La Tahzan La Tahzan La tahzan

Life is a university for us. Let's strive for all-round success. Hidup ini tarbiyah untuk kita. Ayuh usaha untuk kejayaan dunia dan akhirat.

In Need  

Friday, October 27, 2006

I really don't like it when people who don't put in effort in class start looking for me asking me for help when the exams are near.

I don't mind helping if they've tried. In fact, I'm more than glad to be of help. But the thing now is those who don't even try! While they skip classes or when they do attend classes, they talk and make noise, I was trying my best to understand what's being taught in class. Then when they decide it's time to learn, they come to me and expect me to tell them all that I know.

I'm not selfish, as some people seem to think I am. I'm just careful with who I impart my knowledge to. If that person really needs it and has sincerely tried his/her best to make it on his/her own but couldn't, I'd definitely help. Give me a call, sms me, e-mail me, snail-mail me whatever, I'll try to help.

Another thing I notice in some people around me is that they only come to me when they need me. (Thus the note under my MSN nick) When they don't, I sms them also they never reply. I talk to them also like they not sincere. I don't know if they're doing it as a retortion to me because I do that too or not. Please, if I'm like that, let me know, I'll try to change alright. And if I'm not, please treat me like a human being who exists! Not like a robot or something which you switch on only when you need it to work! You don't have to save electricity on me cause I AM NOT A ROBOT/MACHINE.

I won't mention names, of course. I never mention names when I say bad things about somebody, other than my family members haha. So if any of you think that I'm referring to you, let me tell you: you know it best. :)

Geez, school tomorrow, better go to sleep. For your info, yes I came online just to blog about this. By the way, I had a nice and safe Hari Raya and hope you did too!

Some nice pics of my Hari Raya...


First day of Raya, with my grandma at her house.

First day of Raya with my cousin.

Second day of Raya with some relatives.

Second day of Raya with my cousin again.

I just saw my new timetable. 1st CDS: OTC Med, 2nd CDS: Socio. My timetable is so packed I'm head over heels thinking when to pray on Mon, Tues and Thurs. Oh God, help me!!!!

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In Need  

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I really don't like it when people who don't put in effort in class start looking for me asking me for help when the exams are near.

I don't mind helping if they've tried. In fact, I'm more than glad to be of help. But the thing now is those who don't even try! While they skip classes or when they do attend classes, they talk and make noise, I was trying my best to understand what's being taught in class. Then when they decide it's time to learn, they come to me and expect me to tell them all that I know.

I'm not selfish, as some people seem to think I am. I'm just careful with who I impart my knowledge to. If that person really needs it and has sincerely tried his/her best to make it on his/her own but couldn't, I'd definitely help. Give me a call, sms me, e-mail me, snail-mail me whatever, I'll try to help.

Another thing I notice in some people around me is that they only come to me when they need me. (Thus the note under my MSN nick) When they don't, I sms them also they never reply. I talk to them also like they not sincere. I don't know if they're doing it as a retortion to me because I do that too or not. Please, if I'm like that, let me know, I'll try to change alright. And if I'm not, please treat me like a human being who exists! Not like a robot or something which you switch on only when you need it to work! You don't have to save electricity on me cause I AM NOT A ROBOT/MACHINE.

I won't mention names, of course. I never mention names when I say bad things about somebody, other than my family members haha. So if any of you think that I'm referring to you, let me tell you: you know it best. :)

Geez, school tomorrow, better go to sleep. For your info, yes I came online just to blog about this. By the way, I had a nice and safe Hari Raya and hope you did too!

Some nice pics of my Hari Raya...


First day of Raya, with my grandma at her house.

First day of Raya with my cousin.

Second day of Raya with some relatives.

Second day of Raya with my cousin again.

I just saw my new timetable. 1st CDS: OTC Med, 2nd CDS: Socio. My timetable is so packed I'm head over heels thinking when to pray on Mon, Tues and Thurs. Oh God, help me!!!!

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Family-In-Charge and Ramadhan  

Monday, October 23, 2006

It was really really great. A busy day indeed but I loike heheh. Won't go much into details, too many to mention larh.

Farz, just wanna say it's great spending a day with you. Very enjoyable indeed! I'm glad that you trust me enough to confide in me and I'm so sorry if I have nothing much to offer other than a listening ear (two actually) yarr. You're a better counsellor than me that I dunno how to counsel you larh hahaz.

Anyway, did you know that it feels so good to have people say thanks to you in the form of a smile? It is wonderful! Try doing some community service sometime and see how you feel when you get that smile from the people. If you don't get a smile though, don't get discouraged. Please don't. Try again another time and perhaps you will get it and you will truly understand the spirit of service. I really enjoyed giving out the porridges to the neighbours of Darul Ghufran mosque.

Summing all up, it's been really great being part of Darul Ghufran, being given the opportunity to offer a helping hand, especially this Ramadhan.

Since today's the last day of Ramadhan and I'd most likely on't be online for a couple of days, allow me to wish all Muslims a Selamat Hari Raya minal aidil wal faizin! Ku susun sepuluh jari meminta maaf atas segala kesilapanku yang telah lalu (dan kalau boleh yang akan datang juga!), terkasar bahasa ke, terkasar laku ke, apa2 ajalah yang telah menyakitkan hati awak2 semua yang sedang membaca blogku yang tak seberapa ni ye? And to all non-Muslims, enjoy the public holiday! Everyone take care ya!

It's kinda saddening to see Ramadhan ending. So far, this Ramadhan is the best Ramadhan I've had so far. Insyallah, if I get to see more Ramadhan, they'd be better than this year's. Ramadhan adalah bulan yang ditetapkan untuk umat Islam. Bulan inilah syaitan dan sesetegah jin dibelenggu dan nafsu kita dijaga pada siang hari. Aku bersyukur padaMu ya Allah kerana telah memberiku taufik dan hidayahMu untuk memanfaatkan Ramadhan ini dengan sebaik-baiknya.

I really wish I can go on and on but it's 7.30 already and I need to get ready for my first day of my second semester. School starts at 9!!!

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21st Oct  

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

So many events seem to be going on on the 21st. Ghufran is having the family-in-charge and as much as I wanna go for it, none of my family members wanna go boo hoo. Then Istighfar having this event entitled Aku & Dia, kinda curious about it. Or I can always go An-Nahdah, I do wonder where it is and how it looks like, and join Nur-Ikhwan for the last iftar in this Ramadhan.

I just hope I can walk properly by then. Still limping!! My tendons are so enflamed lah... Nevermind, patience.... Kinda hard... Challenges...

I'd been absent three times from Titisan and I'll be absent one more time tonight. But not exactly my fault lah, they all got training in Ramadhan for what?!

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YIC & NOP power!  

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Hahakz, guess I did enjoy it. A bit lonely at first cause everyone seemed to have this partner to talk and laugh with while I joined different different groups and ended up with the solo me. Whatever la, I'm used to this sole figure thing anyway...

Ok, let's start from morning. Reached Ghufran a bit later than the stipulated 9am (Fahmi called my house and hp), but basically I was the fourth in my group to arrive. My group was the one which was sent to help with the mass community service at Istighfar by the way. At first I thought, what seh ten of us suddenly got dumped at Istighfar while the rest play games and clean Ghufran together-gether. But then I realised they were going to clean toilets, nevermind Istighfar better.

We (me, Atikah, Ewanny, Aqilah, Diyanah, Faris, Abdillah, Husni, Harun and Fahmi being the head) left for Istighfar rather late but no problem, some of the Istighfar volunteers came even later. Had a briefing when we reached. We from Ghufran and ten others from Istighfar were supposed to be facilitators! Like woah... What was I to say to the house owners. Needed to remember s
o many things, give the habuan Ramadhan, give the food supplies, give the FIC invitation, get back reply to invitation, help clean the house (my house oso I never help clean lol) and talk to the owners and find out what caused them to ask for help for sharing. So much responsibility!

But just as I was getting used to the idea of being faci, Ust Suffiyan say there's not enough female volunteers and after Zohor prayers, we were reshuffled. Three of the girls from Ghufran were put into the Istighfar groups under Istighfar facis while two others would go to all five houses allocated initially to the Ghufran girls with Ust Suffiyan via car. At first, I was put in the latter group but Atikah wasn't comfortable with the Istighfar girls and so asked to change with me. I don't know what made me agree but I did. I was with Huda (faci) and Amalina, allocated to a house in walking distance but since Diyanah's group needed to take bus and she doesn't have ez-link and I do, I changed again. My group consisted of Syafikah (faci) from Maarif and I forgot the other girl's name from Pasir Ris Crest. We were to go to Puan Johana's house at Blk 164 Tampines.

I tell you, the bag of rice grains and condensed milk was so heavy lah. Fasting somemore, astaghfirullah. First we took the wrong staircase, then when we fnally found the right address, the owner we're looking for had rented the house and wasn't living there!! What the... Patience, face the challenges with petience. It is afterall Ramadhan Youth CHALLENGE right?

In the end we just gave out the three porridges we brought, two to non-muslims, one to a Malay Muslim. The Malay Muslim we gave the porridge to was this old nenek with a cat and know what she asked? "Duit takder?" (translation: no money?) I wanted to roll on the floor and laugh out loud there and then lah! So straightforward this grandma HAHA.

After that we just went back to Istighfar, upon instruction from the mosque of course, via car! The girl's (the one whose name I forgot, I'm so sorry girl!) parents fetched us at Tampines and sent us back to Istighfar, mwahaha. Thank you! The mother actually sat I looked small for my age haha, that's cause I was sitting down, in the car under this pile of styrofoam bowls. You should see me standing outside, I think I actually gained weight this month, ish.

Back at Istighfar, helped out a bit with the porridge packing but soon my fingers felt painful, either burned by the steaming porridge or blissed (erm... from the word blister) by the heavy food stuff I volunteered to carry, and I went to toilet. I thought we'd stay for Asar prayers at Istighfar, then have tilawathon there before going back to Ghufran but Faris said Fahmi and Aqilah already back at Ghufran and wanted us there immediately. We took a taxi back to Ghufran with Harun paying, thank you guy. Along the way Faris was like fuming and muttering profanities lah ok. There was kecoh-ness then in short. It was all a misunderstanding and miscommunication lah actually. I think it was more or less solved, with the help of Mokhsein at Ghufran but Faris wasn't with the group when we went for Street Dakwah and Night of Power, I don't know and don't wanna know.

After Asar prayers at Ghufran, (wah... I missed praying berjemaah...), I joined the Tilawathon shortly before going out to welcome the Istighfar people. There was a long wait in between and I really didn't know what to do. Walked here, walked there,sat down here, sat down there, talked to this person, talked to that person. In other words, I was bored but I didn't wanna listen to the motivational talk cause if I go in, it'd be rude to go back out when the Istighfar people arrive right.

The welcome was kinda cute, lol. The guys on one side, the girls on the other at the entrance. When the Istighfar people arrived, the guys salam the guys, the girls salam the girls, obviously. Like, eh style seh haha whatever lah Marl. After that, all of us went to listen to the motivational talk before break-fast.

The rest was rather uneventful until Street Dakwah. My group was assigned to the Malay Village in Geylang to give out the Ramadhan messages. That was another challenge... Quite many people refused to accept the cards, thinking that they're donation cards or something. I guess I'd do the same thing if I were them... But now I realise, next time when people say something, LISTEN then reply. After seeing the people refuse the cards, it made me feel ashamed of myself for doing the same thing they did all the time to others. Haiz... A lesson learnt here.

By the way, for the first time the whole day, I bonded with Fahmi. He's like this little brother I'd never had haha. Had fun making fun of this near deaf person Ewanny had to visit earlier and feeling guilty right now, hehe, and of how Ust Ahmad drank while walking and we said that the next time an Ust pointed to us that we can't drink while walking, we can say, "But we say Ust Ahmad doing it!" Hahakz, whatever lah. The first joke lasted longer, it fact it last the whole night till the next morning. Fahmi made the joke again while we were waiting for the bus and I couldn't help but laugh at it, sorry lah!

On the bus to Assyakirin, Harun handed out drinks he'd bought to everyone on the bus. Felt guilty for scolding him half the day earlier. Got tired of his friendly chats lah. Thanks for the drinks Harun, haven't had the chance to say it earlier...

At Assyakirin, the boys went to the basement while the girls went to the second floor for supper: curry beef/mutton with french loaves. Kinda nice, but couldn't finish it nevertheless. Fatayaats from Ghufran (and two Widad from Istighfar) were the noisiest and fun-est bunch of people. Kak Aisyah naughty naughty revealed Nadia and Liyana's mistakes, and it was so funny!! Then got this video camera come into the auditorium we were in and Fatayaats were like crazily waving each time the camera passed us haha! At last it was like 1.30am already and time to sleep. Some of the girls in the auditorium, and a few Fatayaats as well I have to admit, were rather irritating, still takling quite loudly while others were trying to sleep. I tossed and turned so many times before finally falling asleep. But just about an hour later, I woke up due to the cold and couldn't get back to sleep so I went outside to sit around for awhile before bathing and getting ready for Qiyamullail.

It was my second Qiyamullail ever, the first being when I was pri 6 at Ghufran, and I was really glad I got it, eventhough I missed one of the prayers. So happy! It just gives you this really good feeling that you achieved it you know.

After Qiyam, we had our sahur before Subuh prayers. We had nasi lemak for sahur, it would have been so nice it the rice had been cooked proprely. Oh well, I was hungry so I did finish more than half of the pack afterall haha.

After Subuh preyers, there was a short debriefing about Street Dakwah. What Kak Aisyah said was really true. What we did is nothing compared to what Rasulullah s.a.w. did last time and what we went through is nothing compared to what he s.a.w. went through. I couldn't agree more. Rasulullah s.a.w. was truly a patient man...

While waiting for the bus after that, some of the girls played bunga api!! Haha, childish right, but looks so fun! I wanted to join in, but so sleepy lah I tell you. Besides, Fahmi and I were retelling the jokes and it was more fun than getting a picture of myself, with that big acne sprouting above my lips while playing with bunga api. Some girls from another mosque who went past us actually said, "Who plays bunga api in front of masjid?" I replied, "For fun what." Haha, they must actually be jealous to see Fatayaats from Ghufran having non-stop fun. Haiz, it's the fasting month and here I am feeling angry towards those girls. But really lah, keep your comments to yourself can or not?!

On the way back to Guhfran, the Fatayaats got a bus to ourselves, woo hoo! One person two seats hahaha. The ride was rather nice, I fell asleep. I was feeling rather... I don't know how to say. But something happened on the bus that made me feel this emptiness in my heart, grrr... What lah... Things should have started well and ended well on this such good event but I was feeling angry every once in awhile during the whole event know... Cobaan....

Wah, I write so long already, 20 paragraphs know! I wanna go sleep lah. Today's the 24th Ramadhan, woo hoo!!! This year's Ramadhan is definitely the best so far, but I know there's a lot of room for improvements. Insyallah, if I reach the next Ramadhan, it'd be an even better one, hopefully one without so much loneliness and anger... Amin. Hadn't gone out with friends at all, except once with Ad to help her, twice with Fatayaats and the rest with family or I was at home/Ghufran.

P.S. Won't be going out a few days now. My Achilles Tendonitis recurred and besides, gotta help my mum make kueh raya!

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Time flies so fast (pun not intented)  

Friday, October 13, 2006

Just a short entry today.

20 days have passed! I'd fast for 20 days and I'd gone for terawih for 20 days too! The terawih part is really a achievement. *Applauds*

I have RYC: YIC at Ghufran tomorrow and then Qiyam at Assyakirin, woo hoo! Excited! Hope everything runs smoothly, insyallah.

Just a last note: Smokers. Why do they have to smoke? What's so nice about smoking? It's CHOKING!!!

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Complains... The bad side of my mum.  

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Okay... I guess I'm gonna start complaining again... But I don't know how and where to begin exactly so I guess I'd just write the WHOLE story.

Yesterday night, I painted my group project as I said I would. Then, I looked at the brushes and the paints and realised it had been such a long time since I last painted a picture. So I squeezed out the red paint and the blue paint and the green paint and so on and so forth and before long (erm... actually it was quite long, took about 2 hours to finish it haha), a page of my Temasek Sec sketchbook was filled with a myriad of colours. It was a painting of the sunset looked by an adult and a child (in shadows) from across the ocean below a palm tree and at the corner was the shadows of tall buildings aka Singapore island. It was brilliant, in my opinion. Too bad I can't post it online cause I have no idea where the camera installation cd is and so I can't upload a pic of the painting. I showed my brother and I'm not sure if he truly appreciated it since he's colour blind but at least he commented that it was nice.

This morning, I woke up to the nagging of my mum who said that I'm practically a useless teenage daughter (anak dara) cause I didn't wake up to help her lay out the table for sahur. Honestly, I never heard her waking me up to help her but she said she did and I even turned to look at her. Okay.... Never heard of semi-consciousness I suppose... Oh well. So then I shall skip that painful sahur of which I was full of jealousy towards my second OLDER brother and that pleasant time I watched Scary Movie 4 dvd with my eldest brother. I was contemplating whether to show my mum the painting I did yesterday. I thought: "What was there to lose right?" Wrong. My mum hardly took a look at it and what she said implied that it's a child's painting. There is a lot to lose alright. I felt so... (never thought I'd use this word yet but) heartbroken. I was so excited to show her. Thought she'd at the very least say a simple four letter word that could have soothed my excitement: "nice". But no! Ouch ouch ouch... Think I should try sending the painting to a competition? Then if I win an award, perhaps I could prove to her that it's no child's play right? Haha nah... I'd probably win the last prize if 'win' is even a suitable word for it. Then I'd be so devastated... Haiz...

Is it too much to expect a compliment from your own mother? I thought that's where most of the compliments people get actually comes from. Who else would see perfection in such an imperfect person but the person who gave birth to him/her? Afterall beauty is in the eyes of the beholder right?

I wonder what am I actually in my mum's eyes... Possibly a lazy bum who is money-minded, selfish, the devil's advocate what else? Well, I'm not just stating those words out of random. She used them to describe me before... Devil's advocate! That's the worse. She always tells me that it's no use sending me to religious class. Oh please... Imagine if she didn't. I wouldn't be spending time helping out at the mosque, praying five times a day and sometimes more, telling her about what my ustazs (practically all of them) teach me, sitting at home more than going out with my friends, single now with no ex and don't plan on being attached anytime soon and bla bla bla. Hmm... I wonder what would have become of me. Perhaps this wild girl who wears tight clothes and mini skirts with tatoos and piercings all over and dyed hair (I've never dyed, rebonded, curled, whatever except cut my hair) going out with guys and coming home late. Whatever lah! Imagine the unimaginable man... And what does she say? It was no use sending me to religious class!! (Please note that I don't mean any discrimination towards anyone in any way whatsoever)

The time when I did well for my term test, all she could say was "This is just the start. What about later?" Have you no confidence in me at all? JUST BECAUSE OF MY 'O' LEVEL RESULTS WHICH DIDN'T GET ME INTO A JC AND INSTEAD I END UP IN A POLY (of which, to be honest I have nothing to complain about, except those little details, and evrything to be grateful for). She'd always wanted me to get into a jc saying that any jc would do as long as it's a jc... I'm doing well in poly and I suppose she still can't accept the fact that I'm not in a jc.

There might be a reason for all this. Maybe she is putting up a facade. You know... maybe she... hmm... WHAT? Why is there even a need to put up a facade in front of me?? Wouldn't praises and compliments just boost my morale and help me do even better? Oh God, grant me patience... If God had perhaps wanted me to go astray, I could have. With all the... (dare I use the word?) shit she'd said about me and to me, I could have just dropped everything and gave up... I could have you know...

When I received my semestral results with 3Zs, 2As and 1B during Titisan training sometime ago, I rather hesitated about telling her my results you know. I somewhat feared what she'd say... I can't remember when I told her my results, but I definitely didn't call home straightaway when I received the result to break the news.

Haiz... Someday I shall write about the good side aite... Everyone has the good and bad side. You shouldn't view someone only from one point of view. That's unfair. But for now, that's it. I'm not feeling as strong as what I did this morning but I'm tired and I suppose writing the good side of my mum would be even longer than the bad side. Besides I really should try to wake up early and help her lay out the table tomorrow morning. It's the duty of a grown up daughter.

By the way, before I end... WE FINISHED THE RELIGIOUS CLASS PROJECTS!!! Except for maybe a few. And... I'VE MEMORISED SURAH FAJR! So I don't have to attend religious class next sunday!!! Yay yay!

Oklah, so tired already. Slept late painting the sunset and doing Sirah project yesterday, then in the afternoon went to Rabia's house do the project until late afternoon then at night went to mosque and came home later than usual. I sure hope the PSI would drop drop drop! Nitez!

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