Okay... I guess I'm gonna start complaining again... But I don't know how and where to begin exactly so I guess I'd just write the WHOLE story.

Yesterday night, I painted my group project as I said I would. Then, I looked at the brushes and the paints and realised it had been such a long time since I last painted a picture. So I squeezed out the red paint and the blue paint and the green paint and so on and so forth and before long (erm... actually it was quite long, took about 2 hours to finish it haha), a page of my Temasek Sec sketchbook was filled with a myriad of colours. It was a painting of the sunset looked by an adult and a child (in shadows) from across the ocean below a palm tree and at the corner was the shadows of tall buildings aka Singapore island. It was brilliant, in my opinion. Too bad I can't post it online cause I have no idea where the camera installation cd is and so I can't upload a pic of the painting. I showed my brother and I'm not sure if he truly appreciated it since he's colour blind but at least he commented that it was nice.

This morning, I woke up to the nagging of my mum who said that I'm practically a useless teenage daughter (anak dara) cause I didn't wake up to help her lay out the table for sahur. Honestly, I never heard her waking me up to help her but she said she did and I even turned to look at her. Okay.... Never heard of semi-consciousness I suppose... Oh well. So then I shall skip that painful sahur of which I was full of jealousy towards my second OLDER brother and that pleasant time I watched Scary Movie 4 dvd with my eldest brother. I was contemplating whether to show my mum the painting I did yesterday. I thought: "What was there to lose right?" Wrong. My mum hardly took a look at it and what she said implied that it's a child's painting. There is a lot to lose alright. I felt so... (never thought I'd use this word yet but) heartbroken. I was so excited to show her. Thought she'd at the very least say a simple four letter word that could have soothed my excitement: "nice". But no! Ouch ouch ouch... Think I should try sending the painting to a competition? Then if I win an award, perhaps I could prove to her that it's no child's play right? Haha nah... I'd probably win the last prize if 'win' is even a suitable word for it. Then I'd be so devastated... Haiz...

Is it too much to expect a compliment from your own mother? I thought that's where most of the compliments people get actually comes from. Who else would see perfection in such an imperfect person but the person who gave birth to him/her? Afterall beauty is in the eyes of the beholder right?

I wonder what am I actually in my mum's eyes... Possibly a lazy bum who is money-minded, selfish, the devil's advocate what else? Well, I'm not just stating those words out of random. She used them to describe me before... Devil's advocate! That's the worse. She always tells me that it's no use sending me to religious class. Oh please... Imagine if she didn't. I wouldn't be spending time helping out at the mosque, praying five times a day and sometimes more, telling her about what my ustazs (practically all of them) teach me, sitting at home more than going out with my friends, single now with no ex and don't plan on being attached anytime soon and bla bla bla. Hmm... I wonder what would have become of me. Perhaps this wild girl who wears tight clothes and mini skirts with tatoos and piercings all over and dyed hair (I've never dyed, rebonded, curled, whatever except cut my hair) going out with guys and coming home late. Whatever lah! Imagine the unimaginable man... And what does she say? It was no use sending me to religious class!! (Please note that I don't mean any discrimination towards anyone in any way whatsoever)

The time when I did well for my term test, all she could say was "This is just the start. What about later?" Have you no confidence in me at all? JUST BECAUSE OF MY 'O' LEVEL RESULTS WHICH DIDN'T GET ME INTO A JC AND INSTEAD I END UP IN A POLY (of which, to be honest I have nothing to complain about, except those little details, and evrything to be grateful for). She'd always wanted me to get into a jc saying that any jc would do as long as it's a jc... I'm doing well in poly and I suppose she still can't accept the fact that I'm not in a jc.

There might be a reason for all this. Maybe she is putting up a facade. You know... maybe she... hmm... WHAT? Why is there even a need to put up a facade in front of me?? Wouldn't praises and compliments just boost my morale and help me do even better? Oh God, grant me patience... If God had perhaps wanted me to go astray, I could have. With all the... (dare I use the word?) shit she'd said about me and to me, I could have just dropped everything and gave up... I could have you know...

When I received my semestral results with 3Zs, 2As and 1B during Titisan training sometime ago, I rather hesitated about telling her my results you know. I somewhat feared what she'd say... I can't remember when I told her my results, but I definitely didn't call home straightaway when I received the result to break the news.

Haiz... Someday I shall write about the good side aite... Everyone has the good and bad side. You shouldn't view someone only from one point of view. That's unfair. But for now, that's it. I'm not feeling as strong as what I did this morning but I'm tired and I suppose writing the good side of my mum would be even longer than the bad side. Besides I really should try to wake up early and help her lay out the table tomorrow morning. It's the duty of a grown up daughter.

By the way, before I end... WE FINISHED THE RELIGIOUS CLASS PROJECTS!!! Except for maybe a few. And... I'VE MEMORISED SURAH FAJR! So I don't have to attend religious class next sunday!!! Yay yay!

Oklah, so tired already. Slept late painting the sunset and doing Sirah project yesterday, then in the afternoon went to Rabia's house do the project until late afternoon then at night went to mosque and came home later than usual. I sure hope the PSI would drop drop drop! Nitez!