I am very very scared of getting a D or failing my SIP/MP component. That would mean that I won't get to graduate.

If it's just me I have to face and answer to, I'm sure I'll come to terms with it soon enough.

But.

Expectations. Parents. Family. Big family. Friends.

I can never be ready to face and answer them.

My family name is at stake. That is what my diploma means to me.

I used to think the name of Islam is at stake too. But then again, I gave up last year. I know I can't bring up the name of Islam. My grades were plunging down a very steep cliff.

I dunno what really happened in Mar/Apr 2007. Soon after I started my Sem 2.1, I noticed I'd changed. Wrong priorities. Wrong decisions. Always late for class (at least 10-15mins ehk). Dozing off during lectures, and even tutorials. Keep handing in assignments last minute or late. So messy and disorganized, papers everywhere, crumpled, torn, wrinkled. Not contributing much during group discussions etc etc. I changed for the worst. And I'm the most disappointed in myself.

I used to complete all my homework early (slacked in sec sch but changed in poly). I can never forget in pri 2, I actually cried cos I couldn't finish my work in class, when in actual the work can be continued at home. In sec sch, I am hardly ever late. Always early. sometimes I'd reach as early as 6.50. Poly Year 1 was the same. Never late for lectures or tutorials. Never sleep in class except once in Maths class (sec). And I used to have my books and notes worn out from opening them alot, but more or less straight and in good condition.

Totally disappointed in myself. Gosh, I can't stand myself! I want to change back! I never wanted to be a bad student. No intention at all...

I dunno... What happened to me? Where is that A for attitude student?? (I know I hardly scored many A onwards since pri 2 afterwhich I had to transfer to a new school).