I wonder, how does one be a pillar of strength for others when he/she has hardly any strength left?

Procrastination is a killer I tell you. A downright plain murderer. I'm about to be one of it's victims, again.

But, I tried. I tried not to procrastinate. Not working. It's part of me now and I hate it.

My subconscious mind tells me I'm lazy, stupid and selfish :(

You know what? I'm just wasting my time. I'll be back with cheer insyaAllah. It makes me feel worst talking about how lazy, stupid and selfish I am. Lemme go think of more beautiful things. Goodnight. No worries, I'll be fine. I'll get through this, insyaAllah.

I just wonder, do I seem like a hypocrite to you? Nauzubillahi min zalik.

You know, once you start typing you can't stop. (And how I wish this is the case when I write my report.)

I feel bad. I feel worst when I finished reading 'Musafir Cinta' by Taufiqurrahman al-Azizy. I envy Iqbal Maulana. I feel so low. I feel so little. I feel so insignificant. I want to be like a person such as him, loving Allah with all his heart, helping his fellow brothers and sisters who've strayed to find the right path back, reading and memorizing the holy Qur'an and uttering His words to others to jolt them of the truth and to remind them what is right and what is wrong, remembering and following Rasulullah s.a.w's actions and words and instructions, ever ready to accept anything and give anything in the name of Allah, being so pure, so... I'm envious of a person such like Iqbal Maulana.

Hari Asyura... Will my sins of the past year be forgiven? SubhanakAllahumma... Ya Allah, I plead with you for my past sins to be forgiven. I plead with you, the Creator of all creations, to lead my family and I to the right path. And I plead with you too, may we die a death of a Muslim who remembers you and utters your name before the roh is lifted, may we die as pure as when we were born. I plead with you, O Allah the Most forgiving, the Most Powerful, to whom we shall return to. I plead with you, for the safety and peace of my brothers and sisters in Gaza, may they be able to live their lives pleasantly in worship of you or go to you in the state of purest of the pure. May to those suffering right now, you grant them much peace and happiness in the hereafter. O Allah the Almighty, I am but just one of your many humble servants. I am scared of your wrath, yet I hope for your goodness O Allah. For all the goodness you've given me and my family, that all these while I, your shameless servant, has forgotten to thank you for, now I do. All praise be upon You, the Owner of the whole universe. Alhamdulillahi rabb al-amin...

I'm worried, very worried, and I pray to you ya Allah to ease this worry inside me. I, who is such a shameless servant, pray to you and ask you, the Most High, to help me lighten the burden laid upon me and to ease the tasks that lie ahead of me...