I didn't exactly have a good day today... Was so tired in the morning that I decided to skip class (thank God he doesn't take attendance). Dah siap tau, tinggal pakai tudung, then merengek to my mum taknak gi sch and she allowed. Tapi mak pesan... Sekali takpe, jangan selalu2! Hehe, insyaAllah tak. So right after that, tukar to home tshirt and continue to sleep... All the way till nearly noon, terbangun and realised I'm late for driving! Merengek to my dad pulak and there I was at Ubi in time for my practical.

Today's driving spoilt my day. My 6th lesson! And I stalled thrice, boooooooooo. As usual, we don't have unnecessary chats in the car... It's all business. Seriously, he looks so unmotivated and unenthusiastic, as if he's been forced to do this. And he scolded me :( Not shout at me uh, but like reprimand gitu. I still don't understand what am i supposed to look out for when I 'check blindspot' or 'check mirror', so I asked him explain again arh, and he said, "Just now you said you got it?" Blergh. He makes me sound like I can't drive. Hey, like duh, I can't drive and that's why I'm here to LEARN to drive right?

I was so demoralised that I had no mood to write in my notebook about what I learned as I usually would, right after the lesson. Especially since what kept ringing in my head is that: Amalina spent two weeks and only about $200 of crash course and passed on her first trial and Mahmudah said last week that she started learning all the other things after just a couple of lessons while I'm still driving around correcting gear and signal and such for the past 5 lessons. Ya ya, I'm such a slow learner when it comes to driving but hey I'm trying my best! Ni yang buat malaaaaaaaas nak continue driving tau, I find no support. Yea my parents, especially my mum, want me to pass so much but they don't understand how hard it is for me and how much is this costing me financially and emotionally!

I pretty much did nothing today but sulk in despair. I feel like cancelling this Thurs' lesson. Got no mood...

I was really thinking about asking for a change of instructor, but firstly, the process sounds tedious and... also when I think back, although Andrew made me comfortable and almost stress-free with driving, he didn't spot my mistakes, I wouldn't learn that way... Haiz, I shall let things flow then. I have about 3 more months to improve... Really, as much as I want to pass just to prove to myself that I can do it, I'm really doing this for my mum... at least to stop her from nagging. My innate motivation for this is depleting though... *sobs*

I just feel like I have alot of troubles on my shoulders, I just feel pinned down, and I can't move forward. There's so many things to do and I dunno where to start!

I feel so small, so insignificant, so useless, so stupid... It's demoralising! I was trying to find something to cheer me up just now, and found nothing... I don't think I'd given a single sincere smile today... :(

Everyone seems to have something they're good at. I don't seem to have any... Or at least I have yet to find it. I'm sure Allah didn't create me to fail at everything. I'm sure there's something special about me, right? That will help me fulfill the purpose of my creation, whatever that may be... Adakah kamu kira bahawa Allah mencipta amu dengan sia-sia? Tidak sesekali...