I'd been holding it in. I didn't wanna shed a tear. But...

Keep telling myself that this is a test, la tahzan, that there's a reason Allah has ordained things to turn out this way. Probably Allah is testing me if I am amongst the grateful. Probably Allah knows I can take it and this test will just make me stronger.

Yet it is still demoralising. It's like I wanna talk to somebody but I dunno how to handle it. Mahmudah called me right after I broke the news. I was still ok then, still trying to hold things together. And I was smsing Pie also about it. But in a sense I'm not looking for comfort. I just want to get it over with.

I guess the U in D.U.I.T. is not enough... I guess I need to work harder.

And right now I need twice the effort to keep myself strong and going on. Ya Allah, help me.