Kita hanya berusaha, berikhtiar, berdoa dan bertawakkal sahaja, keputusan akhirnya tetap berada di tangan (figuratively) Allah.

It hadn't been easy finding volunteers for korban this year. So many doesn't seem to be able to help out. I'm really maximising my network to the limits... And yet...

This is not the main issue though. Nothing is. Just that when you put minor minor issues together, it just gets too overwhelming and you feel like your chest is about to burst.

Driving was horrible today. I panicked and lost control of what things I need to do. It's my 8th lesson for goodness sake, and no matter how much I keep telling myself that "Look, don't compare with others... It doesn't matter how long you take to get to your destination as long as you do not give up" but... I can't accept that I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again! I can't help it, especially when I panic! And my recovery period is at least 10-15 mins of which within that time span I make even more mistakes, oh gosh. Horrible. How to pass like this???? Come to think of it, of the 6 e-trial tests I did (without studying), I failed 5 by a few percent. I don't know if I can even pass my FTT. I was lucky the last time, if luck even has anything to do with it.

At home, well... something happened that made me regret using my mum's phone for that short period of how many days. REGRET. I could have lived without a phone...

I was so happy I made notes for half a topic this afternoon when I made a sudden decision to drop at TP to study at ITAS. I thought I can finish at least this 1 chapter tonight. Fat hope.

It's been a long time since I kept myself from saying this but it sums everything up best today: I'm stressed.

Just so overwhelmed with challenges bombarding me four at once.

I want my As, I want to pull up my GPA to 3.5 or 3.6 this sem. I want to pass my e-trial test this Dec. I want to get my license before I turn 22.

I don't want to disappoint others, especially when trust has been given to me. I hate to lose people's trust in me because I know how painful it is to gain it back once it's lost.

Honestly, I've given my best.

I kept to what I said I would do. I would try to cover some of my notes on the train ride and reduce sleep. I did.

It's just so hard to see the mini tiny achievements when faced with much bigger challenges.

I miss TP. I really do. I miss the grades I used to get in Year 1. I really do. I miss how there seems to be no problem around at all... I think I'm getting myself too much involved. Too much for my own good.

The hardest thing to learn to do, is to learn to forgive yourself...

Chem Test on Thursday. I AM putting in effort, as much, best as I can put in. And still, it falls far short from my friends.

There's this frustration inside that I have no idea where to channel to. I might hurt people. There's this lump stuck in my throat, it's sickening.

11.44pm. Gtg.

Hormone imbalance not helping at all.

Reminding myself that Allah doesn't test his servants more than they can take....