In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Asalaamu Alaaikum wa Ramatullahi wa Barakatu Dear brothers and sisters in Islam



In the last part to the ‘Doorway to Fitnah: Freemixing’ series, called ‘Pathways to Zina’, we read how the sister was greatly affected by a lecture at the Masjid. This lecture was about Zina and some of the things that can lead to it. The sheikh mentioned how the freemixing this sister was caught up in for many months was in fact one of the greatest paths; and to make matters worse this sister was not just freemixing, but was also involved in a ‘love’ and emotional attachment with a non-mahram brother. The sister is now planning on how to change her ways and leave this sin. Brothers and Sisters before we begin let us touch on an important issue. SubhanAllah, we are all human, and therefore we are all sinners. No one is free from sin.

Allah Azza wa Jall said in Surah Zumar, Verse 53:

Qul ya AAibadiya allatheena asrafoo AAala anfusihim la taqnatoo min rahmati Allahi inna Allaha yaghfiru alththunooba jameeAAan innahu huwa alghafooru alrraheem

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.

And the Prophet, Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam said:

kullu bani aadama khataa',wa kheiru khataa'een at-tawwabeen

[All of the children of Adam commit sins, and the best of the sinners are the repenters]



If you are in such a situation, or are caught up in another sin, whatever it might be do not let the shaytan trick you into thinking that you are such a BIG sinner and that Alllah will never forgive you. Or that you will never change, that you will never have the strength or will to leave this in. In fact you CAN and you WILL with the Help of Allah SWT. We have two important warnings to give to you all, please heed them!!

Brothers and sisters: 1) DO NOT LOOSE HOPE or FALL INTO DESPAIR and 2) DO NOT ABANDON REMINDERS or the CIRCLES OF ILM. Take for example this sister. What if after hearing the lecture, she lost hope and fell into despair instead of being inspired to change? What if she thought “oh I will never change, I might as well continue doing this”. Where would she end up then? SubhanAllah. Committing Zina perhaps? And secondly, what if this sister never received reminders period? That would impact her heart and cause her to wake up?

So brothers and sisters, we advise you to not fall into despair and to stick to the local Islamic classes and lectures, the many circles of ilm that you are able to attend. Or if that’s not available in your particular community, then to fill up your phone or mp3 player with lectures. Even more, surround yourself with good company. People who will ask you to come to the Masjid with them, people who will call you to good and people who will REMIND you.

Because Allah SWT says:

"And remind for verily, the reminding profits (benefits) the believers." [51:55]

Please take this advice and implement it.

Insha’Allah now, here is the conclusion to the series. If you found this series beneficial please remember to share with your family and friends, online and offline. :)

Doorway to Fitnah: Freemixing

Conclusion: ‘Lessons Learned, Wisdom Gained’

---Written by Sister UmmLu'lu----



You can’t get that beautiful verse out of your head from Surah Zumar. Wow how MERICFUL is Allah, our Rabb! Who forgives His slaves for their wrongdoings! You continue to sit on the floor for some time reflecting and thinking about the next steps. What you are going to do as soon as you get home. You get up and before you leave you examine yourself in the mirror once again. You dry your eyes, and this time a small smile appears on your face. You think to yourself: I’m a Muslimah!! Alhamdulilahi Rabbil Alaamen! Where would you have been if you were otherwise? Where would you have been if you didn’t have your Islam? And your Merciful Rabb, who calls you to good and warns you from evil by sending so many reminders? You would be so lost!!

Alhamdulilah.

You go downstairs to the women’s section and listen to the rest of the lecture. The sheikh is now talking about marriage. You listen attentively.

You can hear it in his voice that the sheikh is smiling as he talks. You like his merciful approach! More people should be like this, because being merciful to one who does wrong, instead of being overbearing and harsh really works!

The sheikh says:

“The youth sometimes approach me and tell me: “Ya sheikh ! Why are you making marriage hard on us? Do you want us to remain single forever!! How are we supposed to find people if we can’t even TALK to them? Simple talking! And besides that’s what everyone does, especially in my culture…they can’t all be wrong?!”

Well brothers and sisters here are my answers. First of all: NOOO, I am certainly not trying to make marriage hard on you! There are too many singles in this Ummah! So please hurry to marry!!! What are you waiting for?

Some people in the crowd laugh.

The sheikh continues.

“Brothers and Sisters, remember it is marriage that is half of your deen and it will definitely be a form of protection for you in this land of Fitnah and will be better for your dunya and akhirah. So if you are able to, then marry! The Prophet Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam said in an authentic hadith:

“O group of youngsters, whoever amongst you has the means should get married, because it keeps the gaze down the best and it is the most protecting for the private parts. Whoever does not have the means should fast, because that breaks the temptation.”

I encourage all the youth here to get married, and also for their parents to make this path to halal easy for them. For if you make it hard on them, they will pursue the paths to haraam instead.

Secondly, in response to “how are we supposed to find people, if we can’t talk to them”… then I say brothers and sisters, there are many ways to find suitable people to marry both online and offline. And we don’t have to swim in the rivers of haraam to reach this goal. The first step the youth should take is to TALK TO THEIR PARENTS. This is crucial. Do not go out and search for someone to marry without your parent’s knowledge; this is especially true for sisters, because they require a Wali (a male guardian). And yes, this applies even when you are in cyberspace!! The Shariah of Allah doesn’t change when we talk about the internet brothers and sisters!!

So if you are offline, as they say, get into touch with community members who can make this process easier for you. Ask around to see who is also looking to get married. And no do not get me wrong…. I don’t mean a brother stepping up to a sister and asking her himself!

A few more laughs in the audience.

…”Rather he should ask good brothers and the sister should ask good sisters. As for online, there are countless matrimonial websites….but beware they contain a lot of fitaan such as pointless freemixing, sharing pictures and the like. Make sure that the woman you question has her Wali’s full knowledge and supervision. This talking should also be done according to the rules of gender interaction in Islam. Be serious! Don’t just play with people’s minds and hearts. And always keep halal.

So as not to drag on since this isn’t a marriage lecture, let me wrap up by advising you all to have a firm intention to marry, follow the permissible means, have Taqwa of Allah and trust in Him and insha’Allah brothers and sisters marriage will be made easy for you.

As for the last statement that “everyone does this’ especially in such and such culture”…. well I say brothers and sisters: do we take our religion from other than Allah and His Messenger? Do we follow any other’s opinions, other than Allah and His Messenger? No! And besides please know brothers and sisters that most of mankind, like Allah SWT said, will lead you into wrongdoing. So fear Allah brothers and sisters do not follow them in their wrongdoing and refrain from using such reasoning. Simply obey Allah and Obey His Messenger and you will be fine!

…This makes so much sense you think! SubhanAllah all this time you were deceiving yourself. You and the brother were using haraam means to achieve a halal end. It’s just wrong, plain and simple.

The sheikh continues and after 15 minutes or so, concludes the talk.

Alhamdulillah what a great lecture! You and your friend walk to the car. Before she can get in the driver’s seat you walk over to give her a hug. While in your embrace, you tell her sincerely how blessed you are to have such a good friend like her and that you really benefitted from this talk. Surprised, she returns your hug.

You get into the passenger seat and on the drive home you know exactly what you are going to do.
As soon as you get home, you turn on your laptop. You see the brother signed in, probably waiting for you? You IM him one last time:

“Asalaamu Alaiakum…I have something important to tell you”

“Walaykum Asalaam. Ok tell me…”

“Well, I just came back from a lecture about Zina. It really scared me straight, Alhamdulilah. And it made me realize what we are doing is so wrong brother. We cannot freemix anymore, we can’t call or text each other or share pictures. By saying that eventually we will marry…wallahi it does not make what we are doing halal. It’s still haraam. The fact is, marriage is several years away for me and for you. When the time is right then I will take the permissible means to find a suitable person, and so should you.
The brother is surprised and does not reply back. So you continue.

Listen brother, I know we have been talking for a long time… and it won’t be easy to part, but I’m doing this for the sake and pleasure of Allah and for Him alone. Death can come to us at any moment. So wallahi I do not want to die in a state that is displeasing to my Rabb, by sinning. And this is sinning…what we have been doing for all this time. May Allah forgive me and you!

Now, it’s time to wake up from this trap shaytan is setting for us. I am going to remove you from my list and from my phone and from any other place I have you. Please do the same. Let’s both repent to Allah, and leave these sins and never return to them.

The brother tries to persuade you out of your plan, but you stay FIRM! Finally, seeing the truth of your words, and also realizing that this is indeed haraam, he agrees. You both remove each other.
When it’s all done, you sit in your chair and breathe a deep sigh of relief. SubhanAllah! That was the easy part, now it’s time for you to stay firm! Insha’Allah.

You sit for some time just reflecting and repenting to Allah SWT. You know the four steps to repentance are:

1. Sincerity to Allaah, the Most High: By doing it only for the sake of Allaah and seeking His reward and salvation from His punishment.

2. Remorse: for the sin that was committed, such that you are sad you did it and wish you had never done it.

3. Ceasing to commit the sin immediately. If the sin was against Allaah, that you should (1) stop doing it if it was an unlawful act, or (2) hasten to do it if it was an obligation that you abandoned doing. You didn’t commit any wrong against a particular person and you know if you did you would have to ask their forgiveness and make things right.

4. Determination: to not go back to doing that sin again in the future.

You sit in your chair and you keep repenting and asking Allah to Help you.

After some time…you look around your room. You see that your notebook lies on the desk next to your laptop. You grab it and turn to a blank page. You write:

“Lessons Learned, Wisdom Gained”

The second part of your plan!

You are going to write about this fitna, the lessons you learned from the lecture and preventive tips to help other brothers and sisters to take from falling into it…

This will be the good deed that you followed your repentance with. And perhaps since you shared your experience and lessons, other people might benefit and leave what they are doing.

After two hours or so of writing and researching, you are done. Alhamdulillah! You start reading the preventive steps you wrote at the bottom:

How NOT to fall into Zina!

1) Lower your GAZE! Lower your GAZE and Fear Allah!

For the eye is a scout that can bring back misery to the heart!!

Allah says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them.” and says: “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 30-31]

A look is an arrow from the arrows of the Devil.

An Arab poet said:

"When you allow your eyes to wander ahead as a scout,
Looking at all eyes and stares will then follow,
Seeing that which you are not capable of embracing completely,
While not being patient for getting something partially."

2) Do NOT freely mix with non-mahram brothers and sisters online or off!

-Do NOT add them to your MSN, Yahoo, Google, etc list
-Do NOT communicate privately with them on such things like Forums and other social networking sites.
-Keep to what is necessary. If you need something, gonna ask something from them then keep it brief and formal!


-That means:

-Do NOT flirt with the other gender. Reduce the usage of ‘lolz’ in your speech and any other tempting speech/words. These just soften the heart. The Qur’ân clearly forbids women from being soft of speech while talking to men. Allah says: “Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire: but speak with a speech (that is) proper.” [Sûrah al-Ahzâb: 32].

-Do NOT get personal. Act like you are in a business meeting!


3) Get SERIOUS or give up the haraam!If you are one of those that say ‘O I am going to get married to such and such person, and this good INTENTION gives me an excuse to talk to them! Well actually this is NOT right. If you ARE serious, then go through the proper channels such as telling parents, getting them involved and having their approval and supervision when (and if you need) to communicate with them, especially for sisters!! This communication should also NOT cross boundaries, remember that! If you cannot do this, then brothers and sisters you are either not ready, not serious or your circumstances are not right at the moment so you must then give it up for the sake of Allah, and Allah will grant you something better in it’s place! Make duaa!!

4) If you are not able to marry then fast like the Prophet Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam advised. Attach yourself to the ilm. Go to lectures, listen to a lecture! Surround yourself with good people who will call you to good not immoral people who will encourage you to do bad. Read the Quran! Ponder over the Quran! Pray your Salah, it keeps you away from immoral deeds! If you are a brother, make friends with good brothers (no need for to get close to sisters!). If you are a sister, get close to good sisters! Fear Allah, Fear Allah. You will return to Him. We will all return to Him. We ALL will be judged by Him. All of the deeds we did good or bad we will see again. SubhanAllah! So have fear and shame before Allah before you commit such acts, or leave them now if you are currently doing it! On Yawmul Qiyamah we will ALL stand before Allah and ALL of humanity. Don’t we want Allah to be happy and pleased with us? Do we want Allah to be displeased…angry with us? NO! We love our Rabb, and we want Him to love us in return! So brothers and sisters, let’s earn Allah’s love by obeying Him and His Messenger, Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam!

You read it again, looks good. You are going to post it and ask other s to also post their tips.

Now you sit back in your desk chair. It’s almost midnight now! Your laptop lights the whole room.

Your start browsing it, looking through your pictures folder.

Your eye falls on one particular picture…or wallpaper. You remember you made it on Photoshop about a year or so ago. It’s a beautiful sunset somewhere in the U.S.

SubhanAllah how beautiful!

You read the Quran verses you put on it. It’s a portion from Surah al-Furqan:

…”Except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds. And Allaah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

A tear forms in your eye.

O Allah turn my sins into good deeds you whisper….verily you are the Most Merciful.

*~~*

ALL praise and thanks is to Allah alone, this series has now come to a close. Brothers and Sisters, we want to take the time now to thank all of you for keeping up with all of the parts and also sharing with you friends. Your reward is with Allah. Please, let’s take benefit from this series and make it something that not only enters our ears, but also our hearts and minds. Something that changes us for the better and encourages us to leave the sins we are now involved in whether they be this freemixing or anything else. Allah is the Most Merciful; He will forgive you if you turn sincerely to Him Alone. Is He not the same Rabb who forgave a man who killed 100 people because of his intention to repent sincerely? The same Rabb who forgave a prostitute for quenching the thirst of a dog? Is He not the same Rabb who promises you that if you turn to Him sincerely and repent, that He will forgive you… that even if your sins reached the sky, He would still forgive you? Brothers and Sisters, let’s take the time now to turn sincerely to Allah and ask Him for forgiveness for all of our sins… that have reached higher the sky. Let’s turn to Him sincerely and ask for His Help…to keep us all firm. He is our Rabb, and we are His slaves, may Allah the Most High, the Most Great, accept our duaas, ameen

Insha’Allah if you have any feedback please post it in comments.

Do you have anymore tips to keep away from freemixing? Post them as well.

May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon our beloved Prophet and Messenger

All praise and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of all the exists

BarakAllahu Feekum

Wa’Salaamu Alaiakum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu

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Remember Marliyana, REMEMBER this whole posting...