Was just feeling angry at my parents. I have a major report to finish and I'm left with like 7hrs to do so. And my mum insisted on dragging me out to attend a wedding invitation. I purposely asked, "Just one house?" and she replied "Yes, of course". I knew fully well that there'll be another wedding invitation and my dad will surely try to convince me to go.

True enough. On the ride back from the first wedding invitation, my dad tried it. But it just makes me angry. Why can't ANYBODY understand how tough it is to write a scientific major report on drosophila, nuage, germline cells, krimper, arganoute 3, aubergine, maelstrom, cutoff, krimper NT, krimper CT, in-vitro co-immunoprecipitation, reciprocal co-immunoprecipitation, in-vivo co-immunoprecipitation and immunostaining??? The key words themselves sound alien don't they? And oh by the way, my mentor probably expects me to write a report as good as an university student a.k.a. Ong zhi Yang her previous very brilliant student whose report i've read and could hardly understand.

I could have stayed at home what. The only reason for me to follow was that there's no food at home. Hello!! FYI my 2nd brother is at home sleeping soundly with nothing to do! And the fact remains that there's no food at home. Why can't he follow and I stay instead? Just because he's 8 years older than me??

I'm not angry at Zhi Yang, or at my mentor (who probably just wants me to get an 'A' for my own good), or at my brother (who does nothing and I can't blame him). I'm just angry why people refuse to accept that I have work to do??? Is it so hard to understand how much a good grade for my final semester at TP to obtain this diploma and a decent GPA means to me? How it would determine my next step in life??

After all these spiteful feelings, I came across this Canadian Muslimah's post titled 'Freeing the Heart from Spite'

*Sigh* But how to get rid of this spiteful feeling when they expect me to do well in diploma and go to university next by hook or by crook or suffer the wrath of the slashing words "I told you to spend more time on your studies", "I told you to leave all those nonsense what with Fityan, with NI bla bla, they don't need you", "I told you to sleep early so you can focus better the next day" etc etc etc.

You may laugh at the last sentence but yeah even that came out when I couldn't go JC due to a not so good 'O' level results.

How in the world am I supposed to do well when you don't help me out?

Time is so precious and I've spent 29mins so far blabbing on this blog. Grrrr...

At the very least, I ask that you do not tell me last minute. You could have told me a week earlier there are 2 wedding invitations on Sunday and I would try to manage my time properly, probably to skip the kendarat yesterday even if it's so troubling for Liyana so I can use the time to finish this report.

I thought my Sunday is specially put aside just for report.

Now you see. It's not really that I purposely procrastinate tasks given to me. But I can't help it, mostly.

I notice. Now my blog is only filled with angry rantings huh? SIP is taking its toll on me. I too await the cheery side of Marliyana who doesn't have so many things to juggle. Just 1-2months more till I am o-v-e-r with anything related to my diploma, which I'd been trying to prioritise over anything else so as not to disappoint my parents again. They won't care if I do well. As long as I can't get into uni, my grades won't be counted as 'well'.

I apologise if I hurt anyone by saying my results/GPA are/is not good enough when I may be faring better than you. I have high expectations to meet you see. And I can't be optimistic with little achievements.

I apologise too for not being able to make more time for you my friends. Right now diploma is really my priority. I try to balance my time, juggle things together, but afterall I wasn't born a clown and I'm unable to juggle even two oranges together.

I apologise for not carrying out my duty as leaders as I'm appointed. Truthfully I never believed I could, but I tried as I received he responsibility. I couldn't find the strength enough to reject the responsibility given to me. All I can do is to try my best. Do know that the tasks given to me never escape my mind. I can't stop thinking about them yet I find it hard to find time to do something about them.

K that's all. I gtg. In total I've spent 42mins typing this out. And I'm left with 2hrs 58mins to do something about my report before I'm due to go to the masjid for the Islamic New Year. Tonight will be 1430years since the prophet journeyed to Madinah where Islam began to flourish. And I would like to celebrate that despite my unfinished report. Islam shall always be first.