realise I write better than I speak. Stereotype: budak Science? I wanna prove them wrong. I can speak as well as write.)

I had a great day yesterday. Walaupun penat, aku tak menyesal!

Went out with Jamie and Ad yesterday afternoon after class to look for a new bag to replace my almost-torn-and-tattered one. I saw this really nice one at the Fila shop at TM but I just can't decide on whether the white one or the pink one fits me better! Ishk, so indecisive of me. Pasal bag pon pening kepala apa dah. Anyway thanks for accompanying me, Jamie and Ad! Oh, I bought a new letter set, can't wait to write to Sylvia in it! So glad there's the shop Lovely Land which recently opened at CS. It sells cute stuff, including letter sets! I don't have to go so far to Kino to buy letter sets anymore!

Last night I followed NI to visit Nenek Zaurah and Nenek Rokiah at Chai Chee. It was an interesting experience I tell you! I've said it, and I'm gonna say it again, tak menyesal beb! The group started with 3, then 5, then 6, then 7, then 10, then 11, then 8, then 5 and you get my point nvm haha. When we knocked on Nenek Zaurah's house, she sounded angry for coming at night but when she let us in, she was so hospitable. A very nice nenek living all alone in a small yet cozy house/room. She insisted we drank and ate. She even served us food and lauk lemak nangka! It was really simpla fare, but what do you expect someone living alone to have? A feast? The food were from the fridge and it wasn't heated. Some of us couldn't eat it, but some of us did. Aku no prob. Cuma sambil jamah makanan tu (dan diingatkan oleh kakak2 di situ untuk put my shoes in the nenek's), macam sebak. Macam mana agaknya aku nanti. Lama lagi, memang. But time flies. One day I could just say, "It seems like yesteday that I visited those neneks at Chai Chee. How I wish someone would visit me today..." Lagi satu, I wonder how my parents would be. Nenek Zaurah was sad that her anak2 only came on the first day then after that the house was silent until we came. Sedih tau!! I hope my parents wouldn't be like that. Takut2 sekarang I visit nenek2 ni then sampai masa my own parents I tak jaga. Astaghfirullah. Ya Allah, ingatkanlah aku tentang semalam bila perlu aku disedari. Amin.

Nenek Rokiah on the other hand was already waiting for us. Just as (or was it before) we knocked on her door, she opened it. She was expecting us and received us with open arms. We ate and drank and she told us HER story. Her children are great. One even sends a maid once or twice a month to clean her house. Just that her health is failing and next year we may not see her (terkejut sekejap bila dengar ni) as she might be at one of her children's houses. She told us about her grandchildren. Hmm.. Budak2 tak tau apa yang dorang cakap tapi boleh tersinggung jugak hati orang. Nenek Rokiah told about the incident nonchalantly as if it's just a small matter but the fact that she remembered it and told us about it proves something else. (Cheh, baru one tut one lec on psycho dah pandai anak mak lol jk) Her granddaughter who is 7 yrs old called her stupid cos she dunno how to use the computer. And according to her, her grandchildren don't wanna come her house cos there's no computer, there's no internet and all... Hai, nenek aku pon takde computer, takde internet but some of her grandchildren seems to flock to her (and live with her), maybe except aku...

Let's take this as a lesson to be learnt la eh. What goes around comes around therefore do unto others how you want others to do unto you. Entahlah quote dari sape tapi sekarang ni, inilah jadi antara satu prinsip hidupku. I wanna visit the neneks again!!! Let's make it a point to visit them once in awhile, just to see how they're doing, to listen to them and cheer up their day! I wanted to visit Nenek Patimah. The other day she had so many stories to tell, but I forgot her door number... Besides, she doesn't open her doors at night she told us the other day.

On a happier note, Puan Hafifah just had a granddaughter! Kak Wani initially said that she's a handsome baby boy hehehe, sekali... Her name's Ayuni (I'm pretty sure it's not Ayumi) Hidayah and she was born on 10th Oct 07 (10 10 seh) cum 27th Ramadhan just after midnight (aisehman, imagine if it was lailatul Qadr) and she's so adorable!! Oh oh, and it's such a small Singapore! I didn't realise I was in Nawawi's house until I saw the family pic. Tak kusangka my Sec sch classmate is Puan Hafifah's son! Anyway, lupa pulak... Happy Birthday Kak Sarah!!!

I had Titisan this morning. It was... like a meditation class hehe. Cuma difference dia kan, in yoga you put all your worries away and go out relaxed whereas in Titisan you put your worries away and insert the worries of your character's!! Lol, selamat ar korang yang character bermasalah... I'm an 8 year old kid who's pissed off at her irritating younger sister and I tell you it's hard to get out of the character! I'm so easily pissed off these few days, perhaps cos I'm getting into character. Sorry Ad, Jamie, Zakiah and who else found me easily irritable this week and the following weeks till Pentas is over. Jangan aku jadi budak 8 yr terus lepas ni sudah. I need to learn how to get out of character when I need! Time AGM last year, I remember I was Sleepy, as in you know Snow White's seven dwarves? Even after AGM, once I step into Titisan room I become sleepy. Haha, is this what being conditioned is? I hope I do a goos job for Pentas! Eventhough Fifi and Hid says there's never a redundant character, I feel mine is, but I shall still do my best to put up a convincing act :) Aku rinduuuuuuu acting!

Let's see.. My first act was in the Royal Murder with ELDDS in Sec 2 or 3. I was a servant to the queen. Then there was Racial Harmony Day act with ELDDS again. I was a Chinese mother, kene cakap cina tauu! Then I was one of the fairy godmothers in my class act for Teachers' Day. We had to do a grease dance kwangz! Then in Titisan, I was involved in AGM as mentioned above. Then there's Salam Aidilfitri in which I made an entrance of just 15 sec and left haha but I was the Asst Director and honestly speaking, I sucked at it. Last but not least was Pentas Janji where I was one of the angels. Enjoyed the stomp. Tak kisahlah org kata merepek ke, tak menjadi ke, sungguh tak angelic ke, I liked it. And Ad came to watch it! In the red dress we chose for her! Appreciate it gurl! There was also this year's AGM when I was IC of the costume and PPP when I was props mistress. Finally there's Pentas Rahsia of which I'm the props mistress again and I'm gonna be one of the extras in Titisan's show. Hopefully everything goes well. I'm waiting for the props list from Fifi.

Okok, side track jauuuuuuuh sekali. Dah dah, I've got work to do! Coming up next, pics of NI jln raya insyaAllah!