I've managed to wake up from my unconciousness after the fall (read my previous post, I'm not gonna elaborate), but I still have a long way to go. I need to sit up, I need to stand, I need to learn how to walk again before I can run. It's gonna take time... But I will run one day, insyallah!

I had to relive my nightmare at my 2nd uncle's house this afternoon, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. It was more like a bad dream than a nightmare and I'm on the verge of waking up. I just need someone to shake me up a bit before I can really be aware of my surroundings.

I reached my 2nd uncle's house at the same time as my 1st uncle. It's normal that my 1st aunt asks about our education and so, when we saw her, my mum said, "Be prepared." I took a deep breath, put on my best smile and tried to put away my 'shame'. But then I thought, "Shame? What shame?!"

I definitely did better for O levels than prelims for most subjects, and for the other subjects, I did just as well. Only when I compare to my Sec 3 results can I see that my Chemistry had dropped from A1 to B3 and HML from A2 to B3. But then again, I used to fail E-Maths, A-Maths, Physics, Biology and Combined Humanities. For the past two years, I'd been failing at least two of them for each exam I take, and I actually achieved B3 for all, except Combined Humanities, for O levels!

Of course I'm still disappointed. I think I'm at least in 10th position from the back at tms for 4 Express, seriously! Even a few 5 Normal students get to enter JC! I'm not human if I'm not disappointed... And don't try to stop me from feeling disppointed, it'd just become worse. I feel guilty too. I didn't try my best. This isn't my best! Disappointed and guilty as I am, I shall work hard in whichever course I take in Poly and hopefully, I would shine there. I shall learn and I shall adapt. This is all part of the trials and tribulations of life, including my very own life. I guess this small setback is necessary. I need it. Maybe someday I would be grateful for it. Who knows? I just hope I have the same determination as my brother who spent two years more in university than normal to graduate with a bachelor's degree in civil and structural engineering.

Yikes! It's so late already. I still need to read some stuff for tomorrow! I just need to add something: My condolences to a friend whom I just learned had lost her beloved mother a few days ago, a few days before the O level results were out. Allah loves your mother more. Be strong ok... If you need someone to talk to, I can lend a listening ear even if I can't say much to console you. May your mother's soul rest in peace...

I felt that what happened was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person that I cried till I look like a monster with a pair of bloody red eyes in a pale face, but now I realise, there's always someone who is facing something harder than me. I mean, what's doing not so well in one exam, no matter how major it is, compared to losing someone you love dearly forever and ever?