1) My psycho group has come up with a suitable ad for our project. We just have to fine tune it a bit here and there to ease our work. Well, we are not exactly experts with video making and editing ok... Oh, and I get to become a small kid again! Wee!

2) I get to go to Stong with Saff!!! Woo hoo! But I must pay the $80 myself AND I must ensure my room is clean and neat hehehe.

3) I'm getting a laptop at $300!! I don't mind the investment! I mean firstly I do NEED that laptop. The only reason why I hesitate to buy is because I have to use my own money and it's such an 'ouch' using up >$1000 from my savings, which is meant for my uni after I obtain my diploma insyaAllah, for a machine. Seriously I doubt I'd get help from either Mendaki or CPF Boards. Without savings, how could I reach my dreams?

Hmm... It's past midnight and I haven't done my AMic essay!

Laughter is the best medicine. And I've been laughing and laughing until I can cry. Especially Titisan's last training before we break for Term Tests last night! We played 3 games.

1) We played this 'musical-chair'-like game. Four chairs were placed at each corner of the room and there's one 'monkey' in the middle. We must keep changing seats and we do that by signalling through eye contact with the other person across the room. Fun! And there were some super funny moments like when Haikal ran with his arms bent like a chicken wing and blocked the other person's way or when Sufi and Matin were fighting for the seat L-O-L! My strategy while exchanging seats was to be the first one to leave my seat instead of waiting for the other person to get up first. And while being the 'monkey', I stared at their eyes to prevent them having eye contacts with the others. But honestly lah, senang2 boleh sprain seh ankle!

2) Then we played the Cat-and-Mouse game. The last time I played it was in an open area and I was the Mouse. That time I kept running and running non-stop and hitting everyone in my way, even Fifi who was trying to ensure safety! Yesterday's session the conditons kept changing such as having to use alphabets to give directions or must crawl or must walk like a duck and such lah. When it was my turn, I had to crawl. Haha, I'm an expert! I was the Cat yesterday which makes things much easier! I crawled around the room as if all my life I'd been using four legs instead of two haha! Seriously, even they said that I was crawling so fast... My strategy was to try and keep my sense of direction even while Hid walk me and spin me around the room. But that was hard, I got lost halfway in the darkness. Sheesh, behind the blindfold I felt like I was in complete darkness but actually I wasn't. Second strategy was to focus on one voice. I guess I'm so used to Wani's voice by now that I can reognise it blindfolded and while crawling lol. Shut off the others, focus on Wani's voice and followed her directions and wa laa! I caught Wani! The part where Haikal was the Mouse and Rayhana was the Cat was funny. 11 secs seh! And their condition was they have to move sideways only like a crab. Oh oh! The part where Hafiz was Cat and Amalina was Mouse was worse! Their condition was to walk like a duck. Hafiz was waddling everywhere with his arms out and hugging whoever comes in his way, even Fifi! Lol, Fifi was flat against the wall shouting at Hafiz that she's not Amalina haha. Oh and Hafiz hit his head against the wall and Fifi didn't stop him lol!

3) We played 'concentration' and 'R-O-C-K' both of which if someone makes a mistake once we have a 'stupid' song to sing to and if she/he does another mistake, everyone will hit hit/her hand. Ouch, each hand came out super red after each round and ow ow ow Hid pinched Fifi and there was revenge alright. Pedih la seh! Suka eh korang menyakitkan kawan2 sendiri??

After the games was Spacejump and oh my my, you guyz are a creative bunch. Merepek2 tapi kelakar lah. Ade2 je eh. And well, Titisan brings out all the pent up emotions. If last time I cried my heart out, this time aku jadi gangster. Terkejut Hid haha, sry la beb, just reacting to the situation hehe.

Will always love Titisan...

Anyway, in school today Yuva and Kayathree calls me putih tikus cos I was wearing white pants and during lab I did a rat like posture lol.

And I'm not proud of it. I pray that my results will incline back instead of decline once again. But after my ABchm project presentation earlier, it's gonna take a lot of time and effort... InsyaAllah boleh... Pray for me yea? I must do well...



My dad was nagging at me yesterday evening when he fetched me regarding time management and practically pressurize me to get at least a 3.5 for GPA. Hey, I'm doing my best here!!! Think it's so easy meh? I sacrifice sleep for work and he says that my thinking is wrong. I should have enough rest so that I won't feel tired in class and lose focus... Hello!! Then what? Forget about finishing my work and prioritise sleep?? I tried that, but it had adverse affect. It affected my studies... He just doesn't UNDERSTAND. If he does, he wouldn't accuse and say of all those things. Ishk.

Without CCA and all my other committments, I think I'd hate life cos it would be such a bore. No life sia study study study! Then get GPA 4.0 but what's the point of doing so academically well then drown when I get thrown into the real world??

Sheesh, I love Science but I hate people enforcing Science on me!

Went to Kluang this morning to attend my Malaysian cousin's wedding. I don't think I've met her before. And at age 18, I meet her on her wedding day haha. Just find it a bit funny... Direct cousin ok, not second cousins or all those kupu2 thingy and NOW then I meet her. She seems to be someone with strong principles. I like her. Hehe, got to see her get ready for the big day in her room and then took two pics with her. I'll post it up when I get them aite! Oh her name's Azlin btw. Kak Azlin...

Met my other Malaysian cousins as well. Enjoyed the chat with Kak Diyana. It's been quite a long time since I last saw her! Hope we get to keep in touch... I think of all my siblings and cousins, I'm always tagging along with my parents and getting to know this biiiigggg family of mine. And yet still, I dunno half my cousins lah! There's always, the "Ma, who's that?" and "That's one of your cousins. This uncle/auntie who-who's son/daughter." conversation. Wokayyyyy...

Went to Giant at Pasir Gudang after the groom arrived. The whole trip was nearly 12hrs. Rather tiring yes... But I think I enjoyed it =) Again, again!! Haha, long time never watch teletubbies...

Jagalah hati jangan kau kotori
Jagalah hati lentera hidup ini
Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai
Jagalah hati cahaya Illahi

Bila hati kian bersih
Fikiranpun akan jernih
Semangat hidup nan gigih
Prestasi mudah diraih

Namun bila hati keruh
Batin selalu gemuruh
Seakan di kejar musuh
Dengan Allah kian jauh

Jagalah hati jangan kau kotori
Jagalah hati lentera hidup ini
Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai
Jagalah hati cahaya Illahi

Bila hati kian suci
Tak ada yang tersakiti
Pribadi menawan hati
Dirimu disegani

Namun bila hati busuk
Pikiran jahat merasuk
Akhlak kian terpuruk
Jadi makhluk terkutuk

Jagalah hati jangan kau kotori
Jagalah hati lentera hidup ini
Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai
Jagalah hati cahaya Illahi

Bila hati kian lapang
Hidup sempit terasa senang
Walau kesulitan datang
Dihadapi dengan tenang

Tapi bila hati sempit
Segalanya jadi rumit
Terasa terus menghimpit
Lahir batin terasa sakit

Jagalah hati jangan kau kotori
Jagalah hati lentera hidup ini
Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai
Jagalah hati cahaya Illahi

Hah, penting tu kena jaga hati. In bold are the benefits. Tak percaya? Try lah jaga hati tu!

It gets funnier as you scroll down. Sarcastic nampak, sarcastic nampak. Hehe

1. Learn to recognize the symptoms. Sleep paralysis can affect different people in many different ways. Knowing what to expect and how it can affect you can make symptoms much easier to cope with. Individual experiences vary, but some symptoms can include: overwhelming feelings of evil entities watching you, an intruder in your room, alien abductions, rape, an "old bag lady" or "old hag" attacking or suffocating you in your sleep (it is not known why it is always an old woman), and many other frightening experiences that always take place while in a paralyzed state.
2. Research the experiences of others. It's much easier to deal with such a frightening event when you know you're not the only one. Talk about it with your friends. You might be surprised to learn that someone you know has gone through something similar. You can also talk to your doctor about sleep paralysis; there are some medical procedures that can help in extreme cases.
3. Determine what triggers your sleep paralysis. Sleep paralysis can be triggered by a variety of situations. Some researchers agree that sleep paralysis is most commonly caused by the position you fall asleep in, most commonly when lying on your back. Often, triggers can be factors in your life that you have no control over, such as stress, environment, or even your dreams. Try keeping a log of the conditions of your episode of paralysis. Track details of the experience, the time, your sleep pattern, sleeping position, mental/emotional state before and after you were paralyzed, and if you were paralyzed while falling asleep or upon waking up. This can all be useful information, especially if you decide to see a doctor about the condition.
4. Avoid the triggers. The best way to cope with sleep paralysis is not to experience it at all. Identifying your personal triggers and working to avoid them will significantly reduce the chances of experiencing sleep paralysis. If you experience sleep paralysis every time you sleep on your back, try sleeping on your side or stomach. If your sleep paralysis happens every time you work overtime, try to avoid overtime. It's simple and effective at preventing sleep paralysis.
5. Sleep regularly. Sleep patterns can have a drastic effect on sleep paralysis. Keeping a regular healthy sleep pattern and getting enough sleep can significantly reduce the likelihood of sleep paralysis episodes.
6. Just relax. Although sleep paralysis can be frightening when accompanied by a hallucination, some people only experience the feeling of being paralyzed. When this happens, know that although 20 seconds might seem like five minutes, it's not going to harm you. If you focus on moving, you can break out of it quickly. As in the movie "Kill Bill", try wiggling your big toe and you'll be able to move the rest of your body in no time.
7. Tell your partner about it. Along with the paralysis, most people find that they are unable to talk or cry out for help. The only thing you can do is open your eyes and make a low muffled groaning noise. Make sure your partner can identify this so they can calmly wake you out of paralysis. Don't be upset if they fail to identify that you are experiencing sleep paralysis. It's like trying to determine if someone is having a bad dream, you have to focus on it to know it's happening.
8. Get older. It sounds silly, but sleep paralysis usually starts at a young age and becomes most frequent during the teenage years. Paralysis should become less and less frequent as you get older, and often by the time you reach 30 years of age the symptoms can disappear completely.
9. Keep a journal. Write in it before you sleep, and write events that happened that day. It may help you figure out what is triggering the dreams.
10. Have sex often. Maintaining a frequent sexual relationship with your partner may help reduce the occurrence of sleep paralysis.
11. Learn how to Lucid Dream. The sensation of sleep paralysis can be interpreted as a definitive "dreamsign," an excellent indication that you are actually asleep (and thus perfectly safe). This makes it possible to eliminate the unwanted anxious feelings about paralysis and look forward instead to having a lucid dream of any experience you desire!

And it continues to get funnier!

* Try taking slightly bigger and bigger breaths. Breathing is the one thing you can still control. Deeper breaths will bring more oxygen to the brain and will wake you up.
* Reduce stress
* Eat healthy
* Remember that, although it can feel dangerous, it isn't
* Talk about it with others
* An improper sleeping schedule can be a cause of sleep paralysis. Try to get 8-10 hours of sleep every night at the same time of night every night, and sleep paralysis may go away.
* Concentrating on trying to move or "shake" yourself may break you out of it in no time.
* Sleep paralysis is most common while sleeping on your back. Try to avoid sleeping this way
* Try to avoid coffee or medications that affect your heart rate.
* Consider having a sleep study to diagnose whether the cause of the sleep paralysis may be sleep apnea. With proper treatment of a diagnosed sleep apnea condition, the sleep paralysis events may subside and/or disappear.
* If you find you are experiencing paralysis as you are falling asleep, try sitting up and staring at a bright light for a minute or so before lying down again. No one is sure why, but this does help some people.
* Relax, and the paralysis will fade away.
* Some people with frequent sleep paralysis have found the following technique to be helpful. Take a moment each day to relax and imagine the sensations of your sleep paralysis. Focus on your breathing, then take a deep breath while picturing that breath lifting you up to consciousness as you open your eyes. Practicing your escape procedure when not experiencing the paralysis can greatly reduce the anxiety that can accompany an episode.
* Make sure that you are actually awake. Sleep paralysis could very well be a dream, and you will likely be able to discern whether or not it is a dream by moving into the next room. Focus on moving into the next room, or in general, away from the location of paralysis.
* If moving a finger or toe does not break the paralysis then push with all of your might to induce an out of body experience (some like to spin to the left or right). Upon abruptly returning to your body you will most likely awaken.
* If you are indeed getting older and well beyond the age of 30 then forget about step #8 above.
* If you are not of a reasonable age to perform step 10 from above then omit that step as well.
* Be cool about it. You can think of it as a rare lifetime experience and a ideal time to have a lucid dream, after that your syptoms will likely disapear and you might even want to induce sleep paralysis.
* Just try to go to sleep.

I'm having a mild headache now, and it's not really cause of the pile of work I have waiting for me to do...

About 15-20 mins before this I left the computer to take a rest in my room. As usual, I don't feel myself falling asleep. I'm the last person on earth to have insomnia or any kind of difficulty to fall asleep (other than during first night or first few nights of camps), seriously I can't go without sleep.

The thing was I felt myself waking up, but I can't move. The room is as it was before
I slept, lights off with lights streaming from the living room through my open door. And I could even hear the song from my comp. Maybe it's a dream and the song is just stuck in my head. I THINK and HOPE it was only a dream. I did wake up in a different position from my 'so-called dream'. But it was so weird lah!

I was aware of my surroundings but I can't move or talk. I forced myself to. Baca ayat kursi but halfway couldn't continue and so I started to azan as loudly as possible in my mind. Halfway through I regained consciousness. During the temporary partial consciousness, I felt couldn't even sit up. Force force, rasanya tengah buat a sit-up after hundreds of sit-up or something. Punyalah susah! Legs and arms can't move. I can only move my fingers and ankle. My bed have wooden sides and i was trying to knock on them but all I could do was tap it with my fingers. The thing was, I was aware my mum was outside and if only I could shout or knock loudly my mum would hear and help me. In the 'dream', I felt so tired, can feel my eyes open but threatening to close every second and I was so afraid if I submit to my tiredness I would never wake up again or go into unconsciousness or something. So, was it a dream or not?

But as I said earlier, when I woke up I was in a slightly different position. During the 'dream', while struggling my head was turned and I nearly slip off my bed with my legs almost hitting the floor but when I woke up I was lying flat facing the ceiling with my legs straight and arms across my head. Maybe ni lah agaknya kenapa orang cakap jangan tidur facing upwards. But I feel asleep instantly as soon as my head the bed. I don't think I was lying flat. I remember snuggling my face close to the bed. Which side tak ingat...

Weird seh... Maybe it's a dream, maybe it's well... something... Like Jun's story... Or maybe it's a case of sleep paralysis. Once I got out of bed before blogging about this, I searched for that. Let's see what I found:

Sleep paralysis is a condition characterized by temporary paralysis of the body shortly after waking up (known as hypnopompic paralysis) or, less often, shortly before falling asleep (known as hypnagogic paralysis).[1]

Physiologically, it is closely related to the paralysis that occurs as a natural part of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the bodily paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully aware, but unable to move. In addition, the state may be accompanied by hypnagogic hallucinations.

More often than not, sleep paralysis is believed by the person affected by it to be no more than a dream.[citation needed] This explains many dream recountings which describe the person lying frozen and unable to move. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision. Some scientists have proposed this condition as a theory for alien abductions and ghostly encounters.

Sleep paralysis occurs during REM sleep, thus preventing the body from manifesting movements made in the subject's dreams. Very little is known about the physiology of sleep paralysis. However, some have suggested that it may be linked to post-synaptic inhibition of motor neurons in the pons region of the brain. In particular, low levels of melatonin may stop the depolarization current in the nerves, which prevents the stimulation of the muscles, to prevent the body from enacting the dreamt activity (e.g. preventing a sleeper from flailing his legs when dreaming about running).

Several studies have concluded that many or most people will experience sleep paralysis at least once or twice in their lives.

Many people who commonly enter sleep paralysis also suffer from narcolepsy. In African-Americans, panic disorder co-occurs with sleep paralysis more frequently than in Caucasians[2]. Some reports read that various factors increase the likelihood of both paralysis and hallucinations. These include: [3]

* Sleeping in an upwards supine position
* Irregular sleeping schedules; naps, sleeping in, sleep deprivation
* Increased stress
* Sudden environmental/lifestyle changes
* A lucid dream that immediately precedes the episode. Also conscious induction of sleep paralysis is a common technique to enter a state of lucid dreams, also known as WILD[1] .
* Artificial sleeping aids, ADD medications and/or antihistamines
* Recent use of hallucinogenic drugs

Hypnagogia (also spelled hypnogogia) describes vivid dreamlike auditory, visual, or tactile sensations, which are often accompanied by sleep paralysis and experienced when falling asleep or waking up.

The hypnagogic experience occurs between being awake and asleep, while the hypnopompic experience occurs as one is waking up; both experiences occur within the time period between sleep and waking (or vice versa). Experienced qualities vary, and include fear, awareness of a "presence," chest or back pressure, and an inability to breathe (hence the folkloric notion of mara-like creatures tormenting sleepers), a falling sensation or a feeling of tripping, but sometimes also joy.

During the hypnagogic state, an individual may appear to be fully awake, but has brain waves indicating that the individual is technically sleeping. Also, the individual may be completely aware of their state, which enables lucid dreamers to enter the dream state consciously directly from the waking state (see wake-initiated lucid dream technique).

The hypnagogic state is sometimes proposed as an explanation of experiences such as alien abduction, apparitions, or visions.

Seramlah seh... Tapi bila baca part "proposed as an explanation of experiences such as alien abduction" kekek la pulak. Imagine the part if I submit to my tiredness and then wake up in an alien spaceship with aliens surrounding me trying to do experiments on me to find out about humans. Then I'll be featured in the alien's news the next morning with: "Weird Finding abt Humans" turn to page bla bla for more details. Big big L-O-L.

Okok, but this 'dream' or 'sleep paralysis' or whatever right... It's not the first time. But it is the first time in such a looooooong time. The last few times I got it was in my parent's room when I shared their bedroom, sleeping on a mattress beside their bed. It always happen in the dark and during the 'dream' I'll be struggling not to fall asleep and to try and move and shout and when I wake up I'll be lying flat on my bed/mattress facing up. Like... WoooooKaaaaaY

Hai... Kejap lagi aku kan terjerumus dalam online shoppping. Susah tuu!! Check out the two links I added under online shopping kk.

Anyway, aku lupa apa aku nak cakap lol. Seriously... Ape eh??!! Ish, it's so frustrating! STM seh.. Lol

Takpelah.

I will not be late
I will not be late
I will not be late
I will not be late
I will not be late
X 20

I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
I must get distinctions
X 20

Time to pull my socks high high. It keeps falling uh. Nak kena letak getar kot?

Anyway, spent some time with friends lately. Last Sunday attended Ustaz Ahmad's wedding with Fathi, Jun, Husni and Ewanny. Ceh, Raja sehari la Ustaz.. Alhamdulillah nampaknya the wedding was a success... I like the idea of playing nasyid at the back rather than karaoke. And Ustaz Sofyan sang! Hehe, sorry people tak dapat jadi kendarat sama2. The thing was I didn't see the msg. Anyway, after that Husni went off while we went to Bedok to get Ewanny's doughnuts afterwhich Fathi, Jun and I went to visit Ustaz Irwan. We took bus 9 and when we were about to reach our stop, I stood up to proceed to the exit door. The bus driver braked suddenly and I we.. 'flew' all the way to the front of the bus. Alamak driver brake tak warning ar.. Aku pulak entah kenape takble brake. Fathi and Jun best ketawa? Haha, it WAS funny. Even I laughed! At myself.. And that day, according to Fathi and Jun aku macam joker haha. And it's non-intentional! Naturally in the blood ah. Hehe, I wonder what happened to it before this.

Time tengok Ustaz Irwan, biasalah ade je joke dia. He said, "Terharu saya. Saya nak nangis sampai bumi pon nangiskan." Haha, it was raining la. Since that day was Ustaz Ahmad's wedding, the main topic of the day is wedding and who of us four will marry first haha. Fathi, Jun and I ape lagi, gang up on Ustaz la! Haha, Ustaz, bila Ustaz nye turn pulak? Mesti buat tradition Arab tau, lepas sanding stay in hotel, start trend baru kat sini! Hehehe.. Anyway, throughout the whole discussion, I can't help noticing a bottle of ikan bilis. When I asked, he said, "Nak dengar cerita? Betul? Actually ade orang cina bed sebelah baru discharge. Dia tinggalkan botol ikan bilis ni jadi saya amek ah." And the three of us turned to look at his mum. Ustaz ni kalau bebual tak ble percaya, nak kena confirm ngan his mum haha. I hope Ustaz will be able to walk like normal again soon, but according to him he'll have to stay at St. Andrew's for about a month more...

Last evening met some of the Titisan peeps outside one stop center, great to see them again. After that had NI meeting. Hmm.. Can't wait for all the upcoming activities by NI! At 7 plus, I left for post-mortem at Ghufran for Gema Ghufran. Liyana's laughter is so weird! And Nadia is soo funny and candid lar haha. After the meeting patutnya balik but bila Jun cakap teringin nak gi Mac je semua orang pon eh ok ar! Haha, great spending time with you all. This bunch pon ade2 je tau.

Today, finally got to sit down and chat with Ad. Been a long time gurlfren haha. too bad u have sore throat. Get well soon ya!

I wonder what tomorrow brings. Hope it'd be a brighter day. Hope it's shine reaches deep into every nook of my heart and makes it glow with so much light that it reaches the hearts of people around me. Anyway enjoy the song below! That was all I managed to blog up this afternoon :)

Firdaus:
Ku langkahkan kaki ini
Di hangat mentari pagi
Ku syukuri hari ini, aku masih berdiri

Dan aku tinggalkan masa kelabu
Dan lalu mulakan jalannya kerna-Mu

Semangat optimis diri jalan hari dengan pasti
Selama jantung berdetak, selama itupun

Takkan berhenti berlari wujudkan mimpi
Terus berlari agar hidup ini bererti

Terjatuh bangkit aku kembali
Susah payah aku tak peduli
Kerna hidup hanya sekali

Akbar:
Dengarkanlah teman seloka hiburan
Tak perlulah kita asyik nak berlawan
Kita semua kawan tak boleh berlawan
Kalau kita renggang kita ketinggalan

Bebaskan dirimu dari dibelenggu
Teruskan langkahmu ayuh kita maju
Mari bersamaku nyanyi lagu ini
Jangan difikirkan resah yang di hati

Semua itu hanya dimindamu
Tak perlu kau sangsi tak perlu kau ragu
Segala-galanya pastikan berlalu
Mentari kan muncul mendung kan berlalu

Cat Farish:
Suka duka perkara biasa
Kita pasti lalu bezanya pada waktu
Bila berlari kenalah berstrategi
Jangan ikut hati, ikut hati nanti mati
Biarlah terlambat atur jalan cermat
Pelan-pelan kayuh jangan sampai otak penat
Sentiasa bawa diri hati-hati hari-hari beri erti pada diri
Jangan berhenti kejar mimpi senyuman diberi tanpa semua benci menghantui hati
Biarkan saja, takdir semua nyata
Bersyukurlah masih lagi bernyawa

Firdaus:
Dan aku tinggalkan masa kelabu
Takkan berhenti berlari wujudkan mimpi
Terus berlari agar hidup ini bererti

Takkan berhenti
Berlari wujudkan mimpi
Terus berlari
Agar hidup ini bererti

Takkan berhenti berlari wujudkan mimpi
Berlari..

http://www.free-lyrics.org

Thanks to all who've made my day and my life meaningful as a whole. :)

It's one thing to be asked to do this and that as if you're the free-est person on earth. But to be asked to do this and that and not getting a word or at least a gesture of appreciation or worse, getting scolded along the way is really quite another matter...


I HATE PENTAS Sorry to all who've enjoyed yourselves and are missing Pentas and can't wait for the next one and all. BUT, well, do understand me. Your job is done while MINE, AMA'S AND IJAN'S HAVE NOT. While you guys are having hangovers over Pentas and dreaming of the fun times shared or at worse the worst rehearsal you had to go to, the three of us are getting 'live' nightmares over the props. And the worst thing is we're getting scolded for it because we have a 'responsibility' to carry out. Spiderman (or whatever Uncle in the movie) said, "With great power comes great responsibility"... But in our case, there is NO POWER which brings about the RESPONSIBILITY. We're volunteering our time and effort here and not a word of thanks instead lotsa lotsa scolding. AND NO ONE TO HELP US. It sucks alright.. Don't believe me, try it next Pentas. I'd be more than glad to let you have the job. Right Ama? Right Ijan?

Today marks the third time I cried because of the props. Ama and I had to carry boxes and boxes AND MORE BOXES of costume, make-up, radio, other left behind props and I don't know what else. We had one big rectangular box filled to the brim and begging to spill over, two ezprint boxes one on top of the other with cloth and 4 boxes of make-up and Naza's square box with some stuff and at least 5-6 poles, 2 of which threatens to scratch whatever surfaces we walk along or poke someone super unlucky to be walking towards us in the eye while pointing directions. Ikut hati, aku nak buang je sume. But to think of it, nak buang pon nak kena travel so might as well travel to SAA. Haiz, bila agaknya kitorang bertiga nak gi clean up bilik SAR tu ye. Sry quartermistress bilik tu berselerak balik but do understand our plight. Not many do right now...

People called us. People smsed us. People scolded us. People saw us. And all they could do is tell us, "The audi must be cleared by 5pm" You know who helped us? There was this couple we met along the alley to SAA who were going somewhere with a trolley. They looked like they needed it rather urgently too, but after we asked and explained our situation they lent us the troley for awhile. But they left us at that, just with the trolley. Cukup alhamdulillah la tu kan. Then we got stuck between the lift doors and there was this guy who kindly gave a helping hand, pushing the trolley from lift door all the way inside the SAR place. Alhamdulillah. We dunno who they are and they most probably don't believe in Allah, but they were there and we thank Allah for that.

It was just so hard. Tried to be strong while I was with Ama, but when she left, I had my mum's mats plus my box of telekong and kain2 alas I needed to bring home. It was hard to handle and I had no idea how to transport them by myself all the way from audi to lt 21 in biz school. It was humiliating enough to be seen with that many things, but I was just upset and angry that hot tears start to well. I dropped everything, squated down and ended up sitting on the ground somewhere along the alley between the audi and the staircase leading to the library. There were a few people there but who cares. Whether I stand or I sit with those stuff it'd be just as humiliating anyway kan...

Lela, I appreciate those words of appreciation. They make doing those heavy things lighter. Ama agrees with me. Eventhough you requested for some props/deco late, we (padahal Ijan ngan Nadiah yang buat eh) didn't feel forced to do them. We were obligated since it's our job but you made it sound as if we have a choice. IF we're not too busy. IF we can handle them. We find it easier to follow what you want cos you had pictures and directions so we could produce something as similar as what you asked for. I mean memang our job scope is to find things or make them for the show. You made our job easier and at the end of the day pon you get what you want and not something so different than what you visualized. Thanks for your understanding. Too bad this is your last Pentas. It was nice working with you dear.

Hai... Sesungguhnya kesabaran itu separuh daripada iman. Dan iman aku nampaknya dalam fasa menurun. Ya Allah, berilah aku hidayah...

I enjoyed myself afterall. I was super stressed up over props for the past few days. And that last few hours before the show was just unbearable. I broke down twice. Once at around 3pm, I just left everything I was doing, got up, told some of them I was going for prayers and off I went. I could have prayed at the audi, but I ran away. I didn't want the others to see. I broke down in the cargo lift at AS on the way to ITAS prayer room. I jolly well took 30-40 minutes calming myself down. When I returned, I was more or less composed.

There was a full-dress rehearsal when I returned. I haven't done my make-up yet but that's not important. The props must be ok. And no they were not. I forgot things. I forgot to convey certain instructions from Fifi to the Nadi crews and they were scolded scolded for my forgetfulness. I felt so bad. Not only that, I realised that there were still certain things missing. There were 3 boxes that were not wrapped in brown paper. The torchlights Ama brought was not what Fifi wanted. And while I was in the toilet washing my face, Fifi came in looking so stressed. And the way she saw me and looked away made me feel that it was all my fault. To top it all up, my Acharacterisations did not work the whole day! I just couldn't change all the stress of the day into energy for my character. THAT was just the breaking point.

I washed my face, left the toilet and entered the dressing room to have Ubaidah do my make-up for me. While she was putting foundation for me, I just lost it. I just cried and cried and could not stop. Not the bear hug Ubaidah gave me. Not the happy song Hidayah played for me on her hp. Not anything. I just couldn't stop. Tried to remember happy times. I could think of none. A few happy moments flashed through my mind, but it faded just as soon as it entered. I forced the tears to stop for awhile for the sake of my make-up.

But while the alumnis talked to us, the tears flowed again. It seemed impossible to stop. Hidayah hugged me, gave me advice and all and I went to the dark lane behind the stage and thought of nothing but my character. I ran around. I hopped around. I skipped around. Then I went to Maghrib. I asked for peace in my heart. After that I went into the toilet, looked into the mirror, bit into my finger and characterised again, running through my character's life story and saying out my lines. It slowly worked.

Went out and interacted with the other characters and before I knew it, it was our turn. All along, problems about the props popped up again and again but I suppressed it with my character. And I guess Nira's funny performance helped one way or another in cheering me up. When it was time to stage what we've rehearsed for the past month, I just did the best I can. I ignored the audience and concentrated on my character.

There's so many people I wanna thank. Nadi and Set designers for helping me out with the props and making leeways for me where there should be none. Ubaidah for my make-up and for calming me down. Hidayah for the advice and hug. All the others (I can't remember who!) for the encouragement. And Nira for indirectly cheering me up with their creative performance.

There's so many I wanna say sry to too, but that's between me and them.

Time's up! Time to study for m madrasah exam tmr! I've studied nothing AT ALL and it's 11.45pm already. Oh God. wish me luck!

Alhamdulillah the performance went well. I'm sure everyone put in their best effort, I know Titisan did and most importantly I know I did. Others may tell you, it could have been better. But in my opinion, if you've given the best you can then nothing is better than the best. Of course, there'll be others better than you. So don't be sad.

What Siddique (kan?) said was true. Keikhlasan itu penting. Always keep that in mind yar my dear Titisan and pass this on to soon-to-come members even to those after them and after after them and so on. "Don't act, but play." Don't forget all those things Hidayah or Fifi or our two alumnis taught us ok. Pass them on.

I hope you guys had fun. I hope you guys bonded even more. I hope you guys understand each other better. I hope you guys made new friends. I hope you guys tak serik join Pentas!!! I hope you guys carry on with upholding this seni you chose during CCA recruitment drive in your 1st sem in TP and never let it go just because you have other commitments, just because some things go awry among you guys or whatever other reasons.

You guys did well. You guys took up the challenge. I saw courage there. You guys were disciplined enough to follow instructions and to realise and learn from mistakes. I saw many of you constantly trying to improve the way you carry out your character. I saw the determination. I saw the sincerity.

I may not be there with you all the time, but I see from afar. And the fact that I don't hear complaints about you guys, I know you guys behaved. You guys deserved the compliments. One of the composed sub-groups you guys were. Keep up the good job alright :) And never never start to be besar kepala or sombong.. Again remember the reminders you received and pass them on.

Lastly, thank you... Thank you for your commitment and for your willingness. And sry for any shortcomings from myself and also from any of the seniors. I love you guys.

Kerana Cinta

Cinta yang sejati
Hanya cintakan Illahi
Cinta ayah bonda
Tulus suci selamanya
Cintakan saudara
Masa berada
Hanya sementara
Cinta sesama insan
Suburkan dengan ketakwaan..

Layar Keinsafan

Biar Kau menjadi saksi
Tulus tangisku kala dini hari
Kesempatan yang hanya sebentar
Moga keikhlasanku terlakar
Berikanlah ku hidayah
Agar dikuatkan iman yang lemah
Moga diberkati hidup ini
Menuju bahagia yang kekal abadi

Oh God, hear the prayers of this weak and helpless servant of Yours...

I'd been online since around 9.30pm. Tried to finish up my ABCHM PBL qns, but selagi aku tak blog, selagi tu aku takble start!

I shall write about today's activities later. Before that, I really really wanna luahkan perasaan dulu!

So many people around me are in love, as in B-G relationship... Ada yang senyap2. Ada yang open2. Ada yang sampai gaduh2. Ada yang expected. Ada yang unexpected. Ada yang betol2. Ada yang semata2 untuk sandiwara. Nasib belum lagi ada yang ada2. Lihat ni sume, teringat pulak akan entry Ustazah Sakinah pasal suami. Lepastu dapat pulak e-mail dari Liyana tentang 'Aku Pencinta Wanita'... B-G relationship tu terang2an TAK BOLEH. Tapi... Laki2 dan perempuan2 sekarang lah kan... Nak salahkan dorang sepenuhnya pon tak boleh jugak. Tengoklah, kemain banyak lagi 'peer pressure'. Sini sana you! Yang betol ternampak salah. As in, salah=ganjil. Haiz, tapi pernah kan dengar Islam itu mulanya ganjil dan di akhir zaman pun akan kelihatan ganjil. Oh well...

Anyway, tak sah kalau tak post satu gambar ni. Kulit cerah macam berketurunan Arab (I'm not sure who his father is, but I think he is berketurunan Arab). Rambut dia pon stail, kerinting dia just nice! Senyumnya menarik perhatian. All in all, orangnya sungguh cute sekali! Apatah lagi dikenakan baju kurung merah. Bila dia ada, sume orang nak dekat. Nak berbual ngan dia. Nak pegang tangan dia. Nak main rambut dia. Hehehe, nama dia pon sedap: Syed Muhammad. Nak tengok gambar dia tak? Click sini ye: pic

I put this pic as my display pic on MSN. Hafiz saw it and asked, "Sape tu? Anak?" Lol, banyak kelakar eh. Tu anak Sis Yati la. He's too cute to forget hehe. Bilalah dapat jumpa dia lagi. Tahun depan dah besar dah, ishk.

Kk, takpe. Today was an ok day. Had madrasah in the morning. Today is the last day before exams next week and then we'd most likely never meet our peeps anymore. Ustaz Hasman looks like he really have no idea what else to teach us for Arab already. Ustazah Aisyah (masih tak pass pass spell nama orang2 bernama Aishah ni la) pulak showed us movies on Sirah Nabi and we passed around the kuih2 raya that we brought woo hoo! Had fun with Chong and Tuty haha. Ustaz Saifuddin nye class pulak as it has been for the past few weeks: open discussions on anything and he'll give his opinion on it. I say 'opinions' 'cause honestly I don't agree with him regarding some of the things. After madrasah went to Auntie's house. It's her birthday!!! 11/11 nice eh hehe. Sekaligus gi rumah dia untuk beraya skali lah. Nuryna Aqilah is growing up fast! Haha, but still so cute! She ran out of Auntie's house to hide at Cik Milah's house and refuse to come home lol.

After Zohor, met Fathi, Hamzah and Zik to make our way together to Orchid Country Club (alamak lupa nak share cab fare ngan Fathi!) where Masjid Al-Kaff was having their 75th anniversary at the Grand Ballroom. Ustaz gave 4 tix to Fityan. $45 each ok.. It was very grand... But I just felt out of place lah kan. And Abishek was rather lame... But I loike Elfee's singing!!! Suara power seh! And the dikir barat oso power. Kelana Purba was the name. I always envy dikir barat for the 'satu suara-ness' haha. Go Nira! Go PST! Our show's this Friday! Anw, ever wonder why is it dikir barat and not dikir timur or something of the like? Maybe it's just me lol. Oh lypa nak mention, thx Cik Norainee for sending us home :) Oh and aku nye selenger pi naik bus 39 lol.

Ok, tak tau ape nak cakap... This coming Fri come for CCN Day and then Pentas: Rahsia ok. Cya!

DOES BEING AT TP HELP YOU IN YOUR MUSIC CAREER?
Syarif: Of course, it does. It gives us discipline. Seriously, it gives us discipline.
Alif: Time management. It plays a very big part. Our work, we have deadlines. We have to work towards that. We can incorporate that into music. We have to get songs done by a certain date.
Syarif: The discipline goes into us...
Alif: It naturally does. But we still try to separate our music from our school work.
Syarif: We always think, “I chose this path so I have to work around it, juggle whatever it is, we have to work around it lah, find a way.”

DOES MUSIC HELP WITH YOUR STUDIES AT TP?
Syarif: Actually it helps us memorise things better.
Alif: Yeah, if there’s a lot of facts to memorise.
Syarif: Sometimes we go to the extent of writing lyrics based on things we have to memorise...
Alif: ‘Cause we memorise lyrics fast. We need to listen to our lyrics. So we’ll record lyrics, listen to them, then memorise them. So we do the same for our work. We rhyme it, then record it.
Syarif: Then listen to it again and again...
Alif: Until it becomes stuck in your head. So when the test comes, you’ll hum the song in your head and you’ll remember the answers.

Get more at: http://www.tp.edu.sg/ezines/t%27s/Sep_07/cover.htm

Dengar tu korang (dan aku sekali lah kan). Kalau dah terlalu bz abistu keje tak abis, jgn salahkan org pulak. U brought things unto urself, so figure a way out urself! Pandai2 lah eh siapa yang makan chilli terasa pedasnya ye :)

Oh my, TGIF! Thank God it's Friday!!!! And thank God there's no Titisan trg tonight!!! Lol, sry peeps, I'm juz so exhausted wokay...

But had fun ealier, walaupon sorang macam budak bodoh. I walked around TM and CS after Asar. My plan was to look for a bag (I was actually planning to buy this $19 waterproof bag and $49.90 Fila butterfly bag) but after walking around my eyes caught on more things than my pocket can fork out lol.

So initially I still wanted those 2 bags, just that the $19 was already $20, but after all those walkings, I saw another bag $29.90, a Fila shoe $39.90, 3 dresses $10, $15 and $25, Ozozo wallet $36, MYUK bag $36, MYUK wallet $29/$36 and MYUK small shange pouch $7.90. Oh God, all those totalled up to more than $150!! No no, I can't afford all that! Even after raya... So, mother to the rescue!!! I know I'm gonna hate having her to stop me buying what I don't need, but I had to ok. So in the end I just bought the Fila shoe, a bag that wsn't even in my list of wanted bags (the $29.90 one was just right but I think it was pig skin, and I touched it!!!) and the MYUK small change pouch. I'm so in need new tops and bottoms ok. And I'm still eyeing the $20 bag and the Ozozo/MYUK wallet alright. Dang, hari raya is gonna be over soon! haha, I sound so bad right? But pls eh, I don't go raya just for the money. Prove is, the following pics. Pics of great memories spent with my friends and we didn't get no money in moooooost of the houses. We even forked out money k. :) So next up, as promised: the long-awaited pics (or shall I say memories?)...

Here are pics of Titisan Jalan Raya '07 dated 4th Nov, Fityan Gema Ghufran Perjumpaan Hari Raya '07 dated 3rd Nov and below are pics of NI Jalan Raya '07 dated 27th Oct. Enjoy! Anyway, malas ar nak caption, so tengok pics je cukup la eh.

This week has been sooooooo horrible! I'm just so tired and exhausted each night I step home YET I couldn't go to sleep cos I have work to do but I still crawl into bed and 'accidentally' fall asleep anyway (even with the computer still on sometimes hehe) which means that I have to wake up as early as 5am to complete whatever tasks I have. And oh God, I've been late for class like practically everyday since school started lah!

Let's take today as an example...

Startled awake. Solat Isya' (v. bad right...) and Subuh. 'Scribble' MBio tut. Realised something wrong with thumbdrives (but actually the comp) Complete Background Info for AMic mini project Proposal. Brush teeth everything, iron clothes and get ready for school, grabbed a cookie and out! Wait for bus, dang! Forgot hp. Journey to school. MBio lec. Met some friends. MBio tut. Met Nurul to take back Psycho book. PC lab. Attempted to do a proper reference page for AMic proj but short of time. Passed thumbdrive. Had lunch with Rani and Kayathree. Mountain of tauge. Talked, chatted, joked, laughed and err, insulted? Forgot MBio lab at noon not 1pm. Lucky was still with Rani and Kayathree. Rushed. Waited for lift all full. Climbed from lvl 2 to lvl 7. Pants. 2 Practicals in one. Give directions. Super bad stomachache. Long time in toilet. Kayathree came to check. Lab ended. Rushed to Zohor. Was slightly late for AMic lec. Ended early. Went for Asar. Met Sis Raihanah. Realised socks missing. Rushed back to lvl 3. One right in front of the lift. One in LT. Mr Loh thought late, "Lec finish already". Rushed to PC lab for AMic proj. Didn't do much, made things worst and messier actually. Quickly finish up briefly. Realised haven't typed out minutes for Abchm proj and it's due today! Showed Mr Loh AMic proj. Said ok. Rushed to take key for MS03. Fell on stairs. Bruise boo hoo. Fifi already took key. Felt like crying. Rushed to MS03. Went to library. Met Kak Maryam, Shikin n Nyzah. Typed out minutes. Forgot to bring cashcard. Asked Nyzah for cashcard or paper. Got 2 paper from her frriend. Thx. In the end, printed at Design printing shop. Ran to AS to hand in HFLA and minutes. Met Raudah and Kak Maryam. Ran back to MS03. Joined characterisation. Couldn't get into character. So distracted. Watched others practice. Joined Pentas main-comm's discussion. Props!! Artistic... Joined Titisan back. Acted for awhile. End of training. Went Srisun. Full. Went Al-Kader. Mee kuah. Jokes. DKK. Irritated. Went home. Tired. Exhausted. Sleepy. Sheesh!

Ok, it's almost a cycle everyday. Yesterday was pretty much just as bad. Had Abchm meeting. Had NI meeting. KFC.

It feels like each day is divided into parts. Part 1: Lessons. Part 2: Breaks. Part 3: Projects. 4: Titisan training. 5: Late dinners. You get me la yar.

Tomorrow Deepavali... Thought I could sleep in till noon or something but have Titisan training then have jalan raya. *Yawn*

This vicious cycle will continue... AMic proposal by Friday. Pentas training everyday. Need find props. Pentas next Friday. AMic lab proj. Abchm PBL. MCT and MBio I'm pretty much lost. NI events. Ni Fityan belom lagi ni tau.

Dah dah, tak ble angkat ar, ngantok!!!!