I love this scene...

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.- William Arthur Ward

Partly because I have friends who're more of brothers and sisters to me that are like this, that I now stand as who I am today...

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.



Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.



Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.



Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I was digging my archives for some old posts and came across these personality profile of myself. I think I'd hardly changed at all :s

PersonalDNA
Saturday, January 24, 2009

Faithful Thinker

P.S. You can roll over each bar to read a short note on each

You're a thinker
#

Your cautiousness, appreciation of functionality, and imagination combine to make you a THINKER. (hmm... I guess so)
#

You have a vivid capacity for imagery that allows you to see beyond your present circumstances. (yup, sometimes, and these imageries help me get out of alot of difficult depressing situations)
#

You like to be sure of yourself before voicing your opinion. (yes, I do mostly)
#

A lot of your time is spent at home, or with the people you care about. (yes, if there's nothing, you'll find me at home the whole day)
#

Although you may dream often, you're very aware of how things work, and you value things that work well.
#

You take comfort in the familiar, and value predictability—and others value those things in you. (though I don't mind trying new things sometimes)
#

Accordingly, you prefer a set routine, and although you often imagine how things can be different, you're hesitant to take risks to change things. (but these days i seem to need to change my plans last min, I put more trust in where my feet brings me than where my mind and heart directs)
#

Sometimes you doubt whether you have the ability to face certain challenges, but your practical focus helps you solve most problems. (doubtful uhuh)
#

Because of this, you tend to be more reactive than proactive, thinking thoroughly about the challenges that you face. (yes I think/plan so much but don't do anything, and that's bad uh)
#

You have a broad-based, theoretical understanding of the world that allows you to understand its workings.

If you want to be different:
#

Try indulging your imagination a bit more by experiencing new and different things. (insyaAllah I would!!)
#

Have a little more faith in your capacity to do things—turn your thoughts into actions! (haha insyaAllah I'll try la k)


how you relate to others
You are Faithful
#

Your trust in others, respect for tradition, and caring nature make you FAITHFUL.
#

Maintaining a few intimate relationships is more important to you than knowing a lot of people, and you share a lot with your close friends. (not so true)
#

Those who have managed to get close to you value your camaraderie, and they know that they can trust you with anything; you're a good listener. (it's for you to judge)
#

While you can usually see several sides of an argument, you often have a strong opinion as to which side is correct—the order of things is usually clear to you. (mostly, but more often than not I won't say my opinion)
#

Your perspective on the world is based on careful observation, and you know a lot about how people feel in—and react to—many situations.
#

Your exploration of others' feelings has led you to believe that although people generally act appropriately, having clear social rules is very important to a functional society. (yep, that's why we have law what)
#

Time alone for reflection is important to you—you are introspective and aware of your own feelings. (YES!! I need that reflection time)
#

Faithful is as faithful does—you expect those with whom you are close to be loyal to you, and you take betrayal of your trust very seriously. (seriously yes. if u're nice to me, insyaAllah I'll try to be doubly nice to u hehe)

If you want to be different:
#

Some of the alternate perspectives that you understand may have more value than you give them credit for—keep in mind that right and wrong aren't always so clear-cut. (haha the grey areas between blc and white huh?)
#

While you are able to reap the benefits of your time alone, and may see interacting with a lot of people as more tiring than exciting, remember that there is a lot to be learned from experiencing things and not just reflecting on them. (well, you have to experience something and reflect on it la kan)

INTP
Thursday, August 14, 2008

Takde kerja lain gali archives hehehe... and found the analysis. The results INTP was from Psycho class last sem. I think yea I'm very much like this. Especially the one I bold the whole paragraph. If I know what I'm talking about, my voice will be loud and clear. If not, cakap nyamuk agaknya je dengar haha.

INTP - The Thinker


Logical, original, creative thinkers. Can become very excited about theories and ideas. Exceptionally capable and driven to turn theories into clear understandings. Highly value knowledge, competence and logic. Quiet and reserved, hard to get to know well. Individualistic, having no interest in leading or following others.

Portrait of an INTP - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

(Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Intuition)

As an INTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge. They are the "absent-minded professors", who highly value intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions. They typically are so strongly driven to turn problems into logical explanations, that they live much of their lives within their own heads, and may not place as much importance or value on the external world. Their natural drive to turn theories into concrete understanding may turn into a feeling of personal responsibility to solve theoretical problems, and help society move towards a higher understanding.

INTPs value knowledge above all else. Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. They approach problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They seek patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests them. They're usually extremely bright, and able to be objectively critical in their analysis. They love new ideas, and become very excited over abstractions and theories. They love to discuss these concepts with others. They may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because they spend a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. They hate to work on routine things - they would much prefer to build complex theoretical solutions, and leave the implementation of the system to others. They are intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem with has piqued their interest.

INTPs do not like to lead or control people. They're very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged, in which case they may take a very rigid stance. The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.

The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.

The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. If the INTP is not able to find a place for themself which supports the use of their strongest abilities, they may become generally negative and cynical. If the INTP has not developed their Sensing side sufficiently, they may become unaware of their environment, and exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately.

For the INTP, it is extremely important that ideas and facts are expressed correctly and succinctly. They are likely to express themselves in what they believe to be absolute truths. Sometimes, their well thought-out understanding of an idea is not easily understandable by others, but the INTP is not naturally likely to tailor the truth so as to explain it in an understandable way to others. The INTP may be prone to abandoning a project once they have figured it out, moving on to the next thing. It's important that the INTP place importance on expressing their developed theories in understandable ways. In the end, an amazing discovery means nothing if you are the only person who understands it.

The INTP is usually very independent, unconventional, and original. They are not likely to place much value on traditional goals such as popularity and security. They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways. Consequently, a lot of scientific breakthroughs in the world have been made by the INTP.

The INTP is at his best when he can work on his theories independently. When given an environment which supports his creative genius and possible eccentricity, the INTP can accomplish truly remarkable things. These are the pioneers of new thoughts in our society.

Personality Test
Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Jung Test Results

Introverted (I) 53.13% Extroverted (E) 46.88%
Sensing (S) 50% Intuitive (N) 50%
Thinking (T) 52.94% Feeling (F) 47.06%
Perceiving (P) 51.43% Judging (J) 48.57%

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


INTP
loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, wrestles with the meaninglessness of existence, likes esoteric things, disorganized, messy, likes science fiction, can be lonely, observer, private, can't describe feelings easily, detached, likes solitude, not revealing, unemotional, rule breaker, avoidant, familiar with the darkside, skeptical, acts without consulting others, does not think they are weird but others do, socially uncomfortable, abrupt, fantasy prone, does not like happy people, appreciates strangeness, frequently loses things, acts without planning, guarded, not punctual, more likely to support marijuana legalization, not prone to compromise, hard to persuade, relies on mind more than on others, calm

favored careers:
philosopher, game designer, scientist, software engineer, freelance artist, research scientist, assassin, freelance writer, physicist, software developer, mathmetician, geologist, computer scientist, philosophy professor, webmaster, slacker, medical researcher, painter, mortician, systems analyst, comic book artist, computer technician, website designer, scholar, archeologist, computer repair, forensic anthropologist, astronaut, researcher, historian, systems engineer, genetics researcher, astronomer, enviromental scientist, egyptologist

disfavored careers:
human resources, public relations, social worker, guidance counselor, health care worker, trainer, school teacher, wedding planner, movie star, hospitality worker, supervisor, child care worker, fundraiser, customer service, stay at home parent, office administrator

ISTP - "Engineer". Values freedom of action and following interests and impulses. Independent, concise in speech, master of tools. 5.4% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


ISTP
hidden, private, has trouble describing feelings, not very affectionate, loner tendencies, lower energy, can be insensitive to the misfortunes of others, disorganized, messy, fears drawing attention to self, anti-tattoos, anti counter culture, not comfortable in unfamiliar situations, avoidant, rather unemotional, does not like attention, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, hermitic, not complimentary, dislikes leadership, more submissive then domineering

favored careers:
aerospace engineer, technician, computer scientist, software engineer, software developer, scientist, bar owner, automotive technician, electrician, engineer, mathmatician, industrial engineer, nuclear engineer, biotechnology, mechanic, systems analyst, computer animator, data analyst, video game designer

disfavored careers:
artist, fashion designer, theater director, poet, dancer, actor, singer, english teacher or professor, art teacher, healer, stage manager, florist, art therapist, school teacher, music journalist

Allah Allah.

I lost the key, no wonder I'd been stuck since just now.

Lillahi, lillahi ta'ala! InsyaAllah khair.

I can still hardly believe that Im taking a degree in chem, even if its just a minor.

Come to think of it, I cant believe I was a Triple Science student, or that I carried through with Physics and A Msths till the end, or that I took elect lit for O's, or that I'm a Higher Malay student since pri sch, or that I even made it to Temasek Sec!

Even if you lose hope in yourself, don't lose hope in Allah k Marli k?

I came across this article awhile back:

*Siri Penulisan HOPE ini diadaptasi dari Modul Pengisian Tahajjud Cinta 3 : HOPE, Kehidupan Sebagai Ujian*

Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani

Urwah merupakan putera kepada pasangan 2 sahabat nabi Muhammad yang begitu terkenal iaitu Zubair bin Al-Awwam dan Asma’ binti Abu Bakar as-siddiq. Kisah kecekalan Urwah sangat menyentuh hati. Urwah masih lagi redha dengan ujian yang diberikan oleh Allah kepadanya walaupun ramai orang yang mengganggap ujian itu terlalu berat untuk dipikul. Namun, kerana sikap redha dan juga yakin dengan ketentuan Allah, Urwah sentiasa menerima musibah sebagai ujian dan beliau juga yakin bahawa pasti terdapat hikmah disebaliknya.

Suatu hari ‘Urwah diundang oleh Khalifah Walid bin Abd Malik untuk datang ke istananya di Syam. Dalam perjalanan, ‘Urwah merasakan sesuatu yang tidak kena pada kakinya. Tidak lama kemudian, timbul sebuah bisul dikakinya lalu menjadi luka. Setibanya di Syam, khalifah mendatangkan seorang tabib untuk merawat luka itu. Setelah memeriksa luka itu, Tabib menyimpulkan bahawa luka itu merupakan suatu jangkitan yang akan merebak ke seluruh badan jika tidak dihentikan segera dengan memotong kaki.

Beliau setuju untuk kakinya dipotong tetapi beliau mahu tetap berada dalam kesedaran sewaktu operasi dijalankan dengan alasan beliau mahu sentiasa mengingati Alllah meskipun harus merasa kepedihan. Akhirnya tabib itu memotong kakinya dengan gergaji, sementara ‘Urwah dengan penuh kesabaran menyaksikan perkara itu tanpa sedikit pun mengeluarkan suara kesakitan.

Pada waktu yang sama, seorang anak ‘Urwah yang menemaninya dalam perjalanan telah ditendang oleh seekor keldai sehingga anaknya meninggal. Pelbagai ujian yang menimpa ‘Urwah namun belaiu masih boleh menemui alasan untuk memuji Allah meskipun dalam musibah yang memilukan. ‘Urwah berkata seperti ini:

“Ya Allah, Engkau memberikan 7 orang anak. Jika engkau mengambil satu orang, Engkau masih meninggalkan 6 lainnya. Dan Engkau memberiku 4 anggota (2 tangan, 2 kaki). Jika engkau mengambil satu, Engkau masih meninggalkan 3 yang lain.”

Masha Allah, begitu kuat keimanan Urwah dalam menghadapi ujian Allah. Tidak ramai orang yang dapat tetap menjaga fikiran positif, apa lagi bersyukur kepada Allah, ditengah-tengah hentaman musibah yang bertubi-tubi. Hanya orang yang benar-benar redha dengan ujian Allah sahaja yang dapat melakukan hal itu.

Pengajaran yang boleh kita cedok daripada kisah di atas ialah, setiap perkara yang berlaku kepada kita memang telah ditetapkan oleh Allah dan semuanya merupakan ujian untuk kita untuk menguji sejauh manakah iman kita .Oleh itu, tiada gunanya kita menyalahkan takdir. Yakinlah bahawa Allah Maha Mengetahui terhadap segala sesuatu kerana Allah adalah pencipta segala alam ini.

Firman Allah dalam al-ankabut:2

“ adakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan “Kami telah beriman”, sedangkan mereka belum diuji?”

Kelapangan dan kesempitan , kekayaan dan kemiskinan , kejayaan dan kekalahan, kesenangan dan kegembiraan, kesedihan dan kesusahan semuanya adalah UJIAN. Adakah kita yakin bahawa kita telah menggunakan kelapangan masa yang dianugerahkan Allah untuk melakukan kebaikan untuk mencapai redhaNya? Adakah benar bahawa kita telah beramal sebaiknya sewaktu kita sihat? Adakah benar bahawa rezeki kurniaan Allah digunakan untuk tujuan yang betul? Banyak lagi persoalan yang perlu difikir dan direnung kembali. Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang benar-benar beriman kepada Allah akan menganggap semua itu adalah ujian. ujian bukan diturunkan untuk menyusahkan kita tetapi ujian adalah sesuatu yang perlu diatasi dengan bijak agar kita mampu menjadi hamba Allah yang bersabar.

Firman Allah:

“Dan janganlah engkau tujukan pandangan matamu kepada kenikmatan yang telah Kami berikan kepada beberapa golongan dari mereka, (sebagai) bunga kehidupan dunia, agar Kami uji mereka dengan (kesenangan) itu. Kurnia Tuhanmu lebih baik dan lebih kekal.”

Kenapa kita diuji? Kenapa setengah orang cepat berputus asa apabila menerima sesuatu musibah? Sedangkan semua itu adalah ujian daripada Allah untuk menilai siapakah yang terbaik amalannya dalam kalangan manusia. Kita sepatutnya bersyukur sekiranya ditimpa ujian kerana sebenarnya Allah sedang menilai kita untuk diberikan kita syurga, ganjaran yang tiada tandingan.

Firman Allah dalam Al– Kahfi:7

“…sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikan apa yang ada di bumi sebagai perhiasan baginya, untuk Kami menguji mereka, siapakah di antaranya yang terbaik perbuatannya…”

Allah tidak akan membiarkan manusia diuji di luar batasannya. Allah tahu bahawa kita mampu untuk memikulnya. Oleh itu, janganlah kita menolak kepercayaan yang diberikan oleh Allah kepada kita dengan berasa putus asa dan cepat mengalah .

Firman Allah lagi di dalam surah al-Baqarah:286

“Allah tidak akan membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya”

Allah tidak sesekali meninggalkan hambaNya. Allah tahu kehendak manusia oleh sebab itu Allah telah menasihati kita serta memberi garis panduan bagaimana untuk menghadapi ujian itu sendiri. dalam surah Yusuf: 187

“..dan janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dari rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yang kafir”

Kesimpulannya, tabah dan sabarlah menempuhi kehidupan ini kerana kehidupan itu sendiri merupakan ujian buat kita. Seindah atau seburuk mana pun kehidupan dan dunia di mata kita, akhirat jualah tempat kembali. Jadi, anggaplah ujian sebagai jalan untuk kita menuju syurganya.

http://www.ataphijau.com/2010/03/24/hope-the-seriescinta-menguji-iman/

Sedang meyakinkan diri sepenuhnya bahawa Allah tidak akan membebani hambaNya lebih daripada kemampuannya.

I can do this. I can do this. I'd always been a clown juggling all the balls in my hands carefully. I'd let go of so many balls and there's just a few left, how can it be harder than before when there were more balls?

I can do this, yes I can.

I saw many many pigeons at the open field infront of ghufran and I just feel like spreading my arms and running across the field scaring them away...

Maybe I'd feel better if I'd done that.

Just feeling so overwhelmed and suffocated. I've got Spectroscopy test tmr, meeting with Ili to finish Plant Diversity local flora assignment on Thurs morn, Animal Diversity lab on Saturday morn (meaning, vertebrate 10-pages assignment due then), NIE exams starting on 8th Dec, ending on 13th Dec, one paper after another (exclude Sat & Sun) of which I'm barely halfway through revisions and memorisation, e-trial tests on 15th & 16th Dec, FTT on 16th Dec, madrasah exams on 12th Dec and 19th Dec.. I'm scared. Worst off, I have no confidence to face my challenges... I'm feeling demoralised and off-track. I just have no motivation to do anything and so I'm crawling past day by day doing one thing at a time depending on what is due first. I'm so easily tired these days and I'm just not making full use of my time.

I may feel on the uphill one day, and the next I feel like I'm rolling backwards again.

*shrugs*

I'll be fine tmr, insyaAllah.

Ok dah. I'm fine already. Time to get up and run again (not literally but yeah...)

You just need these short 'dipping moments' that bring you down for awhile before you soar back up again.

Why can't I? I CAN get my As and improve my GPA. I CAN get my license by Feb 2011. That's already overcoming the first obstacle. :)

Next obstacle... *opens notes*

Just don't give up. Just don't give up.

Kita hanya berusaha, berikhtiar, berdoa dan bertawakkal sahaja, keputusan akhirnya tetap berada di tangan (figuratively) Allah.

It hadn't been easy finding volunteers for korban this year. So many doesn't seem to be able to help out. I'm really maximising my network to the limits... And yet...

This is not the main issue though. Nothing is. Just that when you put minor minor issues together, it just gets too overwhelming and you feel like your chest is about to burst.

Driving was horrible today. I panicked and lost control of what things I need to do. It's my 8th lesson for goodness sake, and no matter how much I keep telling myself that "Look, don't compare with others... It doesn't matter how long you take to get to your destination as long as you do not give up" but... I can't accept that I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again! I can't help it, especially when I panic! And my recovery period is at least 10-15 mins of which within that time span I make even more mistakes, oh gosh. Horrible. How to pass like this???? Come to think of it, of the 6 e-trial tests I did (without studying), I failed 5 by a few percent. I don't know if I can even pass my FTT. I was lucky the last time, if luck even has anything to do with it.

At home, well... something happened that made me regret using my mum's phone for that short period of how many days. REGRET. I could have lived without a phone...

I was so happy I made notes for half a topic this afternoon when I made a sudden decision to drop at TP to study at ITAS. I thought I can finish at least this 1 chapter tonight. Fat hope.

It's been a long time since I kept myself from saying this but it sums everything up best today: I'm stressed.

Just so overwhelmed with challenges bombarding me four at once.

I want my As, I want to pull up my GPA to 3.5 or 3.6 this sem. I want to pass my e-trial test this Dec. I want to get my license before I turn 22.

I don't want to disappoint others, especially when trust has been given to me. I hate to lose people's trust in me because I know how painful it is to gain it back once it's lost.

Honestly, I've given my best.

I kept to what I said I would do. I would try to cover some of my notes on the train ride and reduce sleep. I did.

It's just so hard to see the mini tiny achievements when faced with much bigger challenges.

I miss TP. I really do. I miss the grades I used to get in Year 1. I really do. I miss how there seems to be no problem around at all... I think I'm getting myself too much involved. Too much for my own good.

The hardest thing to learn to do, is to learn to forgive yourself...

Chem Test on Thursday. I AM putting in effort, as much, best as I can put in. And still, it falls far short from my friends.

There's this frustration inside that I have no idea where to channel to. I might hurt people. There's this lump stuck in my throat, it's sickening.

11.44pm. Gtg.

Hormone imbalance not helping at all.

Reminding myself that Allah doesn't test his servants more than they can take....

The lyrics are powerful...

LYRICS AND TRANSLATION:

Allah Allahu
(Repeats)

Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the Worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur2an - O revealer of the Quran
Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the Worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur2an - O revealer of the Quran
Zidni Minal-Iman - Increase me in faith
Allahu ya allah - Allah, Oh Allah
(Repeats)

Allah Allahu
(Repeats)

Ighfirli Ya Rabbi - Forgive for me, my Lord..
'iSyani Wa Dhanbi - ..my disobedience and my sins
Ighfirli Ya Rabbi - Forgive for me, my Lord..
'iSyani Wa Dhanbi - ..my disobedience and my sins
Addam'u Fi 'ayni - Tears are in my eyes
Farhamni Ya Allah - So have mercy on me, Oh Allah
Addam'u Fi 'ayni - Tears are in my eyes
Farhamni Ya Allah - So have mercy on me, Oh Allah
(Repeats)

Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur'an - O revealer of the Quran
Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur'an - O revealer of the Quran
Zidni Minal-Iman - Increase my faith
Allahu Ya Allah - Allah, Oh Allah
(Repeats)

Ad-Deenu Naadaani - Religion called out to me
Lil-Khayri AwSaani - To goodness it advised me (to go)
Ad-Deenu Naadaani - Religion called out to me
Lil-Khayri AwSaani - To goodness it advised me (to go)
Wadh-Dhambu Aghnani- And the sin has enriched me (in experience?)
Ya Khaliqal Akwaan - O creator of the Worlds
Wadh-Dhambu Aghnani- And the sin has enriched me (in experience?)
Ya Khalikal Akwaan - O creator of the Worlds
(Repeats)

Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur'an - O revealer of the Quran
Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur'an - O revealer of the Quran
Zidni Minal-Iman - Increase my faith
Allahu Ya Allah - Allah, Oh Allah
(Repeats)

Ya Kashifal-Balwaa - O solver of any crisis
Ya Sami'an-Najwaa - O hearer of cries for help
Ya Kashifal-Balwaa - O solver of any crisis
Ya Sami'an-Najwaa - O hearer of cries for help
Zidni Minat-Taqwaa - Increase me in Piety
Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan- O creator of the Worlds
Zidni Minat-Taqwa - Increase me in Piety
Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan- O creator of the Worlds
(Repeats)

Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the Worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur2an - O revealer of the Quran
Ya Khaliqal-Akwaan - O creator of the Worlds
Ya Munzilal-Qur2an - O revealer of the Quran
Zidni Minal-Iman - Increase me in faith
Allahu Ya Allah - Allah, Oh Allah
(Repeats)

Allah Allahu
(Repeats)

Came across this video quite suddenly. The video is kinda relaxing, macam tak kena dengan lagu, tapi takpelah sebab lyric lagu pon best.



Allahu Akbar…

If you ask me about love
And what i know about it
My answer would be
It’s everything about Allah
The pure love, to our souls
The creator of you and me,the heaven and whole universe
The one that made us whole and free
The guardian of HIS true believers
So when the time is hard
There’s no way to turn
As HE promise HE will always be there
To bless us with HIS love and HIS mercy
Coz, as HE promise HE will always be there
HE’s always watching us, guiding us

So when the time is hard
There’s no way to turn
As HE promise HE will always be there
To bless us with HIS love and HIS mercy
Coz, as HE promise HE will always be there
HE’s always watching us, guiding us
And HE knows what’s in all in our heart

So when you lose your way
To Allah you should turn
As HE promise HE will always be there…

HE bring ourselves from the darkness into the light
Subhanallah praise belongs to YOU for everything
Shouldn’t never feel afraid of anything
As long as we follow HIS guidance all the way
Through the short time we have in this life
Soon it all’ll be over
And we’ll be in His heaven and we’ll all be fine

So when the time gets hard
There’s no way to turn
As HE promise He will always be there
To bless us with HIS love and HIS mercy
Coz, as HE promise HE will always be there
HE’s always watching us, guiding us
And HE knows what’s in all in our heart

So when you lose your way
To Allah you should turn
As HE promise HE will always be there…

Allahu Akbar…

So when the time gets hard
There’s no way to turn
As HE promise He will always be there
To bless us with HIS love and HIS mercy
Coz, as HE promise HE will always be there
HE’s always watching us, guiding us
And he knows what’s in all in our heart

So when you lose your way
To Allah you should turn
As HE promise HE will always be there…

Allahu Akbar…

I cancelled this Thurs' driving lesson. Not because I'm giving up or anything like that. I just need some time to stand up back and continue the fight. If it takes forever, then so be it. I am not someone else. I am me. And I shall take the time I need, as long as I don't give up. Gotta keep trying till I get it right. I AM giving my best, and that should count for something right?

This song helps:



I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Another song that is in my head... Ok actually not the whole song, I didn't even know what's the song about till today. It's the phrase that strikes me... "I'm sorry I can't be perfect"

This song is suddenly on my mind... tried to find a music video, but all are of bad quality... So just the lyrics will do.

Siapalah aku ini
Yang ingin memetik cintamu
Siapalah seadanya
Diriku di sisimu

Kau punya segalanya
Sedangkan aku insan hina
Hidupku penuh dengan kisah duka
Antara kita jurang nya berbeza

Biarlah usahlah
Bermain dengan api
Kelaknya terbakar sendiri

Biarlah tersimpan
Segala perasaan
Rahsia hatiku terhadapmu
Siapalah aku

I didn't exactly have a good day today... Was so tired in the morning that I decided to skip class (thank God he doesn't take attendance). Dah siap tau, tinggal pakai tudung, then merengek to my mum taknak gi sch and she allowed. Tapi mak pesan... Sekali takpe, jangan selalu2! Hehe, insyaAllah tak. So right after that, tukar to home tshirt and continue to sleep... All the way till nearly noon, terbangun and realised I'm late for driving! Merengek to my dad pulak and there I was at Ubi in time for my practical.

Today's driving spoilt my day. My 6th lesson! And I stalled thrice, boooooooooo. As usual, we don't have unnecessary chats in the car... It's all business. Seriously, he looks so unmotivated and unenthusiastic, as if he's been forced to do this. And he scolded me :( Not shout at me uh, but like reprimand gitu. I still don't understand what am i supposed to look out for when I 'check blindspot' or 'check mirror', so I asked him explain again arh, and he said, "Just now you said you got it?" Blergh. He makes me sound like I can't drive. Hey, like duh, I can't drive and that's why I'm here to LEARN to drive right?

I was so demoralised that I had no mood to write in my notebook about what I learned as I usually would, right after the lesson. Especially since what kept ringing in my head is that: Amalina spent two weeks and only about $200 of crash course and passed on her first trial and Mahmudah said last week that she started learning all the other things after just a couple of lessons while I'm still driving around correcting gear and signal and such for the past 5 lessons. Ya ya, I'm such a slow learner when it comes to driving but hey I'm trying my best! Ni yang buat malaaaaaaaas nak continue driving tau, I find no support. Yea my parents, especially my mum, want me to pass so much but they don't understand how hard it is for me and how much is this costing me financially and emotionally!

I pretty much did nothing today but sulk in despair. I feel like cancelling this Thurs' lesson. Got no mood...

I was really thinking about asking for a change of instructor, but firstly, the process sounds tedious and... also when I think back, although Andrew made me comfortable and almost stress-free with driving, he didn't spot my mistakes, I wouldn't learn that way... Haiz, I shall let things flow then. I have about 3 more months to improve... Really, as much as I want to pass just to prove to myself that I can do it, I'm really doing this for my mum... at least to stop her from nagging. My innate motivation for this is depleting though... *sobs*

I just feel like I have alot of troubles on my shoulders, I just feel pinned down, and I can't move forward. There's so many things to do and I dunno where to start!

I feel so small, so insignificant, so useless, so stupid... It's demoralising! I was trying to find something to cheer me up just now, and found nothing... I don't think I'd given a single sincere smile today... :(

Everyone seems to have something they're good at. I don't seem to have any... Or at least I have yet to find it. I'm sure Allah didn't create me to fail at everything. I'm sure there's something special about me, right? That will help me fulfill the purpose of my creation, whatever that may be... Adakah kamu kira bahawa Allah mencipta amu dengan sia-sia? Tidak sesekali...