Saw this on Liyana's tumblr...

Seandainya telah engkau catatkan
Dia akan menjadi teman dalam menapaki hidup
Satukan hatinya dengan hatiku….
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan diantara kami
Agar kemesraan itu abadi
dan…ya ALLAH ya Tuhanku yang maha mengasihi
Seiringkanlah kami melayani hidup ini
Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi
Tetapi ya ALLAH…
Seandainya telah Engkau takdirkan…
… dia bukan milikku…
Bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku…
luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku
Ambillah kebahagiaan ketika dia ada di sisiku
Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan
Serta ya ALLAH ya Tuhanku yang maha mengerti
Berikan aku kekuatan
Melontarkan bayangan jauh ke dada langit
Hilang bersama senja nan merah
Agar ku bisa berbahagia walaupun tanpa bersama
Dengannya….
Dan ya ALLH yang tercinta…
Gantikanlah yang telah hilang
Tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah
Walaupun tidak sama dengannya
ya ALLAH ya… Tuhanku…
Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdirmu
Sesungguhnya apa yang telang Engkau takdirkan
Adalah yang terbaik buatku…
Karena Engkau maha mengetahui
Segala yang terbaik buat hamba-Mu ini…
ya… ALLAH ….
Cukupkanlah Engkau saja yang menjadi pemeliharaku
Didunia dan di akhirat
Dengarkanlah rintihan dari hamba-Mu yang daif ini….
Jangan biarkan aku sendirian
Di dunia dan di akhirat
Menjuruskan aku kearah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran
Maka karuniakan aku seorang pasangan yang beriman
Supaya aku dan dia dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup
Ke jalan yang Engkau ridhoi
Dan karuniakanlah padaku keturunan yang sholeh….

Amin… ya… Rabbal… Alamin…

source: http://id.netlog.com/adinda_dedek/blog/blogid=3107

Ustazah Sakinah messaged me from Malaysia yesterday! I was so touched at her concern that it truly made me smile. Thank you for the advices, tips, reminders...

But as I was tossing and turning on my bed last night, I realise I couldn't sleep, again, If you know Marliyana, you know that I fall asleep the moment my head touches the pillow, sometimes not even halfway through my surah2/doa before sleep. Yesterday, after I finished all surahs and doa tidur, I tossed and turned, and tossed and turned, and tossed and turned, and finally decided to read my notes. Nearly 1am, I forced myself to read, I finished a second set of surahs and doa before I finally go to sleep facing the wall.

It got me thinking... Is what I told Ustazah as the source of the emo-ness, really the source? Or could there be something else? Hmmm...

I don't know...

Today's lecture was 3hours, with 2 breaks in between, and I took a nap during the second break (yesterday I fell asleep in lecture, but since I studied it in poly before, and I read through the slides already the night before, it was ok, I could catch up). The lecturer was very draggy, going on and on about the same point. I think I forgot to set my niat when I entered the lecture. But seriously it was really draggy, my friends were already drawing on tissue papers and all.

Oh lunch was a long and lonely affair, which I don't mind one bit actually. I haven't been having the proper appetite to eat. Yea I complain when I missed a meal, but really I don't really have much appetite I normally do. I've been asking for less rice. Yesterday I skipped breakfast, and today I am about to skip dinner (except for biscuits). And I took one hour to finish my lunch, I had to take a break like twice in between. Normally if I'm alone, I can finish my food in 10-15mins, cos I feel that the faster I finish eating, the faster I get going on to doing other things.

And when I went to Juring Point to buy some necessities for my room, I didn't feel compelled at all to buy a doughnut, or a cake, or a fruit or any kind of food at all...

But I did some shopping, if you can say so. Whiteboard, keyboard protector, pens, stapler, organizer... Things I need la. I am glad I can control myself from buying on impulse even when I'm shopping alone. I like shopping alone. I can enter a shop as many times I want, I can spend forever going around a shop, I can browse books as long as I want... If you get what I mean...

I wanna buy a new phone, so I can change to student plan. But I feel that there is no phone as durable as the China phone I'm using. I dropped it from a standing position and it works perfectly well. I've had water on it so many times and it's still working perfectly fine. And it had a loud radio and tv which I need staying in hostel... The only things it lacks is a much much bigger storage space and the better camera (despite being 8MP, it is always so dark).

Ok, I am ranting actually...

Had silat just now. For the second time ever, I couldn't wait to go for training, and both times the trainings are for seni... I think I prefer seni to tanding, despite how imperfect my moves are. Unfortunately, I wasn't chosen for the seni team. Quite sad about it, cos it means I only have tanding to prove my worth in silat! I think I have my theories ok, but practical-wise, I'm still so slow at applications. Need to work on balance, range, speed, accuracy and strength, woah. But yes, no doubt it is a good workout for your mind and physical self... I just hope to avoid any major injuries in future. The sprain (and to think how silly did I sustain the injury - losing baklance!) still makes me uncomfortable...

I should prepare for meeting with Sham tmr...

It's still the first week of school, and I have so many things on my to-do list!!!