It gets funnier as you scroll down. Sarcastic nampak, sarcastic nampak. Hehe

1. Learn to recognize the symptoms. Sleep paralysis can affect different people in many different ways. Knowing what to expect and how it can affect you can make symptoms much easier to cope with. Individual experiences vary, but some symptoms can include: overwhelming feelings of evil entities watching you, an intruder in your room, alien abductions, rape, an "old bag lady" or "old hag" attacking or suffocating you in your sleep (it is not known why it is always an old woman), and many other frightening experiences that always take place while in a paralyzed state.
2. Research the experiences of others. It's much easier to deal with such a frightening event when you know you're not the only one. Talk about it with your friends. You might be surprised to learn that someone you know has gone through something similar. You can also talk to your doctor about sleep paralysis; there are some medical procedures that can help in extreme cases.
3. Determine what triggers your sleep paralysis. Sleep paralysis can be triggered by a variety of situations. Some researchers agree that sleep paralysis is most commonly caused by the position you fall asleep in, most commonly when lying on your back. Often, triggers can be factors in your life that you have no control over, such as stress, environment, or even your dreams. Try keeping a log of the conditions of your episode of paralysis. Track details of the experience, the time, your sleep pattern, sleeping position, mental/emotional state before and after you were paralyzed, and if you were paralyzed while falling asleep or upon waking up. This can all be useful information, especially if you decide to see a doctor about the condition.
4. Avoid the triggers. The best way to cope with sleep paralysis is not to experience it at all. Identifying your personal triggers and working to avoid them will significantly reduce the chances of experiencing sleep paralysis. If you experience sleep paralysis every time you sleep on your back, try sleeping on your side or stomach. If your sleep paralysis happens every time you work overtime, try to avoid overtime. It's simple and effective at preventing sleep paralysis.
5. Sleep regularly. Sleep patterns can have a drastic effect on sleep paralysis. Keeping a regular healthy sleep pattern and getting enough sleep can significantly reduce the likelihood of sleep paralysis episodes.
6. Just relax. Although sleep paralysis can be frightening when accompanied by a hallucination, some people only experience the feeling of being paralyzed. When this happens, know that although 20 seconds might seem like five minutes, it's not going to harm you. If you focus on moving, you can break out of it quickly. As in the movie "Kill Bill", try wiggling your big toe and you'll be able to move the rest of your body in no time.
7. Tell your partner about it. Along with the paralysis, most people find that they are unable to talk or cry out for help. The only thing you can do is open your eyes and make a low muffled groaning noise. Make sure your partner can identify this so they can calmly wake you out of paralysis. Don't be upset if they fail to identify that you are experiencing sleep paralysis. It's like trying to determine if someone is having a bad dream, you have to focus on it to know it's happening.
8. Get older. It sounds silly, but sleep paralysis usually starts at a young age and becomes most frequent during the teenage years. Paralysis should become less and less frequent as you get older, and often by the time you reach 30 years of age the symptoms can disappear completely.
9. Keep a journal. Write in it before you sleep, and write events that happened that day. It may help you figure out what is triggering the dreams.
10. Have sex often. Maintaining a frequent sexual relationship with your partner may help reduce the occurrence of sleep paralysis.
11. Learn how to Lucid Dream. The sensation of sleep paralysis can be interpreted as a definitive "dreamsign," an excellent indication that you are actually asleep (and thus perfectly safe). This makes it possible to eliminate the unwanted anxious feelings about paralysis and look forward instead to having a lucid dream of any experience you desire!

And it continues to get funnier!

* Try taking slightly bigger and bigger breaths. Breathing is the one thing you can still control. Deeper breaths will bring more oxygen to the brain and will wake you up.
* Reduce stress
* Eat healthy
* Remember that, although it can feel dangerous, it isn't
* Talk about it with others
* An improper sleeping schedule can be a cause of sleep paralysis. Try to get 8-10 hours of sleep every night at the same time of night every night, and sleep paralysis may go away.
* Concentrating on trying to move or "shake" yourself may break you out of it in no time.
* Sleep paralysis is most common while sleeping on your back. Try to avoid sleeping this way
* Try to avoid coffee or medications that affect your heart rate.
* Consider having a sleep study to diagnose whether the cause of the sleep paralysis may be sleep apnea. With proper treatment of a diagnosed sleep apnea condition, the sleep paralysis events may subside and/or disappear.
* If you find you are experiencing paralysis as you are falling asleep, try sitting up and staring at a bright light for a minute or so before lying down again. No one is sure why, but this does help some people.
* Relax, and the paralysis will fade away.
* Some people with frequent sleep paralysis have found the following technique to be helpful. Take a moment each day to relax and imagine the sensations of your sleep paralysis. Focus on your breathing, then take a deep breath while picturing that breath lifting you up to consciousness as you open your eyes. Practicing your escape procedure when not experiencing the paralysis can greatly reduce the anxiety that can accompany an episode.
* Make sure that you are actually awake. Sleep paralysis could very well be a dream, and you will likely be able to discern whether or not it is a dream by moving into the next room. Focus on moving into the next room, or in general, away from the location of paralysis.
* If moving a finger or toe does not break the paralysis then push with all of your might to induce an out of body experience (some like to spin to the left or right). Upon abruptly returning to your body you will most likely awaken.
* If you are indeed getting older and well beyond the age of 30 then forget about step #8 above.
* If you are not of a reasonable age to perform step 10 from above then omit that step as well.
* Be cool about it. You can think of it as a rare lifetime experience and a ideal time to have a lucid dream, after that your syptoms will likely disapear and you might even want to induce sleep paralysis.
* Just try to go to sleep.