So much to say, no time to say. Rushing off!!!

Don't be surprised if you enter TP today and chance a meet with a zombie. They look pretty much human-students to be exact, just their behaviour...

Just met Chloe in school and she looks so shagged! I haven't really seen myself in the mirror, I probably look just like that too, droopy eyes, droning voice, well you get the picture larh... At this time of the year with projects dued, interviews awaiting, reports to be submitted, exams around the corner-there is NO rest. Sleep is secondary to studies.

Anyway, juz had my ABchm quiz and oh my, it's super tough la ok! I read through the questions and just thought, "That's it, I'm gonna tick anyhow." But of course, being the 'logical' me... I had to think through the questions. Seeing that I was late, I had lesser time to think. But even if I had an extra 10 minutes, or one hour or one day for that matter, I don't think I'd do any better cos I still won't know the answers. Well, I hadn't exactly studied. But I did study! I studied last year's students lecture notes. I expected the scope of this year to be the same as last year! Just did not study enough I guess. ABchm is always: what I study don't come out. It's a PBL... Then the teacher, wait I mean 'facilitator' (since she DOES NOT teach), never give us pRoPeR tips, we basically a couple of dummies trying to make a boat just by reading a book, "Dummies' guide to making a boat" or whatever. It just doesn't work ok! She keeps telling us there is no limit to the knowledge we can get through PBL, but what's the point??!! I know, I know, PBL is necessary, we'll be seeing a lot of it in our work and all, but hey there is a reason we only do PBL LATER ok. Perhaps we're more matured or something... I know, I know PBL is for the future, we shouldn't think about sitting for exam only but HEY, we ARE students and we HAVE to sit for an exam whatever it is right?? So are you telling me now that we can fail this subject for all you care just as long as in the future when we get PBL we'll know what to do???? If that's the case, then no exams larh. Free and easy, no stress, no pressure, just fill that ever-expanding brain with useful knowledge. And yes, I said it before and I'll say it again: I'm only getting borderline passes for ABchm right now! Because of this PBL, I have absolutely no idea how bad my GPA is gonna get! There I was at the start of the semester thinking I can bring my GPA up to 3.5 back. If I don't get that 3.5, I won't be able to go uni, and then I won't even be doing some real Analytical Biochemistry work and so yeah... Please lah, I even do better for MBio than ABchm, and a lot of people say MBio is tough ok...

Anyway, wanna share a song to cheer up low spirits like me right now. My grp use this song for our psycho advertisement project. I hope I do well for Psycho! So far so good! As well as my other subjects too... This sem like all the subject you can't 'count' your possible grade. It all depends on your tutor/lecturer. So, better portray a goodie two shoes in front of them! As for ABchm, forget it. I'm just gonna rephrase my summary here and then, attend the interview, give my best shot and wa laa! No more ABchm for the ressssssst of my poly life. I juz hope no supp paper, cos if there IS, sheesh, I'm so gonna hate ABchm for the rest of my life seh. Oh, back to topic, SMILE!



I miss Cat loves... This pic is soo cute right? Reminds me of this cat which climbed over my leg, so warm and cuddly (but after that bit/scratched me grrr, what wrong did I do??) I enjoy going to google and just looking through cute and funny images. Enjoyed adding all the pics to my grp's psycho ppt slides!



Say cheese
Smile please - come on everybody
Pass it on, pass it on - gonna pass it on
Smile please pass it on
Everyone's gonna pass it on
Smile please - pass it on
Pass it on gonna pass it on
Ready? Say cheese…

Last night - I saw you crying
And in the morning you still feel blue
But losers they give up trying
So wipe that tear away
And let the sunshine through

So smile 'coz we're gonna take your picture
So you'll see how good it feels
(Watch the birdie)

(Chorus)
Smile please, come on everybody - wear a happy face
Smile please, come on and blast all your troubles into space
Smile please come on and pass it on from face to face
It's such a simple point of view
Smile and the world smiles back at you
Say cheese

Sadness does you no favours
A little sunshine is overdue
'coz happiness is so contagious
And if you wear a smile
We'll never give up on you

So smile 'coz we're gonna take your picture
So you'll see how good it feels
(Here it comes)

(Repeat Chorus)

Pass it on pass it on gonna pass it on
Pass it on everyone's gotta pass it on
Pass it on pass it on gonna pass it on
Pass it on everyone's gotta pass it on
Ritmo del queso
Looking good
Aye aye aye
Ariba

We're gonna take your picture
So you'll see how good it feels

(Repeat Chorus)

Anyway, Happy Birthday Fifi dear =) Been great working with you for Titisan. I see you as a theatre director/producer in future no kidding

This is gonna be a looooong challenging week that will test my patience and limits and take away my sleep =( Tido penting k.

Didn't sleep the whole night yesterday finishing up ABchm & Psycho then this morning straightaway went for AMic lab. Super hyper la ok!! But I'm not the only one. Practically my whole group was haha. The most hyper bunch seh. It was fun, I needed it.

Unfortunately the hyperactivity can't last... Oh well, good things always come to an end uh?

Let's see how hectic this week will be:

Tues-ABchm tut quiz, Psycho presentation (maybe)
Wed-AMic meeting (therefore must have summary material ready)
Thurs-so far so good, I think there's no classes... I shall study Psycho
Fri-MBio written lab quiz (ALL practicals)
Sat-Psycho common test at 11am at LT 27 wherever that is, NTU talk?, no KPR but need prepare ppt
Sun-Madrasah, Fityan comm outing
Mon-MCT lab practical test
Tues-ABchm interview (must present summary report), Psycho presentation (it's either week)
somewhere along the week we'll have to do AMic PBL report surely

There are 1-2 ayat Al-Quran/Hadith I wish to share but I dunno the exact words!

Looking forward to 3rd, 24th and 29th Feb IF and only if I'm allowed to enjoy them. Feeling caged up. Why the sudden discipline?? I used to be so free! And now I'm restricted on all four sides! I can't go here, I can't go there, I can't do this, I can't do that. Oh God, I can't even go to a camp I'd been INVITED to attend lah! Conditions all around me. Nothing is certain anymore. Everything DEPENDS on whether I can fulfill the conditions or not.

How can you cage up a free vulture? Once it's let loose, don't be surprise it swoops on you to eat you up!

Sesungguhnya segala yang aku lakukan dan segala yang aku tinggalkan adalah kerana Allah Ta'ala. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu isi hatiku.

Mati-mati aku ingatkan nama dia ginvera sekali gerbera rupanya haha. Nice right the flower?

Anyway, tengah jiwa Fityan sikit so...

6 Commandments of Fiyan-hood

1. Respect for one another
2. Salams and greetings
3. Perform prayers on time
4. Able to read the Al- Quran
5. Positive thinkers
6. Able to accept and give constructive comments

"O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared and die not except in a state of Islam. And hold fast together all of you to the rope of Allah, and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah's favours on you; for you were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace you became brothers; and you were on the brink of the pit of fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allah makes His signs clear to you that you may be guided." [Qur'an 3: 102-103]

Dah terlanjur tu kan, share skali lah:

The Messenger of Allah (saws) also said, "The Muslims are like a body, if one part of the body hurts, rest of the body will also suffer" [Muslim] meaning that all Muslims are one Ummah and they cannot be separated from each other.

Sisters, I'd urge you to read this. It was shared by Liyana from NI during our usrah and I'd like to share it with all of you now =)

Btw, don't forget to check out on youtube:
-Documentary: Muhammad Legacy of a Prophet
-Muhammad Utusan Terakhir

Youth Leader? Big responsibility. I can't carry that =(

I juz watched a horror show on Star Movies, macam nak muntah tengok 'hantu' dia. Gross seh... Btw hantu dia kan, hantu Christian haha, tak takut the cross as in normal horror shows.

It's drizzling outside. And I wanna eat... Oh btw Liyana (Fityan) and Zee, one of you said that Aiman is a male name so how could Ummu Aiman be female right? Actually yes you're right, Aiman is a male and Ummu Aiman refers to Aiman's mother. Ummu=Ummi=Mother?

Ouch, I just had a leg cramp cos I accidentally twisted it. Haha, and I dunno how it happened.

Anyway, been feeling down lately (almost to the point of depression I suppose ish), been crying a lot... Even something soooooooooooo small and pointless (when I think back about it) could trigger tears to fill my eyes. School, Family, Friends all.

Right now I'm taking one step at a time. Don't bother to keep my tears in. Whenever I feel like crying, I'll pour it out of my eyes. But, I just can't make myself pour out my problems to someone else. In front of others, I'd still keep my cheerful bubbly smiley self. Behind, only Allah knows. Only Allah will hear the contents of my heart. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mendengar dan Allah itu Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang. Afterall, HE is the one who is Maha Berkuasa. If I have a problem, only He can help me.

I'd been reading some texts lately. Sungguh mulia akhlak Nabi s.a.w. I don't need to explain further. If you need someone as an example, he is the best example. And how I wish to emulate Rabi'ah Al-Adawiyah, such a committed muslimah! So strong in her principles. Like WOW.

Anyway, something to remind me.. Alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Allah.

Alhamdulillah
I have parents
I was born a Muslim and currently proud to be a practising Muslim and not just a Mulim by name
My parents provide me education (and I feel this is important) both duniawi and ukhrawi
My parents provide me shelter, clothing, food and all other basic necessities
In fact, my parents even provide certain luxuries for me: computer, MP3 etc
I have friends
Those who care
I have (Muslim) brothers and sisters whom I wasn't born with
Those who always remind me of Allah
Those who always motivate me to make myself closer to Allah
I get pretty good grades in school
At least, I'm able to grasp what is being taught
I am physically complete, no missing toes or fingers or whatever
I have 5 working sense organs
That let me know of the Greatness of the Al-Mighty
I am living in Singapore
Where peace and prosperity prevails
Where I am allowed to practice my religion openly, more of less
I am given the opportunity to do so many things
I am healthy enough to grab these oportunities
and the list goes on, no doubt, just that I'm pretty sleepy now so can't think much.

I urge my fellow readers to count your blessings too. You'll be surprised how blessed you are compared to many others. Don't forget to praise Allah cos all praises are only to Him. (Just read an email I received from Zee comparing us to Africans. Really, be grateful of all that you have)

I realise that of late I only fill my time with ilmu, with knowledge. I go to school on weekdays with the aim of obtaining a diploma in biotechnology. I attend usrah session with my fellow NI/NYPMSN sisters on Friday fortnights. I attend Kelas Peningkatan Remaja (KPR) at Ghufran on Saturday nights 3 times a month. I go to Andalus for Diploma Pengajian Islam (DPI) every Sunday afternoon. Even during my CCA, there are lessons to be learnt-drama skills that can be applied to life sometimes.

I'm always hungry for knowledge and anyone who comes between me and knowledge really irritates me. Yet, sometimes I need a break.
k
Random: Currently in search of my identity, my true identity.

Just something I'd like to add... Words that I can't forget, that may make my day or simply make me smile...

Ustazah Ainiyah: "Bagus muda2 dah solat. Semoga ia berterusan" eventhough it's yesterday, I can't remember much what she said (ish, takble jadi perawi hadith haha)

Kak Maryam: "I prefer seeing you during NI events. In school, you always look so stressed out. During events, you're always smiling." on bus ride home after NiTREK

Liyana (Fityan): "aku suker dok sblah kau sbb kau kasi aku inspiration la. and and and, kau tell me things aku tk tau. tu yg best la kan." on my tagboard after KPR

Ad: "Dear Marliyana sahabatku... I'm very delighted that we were fated to be in the same class AF14. My heart had already told me that I will kenal that girl in Beenox one day and TaDaa! I met you! Hey... Do you know that you've been a great friend to me. Ah! Like sisters..heehee...Eventhough we both have different interests, we've proven that it doesn't matter. Oh dear, I really appreciate your presence." on the box containing my birthday present for last year

Ad: "OoOoOoOoOoOo.. Whahaha! Sowie.. Okie dokie.. Got it! Tnk! Cya tmr darlz!" sms message one fine day I can't remember when

Sylvia: my 15th birthday.. Sylvia's words always make me smile. That's why I will always open her letters as soon as I can!

Ella: "Perhaps in poly you will shine" after O level posting, I can't remember her exact words but really her words motivate me so much!

Bro Mohksin: "perjuangan ni tak mudah.kdg2 kita jatoh tp yg penting kita bgn semula dan terus lawan.jgn putus asa ya!Allah tak janjikn perjalanan yg mudah tp Allah janjikn perjalan penuh dgn hikmah=) ur brothers n sisters @ fityan will always b there 2 support u!" friendster comment after KRC4, lamerrrrr tu, but I remember it, me-motivating kan alright

and some others that either I can't exactly recall now or it's pretty private. I like reading my friendster testimonials. They really put a smile on my face in times of gloominess.

On the other hand, there's another set of words that I can't forget either, and these are the ones that make me cry. Terngiang-ngiang dalam kepala. To keep it pretty much confidential, I wouldn't write who said them.

1: "Sia2 je kau pergi madrasah!" I always get this

2: "Nanti kalau aku kena sakit jantung lepastu mati, korang semua tepuk tangan lah kan?!" quite recently, wait I mean VERY recently

3: "I considered you my best friend...." a loooooooong time ago

4: "I'm disappointed in you. I know you can do better." I get variations of this

Just thinking of them make me my eyes well with tears again. And no amount of sweet words can erase them. Sometimes sleep works. Sometimes no.

I'm someone who will remember bad events. A fight with someone will leave me feeling sooooooo bad till I sleep. Sometimes even when I wake up, I'd still remember them and just feel so sad even if there are no more tears.

My defense mechanism? To talk to myself (to Allah) and to cry it out and then sleep.

Okok, enough of this. Let me continue my work. There's nothing I can achieve by doing this, but there is SOMETHING that I can achieve by doing my schoolwork ok. Toodles for now. Keep smiling and pass it on...

P.S. A lot of my friendster testi say I'm a quiet girl haha. Sometimes I wish to go back to being the quiet me, but I can be pretty loud these days... Miss those innocent days... I've changed, sadly. Sry to all who've been affected by the new me.

I am soooooooo sick of ABchm. PBL1 sharing, summary and presentation. Term test. PBL2 sharing, summary and interview. Tutorial quiz. 6 practical sessions, 3 post lab quizzes and 1 practical test. That is the whole thing for ABchm in this sem. Been getting borderline passes for this subject. Sheesh.

Yesterday ABchm, today ABchm, I sleep I think of ABchm, I eat I think of ABchm, I go toilet also think of ABchm!

Speaking of toilet, been having diarrhea for the past few days. A mild one. I think.

Something to look forward to: one more month :)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder where a person has recurrent and unwanted ideas or impulses (called obsessions) and an urge or compulsion to do something to relieve the discomfort caused by the obsession. The obsessive thoughts range from the idea of losing control, to themes surrounding religion or keeping things or parts of one's body clean all the time. Compulsions are behaviors that help reduce the anxiety surrounding the obsessions. Most people (90%) who have OCD have both obsessions and compulsions. The thoughts and behaviors a person with OCD has are senseless, repetitive, distressing, and sometimes harmful, but they are also difficult to overcome.

Above extract is from MentalHelp.net. Read below for more information...

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric anxiety disorder most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or "rituals") which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

The typical OCD sufferer performs tasks (or compulsions) to seek relief from obsession-related anxiety. To others, these tasks may appear odd and unnecessary. But for the sufferer, such tasks can feel critically important, and must be performed in particular ways to ward off dire consequences and to stop the stress from building up. Examples of these tasks: repeatedly checking that one's parked car has been locked before leaving it; turning lights on and off a set number of times before exiting a room; repeatedly washing hands at regular intervals throughout the day.

Symptoms may include some, all, or perhaps none of the following:

Repeated hand washing.
Repeated clearing of the throat, although nothing may need to be cleared.
Specific counting systems — e.g., counting in groups of four, arranging objects in groups of three, grouping objects in odd/even numbered groups, etc.
One serious symptom which stems from this is "counting" steps — e.g., feeling the necessity to take 12 steps to the car in the morning.
Perfectly aligning objects at complete, absolute right angles, or aligning objects perfectly parallel etc. This symptom is shared with OCPD and can be confused with this condition unless it is realized that in OCPD it is not stress-related.
Fear of acting out on violent or aggressive impulses, or feeling overly responsible for the safety of others.
Sexual obsessions or unwanted sexual thoughts. Two classic examples are fear of being homosexual or fear of being a pedophile. In both cases, sufferers will obsess over whether or not they are genuinely aroused by the thoughts.
Strange and chronic worries about certain events such as sleeping, eating, leaving home, etc without proper items. An example would be one who literally can't fall asleep without a metronome.
Having to "cancel out" bad thoughts with good thoughts. An example of this would be imagining harming a child and having to imagine a child playing happily to cancel it out.
A fear of contamination (see Mysophobia); some sufferers may fear the presence of human body secretions such as saliva, blood, sweat, tears, vomit, or mucus, or excretions such as urine or feces. Some OCD sufferers even fear that the soap they're using is contaminated.[6]
A need for both sides of the body to feel even. A person with OCD might walk down a sidewalk and step on a crack with the ball of their left foot, then feel the need to step on another crack with the ball of their right foot. If one hand gets wet, the sufferer may feel very uncomfortable if the other is not. If the sufferer is walking and bumps into something, he/she may hit the object or person back to feel a sense of evenness. These symptoms are also experienced in a reversed manner. Some sufferers would rather things to be uneven, favoring the preferred side of the body.
An obsession with numbers (be it in math class, watching TV, or in a room). Some people are obsessed with even numbers and loathe odd numbers (odd numbers cause them a great deal of anxiety and often make the person uncomfortable or even angry) or vice versa.
Twisting the head on a toy around, then twisting it all the way back exactly in the opposite direction (see even body section).
Fear of transformation. A fear of transforming into someone or something else. Losing ones self or taking on undesired characteristics is what creates the anxiety and fear. Rituals such as counting, blinking, checking, hand washing etc. may eliminate the anxiety when they are done in a way which "feels right" to the sufferer.
In some cases, a pattern of uniformity on a bank account may indicate obsessive-compulsive spending. For example, an OCD-affected figure skater may issue a check to his/her coach for a private lesson every week, paying the same amount each time. In addition, the affected person may feel complacent about or invincible against the economic issues.
There are many other possible symptoms, and one need not display those above to suffer from OCD. Formal diagnosis is performed by a mental health professional. Furthermore, possessing the symptoms above is not an absolute diagnosis of OCD.

OCD sufferers are aware that such thoughts and behavior are not rational[citation needed], but feel bound to comply with them to fend off feelings of panic or dread. Because sufferers are consciously aware of this irrationality but feel helpless to push it away, untreated OCD is often regarded as one of the most vexing and frustrating of the major anxiety disorders.[citation needed]

In an attempt to further relate the immense distress that those afflicted with this condition must bear, Barlow and Durand (2006) use the following example.[7] They implore readers not to think of pink elephants. Their point lies in the assumption that most people will immediately create an image of a pink elephant in their minds, even though told not to do so. The more one attempts to stop thinking of these colorful animals, the more one will continue to generate these mental images. This phenomenon is termed the "Thought Avoidance Paradox”, and it plagues those with OCD on a daily basis, for no matter how hard one tries to get these disturbing images and thoughts out of one's mind, feelings of distress and anxiety inevitably prevail. Although everyone may experience unpleasant thoughts at one time or another, these are usually warranted concerns that are short-lived and fade after an adequate time period has lapsed. However, this is not the case for OCD sufferers.[8]

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is often confused with the separate condition obsessive compulsive personality disorder. The two are not the same condition, however. OCD is ego dystonic, meaning that the disorder is incompatible with the sufferer's self-concept. Because disorders that are ego dystonic go against an individual's perception of his/herself, they tend to cause much distress. OCPD, on the other hand, is ego syntonic—marked by the individual's acceptance that the characteristics displayed as a result of this disorder are compatible with his/her self-image. Ego syntonic disorders understandably cause no distress. Persons suffering from OCD are often aware that their behavior is not rational and are unhappy about their obsessions but nevertheless feel compelled by them. Persons with OCPD, by contrast, are not aware of anything abnormal about themselves; they will readily explain why their actions are rational, and it is usually impossible to convince them otherwise. Persons with OCD are ridden with anxiety; persons who suffer from OCPD, by contrast, tend to derive pleasure from their obsessions or compulsions.[9] This is a significant difference between these disorders.

Equally frequently, these rationalizations do not apply to the overall behavior, but to each instance individually; for example, a person compulsively checking their front door may argue that the time taken and stress caused by one more check of the front door is considerably less than the time and stress associated with being robbed, and thus the check is the better option. In practice, after that check, the individual is still not sure, and it is still better in terms of time and stress to do one more check, and this reasoning can continue as long as necessary.

Some OCD sufferers exhibit what is known as overvalued ideas. In such cases, the person with OCD will truly be uncertain whether the fears that cause them to perform their compulsions are irrational or not. After some discussion, it is possible to convince the individual that their fears may be unfounded. It may be more difficult to do ERP therapy on such patients, because they may be, at least initially, unwilling to cooperate. For this reason OCD has often been likened to a disease of pathological doubt, in which the sufferer, while not usually delusional, is often unable to fully realize what sorts of dreaded events are reasonably possible and which aren't.

OCD is different from behaviors such as gambling addiction and overeating. People with these disorders typically experience at least some pleasure from their activity; OCD sufferers do not actively want to perform their compulsive tasks, and experience no pleasure from doing so.

OCD is placed in the anxiety class of mental illness, but like many chronic stress disorders it can lead to clinical depression over time. The constant stress of the condition can cause sufferers to develop a deadening of spirit, a numbing frustration, or sense of hopelessness. OCD's effects on day-to-day life—particularly its substantial consumption of time—can produce difficulties with work, finances and relationships.

There is no known cure for OCD as of yet, but there are a number of successful treatment options available.

Some cases are thought to be caused at least in part by childhood streptococcal infections and are termed PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal infections). The streptococcal antibodies become involved in an autoimmune process. Though this idea is not set in stone, if it does prove to be true, there is cause to believe that OCD can to some very small extent be "caught" via exposure to strep throat (just as one may catch a cold). However, if OCD is caused by bacteria, this provides hope that antibiotics may eventually be used to treat or prevent it.[11]

For more info (treatment and such), visit Wikipedia

Let's see... What is there to say about today? Haha, a normal day on the average I should say.

Had AMic meeting in the morning and all I could do was nod in agreement or ask questions. I feel a bit intimidated haha. After that met Ad for awhile then go for MCT. Prelab quiz sucks, even smart Chloe couldn't answer all correctly. The lab itself was okok, lost touch with MCT lab skills after weeks of not doing MCT, so spent most of the time spent asking Mr Zhang questions. Afterall, our lab practical test is next week!

After MCT, had around 3 hours break. 1st hr-eat and sleeeeeeep. 2nd hr-solat then met Ad. 3rd hr-photocopied some ABchm stuff. Been getting borderline passes for ABchm and I want an A! Or at least a B please weezy... I even told Mdm Huang Yan about my worry that ABchm is my worst subject of all (it used to be PCT, but after all the tips Mr Kok gave, I got a B if I'm not mistaken) and almost cried and the only 'comfort' she gave me was that ABchm using the PBL style requires adapting and perhaps I didn't adapt enough and she advised that I find out where I go wrong. And that made me wanna cry more cos I dunno where I'm going wrong! Well, not exactly...

Alamak, had a bit more to write, but my eyes are stinging already and I have to present at least a bit of ABchm summary for tutorial tomorrow. 9am ok! And I'm always late for ABchm no matter how hard I try to be on time, shoot... K lah, gtg... Oh before that, I think looking at pictures uplift my spirit, and eating dairy milk chocs! And I'm having a bad case of abdominal pains and diarrhea sheesh... Mentang2 I'm researching on AMic food poisoning seh...

Was looking for notes to include in topic, instead I found notes on another topic. Take a look at this website. I suppose this is one of the examples whereby Orientalists try to downgrade Abu Hurayrah r.a. This article I found doesn't even have an author lah. Anyway, be cautious when you read aite. Filter through what is right, what is wrong. If you don't think you can do so, then I suggest that you don't read...

I really don't trust internet sources. I wish I have books to refer to but internet is all I have for now.

Was doing psycho weekly online quiz earlier and came across a case-scenario which sounded a bit like how I feels sometime. It's called 'inferiority complex'. Sheesh, since when do I have this low self-esteem??!! What triggered it also I have no idea!

Btw, today is a more motivated day. I wouldn't say I spent every single minute doing something worthwhile as I should, but I just feel a bit more uplifted thasn a few days ago. Please Allah, lift up my spirits and take away all my sorrows!

Cahaya Iman

Iman bagaikan emas permata
Letaknya di dalam jiwa
Kemilau warnanya bak cahaya
Menyuluh hidup seluruh manusia

Iman letaknya di hati
Suburkanlah dengan ilmu
Bajainya dengan zikrullah
Ia menunjukkan kita
jalan keredhaan Allah
Imanlah harta yang paling berharga

Iman kurniaan Yang Esa
Tanpa mengira bangsa dan rupa
Memberi petunjuk jalan mulia
Menjadi benteng penghalang dosa
Orang yang teguh iman
Sabar dengan ujian
Di akhirat dia insan yang mulia

Shaza asked me if I could go to Perdaus to help out with the ice-breaking session with the Sec 4s this morning. Wish I could go but firstly, my mum didn't allow and secondly, because I promised myself to lessen my involvement in so many activities anymore. It is kinda affecting my health and studies... I gotta sort things right first before I can go around running around everywhere like what I did last year. Perhaps I'd take a whole year to recuperate haha. Gosh, that's a longgg time. I love to get involved, but I can't. I would if I could but I can't so I won't. Boo hoo, but I gave the Mendaki appreciation tea and the session at Perdaus a miss and I feel... bad...

Anyway third reason why I couln't help out is because I have madrasah in the afternoon and it'd be a bit of a rush and I can't get tired... So, went to Andalus for my DPI class just now and continued with our module on Mustalah Hadith. I'm liking this DPI. It's an eye-opener so called. There's so much knowledge to learn and I simply love that. What I dread is having to do assignments... Boo hoo... What we are asked to do for this module is to type out a 5-page essay on one of the topics chosen. Dang, I had a hard time choosing. I'm so indecisive larh. And Miss Decisive Zakiah could make her decision so fast I feel like kicking her butt (haha, if you're reading this Zakiah, I'm being straightforward here eh). tried to draw my own lots and I didn't like the results. Kepth reading the 15 choices over and over again, thinking over each again and again. In the end, I chose what I followed the pull of my heartstrings (no kidding haha). But what I had in mind was topic 7: Sejarah penulisan (or something similar to that) Islam pada kurun kedua hijrah. In the end, I ended up telling Ustaz Husny I wanted topic 6, which is the same question butregarding kurun pertama hijrah. What the?? Abe nak tukar, I thought, nvmlah orget it so topic 6 it is!

Lately the mention of any quiz/test/exam/essay/presentation/project makes me wanna cry. Again, no kidding here. During kpr on Sat, Bro Helmi suggested having 'exam' and I nearly cried. There were tears in my eyes larh. I strongly object!! If there's exam for kpr, I'm so gonna attend the classses then purposely fail the exam lol. I love learning. I'm hungry for knowledge (and sometimes I do ask why and have never found the answers) but exams seriously deter me, especially when I already have 2 diplomas to handle ok!!

I hope kpr settles with quizzes like those we had on Sat. And book prizes are great! I read a bit of the book I got already. Hopefully I can finish by this Sat, then I can exchange with Liyana's book, or Zee's, or Faizal's or Hilmi's. They all look so interesting! Why not? They are books on our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w. anyway...

And his sirah is exactly what we're learning in kpr. Unlike the normal madrasah sirah classes we have attende though, in kpr, we'll be extracting out the learning points from Nabi's sirah and apply it in daily life! I truly look forward to this 'journey' kpr is gonna take us through. Through Nabi's sirah is the best for us to know Nabi's exemplary akhlak. And as I've mentioned before, hopefully I become a better person! Through kpr, I expect in terms of akhlak at least.

I seriously feel like dropping by Muslimedia tomorrow and spend $100 on books hehehehe. No kidding :P Jun, nak teman? Haha, but I'd need to ask that $100 from my mum first or at least ask permission if I can take from my bank account hehehe.

Oh btw, after class just now I wanted to ask Ust Husny something about the lesson (throughout the lesson I keep wanting to put up my hand and ask but couldn't! I'm remembered of the first time I put up my hand and felt my cheecks go warm and red ish.. Hermione, I need some of your brave genes!!) while my friends waited for me outside the class. Before I asked the qns, Ust was like, "Awak dari madrasah Aljunied eh?" I shook my head no. Then he asked, "Abe awak dari madrasah lain?" I was like, "Err, madrasah... Per-da-us..." He's still convinced I look familiar and asked, "Ade kakak sekolah madrasah?" Lol, Ust takde! Haha, this is not the first time people thought I'm from full-time madrasah and I shall take it as a compliment! Thank you :)

I feel like fasting to celebrate something. But I dunno what to celebrate lol. And my mum don't wanna fast tomorrow...

Klah, I have school tomorrow FYI and need my sleep to restore energy! Seriously I feel like a robot which needs lots of fuel and switch-off-times these days. So low on energy seh! And I eat a lot of carbohydrate that I put on quite a few kilos! I think I need chocolate as booster hahaha. Dairy milk, Ad?

KK, gotta go now. Nite nite! Eruantale signing off! Eruantale is Yana in Elvish in case you don't know :D

I think one reason why I'm involving myself in so many activities is because I'm trying to find an answer. Answer to what exactly even I am not so sure though... Haha, I dunno larh... Just that recently, I find that everything I'm doing/involving in is just so pointless. Even school. Yes, even school, unfortunately...

I'm trying to motivate myself. At times it works. At other times, the only word to express the result is: depressed. Sheesh, I never imagined I can feel this way or that anything could make me feel this way.

I just feel lost and confused and lost + confused = depressed, sorta... You wouldn't wanna face it ever. It makes things you do feel sucky and makes you feel sucky yourself.

I still smile and I still laugh (even to tears sometimes), but it lasts for awhile only. And I sigh and complain more. Not good, not good...

Anyway, went to kpr just now, there was fun and laughter and knowledge (and book prizes yum yum haha) but the best takeaway I get would probably be a question asked by our facilitator bro Helmi, "How has Fityan improved yourself? In terms of akhlak and all..." Hmm, good question. I even thought about it on my way home... And I realise, Fityan has done a lot in trying to improve me and in a way, it has been successful, but there is a LOT more for me to improve. Lot lot more. I surely hope that whatever I do/get involved in makes me a better person.

Random: I have a tendency to think about stuff while I walk alone, and lately I've been walking alone alot. No wonder I've been talking to myself aloud more... The thing is, when I get home to blog about what I was thinking, I forgot about it.

Oh, just to add, McDonald's mudpie tastes nice though the name does remind you (or me, for that matter) of a pen filled with mud complete with pigs rolling on it. Can't they give a better name????

There's something I forgot to say... Selamat Pengantin Baru Kak Min! Grand wedding you have :) Oh and happy birthday to you too!


Nikah 18/01/08


Sanding 19/01/08


Such a sweeeeeet picture!


Me & my mum with the bride and groom. I'm as tall as my mum ;P


Time boring boring... Trust me it's really so boring to hear makcik2 gossip... (It's gossip really, no kidding) This is my favourite flower anyway... Ginvera flower. Naza nye pasal lah nie haha. I wonder if it's Kak Min's fav as well cos not only izzit on every table, it was also at the pelamin!

Look at the makcik behind. Haha, caught in the act seh.

Confused. Ya that's the right word to describe the state I'm in right now. So many things yet so little time. Part and parcel of growing up.... Or, do only poly students face this? But I'm sure, I'm not alone.

And does it matter that I type with one hand???!!!! Aku punye suker arh!

Ish, I should change my blogskin... This skin doesn't show my 'interesting' titles

Jung Test Results

Introverted (I) 53.13% Extroverted (E) 46.88%
Sensing (S) 50% Intuitive (N) 50%
Thinking (T) 52.94% Feeling (F) 47.06%
Perceiving (P) 51.43% Judging (J) 48.57%

INTP
loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, wrestles with the meaninglessness of existence, likes esoteric things, disorganized, messy, likes science fiction, can be lonely, observer, private, can't describe feelings easily, detached, likes solitude, not revealing, unemotional, rule breaker, avoidant, familiar with the darkside, skeptical, acts without consulting others, does not think they are weird but others do, socially uncomfortable, abrupt, fantasy prone, does not like happy people, appreciates strangeness, frequently loses things, acts without planning, guarded, not punctual, more likely to support marijuana legalization, not prone to compromise, hard to persuade, relies on mind more than on others, calm

favored careers:
philosopher, game designer, scientist, software engineer, freelance artist, research scientist, assassin, freelance writer, physicist, software developer, mathmetician, geologist, computer scientist, philosophy professor, webmaster, slacker, medical researcher, painter, mortician, systems analyst, comic book artist, computer technician, website designer, scholar, archeologist, computer repair, forensic anthropologist, astronaut, researcher, historian, systems engineer, genetics researcher, astronomer, enviromental scientist, egyptologist

disfavored careers:
human resources, public relations, social worker, guidance counselor, health care worker, trainer, school teacher, wedding planner, movie star, hospitality worker, supervisor, child care worker, fundraiser, customer service, stay at home parent, office administrator



ISTP
hidden, private, has trouble describing feelings, not very affectionate, loner tendencies, lower energy, can be insensitive to the misfortunes of others, disorganized, messy, fears drawing attention to self, anti-tattoos, anti counter culture, not comfortable in unfamiliar situations, avoidant, rather unemotional, does not like attention, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, hermitic, not complimentary, dislikes leadership, more submissive then domineering

favored careers:
aerospace engineer, technician, computer scientist, software engineer, software developer, scientist, bar owner, automotive technician, electrician, engineer, mathmatician, industrial engineer, nuclear engineer, biotechnology, mechanic, systems analyst, computer animator, data analyst, video game designer

disfavored careers:
artist, fashion designer, theater director, poet, dancer, actor, singer, english teacher or professor, art teacher, healer, stage manager, florist, art therapist, school teacher, music journalist

Forgive me
by Brother

It's such a cold night
And it's so dark
Walking down the streets of memories

I'm here all alone
With no one by my side
It's only me thinking of you
With hands full of sin

Ho.. Allah here I come
Ho.. Allah I'm crying for forgiveness
Although I have betrayed you
So many times in the past
A lord, it's so fair for you to punish me

In the morning light
On a sunny day
Crying happy tears
Coz I'm free


I need you to guide me
Protect me don't ever leave me
Strengthen my faith light up my heart
With the light of iman


Ho.. Allah I want to thank you for saving me
Ho.. Allah thank you for giving me hope
I promise you I won't betray you
Any more a lord


I hope you'd always guide me
And lead me to happiness
With the ones you love
Together in paradise

Did a quick blood type test in school juz now and finally I found out that I'm AB! Rare seh.. Even the people at the booth was like, "So far only found 2 people who have AB blood!" And she wanted to tell Mr Poh. When I asked why, she said, "So that can donate blood! Need more AB blood!" Hah, that's where she's wrong! People with AB blood can receive blood from any blood group! But only another person with AB blood can receive the blood we donate! :D Oh, my eldest bro is AB too if I'm not mistaken. OoooOoooooo!

AB0 blood grouping system

According to the AB0 blood typing system there are four different kinds of blood types: A, B, AB or 0 (null).

Blood group A
If you belong to the blood group A, you have A antigens on the surface of your red blood cells and B antibodies in your blood plasma.

Blood group B
If you belong to the blood group B, you have B antigens on the surface of your red blood cells and A antibodies in your blood plasma.

Blood group AB
If you belong to the blood group AB, you have both A and B antigens on the surface of your red blood cells and no A or B antibodies at all in your blood plasma.

Blood group 0
If you belong to the blood group 0 (null), you have neither A or B antigens on the surface of your red blood cells but you have both A and B antibodies in your blood plasma.

Blood transfusions – who can receive blood from whom?

People with blood group 0 are called "universal donors" and people with blood group AB are called "universal receivers."

Of course you can always give A blood to persons with blood group A, B blood to a person with blood group B and so on. But in some cases you can receive blood with another type of blood group, or donate blood to a person with another kind of blood group.

The transfusion will work if a person who is going to receive blood has a blood group that doesn't have any antibodies against the donor blood's antigens. But if a person who is going to receive blood has antibodies matching the donor blood's antigens, the red blood cells in the donated blood will clump.

People with blood group 0 are called "universal donors" and people with blood group AB are called "universal receivers."

Interesting read from here. This site's animation is not bad at all! Do play the games yea? Btw, if u don't know ur blood type, drop by TP Applied Science School Biomedical Science booth for a quick blood-typing test! And while you're at it, drop by Biotech booth too kk? ;) Hehe, promote keperr...

Memandangkan I'm studying Mustalah Hadith at madrasah now and NI might discuss about this topic in future usrah, I put this link here... Jihad & Terrorism Note that I haven't read through the article and I have no idea how true it is and all. Just that I glanced through and it looks nice and I'd like to read it when I'm freer sometime later..

Permasalahan Qadha Solat Bagi Yang Meninggalkan Solat Tanpa uzur

Keuzuran yang syar’ie yang membuatkan seseorang itu tidak berdosa ketika meninggalkan solat ialah gila, terlupa atau tertidur, dipaksa, sudah menunaikan solat secara jamak, ketakutan yang bersangatan kerana ancaman keadaan (seperti yang berlaku ketika peperangan khandak lihat dalam Bukhari no. 598).

Adapun selainnya baik lelaki dan perempuan yang berakal, Islam, serta telah baligh maka baginya kewajipan yang ditetapkan supaya mendirikan solat.

“Sesungguhnya solat itu ialah satu ketentuan ke atas orang yang beriman dengan kewajipan yang ditentukan” (An-Nisa : 103).

Bersabda rasulullah salallahualaihiwasalam : “ Sesungguhnya antara (pembatas) seorang lelaki itu dengan syirik dan kufur ialah meninggalkan solat” (hadith sahih riwayat Muslim no. 987, Abu Daud, Nasaie).

Perintah menunaikan solat ialah satu kewajipan sehingga bagi yang sakit tidak terlepas dari kewajipan menunaikannya selama mempunyai akal apabila Islam memberi kelonggaran supaya harusnya menunaikan solat dengan keadaan duduk, berbaring dan bahkan dengan gerak isyarat mata atau sehingga jika tidak mampu cukup dengan lintasan hati selama ianya masih sedar dan berakal.

“Dan bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah semampu kamu” (At-taghabun :16).

Juga sekiranya tiada air demi bersuci dan berwudhuk maka Islam membolehkan bertayamum mengunakan debu tanah yang berada di sekeliling dunia.

“ Apabila kamu tidak menemui air maka bertayammumlah dengan debu tanah yang suci..” (Al-maidah : 43)

Perbuatan meninggalkan solat ialah dosa besar dan termasuk salah satu di antara dosa yang boleh membawa kufur kepada pelakunya. Sekiranya ada sesiapa yang meninggalkan solat kerana mengingkari kewajipannya dan membenci perbuatan solat yang merupakan ibadah ini dan menganggap menyusahkan maka ianya tanpa syak kufur dan murtad dari agama Islam dengan ijmak ulama (Al-Majmuk m/s 16 Jilid 3, Hukum Meninggalkan Solat oleh Ibn Qayyim).

“Sesungguhnya solat itu ialah satu ketentuan ke atas orang yang beriman dengan kewajipan yang ditentukan” (An-Nisa : 103).

Adapun yang meninggalkan solat dengan sebab malas dan leka serta lalai kerana dunia dan dalam masa yang sama tidaklah menafikan kewajipan solat dan tidak pula bermaksud mengingkari perintah Allah maka baginya hukum fasiq dan munafiq namun masih tetap dianggap muslim dan dipelihara haknya sebagai muslim tetapi tetap wajar menerima hukuman dan teguran. Demikian mazhab As-Sauri , Abi Hanifah dan golongan Maliki serta Syafie dan Ahmad dari riwayat-riwayat lain yang darinya (lihat Mughni Muhtaj, Al-Majmuk dll).

Sekalipun mereka ini yang berpendapat tidak jatuh kafir bagi orang yang meninggalkan solat dengan sebab malas dan leka serta lalai namun para ulama ini tidak pula bermaksud mengambil pandang ringan kerana mereka tetap menetapkan perlaku dosa besar meninggalkan solat ini mesti dihukum dengan hukuman bunuh dan ini pendapat Maliki serta Syafie.

Adapun pendapat yang mengatakan mereka ini tidak dibunuh sebaliknya disebat dan dipenjara sehingga mati atau bertaubat nasuha dan ini pula ialah pendapat dari mazhab Az-Zuhri dan Ibn Musayyib serta Umar Ibn Abd Aziz dan Abu Hanifah dan Ibn Hazm.

Manakala sebahagian yang lain tetap mengkafirkan golongan ini yang meninggalkan solat tanpa uzur sekalipun tidak menolak kewajipan solat dengan menjatuhkan hukum kafir dan murtad dari Islam kerana meninggalkan solat yang merupakan rukun Islam dan mereka ialah mazhab Said ibn Jubair , Auzaie, Ibn Mubarak, Ishaq dan riwayat yang sahih dari Imam Ahmad dan salah satu qaul dari mazhab Syafie serta Ibn hazm dengan riwayat daripada Umar ibn Khatab , Muadz ibn Jabal dan Abd rahman ibn Auf serta Abi Hurairah dan selainnya dari sahabat rasulullah ra (lihat dalam Al-Insof, Majmuk Fatawa, Hukum Meninggalkan solat oleh Ibn Qayyim).

Pelbagai khilaf dan hujah serta dalil dalam masalah ini namun saya tidak berhajat memanjangkan bicara dalam masalah khilaf ini sebaliknya terus kepada isi pokok perbincangan iaitu tentang perihal qadha solat bagi yang meninggalkan solat tanpa uzur.

Ketahuilah baik salah satu diantara kedua kedudukan hukum golongan yang meninggalkan solat apakah kafir atau fasiq dan munafiq maka keduanya berdosa besar dan bukanlah ringan dan baik sebaliknya tercela dan dibenci dengan kemurkaan Allah swt.

Pendapat yang membolehkan dan mewajibkan qadha bagi yang meninggalkan solat ialah mazhab jumhur ulama daripada imam mazhab yang empat dan ianya dengan syarat hendaklah perlakunya yang meninggalkan solat tanpa uzur itu selain berqadha solatnya yang telah ditinggalkan maka hendaklah juga bertaubat dengan taubat nasuha atas dosa besarnya itu (lihat dalam Al-Majmuk, Al-Insof dll).

Bukanlah bermakna bolehnya qadha solat itu maka diri pembuat dosa boleh terselamat dan terampun dosa sebaliknya hanya usaha ikhtiar selain taubat nasuha bagi menebus kesalahan yang telah dilakukan.

Adapun pendapat selainnya yang mengatakan tiada qadha bagi solat yang ditinggalkan ialah pendapat Umar ibn Khattab dan ibn Umar serta Sa’ad ibn Abi Waqas dan Ibn Mas’ud ra, Ibn Sirrin , Ibn Hazm, dan juga pendapat daripada Syeikhul Islam ibn Taimiyyah ra serta jumlah besar dari salaf soleh yang lain.

“Sesungguhnya solat itu ialah satu ketentuan ke atas orang yang beriman dengan kewajipan yang ditentukan” (An-Nisa : 103).

Demikian jumlah besar menolak adanya qadha solat dengan dalil bahawa solat ini satu kewajipan yang dibuat hanya pada waktunya bukan diluar waktunya (lihat Al-Muhalla ibn Hazm, Majmuk Fatawa, Nailur Authar dll).

Dalam hal ini satu keputusan dapat diambil bahawa golongan yang menolak adanya qadha solat ialah kerana selain menetapkan solat dilaksanakan pada waktu khas dan jika selainnya tidak lagi dikira maka mereka juga mengkafirkan peninggal solat sehingga tiada guna menunaikan qadha lagi.

Keadaan ini dapat diselesaikan hanya apabila orang yang meninggalkan solat ini bertaubat dan kembali dengan taubat nasuha serta di sini mereka diwajibkan melakukan qadha.

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman bertaubatlah kamu kepada Allah dengan taubat nasuha (yang sersungguh-sungguh) moga tuhanmu akan menghapuskan dosa-dosa kamu …” (At-Tahrim : 8).

Maka bagi yang bertaubat dengan taubat nasuha maka hendaklah dia mengulangi segala solat yang telah ditinggalkan dengan melakukan solat pada waktunya dan memperbanyakkan solat-solat sunat.

Ini berdasarkan kepada hadith rasul yang menyebut : “Sesungguhnya yang paling awal akan dihisab di hari akhirat daripada amal perbuatan ialah solat dan sekiranya baik (solatnya) maka telah berjaya dan selamat dan sekiranya rosak (meninggalkan) solatnya maka gagal dan rugilah dia serta jika berkurang pahala dari solat wajibnya maka akan berkatalah tuhan yang Mulia dan tinggi : Lihatlah apakah hambaku ini ada melakukan solat sunat dan tampunglah apa yang kurang dari yang wajib dan kemudian jadikanlah seluruh amalannya seperti itu” (hadith sahih riwayat Ahmad, Abu Daud dan Tirmidzi dan Ibn Majah).

wallahualam

by Ustaz emran
Excerpt from http://ustaz.blogspot.com/2006/01/permasalahan-qadha-solat-bagi-yang.html

There's soooo much to blog, yet at the same time I dunno what to blog about. Hai... Let me just write what comes straight into my mind aite.

Just applied for DPIA this afternoon and they told me I might not get in this semester as the DPIA class for this sem is already full. There's a possibility I have to join in July sem. Boo hoo... My fault larh register so late, but what can I do, firstly, I couldn't decide which madrasah to continue my post-menengah and secondly, I was v. busy to go there to register. The only time I'm free is during public holiday, which the office is closed. Then there is no online registration available for DPIA. On Thurs I finished late and office is closed at 5pm. Friday I went only to find out that the office is closed on Fridays. And so, I dropped by today, which is one day before the semester starts... She asked me to just attend tomorrow's class. Over the weekend I might have to go for an interview. Interview seh! Then I'll have to see whether the director wants me at Andalus. Ewah ewah...

Been feeling lonely and gloomy these few days. Actually, come to think of it, I'd been this way the whole of 2007! Since February at least. Just that there were times when the loneliness is more... erm, noticeable? I'm sorry to be posting a depressed post. I wish I had better news. Depressed posts are boring...

Been feeling easily irritable and rebellious. So much so that I get irritated at myself lol.

If I have to sum up 2007 in one word, it would be 'lonely'. I ever expressed this loneliness to a few people, in my effort to find some comfort. Some just shrugged it off. There were some who blamed me back for not taking the initiative to keep in constant contact with friends. I don't deny that...

2007 had also been a turning point in my life, so far... I tried the working world, yes while schooling. And it wasn't just any job you'd say typical of schooling poly students. It was different. Even from the start I was uncomfortable. For 3-4 months I did things against my will, sacrificed my sleep and fill every single second with something to do. I tried my best to fit in. Yet... 5 times I broke down. Yes, I counted. And the only thing I felt when I decided to quit was relief. Yet, till now I haven't officially announced my quit. When I said I have unfinished business from 2007, this is one of them. Somehow, I feel like a failure... Those who know what I was doing, don't talk about it. And those who don't, don't ask.

Apart from that, I got involved in Muslim organisations. As in, really involved by helping out with events. Bunayya Camp was my first project. I hardly knew what I was doing, and basically, I didn't do much. Until the camp itself then I started to work haha. Somehow Bunayya kickstarted a whole series of events in which I'm not a participant, but part of the organising comm. Let's see... After Bunayya (madrasah with Saff-program) was Camp Xplore (Fityan-program), Harmony Race (Fityan-program & minutes), Musollah Clean-up (NI-program), Ramadhan Rocks (Saff-program), BTF Iftar (NI-program) amd finally Gema Ghufran (Fityan-admin). These I enjoyed. Let's talk about each shall we?

Bunayya was a camp for kids held at Pasir Ris Park. Basically as a program member, I did my job as station-ICs and scorekeeper. At that time, I was still clueless about this whole organising stuff and so I just did as I was told.

Camp Xplore was a camp for teens held at MDG. I was dragged to be a programmer because Jun said they needed one. Kesiankan kawan aku ni, aku pon tolong lah.. But then, I was in the comm like what, if I'm not mistaken, 2 weeks before the event? They already had the list of programs lined up. My job was to set up the detailed prog sheet for all comm members and prepare log list. Faizal guided me. The now Recruit Faizal hehe. I still remember at nearly midnight one fine night after meeting, he asked me to visualize: at this time this time where would everyone be, what should they be doing and what things should already be there? Oh my, first time buat lah kan... I spent a few nights doing it. And even one night before the event I was still editing it at MDG office. Wow. Macam ape seh... During the camp was... challenging. Program was horrible! Everything ended later than scheduled. This was one of the most memorable and challenging event of 2007 I tell you. During a short post-mortem after the camp, I cried and cried and couldn't stop. Sheesh! Nevertheless, it was the most enjoyable camp I'd organised. And through this camp also, I became close to Jun and Fathi. To put it simply, we were there for each other through thick and thin throughout the camp.

Harmony Race was part of an event conducted by 7 mosques supported by NorthEast CDC. I think I was more of a minutes recorder than a programmer. All the program things weren't done by me. Instead I was doing admin work with Jun and Fathi lol. Even on the day itself! Tak layak ku dipanggil programmer. Macam lembu punya susu sapi dapat nama pulak. Ewah, dah lama tak pakai peribahasa lol. But seriously, guilty seh...

Musollah Clean-Up was a small-scale event by NI to 'try-out' the new comm members at organising and at the same time to bond existing members with newly recruited ones. It's like a bigger form of ta'aruf session lol. At the same time, we cleaned up the TP musollahs. This event, I was pretty slack. I didn't know what to do and Kak Mayam did most of the work for me in the end. Guilty lagi ni...

Ramadhan Rocks is, as many Muslim youths know, an annual Ramadhan event conducted by Saff Perdaus and the highlight is supposed to be rockclimbing lah. Because Saff Centre is all the way at Bukit Gombak/Batok, I only presented myself at one of the earlier meetings before going MIA for quite some time till the date nears the event. Most of the job done was a day before the event and during the event itself. Like Bunayya, my job is more towards the day itself. Basically I was one of the Station ICs lah. FYI, Ramadhan Rocks 1428H was a race... I helped out a bit at Delbargia Green before heading to my main station: archery! Made many new friends through Ramadhan Rocks and I really enjoyed archery. Kluar tv lagi hehe. Alar sikit je, belakang Huda while she archered during one of Warna Ramadhan's segments. Missing the friends I made during the event: Fadhilah and Kak Fida especially. Was looking forward to meeting them during Stong expedition...

BTF Iftar is NI's annual iftar event held at Chai Chee with the old folks. Through this event, I bonded with some of the comm members pretty well especially the year 1s Mus and Dian, who became the wonderful hosts for the event! And at the same time, leaving me to handle the program on my own. Susah tu, but I think I scrapped through with just a few scars lol. Seram sejuk k berbual depan people from NI, NYPMSN, SP, RP and NP, including my ustaz from Perdaus (masih ingat lagi, the one who found a Maple Story cd in a goodie bag from RP and I asked if I could have it, tak tau malu eh)! Oh my, initially I couldn't remember where I got to know this one brother from NP (ke NYP) and when I realised who he was, I wqas like, "Kau... Maluuuuu nyerrrrrr! Camne ni!!" This event is the other most memorable event of 2007. Again, during a short post-mortem after the event I cried and cried and couldn't stop haha. Sungguh the buat malu k. Dr Faishal was there larh... I'd say this iftar was the least disappointing event I organised. Boleh tahan arh, menjadi jugak. And most importantly, I did my job. Before AND during the event. Of course ade mistakes jugak, but I shall make them lessons to be learnt. =)

Gema Ghufran was a perjumpaan hari raya held at MDG MPH. The only 2007 event that I was in the admin team. And the last event for me to organise in 2007... I quite did my job... I was the minutes recorder, erm... And till now I owe Fityan the last minutes for this event. Opps. >_< As for the calling calling part, first time seh kena buat (ok, second.. but the first time I only had to like like what 4 people?). Called most of the Springfield students who helped out in Ramadhan... And on the day itself, ape lagi: Registration lah. Didn't do much at the registration counter actually... But I guess there was a mutual understanding between me and Liyana. I do the minutes, we half-half do the calling, you do the registration list and all. Kan Liyana kan?

Dah itu je.. Adelah a few other events where I sebok2 help-out at like OCEAN where I helped to call people up, Korban where I did registration and had fun at =) dah chop tahun depan nak buat registration hehe and Tathmin Mibarrat where I did registration again but it was erm... a mess arh...

Ok! Dah aku dah tak tau ape nak tulis... Actually I wanna do like a Hall of fame of 2007 thingy like: The Most Happiest Moment, The Most Funiest Moment, The Most Scariest Moment, The Most Saddest Moment, The Most Embarrassing Moment, The Most Loneliest Moment, The Most Guilty Moment, The Most Silliest Moment bla bla bla, but I can't think much right now. So let me just tell a few stories...

There was a time (macam storytelling betol2 pulak haha, tapi ni cerita benar k) as part of our KPR class, Fityan went to qiyam at Masjid Firdaus, the one near the kubur ooOOooOO... There was this story which Ustaz Jamaluddin shared at midnight, which was saddening and makes us reflect afterwhich we wrote a surat wasiat for our family. I think that and the moment where we walked quietly in the kubur were the most taubat-ing moment of 2007 haha. And another moment was a conversation i had with Hafiz on MSN one fine night about kiamat. Taubat taubat...

Then there was this time during jalan raya with titisan at Elfy's house. We were eating at his dinig table at around 11pm gitu. Beside me was Haikal and beside him was Matin and they made jokes throughout the dinner that I kept laughing and laughing till I cried. I couldn't finish my rice larh, ate a few mouthfuls only!~

There's quite a few embarrassing moments which I'll remember. One of it, which is not too embarrassing to share hehe, was when I slid from the exit door almost all the way to the front of the bus and Jun and Fathi laughed at me so hard even after we alighted the bus and were walking.

Results of Your IQ Test

IQ Score = 130


What does your score mean?
Wow! A score above 130 means that your performance on this test was way above average. Actually, according to this test, you are absolutely brilliant. Only a very small percentage of people score this high.

Results of the Emotional IQ Test

Your score = 90


What does your score mean?
There's some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that your Emotional IQ is relatively low. In a practical sense, this means that you are not reaching your full potential. Now for the good news: by learning and practicing new skills and more effective ways of dealing with people, you can significantly improve your EIQ.

Wahhhhhh! Low EQ eh, sedihx seh

Dah masuk 2008 dah... And there's so many unfinished business of 2007. How?

Anyway, I just got to know that eventhough different statesd of a country is supposed to have different timezones, they takee one as the standard time to make things easier for everyone. So, it doesn't really follow the geographical position. Did you know that? Haha.

There's an issue I'd like to write about. Not world issue or national issue or what lah. A personal issue I have: envy/jealousy. Nak tambah? Hasad dengki.

Bukannye ape... Let's take a simple scenario. I got wonderful results for my madrasah and since that's my last year in secondary madrasah, my parents told me we'd go celebrate. Woo hoo! And after a few mins, I'd decided: I want banana split at Swensen. I can't even remember when was the last time I stepped into Swensen.

But I was busy the next few days, and could only make it one fine day last week. The thing was, my mum said before we go Swensen, we have to go to M1 shop first to buy a new hp for my 2nd bro with the voucher he got. AND, she plans to bring to to Swensen. Muka dah masam tau. In my heart, "I was asking why must he come along?? He hadn't done anything that deserves a reward recently (a reward as referred to in Psycho that encourages good behaviour or discourages bad behaviour)." It was that bad.

I had no choice right, so he came along. The thing was he had to leave for work SOON, and my mum was rushing me, just as I thought of taking my own sweet time, enjoying my reward. Pissed off I tell you. That's not he worse I tell you.

My mum didn't want to order another ice-cream or a drink for that matter, and I know why: It's expensive. Like duh. I suggested that she just share with my bro and I lar. In my heart, I was saying that if my mum hadn't asked him along, she wouldn't have to spend more than $10. When I saw the menu, I didn't order a banana split as I was thinking, what for, since it has strawberry ice-cream and banana which I don't exactly like. And so I ordered a Ring-a-ding-a-ling or whatever as it sounds delicious. It so happened that this desert is just a small cup with scoops of ice-cream in it and a small triangle of waffle on top. I thought, ok ar, order oredi mah, what could I do right. But my mum was saying how I should have ordered a banana split, how it's so small that it's impossible to share and how bitter the hoc ice-cream was. I hate that ok. Don't regret what has been done. No use crying over a spilt milk. Just clear up the spill and pretend everything is perfectly alright ok.

And on my bro's part, he was saying how we could get ice-cream just like what we were eating at another shop at a much lower price bla bla bla. That was it. I just lost it and tears started to well up in my eyes. In my heart, I was saying, "Ya, you can go eat at that shop, this treat is meant for ME and mama is supposed to be treating ME not YOU." I just burst out saying that it's no point going to Swensen to 'celebrate' if all they would do is complain and compare and such and that I want Swensen and it can't be anything but Swensen because I want it and it's meant to be a treat for ME.

Sulked the rest of the way I tell you. Poked my ice cream hard and chuck it my my mouth, not savouring the taste at all. The only thing that I could taste in my mouth was dengki. No good... No good at all.

After my bro went off, my mum made up to me by wanting to buy me things from Aries. Initially I refused. Come on lah, the things she was showing me were accessories that I won't wear. That's one thing, another was that I somehow know she is trying to make up for what happened earlier. And simply I don't wanna waste anymore of her money. I know Swensen is expensive and I wished things had gone better and the whole treat more worthwhile and meaningful. Seriously, the whole purpose of the treat was lost just like that. No meaning. It's just a waste of money.

That was until I laid my eyes on a green butterfly brooch. I can't push away a present like that. It was so beautiful! And more importantly, it represents the meaning that was lost during the Swensen treat: a reward for my good madrasah results. Hey, I haven't received a reward for good results in a loooooooooong time ok. Read my archives if you haven't been keeping up.

But the point it, why do I feel so much jealousy, so much dengki towards this second bro of mine.

Everytime when someone asks about the number of siblings I have and finds out that I'm the youngest and they exclaim, "Mesti manja (sure pampered)!" I'd always deny, not because I was tring to act 'modest' or whatever you call it, but because I mean it.

I always feel that my mum prioritises my second bro over me, like when she'd cook two sets of mee, one with onion and one without just so my bro can eat. I'd feel so jealous. She didn't bother to cook another set without tauge for me, or at the very least don't put any tauge at all in the set she cook for the rest of the family. And I'd make my jealousy known, by throwing tantrums and mumbling under my breath and all. I know it's so pathetic of me but I can't help it! And yes, my mum knows it already, even without those tantrums.

Entahlah, I have no idea how to clear my heart of these bad feelings. That's why I blog about it...

2008 is here!