Such an irony to see the title of my blog: Journey of Purpose... The Purpose remains, but I have questions. Questions after questions that make my head hurt thinking about them as I get super frustrated with myself.

What is your reason to lead?
I dunno!

What do you deserve?
Nothing! Who am I to say I deserve anything?!

Upon lying on the grass and gazing at the starless night sky, I couldn't help crying as I conversed with Allah asking Him what is His purpose of sending me on earth. I thought of my family, I thought of my friends, I thought of everything I went through and I couldn't figure out who is it I should and deserve to be. I even went through His verses that I'm familiar with to find some guidance, and that night, I found none. I've never felt so lost and dismayed in my life. To lose your identity is to lose yourself.

And I don't think I've found the answer yet, though I have remembered what I had forgotten. The reason for being in NIE may not be clear to be, but somehow I just know that it is right where I need and should be. And this clears some of the air.

Ok I'm tired.