This video just made me very very sad...



We share the same world, the same earth, yet....

It's something for us to think about.

Anyway, I had a crazy weekend, and the craziness didn't stop there.

I'm at SCBE again right now, supposedly to study and do work (but apparently my harddisk has decided to make it hard for me to continue ICT, it hanged!! I better back-up soon sehhhhh) but as usual, visit facebook first... And here I am now on blogger...

So yeah, crazy weekend....

Started off with Friday rush. Had ICT meeting at noon, and so had to create and fill a PBWiki page AND I also had to rush my Chem lab report before going for lab prac. Completed it late and went to lab late. I seem to miss the briefing every week. Thank God I have a friend like Harizah...

After lab, met up with the Bio gang (only Harizah and Jeffrey couldn't join us) to celebrate Pie's birthday at Sakura Pioneer. Haha, he kena saboed and he enjoyed it! We truly filled our stomach (though I had it better this time... the last time I went Sakura with family was super duper kenyang, tak senonoh seh perangai). And because we laughed and laughed and laughed (satu satu kerenah HAHA) we couldn't eat that much. It was a happy Friday night I should say.... Had been 'enjoying' myself alot sehh...

After the dinner celebration, I rushed home (did some work on the train to save time) and finished up the 3 e-learning ALS tasks. Managed to submit all within the last few minutes seh, haha, alhamdulillah. Perangai last minute habis! Buruk!

Then on Saturday morning, I attended the CLF at SMU. I was late, and pretty much lost, so I was so paiseh to enter initially. But then, what's the point of just sitting outside alone right?? So just braved myself and entered. They were still on the first speaker. He was a very good presenter! Mr Sunny Goh... Hmmm... Eventhough I was lost in the topic (I didn't go in the hope to understand anything anyway.... ), I felt that he managed to engage the audience well. I didn't really enjoy the second speaker. I dunno, I just find his presentation opinionated uhh... And his mimik2 muka tak penting eh. Maybe it's just me uh... I didn't get a feedback form to say that...

The discussion session was interesting. Open for 'debate' amongst the presenters, commentators and audience. About race vs class. About the media. And more uh. I felt out of place, the feeling of 'macam-paham'ness but since I told myself, "I'm here to be exposed to this, to observe..." and so, that's exactly what I was there to gain. I wish I can speak as well as them. 3 years to train myself to present better...

Afterwards, I walked around Bugis Junction to find a suitable present for Ad. I took a long time walking round and round. Some of the shops, I visited at least thrice la seh! I ended up buying three things for myself too. Yikes! My mum just told me not to spend unnecessarily these few months up to October to contribute abit to my eldest brother's wedding preparations. Uh oh. Felt so guilty for spending after that. But I needed the new wallet. My old wallet dah koyak rabak, zip pon dah tercabut. The air freshener thingy was a different matter though. Argh!!!

Then I rushed to pray, get murtabak, meet Jamie at Tampines, put the present together and travel to Changi Beach for Ad's birthday celebration....

Ad... I miss youuuuuu!!!!

We were there for a short while only, cos Ad had to rush back to her house for awhile to get the booking receipt for the pit and shelter, and since I had to go off anyway, I follwed her to Simei; Faj drove. Faj wore tudung already, so sweet! She's the 3rd friend I see started wearing tudung last year/this year. So anyway, when I parted with Ad at Simei, we hugged and I really felt like crying. I felt so so bad for having to leave early. I felt so so bad for not being there when she had the operation, or when she was facing life's challenges. She updated me about some things in the car, and I was like, "How I wish I could have been there... What a friend, I didn't even know..." Really, on the way to Simei mrt alone, I really felt like crying. I have truly neglected my family and friends. I dunno if what I'm practicing is the best for all, but yeah, I feel bad, I feel guilty.

I reached Masjid Kassim at 7 plus, just in time for Maghrib. After Maghrib, straightaway went for my duty for registration. Since I was handling registration, I entered the talk late. The talk was interesting, but... either I was too tired, or really, my heart needs some spiritual cleansing. It was hard for me to absorb what the lecturer was talking about. Maybe it's my perception that it would be a heavy topic which caused me hard to concentrate and make sense of it all. But I guess I managed to get the gist of it, especially with the follow-up by Ust Noor afterwards during dinner/supper. It makes me think and ponder, and gave me a headache as the topping on the ice-cream aka lack of sleep. InsyaAllah I'll attend all 8 talks. May Allah ease the path for me...

I reached home late. Argh! Dahlah weekdays duduk hostel, weekends pon sehari suntuk takde rumah, ish ish ish... But then, the time spent at home isn't quality time with the family anyways. I'll just be surfing the net. But then again, to come home so late, it just so... I dunno what's the right word... I guess, 'disrespectful'? Not that I'm very respectful of my parents to begin with, but hey, I'm trying.

Since I came home late, I woke up late the next morning! Ni seriously, bangun terkejut beruk nye. I woke up, saw the clock, and was like, "OHMYGOD! MAAAA!!!" Hahahaha. It was like 8.30, and I was supposed to relief a class at 8am!!!!! Crazy seh... Luckily, the main trainer for my class was still there. She didn't even know I was supposed to relief. Even the office didn't have my name on the list, anyway!!! Apparently I was supposed to replace another relief...

But yeah. The first class was like out of control seh. It was a sec 2 class. Very incooperative! But I let the main trainer just continue what she was doing uh. I had to conduct one of the activities, but only the start, cos after that the main trainer took over back. I felt redundant haha. But good experience of trying to control a class like that...

The next class was a good experience. Not without it's set of challenges of course. I had to relief with Kak Rabiah. Apparently she's a relief too, and so neither of us know where the students stopped and can't prepare much. When finally we got to figure out where the class stopped (from the students who came early/on time rather), we then found out that we couldn't open the slides. So I did a quick slide presentation according to the lesson plan. Copy paste seh! I managed to do halfway only. Continued again during break. And all in all, I did up a spontaneous slide presentation of 18 slides in that 2 and 1/2 hrs!

The topic was about physical care. But our focus was on beautiful soul. It was an interactive class. I loike! We talked about fairy tales, we read an article, we watched a video, we had group discussions, we had sharings, we had questions (dajjal semua keluar sehhh). Fun experience! The class was easier to handle. I only had trouble with one group who refused to discuss together throughout the whole class! I have a problem with quiet people. I dunno how to make them talk, seriously.

I'sd love to teach their class again :)))) But I can't commit uh... Especially since their class is at 11.30-2.30 and normally I'd have to attend my own class! Just that today has one week (or rather, one day) break.

Speaking of class... I think I I haven't been getting knowledge, I'd just been acquiring more and more information... I hadn't truly understood and applied those 'information' to life. Ish ish... I don't think I am a good representation of DPI students. Hish!

Need to be more humble. Need to remind myself that what I know is comparable to just a drop of water in the whole wide world. Maybe even less....

Ok, I should really get back to work. Spent more than 2 hours on this already. Aiyooooooo!

I wanna go out of Sg during the hols. Hopefully NEMC KRC falls on a holiday Sunday when I have no madrasah!!

I didn't realise I'm missing my mum's cooking so very the much that her normal-nothing-special nasi goreng tasted like the best food in the world! I just don't know how to tell her haha

As I sat down on the train feeling so exhausted (I didn't sleep the whole night, and day, except short naps, those that you kinda doze in and doze out between consciousness and unconciousness) I thought to myself, "Perhaps this is how it is for those married career women/those working mothers...." I had 8.30am lecture till 11.30, which I kept nodding off, luckily I've learned the topic before in poly (tersenggok-senggok tapi notes tetap tulis kay!: invaluable akill...) afterwhich I had to man the NTUMS-Perbayu FOC fundraising booth at NTU, supposedly till the booth closes (but I couldn't take it already as I wasn't accomplishing anything and I was falling asleep at the booth anyway!) I didn't do any work (attempted to summarise for ALS but...) as I was addicted to solving the IQ puzzles on ZAHADA. Cool game! I'm at level 23! Had to get check the cheat sheet a couple of times except a few. And there were a few that I had to seriously google for the direct answer cos I really have no idea! I'm stuck at level 23 now, sheesh. And I really shouldn't visit that site anymore tonight...

Oh after studying last night, we played one round of Monopoly Deal and I won! Happy!!! I was shaking after the game seh, from excitement and from serious lack of sleep...

This sunday if I don't have to relief for Teens @LIVE (my first!!), I'm so gonna spend the whole day sleeping, cos there's no madrasah!

Ok, I need a power nap now... The power nap I had in the train is not gonna last me much longer oredi...

Oh and I got the abaya that I wanted yesterday! Turns out that it's only $35~! Ok ah tu! For a very soft, thin, sejuk-material abaya :)))) I'm so happy!

However... The stupid POSB atm machine probably decided that my card is too old and swallowed/retained my atm card... :( Now I can't withdraw cash, and I'm almost cashless... I can borrow from Mir uh, or the others but... aiyah! Why you swallow my card!

I ate rice twice yesterday, at 3.30pm and at 8.30pm, and so I felt so full this morning that I only ate the small chips more packet and some other biscuits/sweets for breakfast and lunch.

And after that, I had rice for dinner after Maghrib, and I had fries at around 11pm plus, and mcspicy at around 1am gosh...

My eating diet is haywire! Not to mention my sleeping pattern too...

Tadi petang fever, first for this week, but now is quite ok already though my eyes sting from sleepiness!

Yet I'm determined to complete as much as possible before I go home.

I'm at SCBE with the FOC peeps. Yesterday we were here till about midnight and there were only 4 of us, and today we only started after 11 plus and right now there's 8 of us here!

Haha, we seriously see each other's face at least once every two days seh, betulnya ukhuwwah...

But seriously, I think I'm starting to smell. I bathed more than 12 hours ago! *tutup hidung*

I need a power nap soon. But I think I sleep buruk so macam tak senonoh kan depan dorang... Though yeah, they'd probably seen my worst during chalet and if not yet, then confirm by mock camp or the camp itself mesti nampak jugak, haha

I learned something new today :)

Membaca tasbih kafarah. Akhiri majlis dengan membaca tasbih kafarah dan surah al-Asr secara sedar dan memahami serta menghayati maknanya. Maksud hadis:

Daripada Abu Barzah r.a. katanya, Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda pada penghabisannya jikalau beliau s.a.w. hendaklah berdiri dari majlis yang ertinya: "Maha Suci Engkau ya Allah, dan saya mengucapkan puji-pujian pada-Mu. Saya menyaksikan bahawasanya tiada Tuhan melainkan Engkau saya mohon ampun serta bertaubat pada-Mu." Kemudian ada seorang lelaki berkata. "Ya Rasulullah! Sesungguhnya tuan mengucapkan sesuatu ucapan yang tidak pernah tuan ucapkan sebelum ini." Baginda bersabda: "Yang demikian itu adalah sebagai kafarah(penebus) daripada apa saja yakni kekurangan-kekurangan atau kesalahan-kesalahan yang ada di dalam majlis itu."

(Diriwayatkan oleh Imam Abu Daud juga diriwayatkan oleh imam Hakim iaitu Abu Abdillah dalam kitab Al-Mustadrak dari riwayat Aisyah radiallahu anha dan ia mengatakan bahawa hadis ini adalah sahih isnadnya.)

Oh, and I watched Pursuit of Happiness at NTUMS Exam Welfare Package just now. Aww... The strong willpower to keep going and fight for happiness no matter what comes in the way is so... inspiring...

Though the movies does make me feel a bit down, and tired. Tengok dia lari sini lari sana makes me feel as if I had been running around myself. I wouldn't know how would I be if I were to be in his position...

I'm really tempted to watch Ketika Cinta Bertasbih...

MARLIYANA, BUAT TUTORIAL EH PLEASE! OR THAT LAB REPORT(S). OR THAT RESEARCH PAPER. OR YOU CAN JOLLY WELL STUDY FOR THE UPCOMING TESTS/EXAMS.

I know I know, I won't watch it...

It's so hard to concentrate... Trying to do my tutorials. I spent like the last 3hrs reading about 4 pages of Genetics and doing 3 simple tutorial questions.

Headache is no fun *pouts*

I guess I need to zikir/selawat/doa more. I seriously need to focus! Exams in less than a month and the modules this sem are quite heavy, oh dear oh dear...

Baru je gi usrah pasal stress management and here I am feeling like I wanna shout at the top of my lungs until my voice goes hoarse. Sheesh...

There's a talk as part of the exam welfare package by NTUMS tmr... I dunno how much would it benefit me...

I'm in school. I ended class at 3.30pm and I hadn't start studying yet (time check: 6.52pm)

My schedule is like very packed. Penat. But I gotta keep going.

Pening kepala, mungkin sebab tidur hampir jam 4 pagi semalam buat ALS dan bangun seawal 9 lebih pagi ni...

There's this really pretty abaya at the Perbayu bazaar! It's so sweet! I want!! But it'd mean bye bye to >$50.... :( It's not a need, just an expensive want... But there are some things that just make you keep thinking about it as long as you still don't have it in your hands :(

I'd spent alot this month. Taxi. Books. (not school books sadly!) Food.

Gadjets and taxi, I can still control myself from not spending unless I really need. But books, food and jubahs, argh! Ngomngomngom :(

*thinking about the abaya*

Argh! I have so many things on my mind now that I can't concentrate! There's so many things due over these two weeks, almost every other day!

And I'm still thinking of my laundry. If my clothes don't dry by tmr night, I'd have nothing appropriate to wear on Wednesday. I certainly don't wanna wear my pyjamas ehh...

I just went for NTUMS usrah for adhoc teams. Only Rahmah and I turned up, along with Sis Nabilah & Khadijah representing the exco and Kak Zu was our naqibah. It was certainly a pleasure to meet Kak Zu again! And it was really nice to sit in an usrah session again, but I guess the ice hasn't been broken and it was still a little awkward. And I dunno! I didn't seem to absorb anything, cos if I did, I wouldn't feel so stressed right now with the workload that I'm facing, since the theme just now was stress management!!! Hmm...

I'm very tired right now. And really, all I did tonight was to list down my things-to-do for school (which means it excludes my hall chores like MY LAUNDRY and FOC stuff), read one slide, skim through ALS and yeah... that's it. Argh!!!! *panic attack*

And it's so coldddddd :( I guess I prefer cold than hot but it really is cold. I'm wearing my shawl, and turned down the fan to no. 4 oredi... Brrr... I feel that putting four more extra layers of clothing and selubung myself in a comfy quilt, which I don't have btw...

And there are some things bugging me at the back of my head, I can't concentrate!! I'm so sleepy seh... But I'd feel that I'd just wasted tonight :(

And quite a number of times, I hit the wound on my ankle, ow ow... Still I'm sure I'm faring so much better than the silat peeps :(

So many :(... La tahzan Marl la tahzan...

I think I'm deeply affected by the FOC prog meeting I had this afternoon... No one was in the mood for it. Truth be told, I wasn't in the mood for it either. Plus, two programmers couldn't make it last minute, with valid reasons uh... And I dunno, I just feel that I lacked direction today, and have thus failed mself... I just feel demoralised by it. I really did badly in chairing the meeting today... Cannot arh... Where's the enthusiasm people?? If people keep sending me negative vibes, it's hard for me to remain positive... I may very well cancel next week's meeting and resume after exams. Afterall, what's the point of having a meeting when everyone's heart and mind is elsewhere, it'll just waste everyone's time and make everyone more grumpy and make me more demoralised. I keep wondering, how did I end up accepting the head prog's role again??? I was so keen on rejecting it during the interview seh... Urgh. Why can't I say 'NO'??

I need to revise the timeline for prog...

But right now, either I take a rest and wake up early tmr and get some things done or I'd better get some things done NOW.

I think I'm going vegetarian tmr... Maybe for the whole week... I should bring my laptop and ensure I get something done EVERYDAY.

La tahzan Marl la tahzan!!!!!!

I dunno why I call myself Marl, when I really prefer people to call me Liyana...

Ok, I should stop ranting like... NOW

I just heard more about the silat team about the friendlies with NYP. OMG, it seems like everyone got injured! Ok, this is making me freak out and not wanna go silat anyway. If friendlies dah cam gini, IVP camne seh! Scary!!

I already get into my own set of mishaps and getting fever every once in awhile without going to silat, kalau gi silat lagi tak tau camne...

But each time I miss a training (which has been soooooo many btw) my heart aches. I miss silat, I miss the people! At the same time, I can't fight my fears strong enough...

I tore my silat pants at Ubin anyway.... Ok, ALASAN ni semua!!

Haiz, disappointed with myself. So much for 'No retreat, no surrender'.... :(

To all those who got injured during the friendlies, I pray that they get well soon... Exams are around the corner. A healthy body and mind is definitely very much needed...

Ya Allah, beratnya amanah dan tanggungjawab ini, adakah aku mampu untuk memikulnya?

I just posted the previous post about the state of youths and how many people are concerned about it and trying to do something about it...

And then I received an email...

Macam tau je what am I thinking about...

But yea, why must it come when I can't solat?! Ya Allah, please accept my doa instead it it's place...

"Harizah couldn’t imagine what kind of teacher I would be. But she mentioned I’d probably be like Prof Yan (whom the three of us like very much hehe) or Prof Tham (who teaches very well, and gives us cheese samples in class! tho we have to read alot ALOT for her class)…

Mahmudah immediately imagines me as a teacher who gets bullied by her students.

Sad story :("

This is what I wrote a few months ago.... I'm sure their perception of me has changed. Now they know how strict I can be when I want to. I wonder how my students will fare on days that I have PMS, I sure hope they'll be good angels then.

I'd been thinking alot.

Part of what I think about is the teaching profession. No doubt, I respect the teaching profession alot alot and find it a very fine and 'mulia' career path. The only thing I'm worried about is if I can be a good teacher. If I can, of course I'd continue to teach till it's time to retire. I can see the development in this profession and I would love to be part of that development process. One of the things I guess I can start developing from now is patience....

However, if I really can't be a good teacher, I'd better find something else to do after my 4-years bond. It's better that I don't torture myself and my students right... I should think that I'd love working in a lab. But I dunno. I'm partly trying to earn the affection of some of my lecturers so that I can learn more about the research work, though I guess I'm not putting so much effort.

Time is a factor. I already have commitments all around me, how could I commit to a research project while studying?! I'd go nuts! though yea, when else would it be a good time to be involved in a research project than when you're a student...

I'd been thinking of other things too...

I'm so happy to see Fityan having new members again. It feels like such a long time since we had a group of people join us. Alhamdulillah the orientation and ubin cip follow-up went well. Can't wait for the next event. I lookk at these people, and I convince myself that these are the new leaders that will lead Fityan to betterment, that will lead the youths of tomorrow towards betterment.... *excited!*

At the same time, I seem to feel so old and 'junkie' in Fityan. Hadn't been doing anything.... Really. I am grateful for their understanding on my workload and such...

I'm seeing a development process in NTUMS. I dunno. I can't decide what's best for me...

Other things that I'd beenn thinking aboout... is amanah and tanggungjawab.

For awhile, I felt like the whole world (ok that's exaggerating...) is on my shoulders... With ilmu comes responsibility. A heavy one at that... But recently I have found that maybe I am not strong enough for that amanah and tanggungjawab, and alhamdulillah, it has been transferred to others. I am currently on the receiving end, but of course, there is no such thing as 100% receipt, I as a DPI student still has a responsibility, the responsibility to share and dakwah and remind and applaud etc.

Ilmu itu bagai senjata yang boleh membahayakan diri. Ilmu boleh menjadi sebab seseorang itu masuk syurga, namun ia juga boleh menjadi sebab seseorang itu masuk neraka, nauzubillah min dzalik.

As I think about the things that have been happening around me, the more I think about what do they mean and where my role lies. I'd been plunged into NIE for one. And I begin to be more and more interested in the community, especially the youths, and where are we moving towards, especially through Kak Shahidah, TMSN, Fityan, Andalus etc. There's so many people who're concerned in this 'transformation' or 'development' of the youths in this generation to ensure that the next generation will be in a state better than how we are now. It's all interesting to hear and know. I'm helping here and there, contributing little energy where I can, yet I can't see where am I in the bigger picture. It'll take time. Maybe, my role is just to be aware and spread the awareness *shrugs*

Ok, my head hurts from thinking, cos I have alot of schoolwork to think about and I should really go to sleep... and I haven't done much progress in those schoolwork... Quite a number of things to start doing/finish this week. Chem report due on Thursday. ALS e-learning due end of the week. Main Group Chem test coming up soon. ICT group assignment due in slightly more than just a week. ALS resarch paper too (not to add madrasah metodologi proposal paper). Bio report due next Friday. What else? Can I not sleep for 3 days and get all of these done??? I wonder, hmm....

But yeah, my head really hurts right now from looking at the screen within a short distance for a very long time. Time to sleep!

I have alot alot to blog about! Had so many happenings ever since my last proper lengthy update. Prove is: my FB status updates, haha.

Ok, let's start with the latest....

I just attended an intercultural event by NTUMS in school just now. Well, it was interesting. The sisters only had the chance to hear from a Bangledishi sister who's currently doing her PhD at NTU, whereas the brothers were very fortunate to hear sharings from Indonesian, Pakistani, Kazakhstan brothers and I don't remember where else. There were so many brothers, where are all the sisters?? Nevertheless, we got the opportunity to hear a brother from Kazakhstan play one of their musical instruments. And he was dorning a Kazakh traditional costume and in the background, they showed pictures of Kazakhstan... As for the food, we had briyani (sedappp youuuu!) ough we sisters had to share one packet only... which was surprisingly enough! I was full after dinner, after trying the kebab from amirah's grill (still crispy! i like the pita bread!) and the ikan pais/pepes and the Indonesian beefballs. Yummeh! The event also emphasizes on brotherhood in Islam and unity in diversity, and we had a short sharing session about the hadith about how brothers should strengthen one another like a building, I loike! I miss sharing sessions like that. I can't remember when was the last time I attended an usrah session... So all in all, I rather enjoyed myself at the event. Really wished there were more sisters... I brought back 3 postcards from Saudi (one of which is a pic of the Masjid nabawi, I dunno why, I felt so super extra elated and excited upon seeing it! Padahal I'm sure I'd seen the pic alot of times before!) Oh oh, and as usual, I added new games to my catalogue ;) Hehe. We had somekind of an auction game, cool or what! Oh oh, and I wore baju kurung, the second time ever, to school, and I had Chem lab today ehkkk haha.

Yesterday, I actually managed to join Fityan at Ubin! I, didn't get to help paint Cik Kamariah's kampong as I had class in the morning, nevertheless terubat rindu dapat jumpa these brothers and sisters whom I feel like I hadn't met since ages ago! I was really missing them!! I think the last time I met them was during radiate post mortem, which I came very late too, and didn't get to hang out with them. I wasn't satisfied with yesterday either, didn't get to sit down and chat and share stories with them... Awww, I feel so far away in Boon Lay, imagine if I had actually gone overseas to study!

So anyway, it was a challenge to get to Ubin. I ended Bio practical quite late, and as I made my way to Tampines, I was so tired actually... And as I had expected the night before, I wouldn't get a proper breakfast, lunch or brunch... My mum hadn't cooked and Ghufran's stalls were all closed! So with a hungry stomach, I made my way to Changi alone... When I reached Changi, what else?! LUNCH! Bought takeaway nasi lemak, then set at the jetty gobbling down my late lunch... When I went down to the waiting area, I missed a boat and so I had to wait. This tested my patience the most that I was on the verge of crying! I so can't wait to meet my Fityan brothers and sisters and here the apek blatantly refuses to bring out any boat until there is no more and no less than 12 people. The Chinese family of 6 left, and then the Indian family of 4 left, and I actually waited for about 1hr 15mins just to get a boat. I finished 1 whole topic of Main Group Chem notes!! And alot of self-reflection time in the meantime... I have to say... I feel bad for buruk sangka-ing my Fityan brothers and sisters... I dunno, I was just so pissed off at the apek actually. Nothing to do with Fityan haha! Only two out of the whole gang knew that I would be coming and was trying to get a boat to join them. I was really considering of leaving by 4.15pm if the apek still refuses to get the boat out. With such a heavy and deeply disappointed heart, that is. It was about 4.40pm already when I finally set foot on Ubin jetty. Oh my, the flood of memories! All 3 times that I had been to Ubin before was with Fityan. Bittersweet memories :)))

I rented a bike from the normal shop we rent from, assuring the uncle I would return the bike by 6pm before the shop closes (the uncle seems to think I'm gonna overnight at Ubin or something, I think I look like I am really ready to overnight lah with my school backpack plus shoebag, oddly with two flowers in it haha). I was like saying, "Don't worry uncle, I'm just here to meet my friends for awhile, I will surely return the bike by 6pm!" Thinking back about it, I must have sounded like I actually have FRIENDS LIVING in Ubin! Hahahaha.

The feeling of riding alone through the tracks in the drizzle was AWESOME!!!! I feel so belonged! I know the way as if I'd been living on Ubin my whole life! I was so happy upon seeing the first dog on the trail, thinking to myself, "Eh I have a friend!" But then, I did get pretty terrified when this dog decided to follow my trail (yikes! did it just hear my thoughts??! summum bukmum! haha Ati!!!!) and when there's this like 3-4 dogs in a pack in the middle of the road, fuyohh... But I was confident that these dogs are used to people and won't cause harm. Rather I was afraid of getting licked haha.... Oh, I passed a few people along the way, and they really had this curious look on their face that says, "Woah, where is this girl going??" Oh, and really, riding under the trees was like, back to nature, back to nature! I feel so carefree! Eventhough it was really tiring to ride alone up some of the mini hills. Self-motivation... Keep going, keep going! In my mind, I was thinking that the Fityan peeps had already left Cik Kamariah's house and went cycling. I was really considering of dropping by Cik Kamariah's house for awhile for asar prayers and continuing the lone adventure through Ubin finding them haha. And when I turned at the junction of Murai Hut (oh the relieve of seeing that hut!) and saw only 2-3 bicycles outside Cik Kamariah's house, I was already formulating a plan, "Ok, I shall ask Cik Kamariah if she knows where they were heading to. If not, I'd just try my luck at Chek Jawa and if they're not there, I shall turn back and hopefully I don't have to wait till Maghrib for 12 passengers!! ORRR... since there're a few bikes here, perhaps they left some of their belongings at Cik Kamariah's house and I should just wait and chit chat with Cik Kamariah...

It happened that they parked their bicycles behind the house, and everyone had just finished Asar prayers!!! Haha, almost everyone was surprised to see me, "EH MARLIYANA!!" Hahahaha, the expressions!! Even Cik Kamariah was like, "Huh? Awak baru sampai?!" and I can't remember who asked, "How did you get here?? How do you know the way??" Haha, fortunately, alhamdulillah, I am quite quick with learning my directions around. Just after once going to Cik Kamariah's house during Fityan retreat, I already know the way... What more after 3 times right haha.

Oh, and another common question, "Eh! Marliyana, dari mana dapat bunga???" Aku petik along the way -___- haha. Actually I didn't know how to explain. The fact that I took the flower home from Bio lab to study the flower parts is just not self-explanatory. It was a weird and rather unbelievable reason seh haha. So I didn't know how to answer initially. Finally, even when I had the chance to explain to Hanis and Fahmi, they were like eh?? For someone to give me flowers? What a weird combination: one big white lily and one red rose??? Who would give me flowers seh?? As malays would say, "Takde ribut takde taufan..." haha. My birthday was LAST month...

After I did my asar (I missed the ABC: air batu campur!!!!!!!! Wasted...), we took group pic and then cycled away... Woah, it felt extra tiring for some reasons. Previously when I cycled around Ubin during BILL, it wasn't THAT tiring... Oh and I fell as I went too fast downhill at a point. It was so slippery and I was avoiding collision, so I swerved and well, skidded off the track and fell. I didn't realise until much later that I scraped my right ankle, bruished my elbow and have two long gashes on my thigh (now abit swelling and bruised, ow ow). I was really surprised to find two long gashes on my pants. My SILAT pants!!! Aik, I skipped silat, and I got hurt at Ubin wearing the silat pants haha... Oh, and I realised this auto-recovery mechanism that I have been blessed with haha. Similar to the car accident in 2008 (relax je time tu, macam superwoman!! I was so keen on getting back to my lab to finish my experiment that I was refusing to be sent to the hospital?! The driver really must think that I have had a concussion. No one in the right mind would say that, especially when I fell upon being hit by the car, with my books and shoes thrown quite a distance away, with a badly scraped elbow, which stings super badly by the way....), as soon as I fell, I would automatically stand up back as if nothing happened at all! But well, yeah eventhough I can feel the heat on my ankle and elbow (totally didn't realise the gashes though!!), no broken bones. Means I'm perfectly alright RIGHT?? Haha.

Despite all that happened, I really really enjoyed and didn't regret that 1hr plus getaway at Ubin. Jadilah... Off mainland jugak per... :D

Hmm, many more stories to add! FOC stories, school stories, home stories, and many many more! But I'd spent too much time already... I have to pass a group assignment to my friend by tomorrow morning, and I have madrasah exam this Sunday!

Oh oh! My mum was also very curious where I got the rose from HAHAHA! What are you thinking mother??? ;)

Aiya, my MSN can't connect...

Several years ago an imaam moved to London. He often took the bus from his home to the downtown area.

Some weeks after he arrived, he had occasion to ride the same bus. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him twenty pence too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, you better give the twenty pence back. It would be wrong to keep it.

Then he thought, oh forget it, it's only twenty pence. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company already gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a gift from Almighty Allah and keep quite. When his stop came, the Imaam paused momentarily at the door, then he handed the twenty pence back to the driver and said "Here, you gave me too much change."

The driver with a smile replied,
Aren't you the new Imaam in this area? I have been thinking lately about going to worship at your mosque. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change.
When the Imaam stepped off the bus, his knees became weak and soft. He had to grab the nearest light pole and held for support, and looked up to the heavens and cried,
Oh Allah, I almost sold Islam for twenty pence!
Remember, we may never see the impact our actions have on people. Sometimes we are the only knowledge of Quran someone will read, or the only Islam a non-Muslim will see. What we need to provide, Insha Allah is an example for others to see. Be careful and be honest everyday, because you never know who is watching your actions and judging you as a Muslim

-Source Unknown

Credits: http://www.quranclub.net/2010/02/price-of-imaan.html

Shared by Sis Ashikin NTUMS. Tersentak jap bila baca. Our actions can truly reflect alot on Islam. We are young ambassadors of Islam wherever we go. I'm ashamed to have been proud of some of the things I had done or said over the past few days as I reflect back on what kind of image I had portrayed as a Muslimah.... And what's done cannot be undone...

Ya Allah, kenapalah hati ini begitu gelisah sekali!! Macam risau, gundah-gulana tanpa sebab! Pening!!

Mungkin risau exam dah hampir kott?

Atau macam mana ni Monday balik hall takde baju bersih?

Atau banyaknya test/due dates coming up!

Atau mungkin tentang perkara-perkara lain yang kelihatan remeh buat masa ni tapi tetap mengaburi benak fikiran....

OVERLOAD! OVERLOAD! HELP!

What a day, what a day... Perangai kasut betul satu persatu budak2 FOC ni, memang cekik darah betul! Satu hari tak habis habis bully, penat aku dibuatnya. Mentally, emotionally and physically drained seh.... Dorang belum nampak apa yang Harizah & Mahmudah dah nampak, atau apa Fityan dah nampak two years ago. Betul menguji kesabaran... Hai... Four more months to go, one day akan dorang nampak jugak... Yelah nampak perkara kecik je, tapi penat sehh. Fityan oh Fityan ku tersayang, korang tau tak betapa senang nyer work ngan korang?

Anyway, the Al-Qamar widget on the left is updated! Or, maybe it's just that I hadn't been checking, heheh...

These are some entries from the widget:

I became convinced in four things (i.e. that these four things penetrated my heart).
1. I am convinced that no one else will eat the provision Allah has decreed for me, so I am content.
2. I am convinced that no one else is going to do good works except me, so I am busy doing them myself.
3. I am certain death shall come unexpectedly, so I am busying myself in expectation of it.
4. I am certain I shall never escape the sight of Allah, so I am shy to disobey Him while He is watching.
- Hatim al-Asum (RA)

Anyway, I have just finished my madrasah exam on Tazkiyatu An-Nafs. Interesting module! A great great reminder to myself. About niat, matlamat hidup, hati, nafsu, sabar, syukur, khauf & raja' etc. I loike! There's some entries on the widget on this...

Oh and there's this video on the widget. I haven't finished watching it, but the text intro sounds interesting!

A certain daughter complained to her father about her life and how things have been so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and she wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that just as one problem was solved another arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and placed the fire on high. Soon the three pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the other he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently wondered what he was trying to do. She had problems, and he was making this strange concoction. In half an hour he walked over to the stove and turned down the fire. He pulled the carrots out and placed them in the bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in the bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her he asked. “Darling what do you see?

“Smartly, she replied. “Carrots, eggs, and coffee.

He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Her face frowned from the strength of the coffee.

Humbly, she asked. “What does it mean Father?”

He explained. “Each of them faced the same adversity, 212 degrees of boiling water. However each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after going through boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg was fragile. A thin outer shell protected a liquid center. But after sitting through the boiling water, it’s inside became hardened. The coffee beans are unique however. After they were in the boiling water, it became stronger and richer.

Which are you, he asked his daughter? When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with the smallest amount of pain, adversity, or heat you wilt and become soft with no strength.

Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? A fluid spirit. But after a death, a divorce, an accident you became hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but you are so bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and heart, internally.

Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean does not get its peak flavor and robust until it reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better.

When things are there worst, you get better. When people talk the most, your praises increase. When the hour is the darkest, trials are there greatest, your worship elevates to another level. How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

I like this story very much! taken from MHdS Youth entry by Sis Atiqah.

I'm having a fever on and off, on and off...

I'm at home in Tampines now. Like, FINALLY. I had a long and rather redundant day today. You can't believe the joy that fills my heart upon seeing the Safra Tampines soccer field, which is rather the first thing you see upon reaching Tampines.

How I wish there's no school (plus a cascade of events following that till Sat night before I get to see Tampines again) tmr.

My dad fetched me just now. As I was stoning in the car which was going at 90-100 km/h, I felt myself opening up again to the idea of restarting my car practicals. After about 7 months of not sitting behind the steering wheel at all.
I would definitely, confirm plus chop, change instructors. I'm considering taking school, but it's a waste of money lar, considering I had already taken private previously and spent quite alot on it already. The school has a certain system to follow and I can't just decide what I want or what I don't right?

So, throughout the journey just now, I was conversing with an imaginary new private instructor in my head, telling him whatever I know about cars and roads and what I don't know. I was listing down the things that I want my instructor to focus on, and what are the dos and donts (definitely no scolding!)... Yeah, the first lesson would probably be me talking alot telling about my schedule and commitments and how much I want to commit to this... What is the situation like, what is my motivation to learn, so that he can use it along the way to remind me to be hardworking in learning. I don't want an instructor with too many students, it's complicating... Really, I don't think it'll be hard to pass. Come on, how hard can it be... I just need alot of practice to familiarise myself and build my confidence on the road behind the wheel and only when I am 90% at ease with driving would I book for a TP date. No rush...

It was super duper cold in the lt that I was wrapping my shawl very very tightly around my shoulders, yet it is now super duper hot now that I'm not in lt. I would have gone home if there's no phototaking. Everything seems to go wrong today and it really irritates me.

I slept late studying for the Genetics test, yet I couldn't get full marks for it. It's MCQ and short answer la seh! And Dr Sam was like, "Don't worry, it's a very easy test!" YEA RIGHT... I was so frustrated as she went through some of the answers. Urgh!

Then the lt was soooo cold and I was soooo sleepy (just as how I felt last night studying for the test) and I don't know, I just couldn't stand it!

And now, I actually really badly wanna get home and lie comfortably in bed for a qailullah or something with the fan directly pointing at me, but I'm waiting for Liyana/Nash (I dunno whose number) to finish her class at 2 so she can take our pic for us. But she didn't reply me when I messaged that I'm afraid it may be cancelled again! Then I would have waited for nothing...

I need aircon now. I think I'll visit the library for awhile. Then if Liyana/Nash says it's later in the afternoon, I am so going back to hall and getting a nice long COLD bath. It's so nice having a hostel nearby... :D

Lab report due tomorrow, and madrasah exam on Tazkiatul Nufus this Sun.

From the book of 40 hadiths: "I guarantee that anyone who does not fight even when provoked shall be given a mansion in paradise" - Riwayat Tarmidzi.

-Faatimah, NI daily reminders, 10 Mar 2010, 1614hrs

Simply put: I am burning out...

I'm so super tired. I have no energy to discuss anything. It just gives me a headache and makes my blood boil... These days, it's like whatever I say is wrong so I'm like, "Dahlah malas nak cakap seh"... I am at the, "Can't we just do it my way" mood... so when anyone argues with me, I just feel like biting their heads off.

I mean, of course I know, if your ideas are not accepted all the more you should be thankful. Just that these days, like all my ideas are rejected or questioned that it is truly getting on my nerves... Macam rasa dejected je gitu... Inferiority uhh...

I felt weird today... Macam tiger... Harizah ate a fish/chicken burger in front of me (which so reminds me of the breakfasts that my mum would make for me in the mornings :() and after that it seems that no biscuit or chocolate can satiate my hunger. I kept looking for fried stuff... Buruk seh, I feel like such a monster... Right now I am craving for mcspicy and fries, oh dear...

I'm having a fever actually... Cos I keep alternating from sweltering hot surrounding then aircon in class then hot then cold then hot then cold. If I were a mug, I would have cracked... Since I'm a human, I'm having a fever...

I still have 4 more topics to study for Genetics, but each time I attempt to sit down and read, I end up sleeping... I have to read it on the move or while multitasking with something else such that I don't sleep...

My organiser is like filled up to the brim for March... So may things to do, so little time.

Finals are in 5 weeks time. I had been doing rather well (to my standards as compared to last sem) for my assignments thus far (except for the 2 chem lab reports due last last fri, irritating killers those were) and I hope to keep it up, aiming for my As this sem! The subjects are all familiar to me, I MUST get A, it is not acceptable to get otherwise sehh...

I want my burger now....

Apabila kita gagal untuk sesuatu setelah berusaha bersungguh2, bersyukurlah kerana Allah mengingatkan kita sebagai hambaNya. Dia lah yang sakitkan atau gagalkan... Jadi bersyukurlah kerana Dia yang memilih kita dari orang lain.. Dan juga bila kita sakit, dosa-dosa kecil dihapuskan... Bersabarlah saudaraku, kerana ia separuh daripada iman.

-Zuib, NI daily reminder, 9 Mar 2010, 0827hrs

"Are the blind and the one who sees equal? Will you not take thought?" [Surah Al-An'am, verse 50] We are more focused on what we are lacking than what we have been blessed with. Work on what we have, insyaAllah we will find and achieve what we lack.

-Syabrina, NI daily reminder, 8 Mar 2010, 1304hrs

I came across this today:

“The best of you is he who learns the Qur’an and teaches it.” [al-Bukhari]

“Will not any of you go to the masjid and learn or read two verses from the Book of Allah `azza wa jall? (For) that is better for him than two she-camels, and three (verses) are better for him than three (she-camels), and four (verses) are better for him than four (she-camels). And the number (of verses read in total) are better than the same number of camels.” [Muslim]

“There is no envy (acceptable) except in two (cases): a person whom Allah has given the Qur’an and recites it throughout the night and throughout the day. And a person whom Allah has given wealth, that he gives out throughout the night and throghout the day.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

“Whoever reads a letter from the Book of Allah will receive a hasanah (good deed) from it (i.e. his recitation), and the hasanah is multiplied by ten. I do not say that Alif-Laam-Meem is (considered as) a letter, rather Alif is a letter, Laam is a letter, and Meem is a letter.” [At-Tirmidhi, Ad-Darimi]

“He who is skillful in reciting the Qur’an is with the unveiled, honorable, and pious (i.e. Hur al `Ain). And he who stutters when reading the Qur’an, (and its recitation) is difficult upon him, will receive two rewards.” [Al-Bukhari]

“Verily he who has nothing of the Qur’an in his heart, is like a house (which has been) destroyed.” [At-Tirmidhi]

“Read the Qur’an. For verily it will come forth on the Day of Resurrection as an intercessor for its readers.” [Muslim]

“The Qur’an is an intercessor (which by Allah’s permission) intercedes, and an opponent (which is) truthful. He who appoints it as his leader, (then it) will lead him to Paradise. And he who puts it behind him, (then it) will lead him to the Fire.” [Ibn Hibban, Al-Bayhaqi, At-Tabarani, Sahih]

“Fasting and the Qur’an will intercede for the slave on the Day of Resurrection. Fasting will say: ‘O My Rabb! I prevented him from food and desires, so accept my intercession for him.’ And the Qur’an will say: ‘I prevented him from sleep during the night, so accept my intercession for him.’ He (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘And they will (be allowed to) intercede.’” [Ahmad, at-Tabarani, Al-Hakim, Sahih]

“Maintain learning the Qur’an, by heart for verily it is greater in escaping from the chests of men than camels from their reins.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

“Verily Allah raises nations by this book (the Qur’an) and puts down (i.e. destroys) others by it.” [Muslim]

From Qisas

I really really love this hadith:

“Whoever reads a letter from the Book of Allah will receive a hasanah (good deed) from it (i.e. his recitation), and the hasanah is multiplied by ten. I do not say that Alif-Laam-Meem is (considered as) a letter, rather Alif is a letter, Laam is a letter, and Meem is a letter.” [At-Tirmidhi, Ad-Darimi]

And the next hadith, I didn't know of the hadith until somewhere 2008 or 2009 and the first time I heard it, I had tears in my eyes, cos at that time my recitation was very bad, and I actually felt ashamed to recite the Qur'an, I was scared of reciting the Qur'an, for fear I would recite it wrongly. But when I hear the hadith, in my heart, I was like, "SubhanAllah, Allah is so compassionate... Even those who stutters in reciting the Qur'an receives two rewards!!":

“He who is skillful in reciting the Qur’an is with the unveiled, honorable, and pious (i.e. Hur al `Ain). And he who stutters when reading the Qur’an, (and its recitation) is difficult upon him, will receive two rewards.” [Al-Bukhari]

I'd been through this before and I managed to pull through, yet I don't know why this time round it is so hard to control, to ignore, to put aside, to suppress... haiz, I'm disappointed with myself, for giving in too much to my emotions...

I hope to be able to get over it soon as I had done before. Let me clench my fist and grit my teeth and try to forget... I'm sure I can make much better use of the space in my mind and heart.

"None of you truly believes (in Allah and His religion) until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

-Wawan, NI daily reminders, 7th Mar 2010, 1505hrs

"If you're in the company of a loving people, treat them with the softness of a loving relative, and don't tak people to account for all their mistakes, so as not to stay companionless throughout your life." No matter how stress we are in life, try not to let go at your loved ones, get enough sleep and drink lots of water, and just remember to try your best, and leave the rest to Allah, and most importantly don't give up, you can do it insyaAllah.

-Fatimah, NI daily reminders, 6th mar 2010, 1606hrs



-Mus, NI daily reminders, 5th Mar 2010

I'm motivated!!!

I'm motivated to revise. I'm motivated to restart memorizing the Qur'an. I'm motivated to improve my solat. I'm motivated to keep my room clean as much as possible. I'm motivated to restart reading my Islamic books!

Apart from that, I am more or less motivated to spearhead the programmes planning for FOC... I've started doing SOMETHING at least... The ukhuwwah between us that got strengthened from the layang2 making, the shooting, the chalet and the carnival really helps :) I love these people, though I've yet to regard them as how I regard my Fityan peeps like family, well except for Amirah whom I've regarded as a sister. Somehow I regard her as an older sister, eventhough I'm the older one hehe...

But I've yet to find the motivation to go silat. Jun, I need you! I'm still scared to go silat. It is fun actually, but I dunno why I'm just so scared. Not to mention, my inner self keep telling me, "Why aren't you quitting silat yet? You would have extra 3hrs each week for studies and/or religion. Didn't you say you're just there to get the experience? Haven't you had enough experience already???" Hmmm.... These thoughts are so not helping larhhhhh...

Anyway, part of my motivation seems to stem from rewatching Huan Zhu Ge Ge (with English subtitles, wheeeee~!). The devotion and respect that the servants give to Huang Shang should be many many times multiplied by me as a servant to the King of the Universe, Allah. And Zi Wei and Yong Qi's poetry reading makes me look back at the Qur'an and appreciate the artistic language used. Their ability to memorize so many poems makes me wanna memorize the Qur'an.

The part about their wu gong skills did not rub off on me in terms of silat though, haha... Oh well...

All in all, I enjoyed my one week break very much, and I guess it's time to move ahead into the second part of the sem and do well in the different aspects of my life! My 21st year :))))

"Be thankful of the setbacks you have for it makes you a better person from wgo you are now". Often we were told to appreciate the good things we own/have but when we are faced by obstacles we tend to throw a temper, give up, blame others or do something stupid. Astghfirullah! In the end, we live in regrets or possibly we turn bad, but did anyone wonder why such things happen to us? Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda, "Barangsiapa yang Allah mahukan ebaikan untuknya nescaya Dia akan mengujinya dengan kesusahan" [Riwayat Al-Bukhari] So hand on there it shall be gone one day. When this is over not only do you become smarter and stronger to overcome future obstacles but you turn to be a better Muslim in the process InsyaAllah.

-Aisha, NI daily reminder, 4 Mar 2010, 1435hrs

"Seorang Muslim adalah Muslim lainnya, ia tidak menzaliminya, merendahkannya, menyerahkannya (kepada musuh) dan tidak menghinanya." "Seorang itu akan mengikuti pendirian sahabat karibnya kerana itu hendaknya seseorangb itu memperhatikan, siapakah yang harus dijadkan kawan." Hati-hatilah memilih kawan kerana kawan boleh menjadi cermin peribadi seseorang. Berkawanlah kerana Allah untuk mencari redhaNya. Wallahualam.

-Liyana, NI daily reminder, 2 Mar 2010, 1146hrs

"It's not about the fall but how you pick yourselves up after that." Every one of us I'm sure have been in situstions that we have failed and makes us want to give up, but just keep telling yourselves that failing is part of life and it can only make us stronger. It's all up to us... Remember that Allah will help those who start to pick themselves up again. InsyaAllah...

-Ihsan, NI daily reminder, 1 Mar 2010, 1907hrs