*Turns on reflection mode*

Well, I had been doing a lot of reflections lately. Reflect on my poly days, reflect on my journey in Fityan/NI, reflect on my contributions to each of these organisations, reflect on my roles in each and how little I'd carried out my responsibilities, reflect on my role as a daughter, reflect on my whole self how I'd changed in terms of mindset over the years, reflect on things like failures and hikmah and alot alot more.

Indeed my life has been a fruitful journey, despite the many downfalls, so to speak, along the way...

If you ask me what I'd achieved over the years, I would say: understanding. Alot of things seem to have a different meaning to it and lately, as I reflect, I begin to understand. It is priceless to understand, to someone like me who puts alot of value on knowledge. To understand is to process bland information into tasty knowledge. I ever attended a talk at Masjid Sultan by Ustaz Zhulkeflee in which he said, "Knowledge is only information until it is understood." Well, something like that. And understood here in terms of developing a deeper meaning.

For example, when you point out to a small kid, "This is a shoe." The kid, whose mind has yet to develop to think of the deeper meaning of words would probably be thinking, "That is a shoe." and nothing more. If you were to say the exact same thing to an adult however, the first thing that the person would say is probably, "DUHH! Do you think I'm stupid?". But that's ego, and that's beside the point haha.

My point is, the adult has knowledge (not just information) on shoes. He/she could probably be thinking, maybe without realising, "A shoe is something worn on the feet to protect the feet from injury caused by stepping on hot cement floor, or spiky road etc and from dirt on the ground as well. That particular shoe so and so is pointing to is a pair of fashionable red high heels, worn by ladies to look taller and more elegant." I'm not sure if I've put my point across clearly to differentiate information and knowledge... But nvm, following is the meaning of knowledge:

knowledge
  /ˈnɒlɪdʒ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [nol-ij]
–noun
1. acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation; general erudition: knowledge of many things.
2. familiarity or conversance, as with a particular subject or branch of learning: A knowledge of accounting was necessary for the job.
3. acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report: a knowledge of human nature.
4. the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain mental apprehension.
5. awareness, as of a fact or circumstance: He had knowledge of her good fortune.
6. something that is or may be known; information: He sought knowledge of her activities.
7. the body of truths or facts accumulated in the course of time.
8. the sum of what is known: Knowledge of the true situation is limited.

Information is just facts, while knowledge is when a deeper meaning is injected into the facts... Something like that.

Bismillah
Album : Senyum
Munsyid : Raihan
http://liriknasyid.com


Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Mulakanlah kerja dengan niat yang satu
Untuk mendapatkan keredhaannya
Moga segala urusan dipermudahkannya
Agar sentiasa dalam kebaikan
Barulah hati kita kan terasa tenang
Dan bersyukur dengan apa yang ada

Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Buruk dan baik itu ketentuan Allah
Kitalah jua yang memilihnya
Amal yang baik akan membawa syurga
Amalan buruk menempah neraka

Hanyalah iman, amal dan juga takwa
menjadi bekal dalam hidup kita
Hanyalah iman, amal dan juga takwa
menjadi bekal dalam hidup kita

Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Ilmu pelita menerangi kegelapan
Darilah ilmu datangnya amalan
Dari amalan lahirlah kasih sayang
Saling membantu dan bekerja sama
Rezeki yang ada hulurkanlah derma
Agar hidup harmoni bahgia

Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Dimulakan dengan bismillah
Disudahi dengan alhamdulillah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah
Begitulah sehari dalam hidup kita
Mudah mudahan dirohmati Allah

Allah knows best, indeed, indeed...

I just received a call. Well... I was in the toilet uh, so my mum was the one who answered. It was a call from NUS *gasp!*

Apparently I had given incomplete address... Hmm, I reckon I might be receiving a letter soon? Wonder if it's a letter calling for interview, acceptance letter or worse, rejection letter.

Yikes, I'm nervous.

O Allah...

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang...

Hanyalah kepadaMu kami menyembah, dan padaMu kami mohon pertolongan
Tunjukkanlah kami ke jalan yang lurus
Jalan orang-orang yang Kau beri nikmat
Bukan jalan mereka yang Kau murkai
Dan bukan pula jalan mereka yang sesat




I was at kendarat yesterday morning when my mum called, "Na, ade surat tulis on government service, mama ngan baba kau tak sabar tunggu kau balik. Kita nak bukak."

Me: "Oh. Ok err... bukak uh." (dalam hati, alamak dup dub dup dub)

My mum: Mama bukak tau?

Me: Ah bukak. Harap2 berkat kott haha.


Jap lagi my mum called back saying, "Kau apply course ape, bachelor arts... ape dier ba? Ah, kau kena panggil interview."

Me: Bila tu?

My dad: *read the whole sentence* on 13th May at 5.20pm, look for room 22 bla bla bla.

Dalam hati kata, "Hmm, kau dah tawakkal Marl.. Kalau inilah jalan buatmu, maka jalan inilah yang akan kau tempuhi (walau perlu tembusi onak dan duri)"

So yeah, I'm shortlisted for the interview. It's like 2-3 days away la sehh. Serammm...

Argh.

Ya true, I did realise that I've improved further in planning programmes, alhamdulillah... Having a great partner - dear Nazihah and advisor/mentor - bro Hamid surely helps greatly! I am still me, I would still be easily shaken by feedbacks from others (being the water element that I am, it is normal for me to just agree with others' suggestions, to make everyone happy) and each time kena rebutt surely menggelabah, but it surely helps to be prepared with reasons for why you and your department has agreed on certain things. If you are able to understand why you choose certain activities and are able to justify it with reasons and even examples/experiences/expectation, it is so much easier to convince others to believe in your programme.

It's fun being in programmes as it is always challenging. Nothing stagnant. Nothing standard and strictly by the book. It makes you think. Think out of the box (still trying to improve on this part).

At the same time, I'm enjoying myself as vice-chair for another camp. I mean, ok lar, the work I have to do cam gerek gitu haha. Though pening jugaklah kan maner nak fikirkan budget, maner na fikirkan welfare, maner nak fikirkan ape2 problems yang timbul.

Tapi ade jugak ah rasa I'm overpowering the chairman, opps~ Serba salah. We need to meet up. Soon.

Ok yay, I've got a camp in... 2 more weeks and programme belum siap!! Ahhhh!! I hope quality doesn't get compromised cos of the time constraint...

K I'm talking too much about camps. Apparently there's too much of it in my head, yikes~

Usrah tmr nite! And I dunno what to present on... Aiyar... Hadn't been reading much lately uh...

Klah gtg. Tataz~!

I like this one: The purpose of life is to live a life with purpose - Leider, Richard

Crazy crazy crazy.

My week is so packed and so many things clash such that if there's one more thing to add in my schedule I might just berterabuh, ish.

Been some time since I last had so many things clash at once and gosh, pening pening. Which should I go when?? What can I reschedule and what should go on??!!

Argh, I need a break. I need my waterbreaker soon...

I can't believe this. I started believing it a few days ago (last Friday to be exact), or at least I thought I did. But now, I realise I still can't believe it.

I think because I don't understand it, perhaps one day I will, and I wonder what I'd do. Or perhaps I will never understand it either.

We'll see...

Only God knows why.

Oh and I still can't stop laughing reading yest's conversation:

12:23am - (me) reaction tadi kelakar seh. macam nampak hantu pulak
12:24am - (reply) haha. mesti ah. tk pasal2 nmpk belia ghufran.. den main dgn kucing... tk ke pelik tu.. mlm2 lak tu haha

Precisely WHAT is that supposed to mean?? Haha. Adakah belia ghufran takbleh main dgn kucing? atau belia ghufran takbleh balik malam (10 plus)? atau mlm2 takbleh main dgn kucing? atau sememangnya apa yang berlaku pada waktu mlm adalah sepelik-pelik kejadian?

Haha, I'm still laughing at the reply. Especially when reminded of the reaction, seriously macam orang nampak hantu! Kes bila nampak terus terkejut dan serta-merta toleh 180 darjah and terduduk, sepertinya berkata dlm hati, "jangan pandang belakang lagi. pura-pura tak nampak!"

On another note (with relation to my previous post), waah ni mana2 gi ada je orang kenal as 'belia masjid'. Nama masjid aku bawak ke mana2...

Hmm, actually, sebagai muslimah yang bertudung, yelah, memang mana2 gi pon bawak nama agama...

Something to all Muslimahs out there to reflect upon.

As you grow older, it is no doubt that you'll be looked up to as a role model by the younger ones and so, how you act in front of them may one way or another affect their view about not only you, but also about the principles you 'supposedly' believe in.

Myself... I think I've dragged/inspired/tried to lead at least 4 adik-adik (two only one year difference, one brother and one sister, and two a few year's difference, also one brother one sister). What I mean by that is I try to look into their welfare whenever I'm with them, give them motivation in down times and especially to give advices and reminders whenever I can in that sisterly manner.

And thus, when I do not see them doing that well, I feel sad. When I hear they get bullied or disturbed, I feel protective. And when they tell me good news, I feel very happy for them.

I don't have any adik for real and so perhaps I don't really do that well as the 'kakak' figure. But I guess that's good too. Then they'd feel less intimidated kott.

Dunno why I suddenly think of this matter... I guess I'd been feeling that responsibility that lies on my shoulder to be a good leader/a good role model.

I've once felt so down, I kept insisting no no I'm not a leader. I do not have the qualities of a leader. I can't be a leader.

I shall remember what one ever told me: "Yes you are. You're the leader that sets a good example for others to follow. You lead by example."

I still don't know if that's the truth or the speaker was just trying to psycho me to get me going with my job. But each day I feel more of a leader, and each day too I see more and more truth in those words.

And all the more I feel responsible to be a good role model at all times. Yea sometimes I go crazy too and all that, oh that's normal. That's just human, and leaders are humans you know.

Currently conducting two camps about responsibility. And yea, I guess that's why I'm thinking about this...

Alright, got work to do! And I'm near starving... Toodles! Be a good role model at all times okeh? :D

1. 'Pearl' strategy: Remember the oyster who converted an annoyance into a precious resource?

As the oyster lay on the seabed, a grain of sand got into her shell. Although it was only a single grain, she was in much pain. The oyster deliberated as to what to do. She realized that she could complain about it all she wanted, but the problem wouldn't go away. She said to herself, "As I cannot remove it, I shall improve it."

So, she went to work on the grain and a few years later, the small grain of sand that had bothered her so much had become a beautiful pearl, rich and glowing.

This week, lets remember that we may not have the power to remove an annoyance but we can always turn it into a rich resource.



2. Real learning starts after we learn to laugh at ourselves:

Best regards from Shanghai,

Ankur

www.realacad.org



There is only one way… to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it. - Dale Carnegie

Crystallize your goals. Make a plan for achieving them and set yourself a deadline. Then, with supreme confidence, determination and disregard for obstacles and other people's criticisms, carry out your plan. -Paul Meyer

Next step, now that I have my Vision Board, it's time to chart my path towards it :D

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I must be crazy, I took up important roles in 3 camps (ok, really important roles for 2 of them of which both are happening within one week difference!)... To add to that, I think my fellow programmer is just as crazy, she too is currently handling 3 events, not to mention school, tuitions and madrasah. At least I only have madrasah left now hehe.

Crazy as it it, I like it (most of the time) as I see the meaning behind it (mostly, kadang tu terlupa jugak niat, biasalah manusia... tu sebab selalu perlukan tazkirah)...

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Celebrated 3 brothers' 24th birthday last night. There were a total of 18 of us. 9 sisters. 9 brothers. It was a happy night, and certainly the warmth of the friendship seemed to radiate everywhere. Especially since most of them were actually from the same NI exco batch 3-4 years ago. It was so nice to see the ukhuwwah going strong even through the years.

And it made me wonder... How would my batch be like 3-4 years down the road.. Would we still contribute to NI, as the current alumNI are more than willing to do to our batch? Would we even still be together?

And where would we be? What would we be doing? As I hear most of the brothers and sisters sharing how they're pursuing their studies (even overseas), I wonder if my path would be similar: to work first, earn $$$ and then go back to school to pursue my own set of dreams.

I shall tawakkal to Allah... Plus doa. I've accomplished the Usaha and Ikhtiar part and there's not much more I can do but wait, and wait, and wait somemore...

Where will I be, what would I be doing 3 months from now, a year from now, 3 years from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 30 years from now and so on! That is, if I live long enough to see the sun these years from noe...

Recently I was reminded of the car accident I got into last November. Many things could have happened then. and no doubt, many things can happen anytime.

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Happy belated/advanced 24th birthday Brothers Imran, Mohksin and Asrul! May Allah bless you with meaningful lives and to all of you, may you find what each of you are seeking for soon. Wherever you will be, whatever you'll be doing in the times to come, remember us and the ukhuwwah that binds us together.

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I am very grateful to Allah for what He has put me through and for where He has placed me now. I certainly feel blessed with the life I'm leading and with the friendships and all other blessings I'm showered with.

I love you oh Allah.

I just dreamt that I was at a workshop/camp observing 3 people racing (I think with chairs) in a game infront of me. Somehow, weirdly, I realised I had a school desk on my head, with my neck stuck between the tabletop and the metal grill under it. But I managed to get it out. As I was laughing at the stupid situation and trying to stand up at the same time, I suddenly felt dizzy, saw the room in a blur, called Kak Yati's name as I try to reach out for her chair beside me and then I fainted. And I woke up, with my eyes still closed, about a minute before Nassier called.

This morning I dreamt that I swung myself out of bed and hit the stool beside my bed with both legs. When I woke up to the sound of the Subuh azan from my laptop, which I forgot to switch off, I felt a bruise on my left leg and right toe. Apparently I wasn't dreaming that. Heh.

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Actually I miss blogging about my life here. And I'd been wanting to update. I thought I'd do it today, but I spent time doing my vision board instead (as shown below)...



Inspired by ITQAN NEMC Camp

Hopefully it's not just another Mat Jenin story... Pray for me yea?