Ya Allah, rasa jiwa kosong semacam... Rindu dengan suasana pesantren. Rindu dengan teman-teman di pesantren. Rindu dengan kasih sayang Ustaz. Rindu dengan berselawat, berzikir, berwirid ramai-ramai. Bila baca sorang-sorang kat rumah rasa sunyi gitu. Tengok video atau dengar voice recording rasa macam anak panah menusuk kalbu sebab rindu sangat.

Bila di pesantren tu, walaupun ada stress tersendiri tak cukup tidur, kena handle participants dan sebagainya tapi terasa tenang. Walau di belakang saya ada teman yang 'diganggu', sebab di hadapan saya teman-teman lain sedang berzikir atau berselawat, saya rasa tenang dan aman.

Bagi saya, kehidupan pesantren lah yang saya tercari-cari. Untuk menguzlahkan diri buat sementara waktu untuk mencari ketenangan jiwa dalam mengabdikan diri pada Allah dan memupuk cinta kepada Rasulullah saw... Sayang, pesantren kilat ini cuma seminggu dan sememangnya seminggu sahajalah yang saya mampu ketepikan.

Sukar bagi saya untuk pulang ke 'alam nyata'. Rasa seperti terlalu banyak masalah perlu dileraikan, dan semuanya sepertinya berjalan begitu laju meninggalkan saya di belakang. Keluar sahaja dari pesantren tiba-tiba masalah keluarga, masalah kawan-kawan, masalah organisasi, masalah sekolah semuanya menghentam bertubi-tubi sepertinya benteng yang mengepong diri dicerobohi.

Pada saat yang sama, saya sedar inilah realiti dan saya perlu berdepan dengannya dan sesuaikan diri... Akan mengambil masa sedikit, tapi insyaAllah boleh...

Exams are over; and after watching Sunkyunwan on KBS, chatting with Harizah, playing chess (which I lost 3 times in a row, and gonna lose more if I don't resign from the game) and reading abit of Harry Potter, I realise one thing as I start reading my notes for this Sunday's madrasah exam on Sejarah Pendidikan Islam (History of Islamic Education... Sounds chim eh? Macam History of Magic in HP :P) that is: I am very lucky and should be very grateful that I'm living in Singapore. I have such a thing as education (irregardless of the 1001 comments about the education system in Singapore) and even as my exams end, I am able to bathe myself in such luxury as watching tv, reading books and playing online games... How many people my age out there afford such luxury? For all my incompetency of getting into NTU, I'm so-called under MOE scholarship in NIE for a degree and that should count as something to be very grateful for... Alhamdulillah... Imagine if I were in some other parts of the world where I would probably have to work to support my family, or I'd be married with dunno how many kids to care for, or live in a fear-stricken environment as war rages... For all the little things that I complain about, I should very much be grateful for everything else...

Chess teaches me that no matter what you face (like getting your 'men' killed) you have to keep striving forward towards your goal, and never to let go of that goal. If your goal is to gain Allah's pleasure, then don't stray from it. What other things you do (like trying to keep your own King alive or trying to get your soldier to become a Queen or trapping the opponent's Queen) should be for your one and only ONE sole goal (which is to trap the opponent's King in chess).

It also teaches me that you need to strategise well and each move must be significant. All must be in line with your ONE MAIN goal. So in life, whether you are studying/working, or having lunch with a friend, or spending time with your family, or buy new clothes etc should be aimed towards your ONE MAIN goal, we should set the right niat, may we be amongst the successful in life and the hereafter.

Each move you make, make sure you scan your environment first. Make a well calculated move. Because once you make a mistake, it may cause your direct downfall. In life, always think of the consequences of your actions. Be accountable towards your choices. Make the right choice so that you may not regret it in future. Whatever choice you make, make it for your ONE MAIN goal.

Sometimes you need to sacrifice the little things (like your soldiers) to ensure the bigger ones don't get sacrificed (like your horse or castle or pawn or worst your Queen or King). It is so in life too. Remember your goal and don't stray from it.

This serves as a major reminder to myself first, for here I am blogging after playing chess when I should be studying *opps!* :)

One paper down. I just hope I don't fail it. *cries* Please don't let me fail it ya Allah. I'll be happy with a pass.

Three more papers to go. Must.keep.going.

I'll be staying over at Liyana's hall tonight. 9am paper tmr.

I'm so sleepy right now, but I've yet to finish studying for tmr.

Can't wait for all the papers to end next Mon. Then I'm gonna have icecream at Swensen.

Please don't let me fail any papers ya Allah....

I feel restless. Not physically, but somewhat internally.

I know I should be studying (no sense of urgency at all!) yet I know I should be sleeping, yet I end up studying a bit and finding something to satisfy this restlessness.

I think I'm just hungry.

My diet was disturbed. Not diet as in slimming diet or what eh! I just can't be bothered with that kind of diet eh Marli. I mean eating erm... cycle? habit?

Had a heavy seafood at East Coast yesterday night with family. Was so tired that I slept in all the way till nearly 3pm and only got my brunch at 5pm. Nasi briyani! Ate alone at Food Culture by the way, but who cares. When I reached home, jamah abit of the Nasi ayam penyet at about 9pm and yea I think I'm hungry.

Or rather I just feel guilty for sleeping in this morning.

Or I'm just getting freaked out and super worried that I am 1 day away from my first paper.

And I really should sleep.

But I can't. And part of me don't want to.

I'm scared for exams lar... Alot more to revise and cramping in everything.

Maybe I just have many things in my head, which I really need to shove aside so I can do 1 thing at a time.

I can't seem to multitask anymore.

Ya I think I'm just hungry. *grumbles*

Just when I wanted to start a new roll on tumblr to mark the new hijrah year and a new project to promote Islam and Islamic values, tumblr seems to have crashed so back to all-time-favourite blogger.

Just wanted to say that I passed by Watsons just now and Maher Zain's song was playing. The cashier was a Muslim lady.

I went to Ahmad's play at Mountbatten CC last Saturday. He wrote the play while promoting a typical Muslim makcik (though not all makcik has a smart talented daughter that ran away larh eh) and the way he wrote it secara tak langsung he's educating his viewers about Islam, the five daily prayers Muslims perform, the fasting month of Ramadhan, the tudung to cover the hair which is aurat, the greeting of salam etc.

On facebook today a new movement has started to change display pictures to portray Islamic values.

Salam Maal Hijrah, may the truth prevail for many many centuries to come :) It has prevailed 1432 years (and more) and it is our duty as Muslims of this day to ensure that it continues to prevail.

There's alot that's going through my mind... :) If there really is such a thing as a quick quill, I would pen them all down. IF... I could put all of them into words that is.

I guess things happen, and I wanna share about them, but yet some things are meant for you, and only you will benefit from it, or find significance in it, or just appreciate it. There's a reason why it happened to you and not to someone else.

‎"Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until Monday, Dec. 6, there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is a Campaign for Children's ...rights: violence against children."

It makes me happy, like we're all united ...for a rightful cause and aww, childhood memories :P All the more I keep visiting fb every few minutes hehe.









My ultimate favourite!!!! Though I didn't know that was what the lyrics meant :s



And I actually memorized the japanese lyrics of this song, though I can't remember what the cartoon's about: