When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.



Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.



Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.



Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I am here,
and I always will be,
till there comes a time,
when I know for sure,
that thee will not be here for me.

Only then,
shall I take my leave,
with tears in my eyes,
and a scar seared deep
in a heart that has always been patient
waiting,
wondering,
if it would ever find its pair in thee.

I cannot know what the future holds,
so my heart shall stay patient
and wait for what may not be.

But yes,
for now,
I am here,
and I always will be.

So random. But I'm in kind of an artistic mode. School's enough to feed my intellectual mode, so I need an avenue to sharpen the other side of me.

Bila jiwa terasa kosong, hidup bagaikan hilang segala ertinya. Makanya hendaklah jiwa itu diisi dengan zikir kepada Allah, supaya ketenangan dapat terasa...

Di keheningan malam tanpa teman mendampingi diri,
Saat ketenangan dicari dan didamba sang hati,
Terasa diriku bagaikan dinyahut dan diseru,
Untuk menjadi tetamu, khas di rumahMu.

Kebelakangan ini hati terasa begitu resah,
Diselimuti pelbagai macam masalah.
Tapi dini hari sebagai tetamuMu,
Telah aku luahkan segala isi hatiku itu.

Walaupun masalah tetap masalah,
Namun pelbagai nikmat berlimpah-ruah.
Lalu hanya satu kalimah membasahi lidah,
Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

:)))))

I'm motivated!!!

I'm motivated to revise. I'm motivated to restart memorizing the Qur'an. I'm motivated to improve my solat. I'm motivated to keep my room clean as much as possible. I'm motivated to restart reading my Islamic books!

Apart from that, I am more or less motivated to spearhead the programmes planning for FOC... I've started doing SOMETHING at least... The ukhuwwah between us that got strengthened from the layang2 making, the shooting, the chalet and the carnival really helps :) I love these people, though I've yet to regard them as how I regard my Fityan peeps like family, well except for Amirah whom I've regarded as a sister. Somehow I regard her as an older sister, eventhough I'm the older one hehe...

But I've yet to find the motivation to go silat. Jun, I need you! I'm still scared to go silat. It is fun actually, but I dunno why I'm just so scared. Not to mention, my inner self keep telling me, "Why aren't you quitting silat yet? You would have extra 3hrs each week for studies and/or religion. Didn't you say you're just there to get the experience? Haven't you had enough experience already???" Hmmm.... These thoughts are so not helping larhhhhh...

Anyway, part of my motivation seems to stem from rewatching Huan Zhu Ge Ge (with English subtitles, wheeeee~!). The devotion and respect that the servants give to Huang Shang should be many many times multiplied by me as a servant to the King of the Universe, Allah. And Zi Wei and Yong Qi's poetry reading makes me look back at the Qur'an and appreciate the artistic language used. Their ability to memorize so many poems makes me wanna memorize the Qur'an.

The part about their wu gong skills did not rub off on me in terms of silat though, haha... Oh well...

All in all, I enjoyed my one week break very much, and I guess it's time to move ahead into the second part of the sem and do well in the different aspects of my life! My 21st year :))))

There's alot I need to reflect on, and maner lagi nak turn to bila time nak reflect reflect ni kalau bukan kat blog kita.

Been sighing more than normal this week. Actually takde banyak benda sangat la this week, but entah. I guess I'm going through a personal rough patch internally.

Dari Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu anhu, sesungguhnya Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa Sallam telah bersabda : “Barang siapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah ia berkata baik atau diam, barang siapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah ia memuliakan tetangga dan barang siapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah ia memuliakan tamunya”. [Bukhari no. 6018, Muslim no. 47]

Actually, I feel that I'm quieter this week. Macam... more reserved, or... entahlah, I can't really put it into words gitu...

"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan;
"Kami telah beriman," sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya
kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah
mengetahui org2 yg benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."
-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

Sebenarnya aku terasa amat letih sekali. Ingin sahaja aku memasuki sebuah gua dan tinggal di dalamnya buat seketika. Ingin sekali berjauhan dari dunia, dari manusia. Kedua ini seolah-olah telah mengaburkan pandanganku. Dengan internet, dengan hp dan sebagainya.

Nak kata marah, tak jugak. Sedih, pon tak jugak. Kecewa? Mungkin. Yang benar, air mata telah mengalir dan terasa kekosongan didalam jiwa.

Apapun, aku terpaksa menghadapi kenyataan. Aku tidak boleh lari kemana-mana selain maju kehadapan. Tidak boleh mengundur. Tidak boleh berhenti.

Aku tertanya-tanya: Adakah ini semua hanya ujian buat diriku? Atau mungkin peringatan yang berharga?

Entahlah.

"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yg beriman." - Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

I think I'm not a people person lah. Lebih suka bersendirian. Lebih suka melayan perasaan. Hai... No wonder I'm more attracted to research work. Duduk sorang-sorang pikir, berbual sendiri semua. Bila tangan bergerak melakukan tugas, mulut bergerak menghibur diri kemudian fikiran melayang memasuki lain dimensi -

Dimensiku...
Di mana tiada orang lain di situ
selain diriku.
Jikalau dibanyanginya sekarang, tempatnya indah.
Terdapat banyak pepohon,
baik yang rendah mahupun yang tinggi.
Terdapat juga kupu-kupu yang mewarnai kehijauan sekeliling
dengan warna-warninya sayap mereka.
Menembusi dedaun hijau pohon-pohon yang tinggi
adalah pancaran matahari yang menerangi kawasan.
Dan kedengaran merdunya suara burung-burung
yang berkomunikasi antara satu sama lain
yang bahasanya tak mungkin aku fahami
namun menjadi lagu buat diriku.
Diriku sendiri boleh didapati berehat di bawah pohon yang rendang,
berbaju kuning terang
menunggu saat malam mendatang.

I miss roleplaying. I miss reading fantasy stories. Where the impossible is possible. And things come alive.

Last lap. TE term test on Tues. LAST term test and prac written test on Wed. RTechB sem exam on Fri. BPT sem exam on next next Wed. Then one week break which will be capped off with RYCamp. Followed by SIP the following Mon. Do pray for me...

I need that energy bounce back. I'd been releasing my energy to others, but it seems that the energy just dissipates before reaching others or gets absorbed by them instead of getting bounced back to me for me to bounce it back to them back or to other people. I'm left energy-less. And with what little energy I have left, I don't know if I wanna risk releasing any of it to the people around me again. What if it doesn't get bounced back to me again? What will I be left with? What will I be without energy? Speechless? Motionless?

Titisan people would understand the analogy above. I have no idea how else to explain this. It's not about giving and taking tau. It's about erm.. what eh? Response? Erm, not sure if that it right.

Actually initially this entry is supposed to be about how dreadful LAST prac was and also how interesting the dinner with Kak Maryam and Liyana was. But I guess that's for me to keep for now. I had to let out the above first. Hoping to feel better. I dunno. Still feels empty. At least the tears have stopped.

Anyway, two of my sisters aren't feeling well. Do make du'as for them may they get well soon.

Before I end, a comfort and reminder to myself: "ya qalbi, la tahzan ya qalb" (O heart, don't be sad o heart.) HAVE FAITH. Allah is sufficient for me .There is no God but He. I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne. - wish to live by this, but hadn't been successful. But it does bring some comfort sometimes.

Who you see may just be who I want you to see me as. At the same time, it may just be you who misjudge me. Perhaps, because you don't know me. The fault lies with both parties - you and me.

Sajak - Guru Oh Guru

BERBURU ke padang datar
Dapat rusa belang kaki
Berguru kepala ajar
Ibarat bunga kembang tak jadi


Dialah pemberi paling setia
Tiap akar ilmu miliknya
Pelita dan lampu segala
Untuk manusia sebelum jadi dewasa.

Dialah ibu dialah bapa juga sahabat
Alur kesetiaan mengalirkan nasihat
Pemimpin yang ditauliahkan segala umat
Seribu tahun katanya menjadi hikmat.

Jika hari ini seorang Perdana Menteri berkuasa
Jika hari ini seorang Raja menaiki takhta
Jika hari ini seorang Presiden sebuah negara
Jika hari ini seorang ulama yang mulia
Jika hari ini seorang peguam menang bicara
Jika hari ini seorang penulis terkemuka
Jika hari ini siapa sahaja menjadi dewasa;
Sejarahnya dimulakan oleh seorang guru biasa
Dengan lembut sabarnya mengajar tulis-baca.

Di mana-mana dia berdiri di muka muridnya
Di sebuah sekolah mewah di Ibu Kota
Di bangunan tua sekolah Hulu Terengganu
Dia adalah guru mewakili seribu buku;

Semakin terpencil duduknya di ceruk desa
Semakin bererti tugasnya kepada negara.
Jadilah apa pun pada akhir kehidupanmu, guruku
Budi yang diapungkan di dulangi ilmu
Panggilan keramat "cikgu" kekal terpahat
Menjadi kenangan ke akhir hayat.

USMAN AWANG
1979
From http://adib.typepad.com/blog/2006/03/where_are_youte.html



Lilin Seorang Guru
Album : Impian Kasih
Munsyid : In-Team
http://liriknasyid.com

Pernah langkah ku payah
Menuju ke destinasi
Kerana malam gelap
Dan bintang hilang kerdipnya
Menjadikan arah ku keliru
Ke timur atau ke barat

Bagai lilin membakar diri
Menerangi kegelapan hati
Kau curahkan bakti dan budi
Jasamu tiada berganti

Namun tanpa rasa payah
Dia memimpin tanganku
Melangkah satu persatu
Dan mencipta jejak impian
Menjadikan arahku jelas
Aku harus ke hadapan

Ohoo… aku kini rindu
Pada satu nama yang berjasa
Tuhan, beri kekuatan
Untuk mendidikku selamanya
Ku pohon restu kasih-Mu
Ampunkanlah guru-guruku

Semalam ku lihat dia
Di bibirnya ada kalimah
Yang bergetar saban waktu
Sambil tangan menggenggam lilin
Lilin yang tiada terpadam
Menerangi hidupku kini

There are really some good videos at youtube about guru. Do check them out when you're free :)

Just wanna share a poem which makes me stop and reflect when I read it, even though it is actually not the first time I read it...

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head? You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

One word: Guilty

Jentik sikit je and I'd have tears in my eyes and before long, my tears would be mencurah-curah. Buruk seh.

Night cycling was wonderful. It'd have been perfect if I just had a cushion as a seat, ouch ouch.

The stars in the sky was just beautiful, subhanallah... the nightsky filled with all those constellations was just too magnificent. And the sunrise... How the stars somehow disappeared and the sky grows lighter and lighter and there were hues of purple and pink and orange and blue... Wonderful. Simply wonderful...

Suddenly ngah tengok sunrise dapat pulak ilham nak tulis sajak/pantun whatever you call it. To me, it sounds like neither. It's just luahan hati...

As the sun slowly shines through
and rays push the dark clouds away
The waves lap against the shore
and the ships cover the horizon

The only words that comes to mind
were;
"Subhanallah,
Walhamdulillah,
Walailahailallah,
Wallahu akbar!"

The sight was overwhelming
that I can't help
but fill my eyes with tears.

And as I turn to reflect
I ask,
"What have I done to deserve such a gift?"
And tears flowed over the brim
as I realise
I've done nothing much
and I've been bad
and I'm still bad

I have a purpose here
We all do
I have not fulfilled mine yet
What if I were to be called back?
To rest
for many more years
before I will be reawakened
To answer for my deeds
and my wrongdoings.

Asyhadu ala ilaha ilallah
Waasyhadu anna Muhammad ar-rasulullah...