My heart is crying out loud!! And I'm pushing it all back. ALL of it. But the pain is there. Stuck. Etched deep. And long.

Kept telling myself one step at a time, ONE step at a time... But... *shatters*

Why oh why did I never learn to say no?? I never learn do I? *cries*

I feel drowned in a cauldron of super hot soup. Sooo hot that the heat has touched and is burning my heart.

I have one month. Wait. Less.

3 days to exam. 10 days to exam part II.

18 days to t-e-r-e-t-a.

20 days to M-p-e-t-o-r-r-P.

21 days to M-U-P.

24 days to Campus Discussion II.

44 days to end of internship.

44 days to start of torture, 2 reports and workbook.

~50 days to workshop.

AaAAaaAaaAaaHhhhHHhhhHHHHHhhhHHH!!!!

One day I'm gonna look back at this entry and probably laugh at myself. At least I hope I'd be laughing, not crying...

SSSSTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

a major one.

*breathe in* marl, calm down. *breathe out*

How do I organise my time? How do I do everything? How how how?

I keep telling myself to stop worrying, to start working. But the worry keeps coming back in one form or another!

There's so many things to worry about. All at once. But I can't let go of any of it. I dunno why. Not really. But I know I just can't let go!

I envy people who can share their hearts' content with others. I can't! I just can't!

demoralised.

Actually, for the past few months I was secretly wondering if there'd be such a thing as 2009. Don't ask... Now I guess I have to face this all at once.

One step at a time...

The question is, which step first? Before you answer, imagine yourself in my position. Wait. That's not possible. Nevermind...

I wish... I dunno... Perhaps, well... I hope things would turn out for better and not for worse.

Fragility. Is defined as: the quality or state of being easily broken or destroyed .

And that's exactly how I feel.

Help. Ya Allah please please please guide me and help me and ease my tasks. Please help me find peace ya Allah.

Salam. Peace.

Time: 0042

Had a refreshing bath. Needed it eventhough it's so late in the night. It straightened out my thinking. Well... At least a bit...

Hey, I can do this man... Haven't I gone through worst? AND made it?

Marl, don't succumb to these negative thoughts.

Buck up and get going la girl!

Go go go! I can do this!

I shall start with reading 1 lecture notes per day to and fro work this week consistently and on Sat I shall read the extra notes. On Sun, I shall pray for the best. In the meantime I have quite sometime in between at work currently and that's when I shall continue writing bit by bit in my workbook.

Alongside I shall squeeze my brain juices to start typing my MP report. Let's do cover page and methods this wk first. Also I'll think about NI and PMU. I doubt I'll be able to meet Mus, Liyana, Ust this week. It's so packed already as it if! But I'm still free tmr night and Sun evening, hmmm... I'll see about how it goes.

That was fast. I guess the solution has been at the back of my head all this while!

K, while it's easy to plan, carrying out is a different matter. The motivation has to come from within. Only then will I stay strong enough. Ya Allah, please grant me strength to pull through this difficult time.

Looks like I have to 'sacrifice' family time abit... Or... I can spare 7.30pm till 8.30pm and perhaps 10pm to 11pm to watch tv with my family each day? How does that sound?

Packed.

K, nvm. I shall try this plan out. First on the list, let's finish up the last few slides of my lecture notes 2 tonight before I sleep!!

Munch munch. I'll need food. Lots of it. GOMP!