Currently, I feel that if I just throw down one, ONE responsibility, I'd be the happiest person in the world.

Because, I am going KRC (yes yes yes! and insyaAllah there won't be any evil surprises along the way), and I'm left with one (err two actually, but only one I need to study for) paper), and I have a wonderful admin team for Camp Xplore, great friends who are just one call away (though I'm not the kind to call you up so you'll hear my problems, uh uh that's not me) and I'm meeting ustazah sakinah again tmr woo whee~

But as I said, there is one responsibility which seriously pressurizes me down, which makes my day sour, my head go thump thump thump and my smile turn to frown as I crack my brain on how to solve problem after problem which arise from it. I hate things that make me cry. There was one task I took up last year which made me cry 5 times and then I told myself that's it I quit, and I practically just dropped everything and distanced myself (which reminds me, I'd better wrap up my one-year-long overdue stuff. This year, this one task which I reluctantly accepted has made me cry 3 times already. And it really showed me how little my knowledge is. True, the more you learn, the less you realise you know. Just who are we, right? Question is, would I drop everything like I did last year? I dunno, but I'm very much on the verge of it...

And one more thing I hate is people telling to my face, "I told you so." Call me egoistic whatever, but I really hate that phrase. And because of my constant fear of this word, I'm always afraid to make decisions. Cause I always fear that if I make one wrong decision, and someday someone would turn to me and say, "I told you so"...

I'm feeling confused because of all the mixed up emotions in me which I am unable to filter. I'm excited, yet worried, yet tired, yet anxious, yet angry, yet sad, yet hurt, yet relieved and the list probably goes on and on.

I dunno... Some things I hold on dearly, which I strongly depend on to enable me to put a smile on my face everyday - krc, girlfriends and prospect of graduation.

I wanna have some leisure time for myself... I wanna read books, I wanna watch Prince Caspian and Kungfu Panda, I wanna play netball, I wanna act for a play production, I wanna go shopping with my mum, I wanna go shop to shop finding for cute stuffed toys and simply hugging them before returning them to the shelves and I wanna start my driving practicals BADLY. Ad has passed her TP already and I? Have yet to start at all! Padahal I passed my FTT first...

In short, I wanna have fun. Even responsibilities can be fun... But sometimes people make it boring and pressurizing. Please do remember that I am afterall still a youth and just wanna have fun! In fact, not only youths have the need to have fun, right? All human beings need that laughter once in awhile don't you think?

Hmm, spent 1/2hr on this already. I have BPT test at 9am tmr and I have yet to start. So yeah, gotta go...

I used to love programmes, now it's just a big burden... I have lots to learn. Perhaps, this will be my last. Dah serik... Sedih to be saying this... But this is sincere from my heart... Many probably wouldn't understand this. It's like losing someone you truly love, yes that saddening...

I can hardly see any more love in this world... I hope it's just me having a wrong perception...

Signing off to get back to studies...