There's alot I need to reflect on, and maner lagi nak turn to bila time nak reflect reflect ni kalau bukan kat blog kita.

Been sighing more than normal this week. Actually takde banyak benda sangat la this week, but entah. I guess I'm going through a personal rough patch internally.

Dari Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu anhu, sesungguhnya Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa Sallam telah bersabda : “Barang siapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah ia berkata baik atau diam, barang siapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah ia memuliakan tetangga dan barang siapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat, maka hendaklah ia memuliakan tamunya”. [Bukhari no. 6018, Muslim no. 47]

Actually, I feel that I'm quieter this week. Macam... more reserved, or... entahlah, I can't really put it into words gitu...

"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan;
"Kami telah beriman," sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya
kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah
mengetahui org2 yg benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."
-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

Sebenarnya aku terasa amat letih sekali. Ingin sahaja aku memasuki sebuah gua dan tinggal di dalamnya buat seketika. Ingin sekali berjauhan dari dunia, dari manusia. Kedua ini seolah-olah telah mengaburkan pandanganku. Dengan internet, dengan hp dan sebagainya.

Nak kata marah, tak jugak. Sedih, pon tak jugak. Kecewa? Mungkin. Yang benar, air mata telah mengalir dan terasa kekosongan didalam jiwa.

Apapun, aku terpaksa menghadapi kenyataan. Aku tidak boleh lari kemana-mana selain maju kehadapan. Tidak boleh mengundur. Tidak boleh berhenti.

Aku tertanya-tanya: Adakah ini semua hanya ujian buat diriku? Atau mungkin peringatan yang berharga?

Entahlah.

"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yg beriman." - Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

I think I'm not a people person lah. Lebih suka bersendirian. Lebih suka melayan perasaan. Hai... No wonder I'm more attracted to research work. Duduk sorang-sorang pikir, berbual sendiri semua. Bila tangan bergerak melakukan tugas, mulut bergerak menghibur diri kemudian fikiran melayang memasuki lain dimensi -

Dimensiku...
Di mana tiada orang lain di situ
selain diriku.
Jikalau dibanyanginya sekarang, tempatnya indah.
Terdapat banyak pepohon,
baik yang rendah mahupun yang tinggi.
Terdapat juga kupu-kupu yang mewarnai kehijauan sekeliling
dengan warna-warninya sayap mereka.
Menembusi dedaun hijau pohon-pohon yang tinggi
adalah pancaran matahari yang menerangi kawasan.
Dan kedengaran merdunya suara burung-burung
yang berkomunikasi antara satu sama lain
yang bahasanya tak mungkin aku fahami
namun menjadi lagu buat diriku.
Diriku sendiri boleh didapati berehat di bawah pohon yang rendang,
berbaju kuning terang
menunggu saat malam mendatang.

I miss roleplaying. I miss reading fantasy stories. Where the impossible is possible. And things come alive.

Last lap. TE term test on Tues. LAST term test and prac written test on Wed. RTechB sem exam on Fri. BPT sem exam on next next Wed. Then one week break which will be capped off with RYCamp. Followed by SIP the following Mon. Do pray for me...

I need that energy bounce back. I'd been releasing my energy to others, but it seems that the energy just dissipates before reaching others or gets absorbed by them instead of getting bounced back to me for me to bounce it back to them back or to other people. I'm left energy-less. And with what little energy I have left, I don't know if I wanna risk releasing any of it to the people around me again. What if it doesn't get bounced back to me again? What will I be left with? What will I be without energy? Speechless? Motionless?

Titisan people would understand the analogy above. I have no idea how else to explain this. It's not about giving and taking tau. It's about erm.. what eh? Response? Erm, not sure if that it right.

Actually initially this entry is supposed to be about how dreadful LAST prac was and also how interesting the dinner with Kak Maryam and Liyana was. But I guess that's for me to keep for now. I had to let out the above first. Hoping to feel better. I dunno. Still feels empty. At least the tears have stopped.

Anyway, two of my sisters aren't feeling well. Do make du'as for them may they get well soon.

Before I end, a comfort and reminder to myself: "ya qalbi, la tahzan ya qalb" (O heart, don't be sad o heart.) HAVE FAITH. Allah is sufficient for me .There is no God but He. I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne. - wish to live by this, but hadn't been successful. But it does bring some comfort sometimes.

Who you see may just be who I want you to see me as. At the same time, it may just be you who misjudge me. Perhaps, because you don't know me. The fault lies with both parties - you and me.