I enjoyed myself afterall. I was super stressed up over props for the past few days. And that last few hours before the show was just unbearable. I broke down twice. Once at around 3pm, I just left everything I was doing, got up, told some of them I was going for prayers and off I went. I could have prayed at the audi, but I ran away. I didn't want the others to see. I broke down in the cargo lift at AS on the way to ITAS prayer room. I jolly well took 30-40 minutes calming myself down. When I returned, I was more or less composed.

There was a full-dress rehearsal when I returned. I haven't done my make-up yet but that's not important. The props must be ok. And no they were not. I forgot things. I forgot to convey certain instructions from Fifi to the Nadi crews and they were scolded scolded for my forgetfulness. I felt so bad. Not only that, I realised that there were still certain things missing. There were 3 boxes that were not wrapped in brown paper. The torchlights Ama brought was not what Fifi wanted. And while I was in the toilet washing my face, Fifi came in looking so stressed. And the way she saw me and looked away made me feel that it was all my fault. To top it all up, my Acharacterisations did not work the whole day! I just couldn't change all the stress of the day into energy for my character. THAT was just the breaking point.

I washed my face, left the toilet and entered the dressing room to have Ubaidah do my make-up for me. While she was putting foundation for me, I just lost it. I just cried and cried and could not stop. Not the bear hug Ubaidah gave me. Not the happy song Hidayah played for me on her hp. Not anything. I just couldn't stop. Tried to remember happy times. I could think of none. A few happy moments flashed through my mind, but it faded just as soon as it entered. I forced the tears to stop for awhile for the sake of my make-up.

But while the alumnis talked to us, the tears flowed again. It seemed impossible to stop. Hidayah hugged me, gave me advice and all and I went to the dark lane behind the stage and thought of nothing but my character. I ran around. I hopped around. I skipped around. Then I went to Maghrib. I asked for peace in my heart. After that I went into the toilet, looked into the mirror, bit into my finger and characterised again, running through my character's life story and saying out my lines. It slowly worked.

Went out and interacted with the other characters and before I knew it, it was our turn. All along, problems about the props popped up again and again but I suppressed it with my character. And I guess Nira's funny performance helped one way or another in cheering me up. When it was time to stage what we've rehearsed for the past month, I just did the best I can. I ignored the audience and concentrated on my character.

There's so many people I wanna thank. Nadi and Set designers for helping me out with the props and making leeways for me where there should be none. Ubaidah for my make-up and for calming me down. Hidayah for the advice and hug. All the others (I can't remember who!) for the encouragement. And Nira for indirectly cheering me up with their creative performance.

There's so many I wanna say sry to too, but that's between me and them.

Time's up! Time to study for m madrasah exam tmr! I've studied nothing AT ALL and it's 11.45pm already. Oh God. wish me luck!