Happy 53rd birthday Mummy dear!! :D

My mum was so sweet today. It's her birthday, hmm I should be cooking for her huh but haha let's save her from a tummy ache la kay. ;)

I have a really bad ulcer in my mouth right and my mum made chicken soup for me! And porridge too. Unfortunately I couldn't eat more than 3 senduk... That 3 senduk took me nearly an hour ok... at least filled my stomach a bit larh, though GeRaaaM je tak boleh makan ayam, tak boleh makan keropok, tak boleh makan ikan pon. Boo hoo~ Kempunan giler k bila tengok... Tapi apa ble buat kan..

I seriously hope for a miracle tomorrow. I wanna eat!!! I don't think I can swallow anymore porridge...

Intentions by Native Deen

Waking up in the morning, gotta make my prayer
Am I really gonna' make it, when there is no one there?
Taking trips to the masjid (mosque), even when it's tough
Am I going for the sake of Allah? Am I showing off?
Gonna' get me the knowledge, gonna study Islam
Am I going just to build my ego? so they call me “the Man”?
Does it matter if the people respect me, when its not for Allah?
When I know anytime He can take me, without one real du'a (prayer)
Does it matter if they say I'm a big shot?
when I get no reward for my deeds
And I'm dragged on the Day of Resurrection
Cause of the folks that I wanted to please
Plus I know that Allah has the power
To raise me up in their eyes if it need be
I should always make my intentions, for my Lord, Allah completely

[Chorous]
Are my Intentions alright?
Am I doing for Allah?
When I'm looking deep, deep down inside
Do I have the right niyyah?

Wearing thoubs with a kufi, kufi
Miswaks leather socks like the old days
Am I trying to follow the Prophet? or am I seeking praise?
Giving talks on Islam to people
I'd be quoting Hadith and Qur'an
Am I speaking so they like how I'm speaking? and they say I'm “the Bomb”
Donating to Islamic centers, giving money so the Deen can grow
Am I giving for the sake of Allah? or is it for show?
Many times I have found my intentions
Are not what I want them to be
I know I start on the right direction
But Shaitan starts talking to me
And I forget that without my niyyah, I'm just wasting my time
My intentions cannot bring the reward, when they're out of line
So I pray to Allah to help me, to do everything for Him only
Doesn't matter if the people despise me
Cause with Allah I can never be lonely

Ya Allah, accept this niyyah
Coming from young Muslims striving to be believers
So on the day, our deeds You'll measure. Know we only did this strictly for Your pleasure, Your pleasure
Your mercy, Your ajur (reward), Your Jannah (heaven), forever and ever and ever
And reward us for those who listen
Heeded to the message, changing their condition
And know that everything up until this point I've ever written
I submit as my repentance
And if its blessings You're sending my way
I beg You hold them to the judgement day
so maybe in Jannah you can look back and say...it was a lovely day, a lovely, a lovely day, yes a lovely day
Are my intentions, alright, am I doing for Allah
When I am looking deep deep down inside, do I have the right niyyah (intention)?

[Chorous]
Are my Intentions alright?
Am I doing for Allah?
When I'm looking deep, deep down inside
Do I have the right niyyah?

A good reminder for all of us, me especially... We all need constant reminders, I do too. And I hope I've just reminded you. Correct your niyyah! Do what you do BECAUSE OF ALLAH. It's not easy.

Sometimes you start doing something because of a different niyyah, but slowly insyaAllah, when you put in the effort, your niyyah can be directed to be right.

Similarly, sometimes you start doing something purely because of Him, but along the way, your niyyah ain't pure anymore, but slowly insyaAllah, when you put in the effort, your niyyah can be corrected...

Enjoy the videos below! =)





Purify your heart. carry out your deeds with a sincere heart with Allah in mind...

Banyak sangat tags I missed to reply so... Lemme reply all here. In general, thanks all for the care and cocern shown, greatly appreciated :)


27 Jun 08, 22:15
HafizH: 'Make it fast, make it strong, together we will stand up strong... Go... Temasek..' I graduated eons ago n i still remembered.. Haha
Reply: Izzit?? Klah klah I have bad memory lah :P

27 Jun 08, 16:13
asrul: Insyaallah ujian semata2. Ingat Allah tdk akan membebankan seseorg dari ape yang boleh dipikulnya. Senyum2 selalu, hehe
27 Jun 08, 16:12
asrul: i think the problem u faced, is also face by our fellow comrades outhere which include us. the main thing here we need to stays strong and steadfast in the things we set out to do.
Reply: Yup, I know I'm not alone :) Thx for the reminder. Senyum2 selalu!

27 Jun 08, 11:27
fadhix: (= all the best sis!every struggle is mujahadah.heads up la takhaf wa la tahzan!ikhlaskan hati.pasti Allah akan bantu! ganbate!!!*thumbs up pose*=D
Reply: Thanks, insyaAllah bro :) Alamak as much as I love arabic, part arab2 ni tak pass sangat la. Mujahadah tu ape? Takhaf tu ape?

25 Jun 08, 21:08
lina: MARL!! i will blog abt KRC as soon i get picx from ust irwan!! hahahha =P miss u hunn
Reply: Ust!! Cepatlah bagi pics! (Macamlah Ust baca blog aku haha) LINA darl, miss u too *hugs*

24 Jun 08, 21:23
princess_farzie: this is my new bloggy!!! hellowie!!!
Reply: Thx for informing sis, but many many apologies I am super di-duper the lazy to update my links!!

23 Jun 08, 22:13
ZEE: sejak bile nie fathi ade tag org? tag aku tak, tag org laen. huhu
Reply: Zee jealous? Hehe. Takyah jealous larh, blog awak dah ramai yang tag pon... Hmm, possible jugak tu bukan Fathi Fityan, but actually Fatimah NI.

21 Jun 08, 14:32
fathi: marl..cheer up k gurl...
Reply: Thx :) Ni Fathi Fityan ke NI?

21 Jun 08, 09:27
juNn: ouhs i also havent update abt krc.. hmmm
21 Jun 08, 09:26
juNn: marl! keep striving! kwn2 sumer akan support you all the way.. smile okay =)
Reply: Thx Jun. InsyaAllah will keep striving, for myself and for the ummah! Dah update pasal KRC bilang k!

20 Jun 08, 16:52
l i y a n a*: i wanna blog abt krc, but i realised i havent blogg abt xplore. nxt wk kot.
Reply: I totally skipped xplore. I was away for most of xplore that I dunno what to blog about la.

20 Jun 08, 15:34
ZEE: i miss you nana. i miss you krc GFs.
Reply: Alamak melekat pulak nama tu? Azizi, I miss you and the GFs too!!

20 Jun 08, 02:34
::'aD.::: we have yet to do TE n BPT proj.. gosh.. i feel so lazy tsk... let's go marL let's go! let's do it!
20 Jun 08, 02:34
::'aD.::: sorry havent been around lately =) hope you're doing fine. sch's starting in 3 days time dear =]
20 Jun 08, 02:33
::'aD.::: wah! it's been a while since i tag this tagboard.. which meant, i havent been updating my blog.. but yeah i've updated. if got no time, see pictures already can tell some stories =]
Reply: Hehe, my hols were great. Yours look just as fun with your family! Aww man, school?? Do we have to?

19 Jun 08, 22:37
sitiraudah: im sorry to hear i did something wrong without realising it.
19 Jun 08, 22:37
sitiraudah: maaf if i hurt you without knowing. like we said on the last night please tegur us for any faults. kerana manusia itu tidak lepas dari kesilapan.
Reply: Takla Raudah, you did no wrong. That post was not to pin point anybody or whatsoever, especially not to you. You helped me a lot during KRC seh, the motivation to continue trekking and all... That post was just a let-out of stupid feelings that I would not say out. I didn't tegur anyone cos I jolly well know that there's probably reasons la. I am most probably in the wrong here..

19 Jun 08, 13:48
siti_m: dear, im sorry that i didnt realise u didnt enjoy the krc as much. percayalah, wahai teman kami menyayangi mu.
Reply: I believe you sis :) It's not that I didn't enjoy it, I really did! No one won't enjoy KRC.. Another unforgettable camp indeed, with lotsa lessons learned and all.

19 Jun 08, 00:28
shaz_M: sahabatku marliyana.. kata2 mu menyentuh kalbu. merimbun kemaaafan ku pohonkan kerana kurang peka dgn kesusahanmu saat kau sangat memerlukan seorg yg bergelar teman..im so sorry darling:(
Reply: It's ok Kak. I didn't show my feelings, not your fault at all... You did no wrong Kak.

Haha, Raudah inspired me to write my own experience... FINALLY.

When I first heard about KRC at Redang with snorkeling as the main highlight, I thought, "Hmm, sounds like a holiday get-away! Best best!" Never for anything would I miss KRC5, especially since it's the last of all! *sniffs*

I was late to arrive on the departure night, had super a lot of stuffs to settle before I could even start packing my bag, which I only did like after Isya'! Sempat jugak... Panic gila ok. I was like messaging Liyana, "Don't leave me!!!" As if they would hah ;P

When I reached Ghufran, alhamdulillah sempat solat Safar and doa and all. Wouldn't have felt safe otherwise.

The journey was ok. Cept, we were stuck at 2nd link for nearly 2 hours I think cos the bus was late. And because we were delayed there, we almost missed Subuh. dah nak syuruk then we managed to solat, like finally.





Reached Terengganu also late. We missed the ferry so we had to wait another 4 hours or so before the next one, so we went to Pasar Payang to have brunch and SHOP!Unfortunately I only had RM50 so shopping meant sight-seeing for me. And getting kacau-ed by some mat M'sia who found Ustazah's walkie talkie funny and my 'Jom Jadi Baik' badge something to joke about. -_- Tsk tsk.. After Zohor/Asar prayers, we just... waited and waited for next ferry.





Finally it was time to board the ferry and on the ferry ape lagi, tido lagi lahh!



Late afternoon we reached. Whoohoo~ Redang finally!!! Was super disgusted with all the taik kambing on the road though. Eww~







Se-disgusted nye aku, was still looking forward to the next few days. Afterall, Ustaz said it's full of mystery and will be VERY different from past KRC. I didn't know he meant it in the negative way... "Sesuaikanlah diri anda..." were the words of Cikgu Fauzan... And 'sesuaikan diri' was what we really had to do. Just look at our 'bedroom' and our 'bathroom'...








The 'bedroom' is actually an old classroom with the tables and chairs stacked to a corner and then there were 5 bunk beds in it. Erm, 5 bunk beds, 10 tilam, 22 girls. nope no mistake. In the end we pushed all the beds to the sides against the windows, some of which the panes were missing, grabbed some tilams from the boys' which is just opposite from ours then we bentang all the tilams on the floor and slept like sardines on. The 'bathroom' is actually 2 kolah where we had to use gayung to mandi in front ofour friends, while still trying to maintain aurat sesama wanita. Hmmms, not easy okeh. Tu gambar tu laughing through 'misery' tu. Apakan daya, terpaksalah 'sesuaikan diri'... Haha which meant cheating. I didn't use gayung, but used the big pipe instead. Faster la seh. Cleaner too. Penting ehk.

After our rooms are settled and we'd bathed, we went to our common place which is where our indoor activities were held including breakfaast, lunch, dinner. Had to clean the room first though... And so we carried, and lunged, and swept, and wiped and all. Taking turns of course.










When it was ok, we ate then went for Maghrib/Isya' prayers before coming back for ice-breakers, groupings, making of group identity + name and choosing of penghulu & penghuluwati.










And finally, that was the end of Day 1...

To be continued ;P

Tengoklah! Meeting semalam stress sangat sampai demam gue!









Hehe, juz kidding la, relax2, all (includes mini ones) meetings were fun and laid-back, takde stress2 lah... Knape takut, guilty ehk?? Cheh, ade2 je Marliyana.

Hmm, had a MAJOR headache on friday afternoon that when I got home around 4, I slept all the way till Subuh. Woke up just to solat and oww the getting up part is so painful, seriously macam nak pecah kepala. And macam the world is swaying gitu. I guess that's how migraine feels like, but I'm sure I don't have migraine. I had no idea why I was having such a terible headache.

Semalam terasa the gums covering my right lower wisdom tooth swell. Ingatkan, "Hai... It's growing again la ni..." I have 4 wisdom teeth all just halfway out. Dah bertahun seh, but not fully out yet man boleh pluck out kan? Kan Kak Ruqayyah kan?

Then semalam malam finally I got to face a mirror and bila nampak, wahhh NO WONDER sakit semacam! Guess what? The gums covering that one wisdom tooth ada ulcer! Ni the upper wisdom tooth yang press on the gums la ni. Waduhh!

Tadi pagi bangun hah dah rasa panas ciri-ciri demam tuh... Lepas Subuh takble tido tau, golek sini golek sana, berpikir haha. Pikir ape je Marliyana ni tau. Tak habis2 pikir.

Finally tertido jugak, sampai 10 lebih beb baru bangun heheheh, makan, balik rumah, ape lagi sambung rest!!! Sampai kul 4. Sakit macam waste time haha.

Hah, ni sakit tekak and tambah sakit giginya pulak, bluek.

Takpe2 sakit2 pon ade hikmahnya... :D

It's 9pm!! I'm hungry hungry! Last time I ate was nasi lemak at around 10 plus am... I can't open my jaw!! They're stuck. S.T.U.C.K. Ow...

Hmm, let's see what 100 chores do I hafta do next. Haha, kk let's take things in a stride, one... at... a... time...

Jap eh...

Monday: My mum's birthday!!! I've disapoointed her once. Never will I disapooint her on her birthday again. She wants a bicycle to cycle to Ghufran and such, oOoOo insyaAllah sedang diusahakan. I made her a special card for the whole family to write but erm, I dunno how it'll turn out lar.
BPT quiz. Topic 3 pg 23-32, haven't started studying -_- slack seh Marliyana...
BPT proj summary due, I think.

Tuesday:

Eh, I can't seem to remember the things I need to do! Err, oh well...

If you think I've never tasted failure, believe it, I was there once. Bad memories...

I can't help but say this: MY SEC SCH DAYS WERE SOOOO KENTAL! Kwang3. Raudah, what do you think?

Came across my archives while searching for some TMS stuff on google.

I realise 1) I was just as busy with CCA then as I am with Fityan & NI now in terms of extra extra non-academic stuff. 2) I was super bad tempered last time, I'm definitely more patient now. 3) I studied in Sec school (and got bad grades anyway) and now I hardly touch my schoolwork unless I have assignments/tests/exam whoops~ 4) I always wanted to be a leader in Sec sch and never got to and now?? I dunno how people 'spot' some leadership qualities in me...

Seriously la, kental seh Sec sch.

Proud to be where I am now. Alhamdulillah. See everything that happens have a reason. I'm a different person now, in alot of ways, and I don't think I'd be me if I went JC instead of poly, though it takes more than just poly to shape me into who I am.

Ok, I think I'm crapping like I did in Sec sch. Makes me wonder... What would I say when I read my 19-yr-old posts when I 'grow-up'? Haha.

Go Go Temasek go, Together we will achieve our goal, make it fast, make it strong, err... what's the last line again? Together we will stand up tall ehk??

Just wanna share a poem which makes me stop and reflect when I read it, even though it is actually not the first time I read it...

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head? You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

One word: Guilty

Actually I'd been having great days since last Sunday (will say later)

But hmm... Adalah a few happenings which makes me sad. Like the passing of Junaidah's nenek yesterday (marilah kita sama2 sedekahkan Al-Fatihah padanya semoga rohnya di tempatkan di dalam golongan org yang dimuliakan ALLAH... sry Jun my mum tak kasi hadir tadi pagi...), and Ad's confession (thru K.Maryam) this afternoon and ya there's one more. People in my close surroundings are feeling down, mane boleh I'm not affected kan? Gakkan time happy je kita tompang happy, time sedih pon kita share sesama juga semoga bebanan (jika ada) yang dirasa lebih ringan dan mudah dipikul...

It's like a slap in the face... Apa tak nye, my mum had been nagging at me about it since I came back from my camp marathon. K.Maryam I'm going through the same thing as you sis... Though yours came from your bro in a joking manner. Mine was SERIOUSLY like a slap in the face.

I've been so busy with events/camps and running here and there and everywhere filling every single second of my life with planning for them sacrificing sleep and eat and all that I fail... in my responsibilities to those close to me. I have defiitely failed in my duties as a daughter for the past at least 4 months (since final planning stage for night cycling). And as a friend, I think I've failed for the past year at least. I truly wish to apologise to these people, but I'm too egoistic I suppose.

My school results too hadn't been 'cemerlang' lately... Padahal studying is an ibadah too. Speaking of ibadah, my solat hadn't been cemerlang either. And when was the last time I puasa sunat? Entah lah. Nama je pergi Kem Remaja Cemerlang (KRC) tapi tak cemerlang dalam aspek2 kehidupan langsung, apa dah.

We KRC participants attended a post-KRC gathering last Sunday night and we drafted out a 'Fityan ikrar' which Ust Irwan will compile. In the meantime, this is my ikrar for short-term:

Aku, sebagai seorang Muslimah yang ingin cemerlang di dunia dan di akhirat berikrar untuk
-tidak melewat-lewatkan waktu solat
-mengutamakan urusan di rumah sebelum urusan di luar
-rajin belajar dan mengulangkaji pelajaran untuk ujian DAN peperiksaan
-peka atas keadaan orang-orang di sekeliling
-membantu mereka yang memerlukan
-memberikan usaha 110% dalam apa jua urusan

Tak banyak, sikit je, 6 je inti ikrar, but I'm sure it'll be hard to carry it out. And therefore I ask for the help of my dear friends to support me and remind me of this ikrar at all times and to be patient with me if I get pissed off at you for reminding as well as to understand my situation.

To top it up... Ya Allah, yang Maha Berkuasa dan Maha Mendengar, berilah aku kekuatan untuk melawan nafsu yang boleh membawaku ke kerosakan kerana diri ini amat lemah sekali, selalu terdorong untuk melakukan kemunkaran...

I have reorganised my priority from:
1. Fityan Ghufran
2. Nur-Ikhwan
3. Kawan-kawan
4. Pelajaran: Biotech & DPIA
5. Pengurusan diri
6. Keluarga

to:
1. Pengurusan diri
2. Pelajaran & Keluarga
3. Kawan-kawan
4. Nur-Ikhwan
5. Fityan Ghufran
(with effect from tmr, I'm so tired today!)

My dear Fityanees, it's not that you won't see me around at all, but most likely I'll just be participants or tukang sebok. I won't be able to be part of the organising comittee for the upcoming events (most likely till around February or even as late as May next year). Gonna miss you guys... :'(

My dear NI-ans, I know I've accepted the responsbility entasked to me and NI should be at a high priority but I am not able to do that. I HAVE TO lessen ny commitments outside... But as in my ikrar, insyaAllah I'll give my 110% where possible.

My dear friend... Ad, sorry if I'd been too busy being everywhere that I couldn't be with you much as like in First Year. I do wish for myself to be as diligent in my studies and I will try to help you out wherever I can like how it was in First Year. Do not hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Yes I may sound frustrated sometimes (most of the times I guess) but insyaAllah I'll help. We'll start studying early k? Sett?

My dear friend... Siti, I know you don't read my blog but I wish to write it here anyways... Hey, so sorry to have to decline the past few meet-ups you suggested. I'm sry i hadn't been able to be with you lately to go visit the unis, to have your hair cut etc... InsyaAllah we'll meet up one of these days and chill together yes? Miss the sec school days so much, esp the times we'd sit together on bus 10 to catch the anime every morning on the way to school and sitting in the parade square listening to the ending on my hp radio...

Erm... Shall we go to the happy side of things now??

Oritez! Sunday afternoon, was soooooo glad DTalk went by smoothly and eventhough we forgot to take a pic as a whole together and I had to rush off halfway and I looked stressed (cos I had to rush off for an exam which I couldn't finish studying for and neither did I finish my tugasan2 uh no), deep inside I was feeling light and relieved and just glad that it's over!

Faraidh exam was do-able! Whohoo~ I might even score for it, insyaAllah ;) And.. I saw my results for last term: A- for Musthholah Hadith and A for Sejarah and Tamadun Islam! Ok, wish I had an A for Mustholah but hey, alhamdulillah seh! I thought I'd fail...

Post-KRC gathering was ok I guess. Ust, nak tengok video!!! Bila boleh siap? The session was spent on 'Langkah Bermula' to set our collective 'ikrar'.

Yesterday... LAST duty was heck. Had to clean 6 rabbit cages, eww~ But luckily erm... what's that guy's name? Nvm. He helped us transfer the rabbits and so a 40mins task was cut down to 10mins yay! Finally had to identify the mice numbers, total of 15 mice I think, aiyo~ so hard to identify in the end just hantam only larh!

BPT tut and lec, I slept through both, oh my... I was seriously sleepy la k... Missed out quite alot, erm oh well... This is like what, my 3rd or 4th time sleeping while teacher is talkingg THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. InsyaAllah it won't become a bad habit.

Received BPT term test paper back blergh! 29/50. Thought I'd fail... But after seeing how the rest of my class did (Thilini got 47/50 ok!) 29/50 is as good as a FAIL for me la ok...

Today... Cleaned abit of my room. Now I can sleep spread-eagled on my bed! No larh, I won't do that.. Then I kinda accidentally skipped TE lecture. My brainwaves still haywire, but hey I'm not the only one! Mr Cheung larh kept changing the timing. I honestly seriously thought it start at 1 instead of 12 -_- Ada hikmah tu, got to clean my room, and... Mr Cheung spent half his time talking 'crap' amidst his announcements according to Ad anyway. Oh got my TE paper back. Alhamdulillah not bad...

Dah tu je.

Sry masih malas nak update about my 3 camps... To get an insight, read K.Maryam's blog. We went through rouhly the same thing..

K back to CSAS zzzzzzzz....

Ok ni yang malas ni!!!! Dah type best-best setengah jalan ter-delete everything -_- Gi cari makan dulu lah. Nanti... Tengoklah cammane, mood datang balik tak

Bertutup sudah tirai June holidays. Rasanya banyak yang telah dilalui.

Ok lah, I realise I'm being so petty in my previous post. But it really makes me feel better to be able to get it out tau. Memang my purpose of writing that is not to menyalahkan sesiapa (no names were mentioned), especially when I think about it, mungkin others ade sebab mereka ketika meremehkan perasaanku ketika itu. It could be that memang ade yang lebih penting dari my asking for help time tu. I understand that the camp was very rush rush. Time is a major factor.

Along the way pon, memang I'm pretty sure I treated others the same way too. I mean in my rush to complete tasks I could have mislooked others' needs as well. It happens. And I'm not blaming anybody. I've forgiven =) though forgetting is another matter, especially when it taught me a painful lesson. Once again, I'm sorry the previous post had to be the opening to all the great things that happen during KRC. I saw the pictures posted and I can't help smiling lar. =D There were many fun activities done together with friends whom we regard as family throughout the whole camp and after. Even in families there are times we forget about one or more of the members of our family.

Huhu, I'm guilty of that... That's why amongst the things I wrote, there was one sentence saying I'm disappointed with myself as a daughter. I know there are many times I prioritise other things above family even though I claim that family comes first no matter what. Hmm... Ni pon tengah serba salah ni. I'm trying to complete my D'Talk tasks and so I had to refuse my mum to accompany her to go pasar malam =( Feel bad about it lar... Kalau nak explain to her, nanti she say yelah kalau kat luar bersungguh-sungguh, kat rumah dengan family sume takde. Sedihx dengar ='( Kekadang ade benarnya. But I'm seriously torn between responsibilities. I think it all comes down to niat... entah eh?

But I try larh. More so after returning from KRC. Like on Wed, my dad was taking a flight to Bangkok at 6.15 but he was reporting to airport at 3 nd at 3 I was still at An-Nahdhah baru habis solat after D'Talk meeting. Alhamdulillah I managed jugak to send my dad and I made him SMILE wideeeely cause of something I said!

"Take one step at a time, there's no need to rush, it's like learning to fly or falling in love... it's your faith that makes you stronger" - Currently listening to the song on Liyana's blog.

Makes sense. Maybe I'm rushing with too many things at once.

There was an anonymous letter I received during KRC which says something like it's good that I'm always thirsty for knowledge but I should go slow so as not to get too stressed. Hmm, ade betol. Sape eh tulis letter tu? There were two letters which I really dunno who they came from. To all who gave me letters giving words of appreciation and/or encouragement, I thank you =)

Sorry kawan2 I couldn't update about KRC properly yet or even post pictures, I am currently rushing against time...

So, the best I can do is to link to others la yerh?
Sis Maryam's multiply - pics
Ustazah's blog
Ustazah's multiply - pics
Fahmi's blog
Jun's blog - pics

Waiting for Raudah, Liyana, Lina, Hidayah, K. Maryam, Zee, Hanisah, Hasanah, Azraie and meeee to update lol. Hoping to find my 'new friends' blogs. Hehe, google search soon.

Currently uber excited and nervous about D'Talk. It's tonight! Lup dub lup dub... Brrr... Eyoeyoeyo... Uh oh... Argh!!! K nvm, you won't understand ;)

And I can't wait for this Sunday KRC gathering!!! Psst, dun show my snorkeling video tau, sungguh memaluuuuuukan!!!! I was so surprised to see it on the screen during the Penutup for KRC on our last night at Redang. Paiseh la seh, betol macam penyu :P

Link 1 to KRC pics by Sis Maryam

Macam-macam yang sedang dirasai hinggakan aku sendiri tidak tahu apakah 'perasaan' itu. Ketika Ustaz Irwan meneranglan tentang 'FAST' dimana F menandakan 'feelings', aku tak tahu nak dijawab apa. Aku teringat ketika di dalam ferry pulang, ketika semua nyenyak tidur, aku tidak dapat lelapkan mata sebab air mata deras mengalir. Terlalu banyak yang bermain di benak fikiran hingga ke saat ini. Dan ia tidak hanya merangkumi KRC sahaja, malah menyeluruh tentang hidupku dan matiku.

Sebenarnya aku ini tidak mahu blog pada hari ini. Namun perasaan yang bergolak membuat aku membuka blogger ini untuk meluahkan isi hati.

Tidak tahu mengapa, kebelakangan ini aku banyak memikirkan tentang mati. Perasaan yang dirasa lebih kepada sedih daripada takut padahal aku patutnya takut sekali atas dosa-dosa yang banyak yang telah aku lakukan. Aku sedih atas banyak sebab yang secara berterus terang aku sebab-sebab tersebut sentiasa bersilih ganti atau bertambah. Terasa pilu sekali di hati ini.

Mungkin seseorang itu yang patut mengawal perasaannya dan bukan sebaliknya di mana perasaan mengawal diri, namun itu yang aku lalui saat ini. Aku tidak dapat mengawal perasaan yang menyelubungi diri.

Rasa pilu mengatasi perasaan-perasaan lain. Sebenarnya aku tak 100% pasti jiklau 'pilu' merupakan perkataan yang tepat untuk menjelaskan apa yang dirasai. Yang pasti, aku tidak berasa begitu gembira walaupun aku amat menyenangi activiti snorkeling yang sungguh menyeronokkan.

Aku tidak henti-henti berasa kecewa terhadap diriku dan juga terhadap orang di sekelilingku. Yang ini, terdapat terlalu banyak sebab sehingga terlahirnya perasaan ini. Kecewa atas diriku sebagai Muslimah, sebagai anak, sebagai pelajar, sebagai sahabat, sebagai pengikut dan sebagai ketua. Kecewa. Amat kecewa. Aku juga kecewa atas orang-orang disekelilingku yang padaku kadang-kadang kurang prihatin atas perasaanku dan atas diriku serta tidak memahami atau tidak mahu cuba memahami keadaanku, masalah-masalahku, rintangan-rintanganku dan juga perasaanku. Kadang kala aku terasa terkecuali. Kadang kala aku terasa menyendiri dan sepi.

Bagiku, bagaimana aku layani kamu, begitu juga bagaimana aku ingin dilayani. Aku amat berpegang pada prinsipku di mana aku berbuat pada orang bagaimana aku ingin diperbuat. Prinsipku ini menjadi cabaran bagiku ketika KRC apabila aku tidak dilayani sebagaimana yang diinginkan. Di saat aku meminta bantuan yang amat mendesak pada suatu ketika, tiada siapa yang menghiraukan. Mungkin kecuali seorang sahaja. Adik, yang dapat aku lihat pada wajahnya, sekurang-kurangnya dia prihatin dan menghiraukan situasiku. Mungkin bagi yang lain apa yang aku hadapi amat remeh sekali dan aku hanya membesar-besarkan isu yang kecil. Namun kejadian itu amat ketara sekali menunjukkan bahawasanya aku ini tidak dihiraukan. Sepertinya aku ini diperkecilkan.

Ini hanya satu sahaja peristiwa yang mengajarku bahawasanya meminta tolong pada manusia kadang kala hanya membuang masa. Inilah sebabnya apabila melakukan sesuatu, aku cenderung terhadap membuatnya seorang diri. Aku lebih selesa bergantung pada diriku dan hanya pada Allah. Meminta bantuan daripada manusia adalah jalan keluar apabila terdesak. Aku hanya akan bergantung pada orang lain jika aku tidak mempunyai pilihan lain. Mungkin ini merupakan suatu pandangan yang egoistic, yang mungkin tidak sihat bagi diriku, lebih-lebih lagi apabila perlu bekerjasama dalam satu kumpulan. Ia adalah cabaran bagi diriku. Aku tidak menafikan bahawasanya bekerjasama dalam suatu kumpulan itu mengurangkan beban atas diriku seorang, tapi terus terang sekali aku mempunyai banyak peristiwa pahit yang mengajarkanku sebaliiknya.

Entah mengapa, ini yang menjadi kenangan paling ketara bagiku, yang mengatasi pengalaman-pengalaman indah seperti ketika melihat coral-coral di dasar lautan ketika snorkeling, ketika melihat keindahan alam ciptaan Allah, ketika menyaksikan matahari terbit, ketika bergembira bersama teman-teman, ketika bergelak-ketawa menyaksikan gelagat teman-teman dan sebagainya.

Ingin aku minta maaf kerana ini merupakan entry pertama selepas KRC yang sepatutnya dipenuhi dengan kegembiraan dan kegaguman dan mengongsi tentang saat-saat ceria yang mengukirkan senyuman bagi semua yang hadir untuk KRC. Ini juga sebabnya aku tidak mahu blog dahulu sebelum yang lainnya blog tentang saat-saat gembira mereka, tapi aku terasa tidak berdaya menahan isi hati ini. Aku tidak ingin perasaan negatif ini disalurkan pada perilaku yang negatif. Maka baiknya aku cakap disini dan habis disini, dengan harapan aku dapat lebih fokus dalam apa yang perlu aku fokuskan pada saat ini.

KRC 4 will always be the best of all memories. THAT was a truly unforgettable pleasing experience which never fails to make me smile.

KRC 5 taught me alot of things. Maybe a bit different from what others learn. Cause my experience somewhat is different from others to begin with.

Cabaran. Apa itu cabaran bagimu?

I'm going to Terengganu in roughly 9hours and I've yet to settle my businesses (I feel like I'm leaving wasiat know...) or even start packing my bag.

And I almost forgot the most important thing: my passport. -_-

A video Liyana shared with me which I'd like to share with all of you. Especially those feeling down and/or useless and/or insignificant or simply troubled... Just keep going my friends! "Success is failure turned inside out" ;)





*smile smile always - senyum senyum selalu!*

What in the world am I doing awake at this hour? Good question.

The initial plan was to do TE (I seriously gotta start on it SOON you know... but no I've still yet to start) but then had a long chat with Shikin and then I couldn't get online for some reason, and so I ended up playing game. For FOUR hours. Waste electricity betol lah.

A while ago (ok about an hour ago) Kak Mastura smsed me and yea that set me thinking. (Cos I'm too tired of having tears flow already la - ade bagus jugak ah) And Shikin's conversation with me earlier came back to mind too...

Where is the passion?? Where's the drive, the motivation, the keikhlasan? And the power of teamwork?

And it leads to... me as a leader. Aww man... Yadda yadda yadda, I know I'm a lousy leader, was, still is and hopefully will not still be. Yup, I admit I am indecisive. Period. As I've mentioned in earlier post: I hate to think about having people come up to me and say: "I told you so."

Being indecisive makes you lose your stand in everything. The thing about me is, I go with the majority (so if someone salahkan me, I can turn around and salahkan the majority mwahaha nah) because to me, anything is possible! So if what I do can make the majority of people happy, why not.

Hmmz... I realise, these days I'd been very defensive. Because people are getting the wrong ideas from whatever I say/do. And because I'm TRYING to provide a stand for myself.

Sometimes it feels as if it's me against the world. Kerdil nye rasa diri ini... It's a reflex action to be defensive when you feel that everyone is pointing a finger at you. Brr... It.is.so.intimidating.

La la la, I dunno what to do now. AGAIN. Oh gosh.

I wonder... Has anyone tried putting themselves in my shoes? I wonder how they feel. Cause I dunno if what i'm feeling now is just overreaction or is it fitrah manusia akan merasa sebegini.

Let's just say... No matter how indesicive I can be, or how close I am to giving up, I will keep on persevering, at my expense if need be. Never say die. Until you really die...

A lot of lessons to learn. It has been such a roller-coaster ride in a haunted house.

I hope through all these, I will become stronger. Afterall, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

O Allah, I plead with you to grant me strength to face the life tests you've set for me. Please make every hardship I feel and every tear that falls bring me closer to You. Only You know exactly how I feel, You are the Most Knowledgeable O Allah. And You are the Most Forgiving and the Most Fair.

I'm reminded of Ayat-ayat Cinta movie (book tells a different version) whereby the old man in the jail tells Fahri that perhaps the reason he ends up in jail is as a lesson to him to teach him not to be proud of his achievements.

Perhaps...

Susungguhnya semua yang kita miliki adalah nikmat daripada Allah yang dipinjamkan pada kita manusia. Pada bila-bila masa sahaja, nikmat itu boleh diambil kembali...

Sebagai peringatan buat diri ini...

If I seem quieter than usual these days, leave me be. I don't need/want comfort. I just want some support, in case I fall...

opied from kak Fiza's blog :O Sry tak mintak izin kak, hope you don't mind!

Dan janganlah kamu berasa lemah, dan jangan pula kamu bersedih hati, kerana kamu paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kami orang beriman.

Ali-Imran : 139


***


The Optimist Creed



Promise Yourself-

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To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

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To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

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To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

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To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

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To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

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To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

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To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

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To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

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To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

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To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

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By Christian D. Larson in 1912,

Adopted by Optimist International in 1922

My 430th post woo whee~

K, I'm feeling motivated! Alhamdulillah Allah has given me the strength to tempuh all these problems, tests and all. (Mungkin selama ni the strength memang ade cuma entah tersorok kat mane entah gitu)

He has laid on you no hardships in the observance of your religion. (Al-Qur'an 22:78)

Allah does not wish to burden you, He seeks only to purify you. (Al-Qur'an 5:6)

Allah does not charge a soul with more than its capacity. (Al-Qur'an 2:286)

All you need is to believe, to trust, to have confidence in Allah (and the Al-Qur'an)

Niat nak on laptop ni nak start TE reports (have 3 okeh *cries*) or tugasan. But *ahem*, well... terpesong pulak gi baca blog orang sume hehe opps~

Feeling happy, really extremely happy, and no, alhamdulillah no one got hurt in the process in any way.

Went shopping yesterday, met ustazah sakinah yest, ate sushi with kak ain yest, last paper today, met friends today, had fun wrapping hampers (Liyana kekek la kau...) and dunno... all the encouragement I'd been receiving, intentionally from friends as well as randomly out of nowhere :D

Hope tmr is a better day!

My problem is still erm... Half solved luh... I need knowledge before I can go on la, seriously. But where can I get crash course seh. Sape nak pi layan.

Can't stop thinking about KRC. Yay!

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his journal writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, “Good morning! What are you doing?”

The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish in the ocean.”

“I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”

“The sun is up, and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them in they’ll die.”

“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, “It made a difference for that one.”

There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference. And if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future. We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.

Been hearing this story a couple of times lately... Thought I'd share it, and somehow make a difference :)

Shaykh `Aa’id Abdullah al-Qarnee
Don’t Be Sad

An intelligent and skillful person transforms losses into profits; whereas the unwise and the unskilled aggravates his own predicament, making two disasters out of one.

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) was compelled to quit Makkah and he stayed at Madeenah – the city that took its place in history with lightning speed.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was imprisoned, severely tortured and flogged, yet he emerged triumphant, becoming the Imam of the Sunnah.

Imam ibn Taymiyah was put into prison; he came out an even more accomplished scholar. Imam As-Sarakhsi was kept as prisoner at the bottom of a deserted well and he managed therein to produce twenty volumes on Islamic jurisprudence. Ibn Atheer became crippled, and thereafter, he wrote Jamee` al-Usool wa an-Nihayah, one of the most famous books on the Science of Hadith. Imam ibn al-Jawzi was banished from Baghdad. He then mastered in the seven different ways of reading the Qur’an. Maalik ibn ar-Rayb was on his deathbed when he recited his most famous and beautiful poem competing the poetical works of the poets of the Abbasid period, and is appreciated until this day. When Abi Dhu’aib al-Hadhali’s children died before him, he eulogized them with a poem that the world listened to and admired and became integral part of the history.

Therefore, if you are afflicted with a misfortune, look on the bright side. If someone were to hand you a glass full of squeezed lemons, add to it a handful of sugar. And if someone gives you a snake as a gift, keep its precious skin and leave the rest.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing that is good for you…” (Qur’an 2.-216)

Before its violent revolution, France imprisoned two brilliant poets: one an optimist, the other a pessimist. Both of them looked through the bars of their respective cell windows. The optimist stared at the stars and laughed, while the pessimist looked at the dirt of a neighbouring road and wept. Look at the other side of a tragedy - a circumstance of pure evil does not exist, and in all situations one can find goodness and victory and reward from Allah.

Thank you for sharing Sharifah. It's a source of motivation for me!

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and held some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes”. The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now”, said the professor as the laughter subsided, “ I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-Allah, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions - and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first”. He continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for things that are important to you”.

“Pay attention to the thing things that are critical to your happiness. Lead a life as a obedient creature of your Creator. Play with your children. Take time to get the medical check-ups. Take your spouse out. Play another game 18 hole at the golf course. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand”.

One of the students raised hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled, “I am glad you asked. It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend”.

I'm uber excited about KRC!!! Woo whee~! Can't wait can't wait...

Bought a big bag and a new t-shirt for the camp already, and I am so gonna start packing SOON! Not gonna do last minute again like last year.

Exams been ok... LAST, I lost 12 out of 40 marks I'm pretty sure and BPT, strict marking means I've lost at least 26 marks out of 50. I tell you, I crap my way through my exams this time round seh. *hits own head* Marl, Marl... This is your last sem to pull up your GPA and you are so slack one!
ish ish...

k gonna get my sleep.

I feel evil and mischievous today.

I looooove making my parents smile *big grin*.

I wanna continue feeling happy today even if it means hurting others in the process, I'm in that "I don't care about others" mood.

So, random... Takpe

Oh, yesterday I witnessed a little girl singing selawat at her baby sister's ear to get her to sleep at ghufran... Wish there's someone who'd do that for me. The security feeling it would give, being in the care and love of Allah, Rasulullah and family. Guess the best I can do is to sing to myself, oh well...

Been thinking a lot of childhood times. So happy-go-lucky, so carefree. Even simple simple things can msake you happy. It's so nice to close your eyes and automatically get transported back to years years ago. I'd always remember the times I'd sit at Bedok library with my mum to read books, or the time I attended a storytelling session at the library, or the countless trips to Marine Parade for my favourite Mee Kuah , or the timeI talked to a talking tree at Marina Square or the robot at Discovery Centre, or the time I would lie on my mum's bed with my legs against the wall while reading my ABC chart on the wall bfore my test, or the times my mum drilled me on practicing making a lorry for an art competition and actually winning first and made my form teacher so proud of me and so on... It's such a nice feeling.Nothin ever seems wrong last time. When I opern my eyes to face reality again, it's like having a bucketfull of cold water splashed on me. Ouch. How the time have passed to sweep us away on such a rough life journey...

Currently, I feel that if I just throw down one, ONE responsibility, I'd be the happiest person in the world.

Because, I am going KRC (yes yes yes! and insyaAllah there won't be any evil surprises along the way), and I'm left with one (err two actually, but only one I need to study for) paper), and I have a wonderful admin team for Camp Xplore, great friends who are just one call away (though I'm not the kind to call you up so you'll hear my problems, uh uh that's not me) and I'm meeting ustazah sakinah again tmr woo whee~

But as I said, there is one responsibility which seriously pressurizes me down, which makes my day sour, my head go thump thump thump and my smile turn to frown as I crack my brain on how to solve problem after problem which arise from it. I hate things that make me cry. There was one task I took up last year which made me cry 5 times and then I told myself that's it I quit, and I practically just dropped everything and distanced myself (which reminds me, I'd better wrap up my one-year-long overdue stuff. This year, this one task which I reluctantly accepted has made me cry 3 times already. And it really showed me how little my knowledge is. True, the more you learn, the less you realise you know. Just who are we, right? Question is, would I drop everything like I did last year? I dunno, but I'm very much on the verge of it...

And one more thing I hate is people telling to my face, "I told you so." Call me egoistic whatever, but I really hate that phrase. And because of my constant fear of this word, I'm always afraid to make decisions. Cause I always fear that if I make one wrong decision, and someday someone would turn to me and say, "I told you so"...

I'm feeling confused because of all the mixed up emotions in me which I am unable to filter. I'm excited, yet worried, yet tired, yet anxious, yet angry, yet sad, yet hurt, yet relieved and the list probably goes on and on.

I dunno... Some things I hold on dearly, which I strongly depend on to enable me to put a smile on my face everyday - krc, girlfriends and prospect of graduation.

I wanna have some leisure time for myself... I wanna read books, I wanna watch Prince Caspian and Kungfu Panda, I wanna play netball, I wanna act for a play production, I wanna go shopping with my mum, I wanna go shop to shop finding for cute stuffed toys and simply hugging them before returning them to the shelves and I wanna start my driving practicals BADLY. Ad has passed her TP already and I? Have yet to start at all! Padahal I passed my FTT first...

In short, I wanna have fun. Even responsibilities can be fun... But sometimes people make it boring and pressurizing. Please do remember that I am afterall still a youth and just wanna have fun! In fact, not only youths have the need to have fun, right? All human beings need that laughter once in awhile don't you think?

Hmm, spent 1/2hr on this already. I have BPT test at 9am tmr and I have yet to start. So yeah, gotta go...

I used to love programmes, now it's just a big burden... I have lots to learn. Perhaps, this will be my last. Dah serik... Sedih to be saying this... But this is sincere from my heart... Many probably wouldn't understand this. It's like losing someone you truly love, yes that saddening...

I can hardly see any more love in this world... I hope it's just me having a wrong perception...

Signing off to get back to studies...

Berdenyut-denyut kepala hamba, aduh sakit sekali...

(erm... why does that sound so drama??)

I'm feeling so confused, HELP!~

Great... I just realised I lost my TE notes topic 1.1-1.3 and 2.2. Where in the world could I have placed them other than in my TE or general file?? I hope it's not another case of borrow-and-never-return. It happened before... If this is really the case, I am not gonna lend my notes to anyone after this. And I should start writing my name on my papers so I can catch the culprit.

If really it's just me being messy and had misplaced the papers, ya Allah, let me find my notes please.

Time check: 2.53am

I can't get myself to study!!! Waaah!

Last chance! Those who're interested to join us, tmr is the last day you can register. Straightaway head to ghufran office to make your payment tmr morn okae? Hope to see you on the bus on 13th!! (Psst, open to non-Fityan members as well tauu)

My adik sedare Md Ish Danish - oh he's perfectly fine, not cacat whatsoever... saje dia buat gitu

Md Izim Muzakkir - Danish's brother, ngah main ngan cake my nenek (which my 19yr old cousin go and put in freezer HAHAH) At one time yesterday, I asked him, "Kenal tak sape ni?" He jawab, "tak" sedih seh... but memang jarang jumpe pon lah

My anak sedare Nuryna Aqilah - apelah Nana senyum gitu pulak... Anyway, wheneva ppl call her, aku terasa cos my mum calls me Nana! this Nana perangai oso a bit like me haha. Muz be the name...

Somehow she looks younger yesterday hehe. Padahal dah dekat 70yrs old I think. (Lupa pulak her age... Tapi gakkan nak tanyer, sensitif youu)


And finally! Pics update! Random pics je lah... No particular event in my life (YET).

Should I change aliran after i graduate? Hmm... I'm not sure.. I really don't know..

There's always junctions in the path you have set

Missing archery...

Nak ubatkan sikit rindu tu, tulislah some lessons to draw...

Archery teaches us to always have our target/goal in sight. If I blindfold you, it'll be hard to hit the target unless you're really very pro or it's really just sheer luck.

You know, in archery you still need the equipments before you can start. Definitely you need the bow and the arrows and the target board. Not to forget the arrow catcher sheet and the armguard. This shows that before you do something, you must first be equipped. Not only equipped with the necessary tools, but also the necessary knowledge, cause if you have no knowledge, you can easily hurt yourself as well as others, and most likely you won't hit the target.

In archery, we see that we can hit the target at any angle from the board (your body has to be 90 degrees from it though) as long as you are not behind the board or something, which shows that as long as you have the target in sight, you can hit it.

I remember my first time doing archery at Aljunied. If I'm not mistaken, I hit the board! Because I was equipped with the tools and knowledge. After a few tries, I hit the center mark beb. Such a satisfaction I felt! Well, this just shows that sometimes we miss our target. Most likely it will land nearby though (still on the board within the radius of the center mark). And if you never give up, you will hit that target one day..

O Allah the Almighty
Protect me and guide me
To your love and mercy
Ya Allah don’t deprive me
From beholding your beauty
O my Lord accept this plea

CHORUS:
Hasbi rabbi jallallah
Ma fi qalbi ghayrullah
My Lord is enough for me, Glory be to Allah
There is nothing in my heart except Allah

I wish...