يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لِمَ تَقُولُونَ مَا لَا تَفۡعَلُونَ (٢)
ڪَبُرَ مَقۡتًا عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَن تَقُولُواْ مَا لَا تَفۡعَلُونَ (٣)

2. O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do?
3. Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do.
{Surah As-Saff 61: 2-3}

Lately I'd been saying that I'd do things, but end up not doing. Yes, my promises are always accompanied by "InsyaAllah". However, while saying so, my heart is always heavy as I feel that I would eventually not carry them out, in my knowledge or no (meaning I'd forgotten). And because of this, I feel such a hypocrite.

Should I have said 'no'? Maybe. Just that, I do not seem to be able to.

Responsibilities... They're so heavy. Too heavy sometimes, I fear they might drag me down into hellfire. Allahuma ajirna min an-nar...

InsyaAllah I'll start fulfilling my promises after this SIP ordeal is over. Right now, I have promised my LO that I wouldn't hand in my reports late. And I shall try very very hard not to. This is my FYP afterall! Of course I'd want the best grades to pull my GPA as high as possible. I'd already screwed up my MP proposal, BIG time. I wish to make up for it...

Do forgive me if the best excuse I can give is "Sorry I have to finish my report", when the facts stand that I do not finish them even after days and days past up till today.

But I do not wish to blame others if I were to finish the reports late. If there's any to blame, let it be myself. I know I can't hold grudges against myself or hate myself for anything (for long).

It's safer this way, even if all you see is a HUGE lame excuse.

Everyone's busy, yes. I apologise that I am not able to manage my time effectively.

I seek understanding. Thank you.

I'm not angry. No, noone said anything to me to make me feel this way. But I myself feel guilty at how little I've contributed. And I'm sad because of this. At the same time, I fear.