I shall start this post with: It's like I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you...

Heh. If you're smart, then you can figure it out on your own, which I wouldn't be surprised if you could, actually... Otherwise, I guess you'll never find out cos I'll probably never tell... I don't think I'll ever have the courage to do so. I've kept it a secret for nearly 2 years, 2 long years, and I know that I've kept it well. I guess there were glitches, but no one seems to notice. I don't talk about it, no more than a whisper to myself. It's not that no one have guessed at all, they have made guesses, but the guesses are far from the truth. It is rather funny to hear the guesses actually. So people, please stop guessing, please stop assuming. I have been on the wrong side of the story a couple of times. If you know my principles, you know downright how wrong your guesses are. I guess I should be glad. I guess this is the right thing to do. I'm afraid that the truth would hurt, so I would rather continue being in my bubble, keeping the secret safely with me in my little bubble. I never would want that bubble to pop. 2 years, 2 years... Control, secrecy. Life is a stage, and we're all actors. And sometimes, my actions do not deliver what I really mean. Again, control, secrecy. It's not without effort. But if I were to choose between what is easy and what is right, I would certainly pick what is right. I like things right, perfect, even if it means doing everything within my means to get it as near perfect as possible. Actually, I guess it doesn't matter cos either way, whether I tell, or I don't, I have everything to lose. Or maybe, if I tell, I may have something to gain, but I can never know. I would never find the courage to tell anyway, and so I shall keep controlling. I shall forever be that cowardly actress in this stage we all call life. How it ends, I shall leave it up to the One with the power. It doesn't matter if I end in tears, I have spilled tears before. In fact, I am prepared to end in tears. It matters though, that whatever happens is the best for me. And I know the best of all planners is Him. If it's meant to be, then it shall be. Otherwise, I shall once again, have tears in my eyes, then hopefully I can accept it all, for I only want the best for myself in life and the hereafter.

I can make a story out of this paragraph, but I would like to know the ending first. But how can I know the ending when "It's like I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you..."